Well I guess it really just took patience and persistence and the Grace of God. I was actually an atheist before finding out about the affair. When I found out I realized how sad a state the marriage had deteriorated in to and became distraught and was in a depression for about 2 weeks. Without getting in to any detail, I had a religious experience where God revealed himself to me and basically consoled me for an entire night. I was re-energized by this and one of the first things I felt his grace prompting me to do was to find this website.
All the information here was like a revelation. I read just about every article on it and the books Fall In Love, Stay In Love and Surviving an Affair. I did my best to implement all of this in my life and there were results, although it was often frustrating and there were setbacks and I often had to swallow my pride. My new found faith was an immense asset during this time.
Despite things going peacefully I think I wore out. She warmed up, and her Emotional Barriers came down, but I guess I began to get tired of putting all this effort in to meeting Her Needs and began to feel like I was being taken advantage of or something. I guess I should have been prepared for this as Harley does warn about this, but I don't think I was aware of what was happening on a concious level.
I began to have what I guess would be called a nervous breakdown. As a man of faith I would also say that during this time I was fighting a very real spiritual battle. I was being attacked and my faith was being tested. Eventually I came through this difficult part in to a peacefully blissful manic state and was hospitalized and diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.
This turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise. My wife stepped up and took care of the house, took care of me, and took care of everything while I got better. She even began to read Dr. Harley's books. Now she was meeting my Emotional Needs as well.
So it was difficult and tumultuos, but persistence and the grace of God got us through it (even though she is not religious). My bi-polar illness appears to be mild as I have had no relapses to date and most importantly the Marriage is doing very well and our 2 Children have a very happy home to grow up in.
