I always said you were a smart guy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I can see the light. I've got one house appraised. The condo will be appraised on Monday night, and the California house will be appraised this week. Then the negotiations go like this. WW gets the condo and California property. She gives me cash. I roll the cash into my house... pay some bills. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OK, now let's wake up. My wife is not playing with a full deck. She's one beer short of a six pack..... you get the idea. She sent me E-Mail asking what had changed in Seattle, and that she's trying to keep it lighthearted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The good side, S18 has called several times talking about stuff. He wants to know when DS9 and I are going to visit him. He's working more. Changed his academic direction and has some perspective on the situation. He's invited to my parents house for Thanksgiving, but he's afraid of mom finding out. I'm tempted to tell her to leave him alone about that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> He called me asking for advice TWICE today. No money.

We can have a deeper conversation in two weeks.

WW is flipping out. I'm sure she misses DS9. She tried to contact me on my work E-Mail whis is authorized for personal use, but since WW's lawyer complained about me using it to communicate RE divorce/custody proceedings, I entered into an agreement with my management that I would no longer correspond on that subject via company E-Mail.

I told WW not to contact me on that site again, and she popped a gasket that correspondence with DS9 was not divorce related. I told her any correspondence with her was divorce related, and please don't contact me there anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

She also sent a disturbing E-Mail about the criminal accusation saying "I know it's true." This one hurt my heart. I know she must have some internal demons ripping at her. Her touch with reality has certainly departed her. How do you tell a 9 year old his mommy is crazy? He was sad again tonight about the divorce. "If I were there when the police came, I could have given them a sad look so they wouldn't have taken mommy, and then there wouldn't be a divorce."

I told him it might have slowed them down, but they had to arrest mommy. And even I couldn't stop them. Then we talked about tempers and how mommy can't control hers. I think I convinced him he couldn't stop the divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Now I need to tell him how something good may come from it. Suggestions???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

DS9's soccer team won 6-0 Saturday. He played with two different friends Sat and Sun. and we watched The Pacifier tonight. Hey! Nobody's dying.

God Bless everyone!

Sleepless

Sometimes, that's all you can ask for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Your WW is a few bricks shy of a load, the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor, and I'm pretty sure she is definitely at least one can short of a six pack. If I can think of any more psycho cliches, those apply, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You're a great dad and a great person. You'll be okay, promise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know this may sound crazy, but it sounds like DS9 is taking WAAaaaay too much responsibility for the D (and probably DS18 too). It is very common for children, even grown children to take the blame for the breakup of their parents. It is a part of the grief process they get stuck in, it allows them power and control over their environment.

5 stages of grief, not in any particular order, and can go back and forth...

Anger

Depression

Acceptance

Bargaining

Denial

Kids get stuck in bargaining with thoughts like...

"If I only acted better, they wouldn't have argued about me, and they would still be together."
"If they didn't have me, they would be M still."
"If I had known, I could have helped, I could have talked to them."
"If I had made better grades, wasn't so busy, didn't bback talk, didn't make M or D so mad, etc. then they would still be together."

It goes on and on, you are hearing your son say these things.

Is it time to be very clear with both DS about how they are NOT to blame at all, that you and Mom solely share the blame.

THis is something they won't beleive, and you will need to remind them of over time...

Forgive me, Sleepless, for jackin' your thread a bit - hope you don't mind too much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I almost wish my kids would follow the 'normal' pattern for kids during/after their parents' marriage breakup. What about kids who don't say anything and don't cry?? My kids don't talk about their dad at all, and don't want to talk about him if I bring up the subject. I can't seem to figure out how to help them.

My son told me I should start dating, and he was angry with me when I was nice to WH after he first left. When I ask my daughter how she feels about what is going on, she says she doesn't care. Although, we did get kicked out of a group counseling program thanks to how much DD doesn't care (she threw a pen and books at a facilitator <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />).

Deep down, I think my kids will eventually be better off not living with such an emotionally closed off, morally corrupt father. They need a better example of how men should behave and treat their families. Still, the kids probably don't feel that way, no matter what they say or how they behave.

