Thanks Milkshake. Around the time my WW abducted DS8, I became Papa Bear and became incredibly strong. You'll have to check my history for that soap opera! I am confident about my path that God has put before me. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I am confident that there's a plan. I'll either be commuting to Paris next month to see DS8 every two weeks, or WW will be. I tend to believe that WW will be, but I'm prepared it it's me.

wellll....the party is on the 20th ....and it will start around 12pmish.....well we have the monterey airport...then san francisco and san jose are like 45 min to 1 hour away....Oh lord he's gonna be the one parent running around with the kids with an eye patch and a silly hat who falls in the pool and I will have to save him..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Sleepless, I skimmed your thread so I am not familiar with all of the drama you have gone through, but you sure sound like a big strong papa bear! Good for you!

HEY SIHW.

I checked the calendar for the 20th, and it looks like DS8 actually has another birthday party that day! Send me your E-Mail address if you want.

San Jose is an easy airport to fly into. I may set up another summer trip for DS8 and I too. I guess I'm cramming in a lot of stuff for this summer. I want him to have fun and be out in it. Since I can't get there the 20th, we might make a visit soon after that before school starts.

Sleepless.

Thanks Milkshake! I'm kind of old fashioned. While I am good at what I do at work, my focus was on being a good father and husband first. I believe the father's job is to protect the family, and that's been my goal through this whole process. I'm not really pleased by the men that have lost site of that responsibility. When my WW became a threat to the family as a whole, it was easier for me to toughen up. If she wants back in, she has some things she needs to fix. Before we spiraled out of control, she told me sobbing that she wanted to have the divorce so that she could start all over and fall in love with me without any pressure, and then ask me to marry her. I knew then that her perspective was really off. My family has already determined that if this marriage continues through divorce, and I someday find another woman to love, she's going on the family canoe trip. It's kind of a spousal test <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> So far it's been 100% effective. My WW and one other WH in the family didn't pass.

SIS ~ My father was a military expert on brainwashing techniques used on prisoners of war. He was (is) terribly damaged by his own childhood. What that meant was that he did his best to keep us children from the real world, and hammered his own lessons into us.

Can it be undone?

Yes ~ but only with a choice to learn better and do better. In my case, I had to be brought to the point near suicide before I made that choice. And even then, when I decided to get better, I in no way recognized what was done to me as a child. I still thought my family was perfect. It took alot of therapy and Al-Anon meetings over several years to even acknowledge much less begin to recover from it.

I made a choice to unlearn it, I still struggle with it.

Deep conditioning is hard to break free from. I am not saying your wife can't. But she may need a really really hard low bottom first.

SIS, Does the psychologist know that your son has been told he will be living in Europe for 2 years? No parent should be laying that kind of burden on a child. This mother's mothering is unnatural!

hey you...my email is **edit** drop me a line, send me an email, or just plain communicate with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks BrambleRose. Wow, you've got some good insight.



I'm doing what I can to introduce her to the really really hard low bottom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />. She thinks she came from a normal family and that everyone else except for my family goes through what she did. I'm pretty sure she's wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anything help you make your decision? Why did you choose life and recovery over suicide? What gave you hope?

Hey KaylaAndy



It's come up before. This statement by DS8 is recent. He tries to play it off like it's not a big deal in spite of the fact that he was SO adverse to it before. He doesn't like mom to be sad, so he compensates. I've already asked the parenting evaluator for a counselor to send him to after she's done with her evaluation. WW doesn't realize that her mothering is unnatural. She had no good example. Her mother covers up for everybody. Her Ex Husband, her daughters.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

What a day. My lawyer met with the parenting evaluator at 2:00, but first she wanted to pump me for information to see what she could expect. So I gave her my best read. Around 11:30 a.m. I get the call that wayward S18 has returned to the house! Oh Boy. He apparently is in a more mellow state than the last time, but still irritated.

At 1:45, STBXWW calls to clarify her travel arrangements for the weekend. Great.

3:00, still no word from the lawyers. I'm thinking about calling.

4:00, WW calls me on the way home, and assumes I heard the news. Not me! "Well you got everything you wanted. Are you happy?"

No, there's nothing happy about what's happening. I am relieved! She asked me to propose a settlement and she would agree if it's reasonable. She's really emotional and crying. She apparently called DS8 and told him he was staying in Seattle. My laywer called a few minutes later to tell me.

The bottom line is the Psychologist recommended I get full residential custody and also make all of the decisions due to the geographical challenges. DS8 will visit WW in the summers and Spring Break. I need to read the rest for the details, but now, I'm exhausted, and happy!

STBXWW is approaching rock bottom. The evaluator recommended counseling for WW's anger and violence before increasing her visitation rights.

I don't know what more I could have asked for!!

Thanks for all of your prayers everyone.

GRRRRR!

Yay!!! It couldn't have gone any better than that. Proof that the truth does shine through from time to time.

What a relief for you. I bet you'll sleep well tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

That is answered prayer.

Be wise and respond to your wife intelligently, NOT emotionally, especially from a point of guilt. Don't let guilt sway you in any way when it comes to your son.

Also, make damn sure that you get the passports, both of them, in the hands of your lawyer. Make it a part of the agreement.

More so than at any other time so far, your wife is truly desperate. Be vigilant.

Outstanding news!

God bless,
Gimble

SNS,

Congratulations!

-AD

SiS, I'm glad. You're a Viking.

GC

Wow Sns, Wow.

Glad your son will be in a stable environment. How is the older one doing? Will he be glad to have his kid brother back? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

SnS

Your patience and self-disipline have paid off. You're an example to us all. I'm so glad for you.

How is DS8 coping with this? I dread to think how his mother conveyed the news to him, in an emotional and shocked state as she must have been. Her next obvious move is to poison the situation through him - she's shown no restraint so far against using the kids to further her own ends.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a short break...then back into armour.

{{{Sleepless}}}

TogetherAlone

Dear SiS ~

Congratulations. Now make very sure your emotional hysterical wife doesn't flee the country with your son again.


Honestly, I woke up one morning and laid in bed staring at the ceiling ~ and decided I could not live even one more day the way I was living. I had 2 choices. Die or change. (you may have seen me say this before: Rock bottom happens when the pain of staying-the-same is greater than the pain of change).

I decided to live because ~ I could not bear to hurt my children with my death ~ and because I couldnt figure out who I trusted to raise my little boys. Not my husband (I didn't realize his alcoholism yet, but I knew something was wrong) and not his parents, and my parents.....if I had been asked, I would have said they were perfect, but I also...knew...deep down-inside something was wrong with them too.

So I had to change. It didn't happen overnight.

Great! Sleepless! Congratulations!!!

The bottom line is the Psychologist recommended I get full residential custody and also make all of the decisions due to the geographical challenges.

[color:"blue"] Wonderful news! [/color]