SO H gets home today 3+ hours early from work, not to help with DS4 who has a fever of 104, no he brings a friend home with him and a new pool table <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. I have two neighbors over trying to help me with DS4 because his tempature keeps climbing and the doctors say to just keep him cool and keep him medicated.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> (Lemonman any advice?- or anyone with knowledge???) Granted he has his moments of feeling better and wanting to play however they do not last long.

Anyway so I go down stairs and hear FW-WH talking with his friend about what to do with my maturnity clothes, and H tells his friend that he will not need those until his next wife complains that she needs a child of her own. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> What in the world is that suppose to mean??????????????? SO I ask him about it and he tells me to go away!!!

I do not get it, he is taking away the childrens play room and turning it into his play room with Air Hockey, Pin Ball machines and now a pool table- when will this man grow up?

So not only does he NOT help with the sick children, but then he belittles and degrades me in front of his friend. What next?

Am I blowing this out of proportion, or what. I am hurt right now, and angry and very tired from lack of sleep. However all I want to do is crawl under a rock and cry- then run, as far and as fast from this man as I can.

Well K, it sounds like the "perfect storm" visited your house...

stress, frustration, sick child, insensative joke?, lack of sleep....

Whammo!!!!

Get the kid taken care of then find a quiet place to hide and relax with some tea and an axe....I mean a book or magazine... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Try to get some sleep tonight, in another room if you have too, see if any family or friends can help out ( I know they are already but a little more can't hurt)

A big hug out to you...one way or another it will get better

RebornMan

KMEJ - I think tylenol and rubbing with a cool washcloth works best.

I don't know if you saw this post from Idiotville, but I think most of us women can relate.

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES:

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 4 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music
or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 4 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.

In addition...each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and an appointment for a
haircut.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keep it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them.
Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every repulsive character on cartoons.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply themselves either while driving or making four lunches.
They must adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, they will have to endure severe stomach cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly PTA meetings, church with teh chikldren - EVEN IF THE SPOUSE SAYS ITS A LOAD OF COBBLERS - , and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting with the kids as well.
He will need to pray with the children each night, bathe them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: *each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up - this week.
They must clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.
and then spend the remainder of the day pending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.
Each man will have to make an Aboriginal hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moments notice - NOTE:.... no bitching, whining or headaches allowed.
If the last man does win, he can play the game
over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called .. Mother!

Send this to as many females you think will get a kick out of it and as many men you think can handle it. Lets see what men can I send it too.... ummm........ ummm .... hang on I'm trying to think here.. ..hehehehhehehe

--------------------

What is your plan?

Complaining sure is fun isn't it? But complaining does not get anything done/fixed, for sure.

When are you going to change?

Sorry about the sick child.

Pep

KMEJ,

Advice on the fever....

My pediatrician has me alternate Motrin and Tylenol to keep a fever down.

You can take the Motrin every 6 hours and the Tylenol every 4 hours.... (I think that's right check.)

Actually Pep complaining is not fun at all, it is humiliateing and hard for me. How ever it is a vent and a way for me to release frustration that is not on my kids and does not make me bottle it up until I explode. I guess all you see me do is complain, because when things are going good I generally do not post, as I have nothing to say. I know better then to think that H will be that way for long, so why build him up to watch him fall. I do not enjoy this type of behavior, nor do I think shareing it here is the best way, however I can not share this with my family anymore because that adds even more stress listening to them berate me and H, and I get enough of that. I do not need to be ragged on continuely about what a loser my husband is. Unfortunently he is too self absorbed right now to see past his nose, however he is who I chose to marry, and like it or not I said for better or for worse. SO please do not look down on me because I am not strong enough to walk away. I am gaining strenth everyday- however asking me if complaining is fun hurts me, draws me back, as now I feel I am being made fun of here, and that my place that I find peace and solace is being taken away.

I am not sure what my plan is, I have the better job, I have daycare, and am trying to figure out how to afford to not uproot my kids again, beyond that I have nothing.

Thanks for the advice on the Motrin and Tylenol. I had been doing that until my doctor said that they no longer recommend it as it is harmful to their liver (I think that is what he said)....

Kids are calling. be back later.

that was not meant to be offensive.

K, I hope the little one will be alright, I think most people here just care about you and don't like how your H treats you. Maybe like you said, you only post to vent and we really only hear about the callous things he does. Maybe if you balanced the picture for us a little more you wouldnt get so many "get rid of that bum" posts. Its hard for me to say, as like I said i read only one side of your H, but maybe he meant the new wife crack as a bad joke? I hope so anyway. As for the little one, have you tried a cold bath? Once when my H was running a high fever, he went and sat in our pool after we filled it with ice blocks. It was uncomfortable, but it brought his fever down.

