My vote is for you to pack the clothes and change the locks.

I packed up my FWH's stuff and found it to be cleansing and symbolic.

You might think of it as being your one last wifely act prior to PLAN B. I didn't say do it neatly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It would be awful FENG SHUI for her to be in your house! I understand that if you found her there it could legitimately be grounds for assault on your part. Just kidding! I think?

I'm not quite turning out the lights tonight. WH cancelled his meeting with the VP in order to work a late shift at one of our sites, late enough that he knows I won't be able to wait up so he can be gone as long afterwards as he wants.

Still debating exactly what to do...there would be a deeper feeling of justice if he walked in from a night of carousing and found the house empty and only my letter there, but I also wanted to see if the VP is able to make any impact on him. (Not counting on it at all.) We'll see.

So you would consider leaving? Whatever you do, I think that it's best to avoid an emotional scene.

A dramatic closing of the curtains, leaving him in total darkness.

Very poetic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I can't LEAVE leave, just for a day or so to let him get his stuff. The whole reason we are in BAMOABS/Grandpa's house instead of our own was to be somewhere big enough to care for my grandparents, now just Grandpa. So I can leave dramatically while the curtains close with a thunderclap of pent sorrow, but sooner or later I will have to creep back in and resume my duties after WH goes.

Ok. I see. Giving him the opportunity to pack the clothes without you there seems fine. However, as you say, he might not do it. If you pack them up and then change the locks, then the deed will definitely be done.

Holding my nose and taking the plunge after all. Not only are they planning to meet, but he wrote begging to be able to "take her from behide". (Spelling is not one of his strong suits.) I cannot bring myself to face him even one more time after that until he is ready to do something else besides guide his Audi into the sewer. Will write more later from the blackness, right now I must get very busy.

Bringing it up

Then the Lord said to Moses, Stretch out your hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, darkness which may even be felt.

So much to tell. Still NC with WH, but the lighthouse beam is dazzling in its intensity. The following will sum it up pretty well for now, since I have to get the kids to their class.

Notso,

Your are so very right, thank you for waking me up i need your help to fine my way back home baby be alone hurts please forgive me i need to stand up for you and our children i can't do this onty more I'm losing it i must re focese my love and life back to you I'm very sorry for hurting the one person in this world that is mine and I'm there's and is very special to i see that now your right i need to stop all contact with OW i do need your help with that. I also need your help to fine the lord agen too i have lost my light in-turn i losted my love (thats you). i will be here every day in-tell you come home to me waiting up fro you to walk thur the door and hold me i have so much to do for you.


* I Promise you
* to not contact OW enyt more can you help me wirte a letter for this
* recommit my self to you forever just like before.
* We need to stand before the lord and commit to each other help each other not lost sight of us agen talk like we use too do.

Notso please call me talk to me I'm not mad for what happen here tonight your right i needed this she is not impotent to me you are and i sould of showed you that i feel so bad for being dishonest to you i failed you as a husband,friend,leader. Please give me a change to restore my honer to you and our children i don't what to divorce you or be separate for my wife i can't cry and type all nite but i will be waiting up for you. I promise to stay up and wait for the rest of my life if i have too im sorry for the bad spelling my other team mate is not here to help me with the spelling a little i hope i will not try to call you but please call me i promise you no more pain

I'm Here waiting for you to help please show me the way back home

Back to your heart baby HELP!!!!!!! don't close me out know i need you more now then

your loven husbend

(Like I said, he's not the world's greatest speller,.)

He has already sent a very good NC letter, as well, since apparently he still couldn't sleep after he finished typing this and several other emails to me. I'll post again tonight, and y'all may be hearing from him soon, too, if all goes well.

I know this is just the beginning, but a big THANK YOU to all of you who helped me get even this far.

Notso,

I read this at work with big tears welling up in my eyes.

Your boundaries must be strong and you must be vigilant in maintaining them going forward.

I am so happy to read this. I will let the experts comment further. I wish I could just give you a big hug right now as I know what you have been through and how this must be affecting you right now. I knew he would cave as soon as Plan B was implemented. He could go back to cake eating anytime or not at all.

Remember be vigilant, the rollercoaster is far from over.

Whoa!!

When did this happen?

Welcome him into your embrace - for a second. Then be firm and resolute. First order of business is NC letter. No delay.

Good job, 'neak.

WAT

One more thing -

The OW will not let go without a fight. Remember he is in an addiction of sorts so she could play games.

Vigilance in making sure your Plan B letter is adhered to.

WAT - see what happens when you try to catch a little sleep? LOL

10-4 on the boundaries, that will feature right into our first discussion. WH beat me to the NC letter, writing and sending it while I was still sleeping in the motel with my cell phone turned off. Though not exactly what I would have said after several weeks of immersion in MB principles, he did have the primary elements in place, at least for the most part.

