I really think the affair might be over, this guy is going to counceling with his wife and church. I talked to her last week and i think they are working things out

Gaboy,

I wanted to stay married also (see some of my old posts). But my WW treated me so incredibly bad that I have now accepted that I will be divorced next week.

I love her, I miss her, but I cannot tolerate anymore.

Keith

Why aren't you in your home?

Because right now i am living with my parents I tried going home but she through one hell of a fit screaming and yelling

She is also in the process of having to find another job since her teaching position was cut due to the budget

So there is no way that I can move back in the house with her, she has told me that i hurt her by telling everyone about what happened with her affair. She thinks I tried to hurt her by gossip, that is not true.

We agreed tonight to talk on the phone twice a week for 10 minutes, ask her if she really wanted to do this and she said she could take it or leave it, whatever made me happy.

Its one crap of a rollercoaster ride, she thinks I am living up

GABOY, she hurt herself by having an affair, you didn't hurt her. If she doesn't want to be embarrassed, she should stop doing things which embarrass her.

I still don't understand why you aren't living in your home. Her anger does not explain why you have vacated your own home. So what if she is angry? What does that have to do with leaving your own home? Shouldn't she be the one to leave since she had the affair?

Since I am not going back home what do I do?

Gaboy, do you think that she manipulates you with her temper tantrums? Has that been a persistent theme in your marriage?

Melody, you're hot.

I would recommend reading Tough Love by James Dobson. If you really want your marriage to work you need to show her that you value yourself. You need to stand up for yourself and your self respect. When she sees you valuing yourself she may change her mind about wanting a divorce. Also, I am a school teacher and once a teacher is hired I have never heard of them being let go becuse of budget expenses. They are moved around in the district to different positions and they put a freeze on hiring. Something about that does not add up right.

Gaboy:

You're letting her believe she did right by giving in 2 her anger and moving out of the house. Get back and get back NOW. How big is your house? Can you camp out in another room?

Regardless, whether you move into a different room or she moves out of the house, you need 2 take this stand now more importantly than anything right now. Stand firmly for your marriage.

Read all you can about plan A and plan B. You should be working on your plan A. Don't engage her in conversations about DV. You're not ready for one. She isn't either, but you can't convince her of that - she has 2 figure it out herself.

She's angry you read her emails? 2 bad.

She's angry you told other people? Good job. That's the first thing you SHOULD do 2 end the A. Don't assume, though, that the A isn't still going on just because the OM is in counseling with his W. Sometimes liars just get better at lying. In any case, the safest assumption for you 2 make is that you're not out of the woods, and act accordingly.

-ol' 2long

She says she wants to close this chapter of her life by getting a divorce. She wants to try and be friends by chatting on the phone right now, I dont know why she thinks that a divorce will solve her problems. She said that she wants to take it day by day and see what happens, but she is stuck on the divorce right now. What should I do when I talk to her, what should I talk about?

Don't try 2 fathom the unfathomable. If you do, you'll mess your mind up.

If she wants 2 close the chapter by getting a DV, you can't stop her. ...but you can wait and see if she does it. I'm betting she'll do nothing. But even if she does file, you will have time 2 respond. Maybe a lot of time, depending on the laws in your state. If you don't want a DV, don't seek one and don't talk about it when she brings it up. Learn 2 change the subject or end the conversation.

It is good she wants 2 try 2 be friends. That's a starting point for you 2 be her friend, BETTER than the OM (which you already were, but she didn't know it or couldn't see it). Your marriage is now broken, like it or not. Take this as an oppor2nity 2 learn how 2 fix it. And get 2 WORK. It will be very HARD, but it will be very rewarding at the same time. PLAN A!

What do you want 2 talk about? Talk about that. What does she talk about when she "chats" with you 2 see if you can be "friends"? Talk about that. Just do NOT get steered in2 a negative conversation about DV.

MOVE HOME NOW. Deal with the fallout once you've done so. She'll be angry, but that's tough. Don't engage her in arguments if you can help it, and leave the room if you can't. Call "time out" if you need 2 calm down (sounds silly, but it works). It's your house 2. She broke the law by changing the locks without your permission.

Being loving when she's angry and trying 2 engage you in blame-shifting arguments is difficult at first, but absolutely imperative.

best,
-ol' 2long

Pack your bags and go home. Then tell her that you are not her "friend," you are her husband and you are there to work on your marriage. Tell her that this is your home, too, and you have no intention of going anywhere. Just calmly tell her that over and over again and don't let her get you mad.

But, the first thing you must to rectify the mistake of moving out of your home. All you did was reinforce her terrible behavior. Quit letting an insane person in the throes of a temper tantrum run your life. Go home and tell her how it will be.

Question for all: In Plan A, is there a way to remind the WS that you do not normally keep friendships with people who lie, cheat, sneak around, throw you out of your own house, scream and yell at you, file suits against you (and a divorce is a suit), and otherwise wreck your life?

Sounds like a call for Orchid's babbletalk.