OK KMEJ

I will leave you alone and wish you peace.

Pep

K, I can't offer any help on w/H. But for DS fever TEMPID bath, ice bath may be too much for little one. Cool cloth or covered ice packs at back of neck, armpits, back of knees for 10-15 min periods as tolerated. Lots and lots of ice pops and pedialyte ice pops or pedialyte juice if you can get it if not gatoraid will do in a pinch. watch for signs of dehydration. Tylenol/ Motrin combo ok for short period 1-2 days do not exceed reccommended dose for body wt on bottle for 24hr period. Little ones bounce back from fevers pretty quickly. If he is vomiting you may need to get tylenol suppository make sure it is child's dose.

My kids always loved the magic washcloth trick. Put a cold wash cloth on when they have fever. after its on alittle while it gets warm. Hold in front of fan or swirl around waving wash cloth over your head (preferred method) and cloth magically gets cold again.

Good luck, I hope you get some rest. And wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands, we don't want you getting sick!!!

I used to give our daughter a tepid bath with a little rubbing alcohol (to enhance cooling evaporation) poured into the water. NEVER rub alcohol directly onto the child's skin in an attempt to cool his fever because I think it can be harmful if inhaled.

I have also wrapped my daughter up in a blanket with ice packs wrapped in towels to help bring fever down.

Oh...and in regard to your H's comment about the maternity clothes? I'd have said, "Oh, no, dear! I'll need those in case my second husband wants a baby!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Yes... What Lady said!! You gotta learn to reverse babble like Orchid does! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Our ped still recommends the rotating Tylenol and Motrin... just watch the strenghts and doses. I keep a weight based dose chart taped inside my medicine cabinet so I always have it handy. Don't do it more than a day or two around the clock.

Tylenol can e ad for the liver, they do not recc. you use infant drops (for instance) w/ older children cause it is very concentrated and you may accidentally OD them. Did you know that w/ temps over 102.5 you can give a higher dose of Motrin? It holds DD4 up to 8 hrs fever-less that way.

Hi KMEJ,

I noticed something about your first post and the rest of this thread. The first sentence is about H, the rest of the first paragraph is about your sick child, and the remaining FIVE paragraphs are about H. The replies from others are mainly to pass on experience with high fevers in children--out of six paragraphs about H, their replies are about the two sentences about your child. Does that help you to see who is more important to take care of and focus on the needs of?

I know that I didn't post about things that I wasn't having a problem with, so I'm hoping the reason that your focus of your first post is not really on or about your sick child is because you are dealing with that effectively with help from your neighbors. I can see that you're still struggling with how to deal effectively with H, and I'm assuming that's why your post is about what he is doing. The next step is to figure out what YOU are going to do, and then for you to do it.

I don't think I'm understanding what you need from this thread. If there were already Air Hockey and Pinball machines, then it sounds like the kids' playroom was already taken away before the pool table showed up. Why does the pool table bother you so much? Why didn't the first sign of H taking away the kids' playroom bother you enough to try to effectively deal with it then?

Or were you bothered the most by his comment about giving your maternity clothes to his next wife when she wants a child of her own? Or were you bothered more by his disrespectfully dismissing you in front of his friend? I hate to seem to take your H's side, but I think it was realistic for him to expect that you would tolerate those comments to his friend in your house because you tolerate much worse from him when no one is around.

Please explain to me what you need from this thread KMEJ. If I can, I'd like to help but I'm not understanding whaqt it is that you need or are looking for.

Take care

K,

sending all my magic I can muster to your little one...i know how it is with a sick little one...lord knows Mine has been to the hospital twice this past year for pnumonia....all during teething...just the thing to make it worse...*hugs to you*...you could always grab the kids and come to my house...i could use the company. BTW trying to infect DS with the chicken pox...anyone have a sick kid in california? :}

KMEJ

SO please do not look down on me because I am not strong enough to walk away

There is no 'looking down'. There is just pity and frustration that you allow yourself and your children to be treated so.

'for better or worse' has its place KMEJ, and that does not mean abuse. I think you justify your cowardice through this phrase.

I have experienced here and in my own life the POWER of righteous mothers who take a stand for themselves and their kids against abuse. Take FNCJ for example.

But you cheapen the admission price into your marriage and life so low as to be near worthless - your H seems to be constantly challenging you with some new abuse to try to make you stand up for yourself.

And you just crawl lower and lower on your belly waiting for this bully to tire of this latest game and leave off you.

You stand between your children and your abusive husband. Is your behaviour protecting them and showing them a good example of motherhood/womanhood?


Kids learn from their parents how to behave in relationships. Do you want your kids to live like you do in THEIR future marriages or are you 'hoping' they won't ?