Why do kids have to take the brunt of all this divorce doodie? Not fair!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Okay, shutting up now. Back to Sleepless' regularly scheduled thread.

Pebbles! You know you're welcome any time young lady! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Got a letter today from WW's lawyer. Seems she's upset that I don't want her to spend time with DS9 right now. Letter from her lawyer claims that my anger at her filing criminal charges against me shouldn't affect visitation with DS9. News flash. I'm not angry... she scares the bejeebers out of me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Let's see if I can summarize.

STBXWW and lawyer hate the parenting evaluator. Local court system LOVE her. STBXWW and lawyer want a new parenting evaluation ordered by the court. No news from the prosecutor yet, but then there's no policeman knocking on my door either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> WW sent a message telling me I can't lie my way out of this one. That blows my mind. What IS she talking about? Could she be delusional or is she just vindictively evil since she lost custody?? Either way, it's still scary.

So my question is.... where does spousal rape come from?? How does a prosecutor approach a case like that. According to WW's attorney WW didn't realize it until it came out in couseling just lately with the psychologist who has no problem with physical abuse. See earlier thread where her counselor was not surprised that WW would attack me because she was angry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Am I on candid camera???

I spoke with the psychologist today who's talking to DS9. He's been very helpful in giving tips to help with DS9's anxiety and how to help improve the protective bubble around him. Don't answer his questions about what's going on (Why don't you want to talk to mommy? Because she's nuts) Instead, "How do you feel about me not talking to mommy? Does it make you sad.... (I'm not very good yet. I'm still learning). The bottom line is to address why he's asking the question and why he's concerned, not answering factual questions that he doesn't need the answers to.

He also asked how I was doing. That was nice. I'm doing OK, but I'm more concerned about the kids. "Do I get any time for myself" he asked. Not much. He recommended me getting DS9 to bed a little earlier. I'll try calling WW earlier to accomplish that. Today was better.

Life is still pretty good. Just expensive! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

DS9's soccer team is 2-0-1 now, and S18 got an A on his recent test, and then text messaged me about it. He started calling this week. He's invited to spend Thanksgiving with his grandparents (my parents), his brother and me. He's still worried mom would be mad.
He bought a car to repair and sell. I hope he doesn't lose too much money. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

DS9 and I will go see him next weekend.

I prepared a response with my lawyer to STBXW. I told her she could see DS9 with supervision and if she sends back DS9's second passport which never made its way to her lawyer!!

On Sunday I went for a hair cut and parked my car on the street. When I came out, there was a police car parked right behind it with a policeman inside and another police car 3 spaces up with another policeman. So I walked around the block to collect my plan of action for someone watching my son while I was arrested for questioning. Made sure I had my Criminal Defense lawyer's number, bought a Coke, and headed back to my car. When I got there, the officers were gone, and I drove away. They must have been having lunch!

DS9 had a really sad phonecall with mom in Paris last night. Finished off crying and singing songs. When he was off the phone, he said mom didn't want any of this to happen. So I comforted him as follows while thinking one thing, I said another.

Thought: She's unhappy!? She's gotten everything she wanted. What the #$%@ is her problem.
What I said: I'm sure she really misses you.

Thought: She didn't mean to sleep with a 19 year old? She didn't mean to file restraining orders and abduct our son? She didn't mean to file rape charges against me? She didn't mean to ruin the kids lives and shatter their security by spending all of our money on lawyers and boyfriends??
What I said: Sometimes we do things by accident and other really bad things happen. Like when you open a Soda and it explodes all over the counter and floor so that it takes a long time to clean up.

DS9: Mom says the court papers say that she beat S18 and I.
Thought: Why the %$&* is she quoting court papers to a 9 year old. Can her head be that far up her butt? Besides the fact that none of the paperwork says that.
Said: Sometimes when people pass stories from one person to another it gets changed along the way. I think mommy either told you wrong or somebody told her wrong. I've got all of the papers in my room.

I've got quotes coming back on propert value, and then she gets a proposal for settlement.