Weaver - Hey now, don't be crying at work. Thanks for the reminder about OW, I don't think she will go silently into that good night...

Anyway, here is a copy of H's NC letter.

OW,

I must tell you that i need to stop contacting you, all together i must try to fix my marriage with my wife who i love very much I'm sorry to get you mixed up with all of this but for the sake of my family and my wife who has been there for al most 10yrs i can't hurt her or you anymore

my wife has gone away for a wile with the kids and i need them back i hope you understand i have been up all nite long think and praying that everything will get better i hope as for what my company owns you i need to check with Noni on when we can give you all of your money that you we so nice to leaned me i thank you for ever thing that you have done also i no longer need your help in Stockton please send in your time for there and we will get you a check. i hope you understand i have to do this we me and my wife has some stuff to work out. she has always been my best friend, partner and sidekick. i thout i didn't love her but i still do so very much and for my children thy are my world you now my wife use to be my world and i have to work on getting that back with her so OW i know your a very special person but i can't and will not give up my wife i have to try to make it work, so as of today please don't call me email me only.

I didn't what to do it this way but i have too my wife was going to help me write a letter and do it easy but you know there's no easy way to do this. i will have you payed off by the end of June so we can move on.also please mail the key you have to our corp. offices to the PO box XXXXX
I can't live two lives enoy more I'm stressed and tiered i can't lie to my wife in order to fix our marriage we both must be loyal to one a neither i hope you understand i know i have hurt you and my wife and my children and all parties in voled you we the only person i have ever had sex with since i have married my wife i have alway been very loyal to her and i messed up she has forgiven me but to fix all of our problems we must become one agen and with you in the pic. we can't do that because its not fair for all of us. Please forgive me for hurting you this way but i really do love my wife she is part of me just like i hope you find someone that you can be part of I'm just not that person. i can't even think strate i have have cry all night lone i need my wife and kids back I'm so very sorry Please fine it in your heart to respected my wishes and walk a way from me too.I'm sending this to my wife too so she can see what i have wrote too you OW please walk away and don't look back. I will get all of you money that you have invested in be back so it will me easyer for you I'm sorry i have to go now i need some sleep be for i pass out i have to rest. after this the only way i will comucat with you is thur email with my wife there and type for me.

Mr. Notso

As I share with him what I have learned, I will definitely discuss - in a non-judgmental way, of course - the key areas in the letter that need some adjustment. (I.e. NC means absolutely NC!! I know he only meant for her to email in order to make arrangements about the $, but that will need to be handled differently.)

More later........... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

WOW!

That is a turn - a turn toward the light and away from the darkness. It's a long journey back into the light, but at least for the moment he's going in the right direction.

Congratulations.

-AD

Hmmmmm - what was that we were discussing about crumbling?

Do not deny him the growth opportunity of hitting rick bottom.

Set up your firm boundaries. Give him some reinforcement - he's taken the first step - but do not let down your guard nor let him completely off the hook. Do not let him believe that all he has to do is send that NC letter. It's a fine line and please listen to those with direct experience here as I have none.

WAT

ok---to get ready---list your boundries here and the consequences....this is the critical time.

WAT just reminded me of something and I just can't keep my mouth shut so here it is -

Let him work to get back in. Let him work to become a husband instead of a WH.

As WAT said, it is a fine line.

Now I read Orchid's posts ALOT, and she said that in her marriage their was an imbalance because she did too much and he did too little. Just like in your marriage.

She had to learn to do less and let him do more. Now the balance is more equal and he APPRECIATES more.

NOBODY appreciates what they do not earn.

I have no experience with recovery but I know from being a supervisor at work that this is true, and I think it holds true for rebuilding, but maybe I'm getting to far ahead.

Of course there are other dynamics going to happen such as withdrawl.

I hope Orchid jumps in because she is very good at this stage of the game I think.

BUT for now... wooohooo! Atleast he did the NC, hopefully OW is a smart one and hits the road.

Oh good here's Nikko.

I'm going to zip my lips now so you can get some experienced help.

Mr. Smarty-pants.

I still have not spoken with WH directly. I sent him a text message saying I would speak to him in a couple of hours, though he doesn't know I plan to see him in person. I've been reviewing my boundaries all day, although he has a good start on several already.

He has been reaching out to several men from church that he had kind of pushed away while this was going on, and if the VP understood correctly, he has already called a counselor and wants to talk to me about scheduling MC. When the VP talked to him today, he denied nothing, admitted everything he was asked about without trying to minimize it. All good steps.

Must run - my car is finally ready at the shop, and then I can go home.

Give us an update when you can, 'neak.

Where's your Mom been in this recently?

Who is Errth?

WAT
------------------
Kansas - a real state of confusion

neak---write out the boundries and we can all go over them and what happens if he backslides---he will. he will do it all momentarily...then bamm...the sliding begins. hopefully your sitch will be different but it is usually what happens. been there, done that.....