Your situation has bothered me for a while now - I've prayed for you a lot, but I've kept my comments to myself as I feel a man shouldn't speak in this way to a woman, but I feel a burden to say these things to you.

KMEJ, you are a beautiful, funny, evidently smart woman who deserves SO MUCH MORE than being the geisha of your cartoon jock husband. And the only thing stopping you having a better life is YOU.

All blessings. Really ALL blessings.

{{{{KMEJ}}}}

How is your little one? Tylenol never worked on my son. Found out his blood type (O) tends not to work well with Motrin so when his fevers would shoot up to 103+, Motrin would help. In the interim, I used to rub him down with a cool cloth, lavendar and roman chamomile aroma therapy oils. The oils helped. I also gave him a full body massage and it helped calm him down so he could sleep.

As for the idiot WS, welp I would not concentrate on meeting his needs. He is being selfish again and you need to identify then implement your boudaries.

Hugz,
L.

Oh, for the fever, calpol ( dunno the US equivalent) worked well for most fevers, and a fluffy bath towel sprayed with cold water laid on my kids, regularly turned, shaken and 'cooled' helped reduce fever further and make the child feel comfortable enough to sleep.

All blessings

Bob Pure said:

"KMEJ, you are a beautiful, funny, evidently smart woman who deserves SO MUCH MORE than being the geisha of your cartoon jock husband. And the only thing stopping you having a better life is YOU."


Hear, hear....I couldn't agree more.

Nobody here is making fun of you KMEJ, I think that sometimes when you are living in the situation it can be hard to step back and see things other people see.

I don't think he is a loser, I think he is an abusive child....there is a difference. A loser is a loser is a loser, doesn't matter what they do it will always be the wrong thing at the wrong time. Doesn't make them bad unless they never learn from their mistakes.

An abusive child is just that, a grown-up that is a taker and nothing else will work for them. If you disagree with them watch out, you think a 2 year old at the toy store can be bad? You've seen what an adult with this attitude can do...berate, beat on, belittle, run over and on and on...

A kid can be trained to get over this but an adult? KMEJ he's lived his life this way and you given him no reason to change and personally I don't think he can or others that live this way can change. They move along until they find somebody that puts up with it and when the partner stops putting up with the abuse, the abusive child moves on to the next enabler (affairs? why should he care what you think? You either put up with it or he moves along, if you put up with it there will be more affairs)

I just don't see change coming, he doesn't want to...it's always worked for him. To the abusive child it is YOU that needs to conform to HIM.

Examples? How 'bout "Gimme Oral" and then walk away....over and over

In a healthy relationship it is give and take, sometimes you give, sometimes they give, sometimes you both give, it is the ebb and flow of a Marriage.

KMEJ, I say this with the utmost respect and concern so please don't take it any other way...OK?

Here goes...

If you can't see the above as a blatant example of abuse by the abusive child, then it's time to find out WHY you put up with this and ALLOW him to do this to you.

It isn't just the sex and you know it, I am talking about the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse as well.

You deserve so much more than this KMEJ and so do your children.

Your Friend
RebornMan

ps- live anywhere near St. Paul or Annondale? I have a boatload of family up that way

I want to thank all of you who posted to me. My son is doing much better today, he is eating and playing, thank you for all your advice.

I also want to apologize to each and every one of you for my moodiness yesterday. I was frustrated and stressed and took it out on you. Pep I am especially sorry for snapping at you the way I did, I did not mean it offensively, but I fear that is how it came across. You are right, I complain and complain but what have I done to change things? NOTHING really- I can plan until I am blue in the face but with out the courage to go with my plan what good is it?

I do not post things that I find are good about my H in fear that you will look at what he does that makes me happy and you all will tell me that is not enough. because even to me it is becoming not enough, and I am afraid to admit that.

Thank you to all of you who have supported me during this rollercoaster, and I realize only I can chose when to get off. I am scared to get off, I am scared of being alone, and of him finding happiness elsewhere. the second is what scares me the most, that I was not good enough, that he can be a better man for someone else and I will continue to make bad decisions. His comment last night about a baby with a new wife was like a knife in my heart. A reality check that he actually thinks about a life without me. Leaves me wondering if he came back as a filler until his next "perfect" person comes along and he will throw me out with the bath water again. It hurts so badly. I do not know how to make the pain go away.

Again I am sorry for my poor behavior yesterday, can you please forgive me?

I too had/have your fears... But I truly think that you will have much better chance of ending up happy than he does. Look what you have to offer compared to him?

You're a great mother, believe in commitment and honesty, are responsible, and know how to give far more than you take.

He is adulterer, liar, abuser, and is totally immature and selfish. If someone else wants that... they can have it!

No contest in my opinion. I don't think you have anything to be worried about. It's hard to get past it, but trust me there are people out there that believe in "good"!

Cheers,

Miker