Wow! Congratulations, SIS. I watch your thread all the time and have been rooting for you. Please read Gimble's post very carefully about the passport. Very sad that your WW is telling your DS8 things like that, this should have been done in person with the two of you present not on the phone!

SIS,

This is awesome! As you know, I too got custody of my kids. I was a nervous wreck beforehand. But relieved once it was done.

Take a few days and let this sink in, okay?

You are right though. Wife is headed for what call in the military "suddne impact sickness." Hitting bottom. My wife hitting bottom was the loss of her children.

So, take a few days. Say your prayers of thanksgiving to God. And then you can evaluate the next step in your marriage.

Great job. Thank the Lord.

In His arms.

yay! congrats SIS.

SIS - I am so happy for you. You have fought lovingly, fairly and most of all with the utmost integrity. That my sir, speaks volumes. Congratulations!

Regards,

BB

I slept GREAT! Thanks Gimble and Pebbles!

WW is DISTRAUGHT!! She called and upset DS8 when she got the news yesterday, and she's coming into town Saturday to visit with him for one to two weeks. She would like to keep him for two weeks, which makes me a little uneasy, and I want some assurances in place before that happens.

The Civilian passport is in a secure place with me. My lawyer is working with her lawyer to ensure that the diplomatic passport is dropped with her lawyer. My lawyer commented that if she does take off she's violating a court order. I replied that I didn't really want to spend the money to chase her around the world in order to enact that court order. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I made my point.

I found out the parenting evaluators decision when STBXWW called me on my way home and said,

"Well I guess you heard! You got everything you wanted!! Are you happy?"

Me "I haven't heard anything WW."

WW "You have full custody! Are you HAPPY?!"

Me: "Nothing about this makes me happy. You know it's not how I wanted this work out."

I don't feel guilty, but I know she has the right to visit DS8 by the court order. I just want to make sure I can talk to him every day, and deal with the consequences when he returns. Since the evaluator also stipulated that WW needed to speak with DS18 to heal the relationship between us. I would also like STBXWW's behavior to be on her best behavior, and add to the court orders that she will not complain to DS8 about ANY of her troubles. She will make NO statements about me being evil, calling the police, taking her money, never seeing him again ... I think you get the point.

If one S18 does one more thing to manipulate his brother or me, lies .... she's going to jail.

Is that too tough? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

She wants to take DS8 to California to visit and Phoenix to visit her grandparents and cousins.

Sleepless, in the visitation/custody order I have it stipulates that WH and I are not allowed to say derogatory things about each other to the children, nor are we allowed to ask questions about the other parent's social life or discuss custody or child support issues with the children. My lawyer told me that is standard legal language for California visitation. I'm not sure how it is in Washington, but maybe it is similar?

Of course, just because a court order stipulates something, doesn't mean that both parties will abide by the terms. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> You may want to make sure your WW's lawyer goes over the stipulations with her (if she is not too busy dressing up her dogs in funny outfits, LOL).

I remember! You don't know it, but you inspired me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I'm standing up for oppressed dads-who-are considered-unfit-parents-because-they're-men everywhere! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


We're going to the baseball game tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I prayed this morning that in case God's plan was for me to travel to Europe every two weeks, I would use the opportunity to grow, and read more.



I think it happened yesterday at about 3:30p.m. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I've gotten more information today and apparently the psychologist is really concerned that STBXWW doesn't really recognize that she has violence/emotional problems or any need to seek help for them! The Dr. was VERY firm. STBXWW does not like the parenting evaluator! (female BTW).

In addition to the prayers for Thanksgiving, I need to ask for some serious guidance. It's a fine line to walk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

My parents weren't kidding when they said this parenting stuff is hard work! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thank you ma'am. Integrity means a lot to me. I'm trying really hard. Of course, the negotiations are beginning. We may be able to avoid court all together on Thursday.

Apparently the parenting evaluator noticed too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for your kind words BB!

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
=================================
She would like to keep him for two weeks, which makes me a little uneasy, and I want some assurances in place before that happens.
=================================

If it makes you nervous (and it should, your wife is unstable) then don't do it. You are in control. Don't lord it, but use it. It is just another tool.

I think that she should have no unaccounted for time with young son. Also, I think that as soon as an agreement is reached and made binding, that you kick 18 year old out on his own.