{{Sleepless}} I am certainly impressed with how you are dealing with this. Good job with DS9 and it sounds like DS18 is coming back around. I don't know what to say about your stbx???

One thing I didn't mention that I told DS9 is that you have to be careful what you do. While he can't fix mom and dad, he can then promise to do his best to keep his family together when he has one...... then we segued into "sex". This is all at 9:30PM while he's in bed.
So I went through the anatomical discussion of where babies come from which grossed him out a bit in a funny way. He says he'll adopt kids because that's just too gross!.

While I've held back details from S18 regarding police and court. I did share that I'm not in the most trusting mood right now. He said he didn't blame me. So I think he's starting to get the idea.

bump

Wow, what a dad!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Quite proud of how you are handling it all. Yet the pix in the WS mind is that all BS are crazy. Yea right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So the Ws keep trying to make the BS look bad. It does get easier you know.

U R the one they will respect. Truth prevails. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

so just a drop in here.... hows it going? i lurk here every once in a while <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and have seen no recent news so hope thats good news!

Yes, it never ends! That's what my lawyer said. I told her, "Look, I'm not made of money. I CANNOT keep paying you at this rate." It needs to stop soon. I want to go on the offensive more and make her pay lawyer fees. My lawyer said we can't threaten her.

I'm thinking of discussing the slander angle with her tomorrow for filing the false rape charges. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Let her battle it out with the cops and the DA.

She's obviously a disturbed woman.... and I married her. I must be nuts too!

The new court papers are asking for a new parenting eval and a psych evaluation for me for domestic violence, sexual dysfunction (yep, she got personally nasty in the charges.... and graphic too!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Good thing I have high self esteem. Oooh but WAIT there's more. She feels I'm being vindictive because of my lack of success in my job and jealousy over her career advancement. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> "But he still enjoyed the fruits of her labor." Give me a break. I've got no problem being a good dad first and career second. (I used to try to be a good husband, but I'm giving that up for her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />)

WW essentially wants the number one parenting evaluator in the city to prepare a report that the number 2 evaluator got it all wrong. Why do I think that's a bad plan strategically? Why would to professionals choose to duel it out? The first evaluator actually uses the other's questionaires.

Her mother made a really interesting affidavit about the night of her WW's arrest, which I could see was pretty truthful from her point of view. She only got a couple of details wrong. But then she drew the conclusion that I had set the whole day up to have WW arrested..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> AFTER I said I wanted to try to save the marriage by sending the OM19 home. How are their minds wired??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

So tomorrow, I get to talk with my lawyer to prepare a response.... $$$ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I've proposed supervised visits, a meeting with DS9's counselor and release of the second passport to my lawyer before visitation is allowed.

I have all of the appraisals I need for our property, so I hope I can submit a settlement proposal before she tries to file MORE charges.

Tonight I did a nice thing.....for my son. I set up the webcam finally so mom and son could see each other across the world when they read Narnia together. I saw WW's smiling face for the first time in a long while. I remember that face. I don't want it BACK! She actually sent me an E-Mail telling me that I should get over it and that it's just a divorce. She said I'll find happines, but that I'm really passive aggressive and caused most of the problems. OK...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> I should just move on and be happy like she is. This was two weeks after she filed the Rape charges. I guess that settles it... she's nuts.

I think my response will be that I want WW to spend money on counseling with a qualified psychologist rather than on court filings. Then I will gladly allow her to see DS9 more often.

DS9 and I flew down to see S18 last Friday for the day. DS9 walked right up to him, grabbed his leg and said, "I miss you Damion." We made a castle in the sand at the beach near the house, worked on S18's 1969 Ford Futura wiring, and met up with some friends. I think we'll head back in November.

So let me get this straight.....she claims to have the better career but you get to foot the D bill? Her D bill? What about the 50% rule?

Sounds like the calculator is broken. Go protect your assets and your son.

As for her ridiculous charges, let her prove them. But spend her $$ t/d it. Sad how they morph into those creatures. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

L.

