hey bob,
Am I being too meek? While Im here in Iraq, there isn't much I can do except tolerate her fence sitting, Im in no position to push for too many committments, am I? She says I am pushing too hard, that I smother her, and because of the physical violence (read my post "HELP!!! I lopve busted big time!!"), she is scared of me. I call a few times a day, always push her to get on this site, to read the articles and post in the forums, but she says she needs a little time to get her head straight. she is waiting for mer mom (I love my MIL to death, and she feels the same way about me) to come visit mid-december.

Ray, no I don't. Your sit is hard.

You err on the side of confidence which is about right IMO as long as you can avoid lovebusting.

Doing nothing leads to the sit in this thread which is sad beyond belief.

* bumped for Too Tall *

Beware fear TT. Living off WS crumbs is suicide for a man. Mike here shows that.

all blessings

I had to bump this ...new BS please read and learn.

Thanks for posting this. Such a sad story... I'm sorry to say that I can feel his pain and were it not for my daughter I can't say I wouldn't have had such thoughts myself.

I have been struggling with whether I did the right thing leaving our house for days at a time before I knew about the A, and then leaving for good once I found out about it. It did enable the A, but I was hanging by an emotional thread. I asked him to leave several times and he never did because he had nowhere to go. Actually his parents volunteered for him to stay at their house, but he couldn't do that and carry on his A, now could he? So he stayed, and just kept on treating me like crap and not coming home nights, leaving me to deal with our new baby alone. I was in torment and it needed to stop so I could be the mother my child deserved.

Then when he admitted the A (actually he had me convinced it was an ONS for about a month), I felt I *had* to leave. I just could not tolerate the utter disrespect he had for me, for my feelings, for our new daughter and the new family we were supposed to be. I would not stay with him while he was the WS.

bump

Bump.

Why are so many people so concerned about Joan?

I am like many people who have lurked on this pages for months without writing. However, I feel exactly like Mike did, as I fight myself every singke day to carry on. My WW left me and our kids last October for OM, and have had no contact with her since Christmas. I have tried my best to do whats required, but my resolve is slowly crumbling. Only the thoughts of my kids keep me going, but I don't even think that will last much longer. All the meds and counseling can only do so much, and, like Mike, I don't think I'm man enough to tough this out.

h42l

Have you plan A or plan B'ed ?

Post some story up in your own thread - folks can help you here. We've all felt like that mate. Life imporved if you do teh right things. truly.

All blessings, and I look forward to your full story in your own thread where all the smartfolks can see & help ! !

Hurt42long - Are you taking AD's? My WH has been living with OW for 3 years, and my life is better than ever. Please don't try to go this alone. It is probably the most painful thing that will ever happen to you.

Yes I am, and also IC. They do work, but the daily strain just wears you down. The hardest part is the feeling that any any hope of R is just fading away. For as much damage as she has done, I can't see a life without her. Pretty pathetic after all this time, isn't it?

Well, you are still very, very early in this. The affair WILL end, and you can count on that.

Have you followed the MB plan and exposed the affair?

Don't get me wrong. i'm a fully functional person again, compared to what I was six months ago. It's just that I've spent my entire adult life with this woman, but even after all this I don't see a life without her, and it's eating me alive. I see where I have to move on, but emotionally I can't let go. What I would give to say that life is better than ever. I am going at this alone, as I can't burden the kids any more than I have. I just want to feel content and at peace with myself, and I have to admit that in weak moments,ending it all does start to look attractive, as horrible as that sounds. It's just my observation, but it seems that the ladies appear to handle this much better on average than the men.

BobPure ran his sports car off the road right after D-day. He wanted to end it all, but only wrecked his car.

He and his wife are happily recovering now.

At first, it is completely miserable. But it does get much better. I was a wreck for the first 8 or 9 months. But my life is better now than before.

The men here tend to do very well. If the marriage doesn't work out (and I think yours will), then they end up with a woman who is younger and better looking than the wife.

hurt42long.....

I think it may appear that the women here do better because there is so many of them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!

I have only been maried 2 years when my H left, and I have only known him 4 years, but I also contemplated suicide when he left. Even though the M was so short, I made a commitment for life and so I did loose my life partner. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I was a complete mess when H left. I almost drove over a pedistrian as I kept my foot on the gas insted of the break (luckily I have a stick shift and I had it in neutral, I had no idea what my feet were doing at that moment!) It was awful. My mind was in shambles and I thought of driving my car off of the bridge many times (just a little to the left I would think...and it will all end). Even back at Christmas, 7 months later, I still thought of ending it all. H and I moved to a Canada and I have no family here and very few friends. Doing this alone can be sufficating sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

But it gets better. You think less and less about ending it all and more and more about movign forward. I cannot imagine even dating right now, but I figure the time will come, just got to take it one day at a time. The days when you think of ending it all get to be less and less and so you don't even take it seriously.....you keep tracking! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I hope my post was not a downer! Lets just smile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Enjoy!
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hurt42long:

See my current thread...i am going thru the same thing as you at this very moment. I even read this thread and my first thought was that i was jelous that he had the strenght to actually go thru it. Even hearing all the pain the aftermath has caused many, sometimes it seems like the only option...i am working thru this at this very moment and the people here are literally saving my life..as of three days ago they got me thru a night where i almost went thru with it. I cant offer to much advice as my head isnt on so straight but know that i understand and you are not alone.

Losttiger

Thanks for the kind words. I pray that you're right. I 'm just hoping that time will work it's magic, because right now nothing's happening at all. She's admitted everything, and is full of guilt, but at the same time shows no remorse for what she's doing. Now I'm just waiting, which is pure agony.

Post deleted by Cherished

That's what keeps me going. What mother would leave her home and kids, even if they're older? Right now, they help me much more than I help them. I've been doing this for seven month's now, and people still tell me it's early! I can't fathom keeping this up for years!

bump again