Funny how someone else on MB will echo my exact thoughts. Fantasizing about escape? Oh yes i have been. I kinda have this fantasy where i find a suitcase full of money and I leave for hawaii or cancun and dont look back. Then I can push my fwh, all my pain and bad memories of ow out of my life and never have to deal with them again. Course reality doesnt work that way so I guess I still have a lot more work ahead of me, sigh.

My fantasy is winning the lottery. Yes, I know, money won't buy me happiness. But what with WH's health problems and the mess of our finances now we're living apart, a girl can dream! I can put food on the table but can't pay the crazy rents in HK. I need him to be working and healthy and I don't hold out much hope. TT (The second prize would do!)

AD, I like your bottle of good memories idea. Some days, I feel like there was an ocean of bad stuff in my marriage and remembering the good bits makes it seem like it all didn't suck.

I think my DD has a need to see her dad. Unfortunately, DD DOES NOT WANT to see her dad. He's hurt her in a great many ways. Some of these ways are not unlike the things he did when he lived with us but cummulative have been disasterous. Like not tell her where he was living until she demanded the information. Like renting a 1 bedroom apartment. Like inviting her for the night but having her sleep on the floor in a place that she found scary and not being able to comfort her. Like inviting her to a basketball game and then not showing up to take her. Like not going to any of her team games. Like never really talking to her. All of these things could have been avoided. On top of having an A, they've made DD into a person who doesn't even want to be around her dad. She won't even speak to him.

I feel really sad for the both of them. Don't let this happen between you and your daughter. Don't disappear out of your daughter's life. I'm not a monster and I do my best to fill the gap but the scar is there for life.

p.s. Colorado can get pretty cold in the winter and housing is a lot more expensive than in the SE

I keep thinking of just getting in my car and driving - and never coming back. But that is impractical.
Not only is it impractical, it’s not realistic.
Even thinking that everything would be great & there would me no problems, is not realistic.
A fantasy is just that. Not real. An ideal.
You would quickly find this out in addition to leaving your daughter wondering why dad left… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I do own another house (not the one we live in) - and I thought I could put it on the market (without telling W)
She’s not on the title/mortgage?

at a very low price so it will sell quickly, then I could hit the road with some serious dollars.
And then be a dead-beat dad as well as probably getting sued.

One thing about fantasies. They are not a problem in themselves.
However, if one starts thinking about them more & more (As a ws does during an affair), they tend to become more within your reach and much more likely to happen.
You tend to look at the fantasy side of it (no problems, no worries, everything will be great) and tend to ignore the realities of it (still have to work, relationships are not always going to be wine & roses).

A ws does this for the affair and does the opposite for the marriage. All they look at is the bad side of the marriage and dismiss the good side of it.
Neither one is realistic and they feel pretty crappy about it (no matter how it looks like they are not thinking about how f’d up everything really is.

Hey Chris, don't take this thread at all seriously. I was just feeling down and letting my mind wander.

No mortgage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And she's not on the title. I paid for that house at least 10 years before I met her. Further, she agrees that it is mine and she won't try to take a bite of it.

I'm not proposing to be a dead-beat dad. And who would sue me?


Well, actually, if I wanted to, I could retire. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It would be tight, but I could do it.

Ah, but it's just a fantasy. I can have other ones that I'll elevate to the title of "dreams" or even "goals" or "plans" - that would be less of a "check out of the world" while still leaving more room for doing things that I enjoy.

More practical would be to sell the other house and wait for the uncontested D which we already worked out - then, when "our" house is sold, buy a little place, figure out how to work less (which is pretty hard considering that I'm posting on MB all day already <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />), get by with less - and plan to retire at say, 55. Or some other plan etc. etc. Reasonable choices abound!

-AD

You sound human to me. In the end you do the right thing. That is what counts.