SIS,

She is truly off her rocker! (But we've discussed that before!) Your wife's wanting to have a second parenting evaluator is what we lawyers call forum shopping. I would be surprised if your judge is going to agree to that because he/she will see it for what it is - not being satisfied with the first result so looking for a second (and a third and a fourth and ....) until she gets the answer she wants. The problem is, if your judge has read parenting evaluation #1, he/she is going to see your wife's behavior wanting another evaluator (and all of her other conduct including the personal stuff about sexual dysfunction) as evidence supporting the first evaluator's assessment re: your WW's anger issues - this is nothing but pure, unmitigated vindictiveness and a judge will see that...especially, as I recall, your judge who wan't real thrilled with your WW before (is my recollection off?)

Stay in touch,

BB

I do my best thinking in the shower and hadn't been there before responding to your post....now that I've been there and thought about this more.....

Who appointed parenting evaluator #1? Was it court-appointed or was it agreed upon between the parties? Either way, its not good for your WW's request for a new evaluator. If the court appointed the first evaluator and she now asks for another, its basically telling the judge he/she doesn't know how to pick parenting evaluators and their decision was defective. If you, as the parties, agreed to parenting evaluator #1, then WW will be hard pressed to say why the evaluator was acceptable to her enough that she agreed at that time but, now that the evaluator has rendered an opinion your WW doesn't like, the evaluator #1 is now unacceptable. Your lawyer should have a heyday with this! Especially since, as I recall, your judge was not too particularly thrilled with your WW's, lawyer's arguments at your last hearing!

More food for though.

Regards,

BB

Orchid and Brit's Brat.
I had a long talk with my lawyer today to respond to WW's allegations and ramblings. We still find it hard to believe that her lawyer and her would even pull this stunt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

For starters, the parenting evaluator was agreed to by the two lawyers (I think her lawyer proposed the name). The lady who did the evaluation is in the top 3 in Seattle by consensus of the legal establishment. WW's lawyer is runs the dog kennel outside of Seattle for reference. She just doesn't seem very bright strategically. They are requesting a new evaluation by consensus number one in Seattle. My lawyer says..."That's not going to happen." The court mandated a parenting evaluation by an evaluator to be agreed upon by the two parties.

I denied the allegations of rape and did not even comment on half of the other stuff. will run the verbige by my criminal attorney for confirmation. I feel like Al Capone! How many of you guys have two lawyers??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Now this request drops back down to the commisioners, but I can't imagine they will be really excited about changing the orders set forth by the judge at the reconsideration hearing in September 13th (Three days later WW filed criminal allegations with police) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />.

Now my lawyer is transcribing the CD of the judges comments into my response for the commisioner to review. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and the parenting evaluator that WW and her lawyer disparaged is preparing a rebuttal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

In an effort to stop the never ending legal filings, my lawyer is going to ask for legal fees and I'm contemplating filing a slander suit in civil court based on feedback from my criminal attorney. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

If STBXW wants to see DS9 next week, she needs to bring back the passport, submit to a consultation with DS9's counselor and she needs to be supervised.

Aw, SiS, she's tossing boomerangs at you, the poor thing. I only wish you didn't have to cough up so much cash as they whiz by your ears.

I can't believe these people are given any standing at all in court.

GC

I KNOW! I'm starting to get upset about the fact that the commisioner couldn't get the first custody correct by ruling my WW would have custody if she moved back cost me another $4000 to have the judge over rule it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

This is very interesting to me...what is she/he going to say? My guess would be that your WW"s current antics of asking for a new evaluator are further evidence of her anger management issues (read: mean, vindictive,...). In other words, why the evaluator #1's assessment was correct.

Regards,

BB

Hey Brit's Brat et al.
I had to read through my response today and recognize that the original Parenting Eval was referred to over and over again as substantive proof that STBXW has stepped off the deep end. Nothing like having a neurotic WW prove the parenting evaluator right. I just wish it hadn't cost me $X000 to respond. The really perfect thing would be to have WW have to pay my court expenses. The commissioners are probably too chicken not to give a warning first. The filing is so painfully transparent, it's nauseating. What a waste of time and money. It's full of contradictions, and even more erroneous information. What does our sex life have to do with a parenting evaluation?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />