That is good to hear <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Crushing. Burning. Whatever. Picky, picky. I had a big serving of that potato salad, too, without any pain of any sort. Got a little gas from the accompanying beans, though, but that's beside the point. That particular problem won't lead to any resucitation for ME, although it might necessitate it for some hapless, innocent bystander! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But I digress. As far as the FWSIL vs. WSIL--it exceeded my maximum capital letter allotment. Actually, I forgot I hadn't corrected it until I logged off and was on my way to the "rescue" 16 miles down the road. Such is the power of my healing skill, and the strength of my nursing abilities, that he was feeling OK by the time I got here, and I really didn't do anything but hand over the blood pressure cuff and stethoscope to Neak for analysis. Systolic BP OK; diastolic a bit high. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!! Why is everybody looking at me that way? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Former pain was in an odd spot for both indigestion and something of cardiac origin...off towards his armpit. However, let's be fair. My 10 years of ICU/CCU experience ended 26 years ago when I got the chance to go to labor and delivery, and there's been a lot of meconium and amniotic fluid that has washed over my nursing bridge since then. I resisted the temptation to tell him to grab his legs, pull them back, hold his breath,and push--pronounced him cured, and read a story to the children. They don't call me WonderNurse for nothing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"] GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO THUNDRNLITNING, DONT IT??? [/color]

Yeah, well just for that, I'm not going to leave out the part about where the lightning strikes your toilet bowl! Now that we know Dear SIL can't have any more of the potato salad, AND there are leftovers, I must tear myself away from this delightful repartee with my daughter (on dueling computers) and go raid the fridge. It's not for nothing that my husband used to call me "Cast-iron-Gut Tootsie." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Emphasis on the Tootsie. [/color]

Before I can go on Pebbles' thread and 'scold' her for not updating me, I'd better step out of my glass house.

For several days I was not together enough to even think of writing anything in here, though I have continued to check in several times a day, and then I was very busy both with business and recovery, though I have still continued to check in several times a day. (I mowed my lawn yesterday for the first time in maybe 5 weeks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Some of the grass was almost as tall as I am.)

I am in a better, safer place, at least right now. It also helped quite a bit when FWH told me about the e-card he received from OW last week on his birthday and said he deleted it unopened. If he had not told me about it I would never have known. True, maybe he opened it and didn't tell me that part, but she has not made any C attempts and he has commenced withdrawal.

Night before last the dreams started. He woke me up at midnight, saying I would probably be angry with him, but he was having such bad dreams about her, with her being lost in the dark and screaming for him to come to her. I was very sleepy, but I do remember telling him that I was not mad, and thanking him for turning to me. The next morning we talked some more, and he had continued to have the dreams throughout the night. He said it was finally starting to hit him that she was gone, and I asked (again) that he would continue to turn to me whenever he missed her.

Last night he said was better, with the dream only recurring a few times before his Tylenol PM kicked in. Tomorrow is OW's birthday, though, so I anticipate another difficult day. (She will be 3 yrs older than me, at least until my next birthday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Recovery is so hard! Rest up, Pebbles, you'll need your strength. My mind is not under the same kind of critical, overwhelming stress as during the A, but now all the things that I could barely feel during the crisis are starting to sink in. I am tormented by thoughts and imaginings of the PA far more than before. I am almost ready to ask him the things about it that I want to know, but not quite yet.

My LB got a major deposit on Sunday, when FWH helped me with lots of unpleasant cleaning chores, the very biggest of which was GP's bathroom. Now true, part of the yellow mess behind the toilet might have belonged to one of his family members, but most of it seemed to have come from Gramps being sick and having bad aim. I mean really bad aim. FWH scrubbed the place top to bottom, and emptied the trash containing the vomit-dabbed paper towels that had almost made me upchuck just moving it out into the hallway on its way outside. I thought of that each time over the next several days that the temptation came to just give up. After all, it would be so much easier... I will keep thinking of it, too, and all the other things he is doing to show his repentance.

Oh, one other very beautiful moment: he had been outside getting ready to go to work, and came back in our bedroom to find me on my knees beside the bed. He came and knelt with me, put his arms around me, and asked me to pray for us, which I gladly did.

So, bottom line, we're limping heavily but in the right direction. We'll make it if we just keep going.

OK, Pebbles it's your turn - I'm dying to hear how it's going for you!

This morning we found that a little mouse had fallen into the tub, but before I could find a way to get it out, DS4 climbed in to play with it. As he said later, it's "withkerth tee-koed my yeg" and he somehow squashed it. I arrived back in the bathroom in time to witness the poor thing's last spasms. We are not having very good luck with animals right now.

FWH has continued to make an extraordinary effort to help me feel comfortable and secure, and I have not had to feel so much as a twinge of discomfort from anything in the present. He feels inadequate when even with all that I continue to suffer as I heal slowly from the past, but is aware at least in theory that lots of time is needed. I guess being a guy he wants to hurry and fix everything RIGHT NOW!

He has continued to have the same bad dream again and again each night, with last night being his first night free of that since it started. I read him Psalms till he was well and truly asleep, thinking of Mortarman as I did so. Maybe it's backwards, but I have always been the one to read to him. When we drove truck together I would read to him by the hour, and he is soothed by the sound of my voice. I think both our souls got a bath last night.

Very soon I am going to 'cast out' the evil memories from my mind and hopefully blunt their impact a bit. No matter what, it will take time for them to fade, but I think they will fade faster if I write them down, thus mentally throwing them away.

Thank you again (and again and again) to all of you who encouraged and supported me to this point. I eagerly follow your current posts for news. WAT, do you think your fish recipe would work for soy fish? I might have to try it myself...

Oh, how could I forget? Dear, romantic H swooped in on his lunch break and picked me up so I could spend it with him. (Interesting mental picture: how does one swoop on a lunch break? Is it anything like the proverbial white steed, or more of a moped? Stupid English teacherish upbringing!) Anyway, it was so thoughtful and brought a big smile lasting the rest of the day.

How do you swoop on a lunch break? My recommendation would involve the use of a saddle, bridle, and stirrups. Without a little control going on, the lunch break is liable to swoop on YOU. (Me raptor. You rodent.) And don't criticize your English teacherish upbringing. I'm the one who got that--you just got the fallout from it, admittedly from both primary and secondary sources. Besides, it's the source of your "excellent verber [color:"red"] [/color] skills." And we both know how proud you are of THEM!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

The turtle escaped from the tub last night, and unless he somehow learned to levitate, must have had some assistance from DS4. Our dog located him under the magazine shelf in front of the toilet (where else?) and I returned him to his unnatural habitat. Today sounds like a really good day to let him go.

The kids and I almost got to go with FWH on a quick trip to Pat & Froz's neck of the woods to p/u some equipment, but now he's just going to have to fly in to make it faster. Cheaper, too. (Pouty face. I wanted to go, and now I will have to wait several more weeks to go out of state. Poor me.)

Life is fairly typical here now, or maybe a bit better than typical. FWH has pretty much reached the stage of just wanting to let it all fade into the past, it's over and done with, let's just move on. He of course does not understand why I am not able to do that myself, though he is being understanding about it. Or maybe I could say he doesn't understand but is accepting of it?

As he catches little glimpses of what I'm still dealing with he gets very worried that I will just give up and ask him to leave after all. And he gets panicky if at any point, night or morning, he wakes up and I'm not in bed with him. His first thought is always that I'm gone again without telling him, even if I'm only in the bathroom.

The dreams are a little better for him. He still has other bad dreams, but it's been a little while now since he dreamed of OW. I dreamed of her a couple weeks ago - she was 6'5", 300+ pounds, very unattractive, & he had only had sex with her one time (probably in total darkness) before coming to his senses. Whatever do you suppose this could mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, 'Neak!

I was just catching up on your thread, now that you've finally updated it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I read about your mouse situation here and on Idiotville. I'm not afraid of much. I like snakes (have had them as pets) and bugs and spiders don't bother me, but mice, eeeewww!!! Mice and rats, eeeeww!! Those fleshy tails with the little hairs sticking up here and there (shudder). I am impressed with your bravery handling the (shudder) mouse.

I am so honored that you thought of me. My WH's head seems to be stuck a little farther up his intestinal tract than other WSs. I don't know that I'll have the chance to be exhausted by recovery with him. It seems like such a remote possibility that I can hardly imagine what it would be like. I keep plodding along with my Plan B, though.

It sounds like your recovery is going well. I am happy for you - and a bit envious, too, I must admit. It sounds like a great sign that your FWH turns to you when he misses the OW. Stay strong, 'Neak, and please keep us updated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Pebbles! I am guessing you must be in southern CA? At least I haven't seen anything resembling 100* here in northern, tho it is warm enough to wear a bikini out onto the porch. You had at least that much on, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Try not to worry too much about your WH. I hear the mail is usually very slow getting to the Mother Ship. I really think he will get the message eventually.

I used to like mice. I have had rodents for pets off and on since childhood, but now I hate them. I successfully caught and released more than 20 of them (far, far, far from the house, need I say?) but now I hardly catch any alive, or dead. I have quite seriously considered turning a small python loose in the house, but what if I couldn't find it again? Eventually it would run out of food, crawl somewhere up in the fridge next to the mummifying mouse, and die. Then NONE of the Idiots would ever come over for dinner!

Keep strong, you're doing awesome. Later I'm sure you will be very glad for the break. {{{{{{{{{Pebbles}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wow, I am so proud. FWH & I just had wonderful SF, which would normally not be worthy of mention, except that it wasn't until almost 2 minutes afterward that I realized I had not thought of OW or the A even once during. Considering that it's on my mind only about 99.999999% of the time, that is huge! Gotta mark the milestones. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I've been told OW looks like the poor man's Hilary Swank, which is pretty ironic, since I never thought the RICH man's Hilary Swank was anything to brag about. You already knew from reading her thread that she's smart and funny (in a you_neak sort of way), but it's sort of a maternal obligation to think your kids are good looking. So, for all of you who thought it was just maternal prejudice talking, I have this to say...see, I TOLD you she was beautiful! (i.e., MB Photo thread) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> t&l

This will have to be brief, as today is a busy day. After some red flags were raised over the weekend, I obtained additional information from the cell phone company that AJ & OW have been in contact (besides what I knew about) starting around 5/25. I confronted him last night, and he denied everything, saying that his phone must just have called her by mistake from being bumped or something. This raises a whole new flotilla of questions, if this is true (it's not), why was her # in a position to get bumped, etc. etc. etc. Please, I know them all so let's not even go there.

It was like history repeating itself all over again. Blame, guilt - everybody's kicking me while I'm down, think what you want - you will anyway, I haven't done anything wrong, I've tried so hard and you still think bad things about me, so this is why you've been treating me so badly, do you want me to leave, I wish I could hide from everybody & never see anyone again, and here's the kicker, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, JUST ASK OW. He said the same thing about asking her when he was denying sleeping with her again. [color:"#666666"]FOG FOG FOG [/color]

This time I took him up on his offer. As I say that, I'm ducking the 2x4s. It won't be entirely out of the blue, though, as business matters have required occasional business-related contact between her & I. (We owe her money, so it's kind of like having an OC with the face of Benjamin Franklin.) She wasn't available on her phone, so I sent her the following email:

Hi OW,
In case you're online right now, I needed to ask you
something. I will try calling you later, or just email
me back, either way.
AJ said I should just go ahead and ask you, and you
would tell me the truth. I saw a copy of his phone
bill yesterday, and found out that the two of you have
begun communicating again. Have you talked to him
since Saturday night? If so, when was the last time?
Through this whole ordeal one of the hardest things
has been having the man I love become dishonest, even
looking me in the eye and lying to me. I very much
want to believe he is telling me the truth now, and
that the lies have stopped. If you are willing to help
me with this, I appreciate it very much. If not, I
certainly understand.
Thank you,
Neak

Here's the thing. The cell phone bill only shows calls between them through 6/3. I know he talked to her Saturday night, but have no way to prove it, but of course she doesn't know that. So we'll see what happens. Even if she doesn't answer back, he is still caught out through the 3rd, & if she does answer, he might be busted through the 18th when otherwise I would have to wait till the 5th or 6th of July.

Confrontation is by no means over, but as he took Tylenol PM last night it probably won't happen for quite a bit yet. He got pretty 'boozy' after he took it, before he fell asleep, and started apologizing for ruining my life and destroying the happy woman he married. ADULTERY SUCKS!!! About the only good thing about this right now is that when I confronted him I used the generic 'contact' rather than specifying that I knew about the phone. Instead of accusing me of having him followed, as he probably would have done had they already started dating, he zeroed in immediately on the phone bill. No guarantees, I know, but just a thought.

Anyway, I'd better get back to work. On the marriage agenda for today: finish the confrontation and begin discussing consequences, boundaries, and the future of our marriage. I have a plan, but it will be at least a little easier if he finally admits what's going on. If he doesn't, I will still have to proceed. Have a great morning, boys and girls, and I'll get back later.

PS I think I'm going to temporarily change my posting name (again, ha ha, for those of you who were here for my flamboyant attempt at secrecy on Sat.) just because he often looks in on some of our MB friends as soon as he gets up in the morning. Just in case...

Sorry to hear this.

Hang in there!

Thanks, Mimi, will do.

I've been through what you are going through- actually more than once. So I will be following along to provide any help that I can.

Again, take good care...

HopedIwaswrong:

I am going to weigh in here with an opinion.. Please feel free to take or discard any or all of this. YOU will NOT be offending me either way.

I am sorry that your fears have come to fruition. I am not suprised, and I am sorry to have to be saying this. Your WH (no longer a question) is still not leveling with you, obviously. Remember when we were talking the other night and you said that you were very sure that he was not contacting her b/c you had been with him so much and that he was now an "open book". You do realize that this is all FOG talking right?.....YOUR OWN FOG. It was your own FOG that let you call a CRS at the phone company asking a ridiculous question about call blocking that you deep down already knew the answer to.

I am sorry, but having been at this board for over a year and having read MANY MANY MANY stories (weekend calls "in house" leave too much time for surfing,) I was always worried that you were really not in any type of recovery. I get the very real sense that YOU are doing the lion share of work in recovery, and that your WH "does his part" to make it look good. He has done "just enough" to keep you off keel, but CLEARLY still maintain an adulterous affair. I always belived that "recovery" was two people equally committed to restoring a marriage and relationship....NOT one person doing all of the work while the other treads water. Hey, but I could be wrong. This is just my opinion, and I ofcourse do not have the credentials and power and "success" that others have.


Now what I find concerning is your post above that you need to have BOUNDARIES this time, and that there will be consequences THIS time, etc... Well what was in place last time? Why are you waiting for him to admit anything now when you KNOW that hs is LYING to you? His word is worth NOTHING. He lied, he contuinues to cheat and betray your marriage? What is it that you are looking for him to do to make your next move? I don't know what your plan is, but I wonder why you are waiting on him to admit he was lying (which he wil only do when confronted with irrefutable evidence).

I think this is as much your own fog as well as his. Your extreme fear of conflict is subconsciously allowing you to rationalize moving your boundaries inch by inch. Your WH is probably a master at the "guilt" game and when he feels the heat being applied, he plays the "woe is me" card and says that he "is not good enough for you" and that you "deserve better"...yada yada yada....this ofcourse is all a ploy for you to back off and feel sorry for him and then in turn make you feel guilty for making him FEEL like this. This is a classic staple in the manipulators armentarium.

I think you have probably been working overtime "recovering" the marriage, but he has OBVIOSULY not been putting in the same effort. Thus you realize now, I hope, that you have NOT been in any recovery at all. SO everything that you thought was true....WAS NOT. It is now time to STEP BACK and rethink your "plan" and try and demystify your own fog in all of this. I don't portend to have any answers (and honestly I don't feel like hearing any B$ from any zeals tonight), but at least wanted to let you know that I am rooting for you. I hope that you get what you want in life and that you can get through this trajedy with your heart and self esteem and dignity intact.

Goodluck.

LM

Bumping this for Neak's sake.