Others here will think I am harsh, but I do understand a bit about character and young men. Your oldest needs trial by fire.

Consequences.

Just to make sure I have been perfectly clear in previous posts, my gut tells me she will bolt with young son if given opportunity. Be vigilant.

Consider her having psychiatric evaluation prior to her having access to young son a part of the agreement.

Also, you need to figure out if you want her back or not. She is going to offer to return to the marriage. I suggest you make some very strong stipulations.

God bless,
Gimble

I'm over here next to Gimble waving a red flag. I agree with him that she will absolutely bolt with your son if she has even half a chance.

This is good news Sleepless. Not great I guess as I suppose you have always wanted a far better outcome for all. But its required as things stand.

Good luck to you & your family and maybe even ww will see the light ..... eventually

onya mate

Aussie

Give your son a cell phone. Makes them feel important and c/b a lifesaver. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> If you are afraid your W w/d something stupid, request for supervised visitation or ask for other options. Call your lawyer or the courts. They should have a department or can refer you to where child visitation options are available. This is big business thanks to all these A's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks AD, Graycloud, Bramble Rose, Orchid, TogetherAlone, Milkshake Pepperband, Pebbles, Gimble!


Viking, Papa Bear, whatever. I'm in charge now. The adrenalaine high of the last two months dropped off that night. I suddenly relaxed, and became very tired. It's tough to stay on ready alert all that time!

I guess you guys were following along! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You were all a large part of that. Phase one accomplished (99%). Need to sign some paperwork still for custody.

Hey Orchid and Bramble Rose



A couple weeks ago, S18 blew up at me via E-Mail and called me a liar and hypocrite.... He was mad and illogical, so I stopped talking to him.

On Thursday morning, he just showed up at the house while my mom was there watching DS8. He was kind of perturbed, but generally congenial. Mom told him, "It upsets me that your mom hates me so much that I've lost my first grandson." Ouch! That melted his heart. He gave her a hug and said he didn't hate her and things would be better soon. He opened up a little to my mom and was upset I got all the money from the rents of our other two properties and WW didn't have any food in the refrigerator because she didn't have any money. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

That's what credit cards are for!!

We had a good friend visiting that night in from where S18 is going to school in California. Our friend prodded him for info, talked about motorcycles, school, and I grilled steaks for everyone! Kind of the prodigal son returning.

DS8 jumped on his big brother a few times. There was a lot of "Big brother, guess what?" conversations going on about Legos, baseball, video games, and friends.

I had a talk in the kitchen with S18 about his car and how it was running. I got him a battery so it would start. Looks like the water pump two months ago fixed the problem with the overheating, and he's about ready to drive to California with it.

He wasn't sure he would drive it down now though because WW said she would probably have to sell the house he's living in. I told him there would be plenty of money for WW not to have to sell that house, but instead buy me out of the property. I showed him the paperwork our tax person put together. Myth number two was cleared up here.

S18 - "But you get all of the rent checks."

Me - That's only until mom buys me out. Then she gets the rent check.

That's when the lightbulb and "Oh I feel stupid" look crossed his face since to that point, he thought I was trying to screw WW out of boat loads of money.

I just want my half!

I think S18 and I are on the road to recovery. The parenting evaluator made it clear that WW needed to correct the relationship between S18 and for S18's well being and because the bond between S18 and DS8 is so important.

Sleepless,

Think of the issue with your young son this way. If the courts felt your W was a good mother or could be entrusted with the care of your son, she would have gotten custody. She has issues, the courts recognized this, and gave you full responsibility to take care of son. Given her past exploits I would counsel you to be very careful with her requests for two weeks with son.

Talk to your lawyer, even the lady that evaluated the situation and perhaps the court to find out what they think. I don't mean she should not see him, I mean what precautions would they recommend?

Does this make sense?

God Bless,

JL

Bramble Rose and Gimble



I could hear you whispering in my ear before you wrote this. Shortly after STBXWW asked for two weeks, I called my lawyer and asked for a consult between the Psychologist and the two lawyers to address my concerns.

The Psychologist was adamant that she is concerned WW does not know how to control her emotions. WW and DS8 are staying with friends in a nearby city tonight. (The family who's daughter watched DS8 this summer in Europe.) The girl's mother was indignant and cold on the day DS8 was abducted, but she was much more sheepish when she called yesterday to coordinate. I think the cold hard reality of my psycho WW sunk in. DS8 will stay overnight at their house, and then be returned to me tomorrow evening by 8:00 PM, per the psychologists instructions, at which time I will evaluate the emotional state of DS8. If I'm satisfied, she can pick him up the next morning to take him for the next week to visit S18 in California. I'm contemplating another visit home to see me after that. We'll see how the conversations go. She also wants to take him to visit her sister and dad in Phoenix. The older sister and her husband were firmly in my corner on this whole thing. I think her father finally saw the light and backed off.
The psychologist is mostly afraid that WW doesn't know how to control her emotions, and doesnt' realize it's a problem. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> The bottom line is she will be travelling on an airline that I can track her on. She will be staying with people who care very much for DS8. She had talked about staying in a hotel, and that makes me a little nervous, but we'll put checks in place if that happens.

DS8 just left with his brother. He was a little sad and said I wish we were all here together. I didn't really respond. I said he'll get to spend some time with mom, and he asked if she was still sad. I told him I thought she might be, but don't worry about that. Mom needs to simply enjoy spending some time with you, and I'll see you tomorrow night to make sure you're doing OK. He has a stuffed horse he made her at Build A Bear and his latest Lego accomplishment to share with the other people tonight.

My lawyer was very clear that the psychologist was very impressed with DS8. His capacity for love and compassion.

I'll write some more later. S18 left his wallet! Teenagers!!!

Orchid that's a great idea. I'll run out today and get one of those pay as you go phones from the local dealer I already have service with. You get a smiley face!

Didn't want you to think I was ignoring you here. S18 returned to the home on Thursday and his eyes have been slowly opening. That doesn't eliminate the consequences.

S18 had a traffic ticket that grew into a $320 fine when he missed his court dates. "That sounds expensive I said."

I bought him a car battery so his car would start and he could potentially drive it to California. Now he's worried about doing that because he thinks WW will need to sell the house he's living in. "She shouldn't have to S18, but she's not been making very rational decisions."

The parenting evaluator wants WW to heal the relationship between S18 and me because there's a special bond between S18 and DS8 and I've become especially important to S18.

I am here for advice. He's on his own in So. California now for the school year. He has travel benefits now.

He will have his car insurance, health insurance, food etc covered by WW. He picked his team, he's got her. I don't think he realizes this part yet.

He wants to buy a motorcycle for communting to school and back. I told him I thought he should get by with mom's motorcycle and save the money to pay for school and living. But he can do what he wants.

So I'm essentially doing what you suggested, but there needs to be some door he can open for future reconcilliation. I'm setting him out on a limb that he's cut halfway through. Let's see what he does.

Just Learning. That was a very good analysis, and I believe the current plan puts DS8 in contact with me at all times except for plane travel, and with loving family members at all times.

I forgot to mention that WW is afraid I'll call the police on her again. She resisted returning DS8 home Sunday night and wanted to meet in a public place so I could see he's OK. She wants to make sure there are witnesses around because she doesn't trust me. Besides if all four of us had dinner together, DS8 could see us as a family. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Once I had paused a moment from my obvious shock, I explained clearly that the pscyhologist had come up with the guidelines, and that we would follow them. I said she could drop him off after dinner, and pick him up the next morning from my work if everything was OK. I further explained that I certainly didn't trust her and that the dinner as a family was not a good idea right now.

WW is going to see our doctor on Monday. Since the psychologist spoke with him, I'm hoping he will prescribe ADs along with any other testing.

I'll report back tonight. Right now, I'm going to enjoy the sun.

I calmly told her that I to

The closest I've seen there is she wants to have dinner as a "family" on Sunday night. I told her I didn't think that was a good idea.

She called this afternoon to have me get a couple of her boxes out of the closet. They're memories she held onto from her last two boyfriends before we got married.

I'm thinking that her wanting to come back aren't really big issues right now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Do I want her back? Not this one. She needs to have her brain reprogrammed. The psychologist said she can't control her emotions, AND doesn't realize it's a problem.

First she needs to realize it's a problem, and then fix it, and THEN we'll talk. I'm not running out to join any dating service, but I'm not seeing a real opportunity for reconcilliation in the near future.
I've heard that certain medications can do wonders for a person, but I'll wait until the results are evident. The alternatives are simply too dangerous.

I picked up a pay as you go cel phone this afternoon. Should be cool! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />