Lawdy woman ... you're a pistol and I just hafta meet you!

I read that you are neak's mama and a nurse to boot .... so tell me bout yourownbadself ... YOU should be a writer!

I am, simply put, an admirer of your wit.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm here...but only briefly. Am at work and don't have time right now, but will save to favorites so I can come back easily after my pt. delivers her baby. Thanks for the invite. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, my pt. got a labor epidural and promptly slipped into a coma as soon as her pain went away, so I decided to have supper while I had the chance. You will have to have my daughters tell you what I am like, since our perceptions seem to vary widely. Personally, I have no idea what they're talking about! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I promised the MD I'd get her delivered by midnight so he can go to sleep, a somewhat rash promise to make about a woman with a low pain threshold, having her first baby, and only half-way through her dilatation at 8PM. I guess if I'm going to make good on my pledge, I'd better put my magic fingers to work doing something besides typing. (Neak can tell you about my magic fingers, since I was her nurse for all 3 kids and actually delivered the last one.) Sound of knuckles cracking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Well, my perambulating digits and I are off to make like the Yellow Pages...

Are you a CNM ?

I don't wanna ask anyone else what you are like ... I'd much rather discover on my own ...

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Pt. delivered @ midnight on the button. I thought she was going to deliver @ 2359, but she decided, after the head was out, that she was all done laboring and didn't have to push anymore...which cost us that extra minute (and several years off my life). Deep purple is a VERY unattractive skin tone, by the way, especially on the head of a partially-delivered infant!! I've probably delivered over 100 babies in the last quarter century, but I'm not a CNM, just a garden-variety, run-of-the-mill bedside nurse who has worked in hospitals where it is common for ladies to come in at the last minute, and plop a baby out as soon as you get them in bed...or, if they're feeling really adventurous, down in admitting (Drives the clerks wild! Kinda tough on the upholstery and carpets, too).

Thank you for admiring my wit, all half of it.I understand that I take after my late Grandpa. I hardly knew him, since I grew up out of the continental US and only saw him for brief visits when the missionaries got furloughs every 4 years or so, but as a little kid, I loved to listen to him whenever I had the chance and thought he was the funniest man in the world (in a sarcastic way). I think it gives my dad, who is 90, considerable enjoyment to see some of his father's personality reappear in me. Every now and again, after listening to me spout off about something, he'll say, almost to himself, "She's GOT it!" Well, at least my smart mouth gives somebody pleasure!! Goodness knows it's gotten ME in enough trouble over the course of a lifetime.

So when Neak was in 5th grade and the teacher, who was a large man, told the class, "I've got to start watching my weight," and Neak told him, "Mr. **, if you want to watch your weight, all you have to do is look down," I really didn't have to waste a lot of time wondering where THAT came from.

Tell me about you. Neak says she's read your posts on a number of other threads, but with my 72 hr. work wk. I pretty much only have time to read hers, so I haven't read enough about you to gather any real info. I'm wondering, though, if this is really the place for our bantering. For the sake of all the poor people who have visited or will visit this thread, hoping for something relevant and useful, only to find nothing but thndrnlitng, or even worse, just static electricity, is there some place less blatant for people who just want to yammer a bit? Awaiting your advice.

People can stop reading when they discover just how irrelevant or irreverent this thread is .... intentionally just conversational.

I think being a healthy adult includes knowing how to play like a child in order to mini-break from life's multitude of important difficulties.

If you were older, I'd ask you if you delivered me !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> coz the birth story my Mum told me is that the OB went home because he thought she wasn't progressing fast enough, and the nurses delivered me ... but the OB got paid for it (of course) ... But I am 55 years old, so this is highly unlikely you were there, unless of course, you were in a bassinet next to me in the nursery. This was the 'good old days' when babies were cared for by nurses at nite so the new Moms could sleep peacefully (rooming in would have been considered cruel treatment of the tired new moms who needed their week of rest post-partum ~LOL~ Times have changed for sure)

Speaking of being in the bassinst next to me 55 years ago ... I am a family medicine RNP for a large HMO. One time I commented to a new female patient that we shared the same birthday, day and year. She asked where I was born, and we were born the same day in the same hospital ... and our maiden names both began with 'W' ... I said "I thought I recognized you !"

A little non-MB nonsense is required for sanity, I think.

Anywho ... I think you are a pretty interesting writer. Ever consider doing some magazine articles or something like that? Do you speak the way you write, embroidering the story with asides and self-deprecating humor?

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I may be a pistol, but right now I'm shooting blanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Another busy day at the orifice, you know. Yes, at one time I did want to write books, but life intervened, as life so often does, and I've had my imagination and creativity ground out of me by all the practical things upon which I have had to focus for so many years of being a type Z personality trying to live a type AAA lifestyle. So it was an especial pleasure for me to see my daughter realize my dream of authorship, and with style, humor, grace, and imagination. I have done chart reviews for a lawyer. I'm good at that kind of writing, and even made the lawyers laugh with some of my analysis. I write funny Christmas letters, usually in July when I have time. I'm BUSY in December. I am also a very good editor, and did the initial reviews of Neak's first book before it was submitted to the publisher, who then submitted it to their people for mangling, I mean, final editing. (Yes, I am bitter. Those idiots took out the best lines. Why? I guess because they could.) The second book will be self-printed and I'll be the only editor for that one. I'm not much on original creation, but I can adapt the heck out of things (music, sewing, writing, etc.) once somebody else comes up with an idea. The second book was a collaborative effort, in some ways, and there are passages there in the book because I suggested the concept, leaving the creative phrasing up to her. The part I played in it has been a lot of fun for me. Trying to do something like that all by my lonesome would be too much like a JOB, and is no longer appealing to my elderly ambition, such as it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I do write and talk with somewhat the same style. The whole family is that way, except for my husband, who, I think, often feels like the only adult in a thundering herd of juveniles. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Well, the sandman calleth. I answereth forthwith. P.S. Is your HMO Kaiser? We're the Kaiser provider for our area, since they have no hospital close by. I know people tend to whine about their HMOs (among many other things), but I like Kaiser. Being an RNP is cool, as being a midwife would've been, but at my age I'm pretty much going to be like Popeye--I yam what I yam. I get enough education with all the mandatory CEs for re-licensing, BLS, ACLS (believe me, certificate or not, nobody who wants to survive wants me to be running their code!), and NRP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Yeah >sigh< the big "K" .... and that ain't K-Mart neither ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

And as they say in Mississippi ...where you at?

Pep

I needed to quickly step in and then out of this girl talk here to say a quick note...


Pep, I finally can say you have met your match! TLiting definitely shares you sarcasm and sense of humor. Maybe it is a nurse thing, because since my wife became an RN in the ER two years ago, her sarcasm level has doubled...and her wit is almost perverse at times. of course, it was already high when we married. It is one of the tings that attracted me to her. I guess it was the Texan in her.

Will be fun watching the two of you "double pumping" some unsuspecting soul on here.

In His arms.

We live on the Left Coast in the People's Republic of California right here in earthquake heaven. (I got blamed for an earthquake once, when I was just a little girl, but it was all San Andreas' fault!!) Actually it was in HI and mom had had a laminectomy and fusion, and back then you were bedbound forever after one of those things. So when my dad had to go off to camp to be a counselor, and was only able to come home on weekends {to spank me for whatever I'd done during the wk,}, my mom and I went to live at the mission president's house so someone could take care of her while she was bedfast. The president and his wife were elderly, and if they had ever had children it was long, long ago, so my mom was constantly afraid I'd engage in some egregious misbehavior [need I say her fears were totally unjustified? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I thought not.] that would forever humiliate her in the eyes of the other missionaries. She read to me, played games with me, and did every sort of entertainment she could think of to keep me at her bedside...but one day I managed to briefly flee the coop, and while I was out of her sight, a slight earthquake hit the Honolulu area and the pictures on the wall rattled and shook. AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ME. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> How insulting is that?!
I have a TX joke for Mortarman. Of course, my husband thinks Texas IS a joke, but his opinion of the state was permanently skewed by the fact that the one time he was there was in basic training to go to Viet Nam as an army medic. 40 years later, and he still has a bad attitude about the whole experience, so we don't have to pay too much attention to what HE thinks about TX. We don't talk about Lyndon Johnson, either! I'm too tired to type it out right now, so will save it for later. Never should've come back and looked at the site on my way to bed. Really, somebody should take my clicker away from me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I live in LaLaLand ... '94 Quake central ... are we passing each other on the 101 ??? (duck and cover driving under the overpass ) YIKES !!!

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

My pt. tonight almost had me ready to jump, screaming, from the 3rd floor window, but she is delivered, transferred, and the documentation is complete. I've been reborn! Nice enough girl, but a lousy pusher. By the time she had her baby, 2-1/2 hrs. after we all started bearing down, everybody in the room was pooped. It's no wonder my cystocele and rectocele keep recurring!!

OK, my favorite TX joke. Actually it's the only one I know, but I've remembered it for several years, and at my age, hanging onto a thought for that long is a real milestone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

A blind man decides to visit TX, having heard so much about what a wonderful place it is. He gets on a TX airplane, and when he sits down he realizes that the seats are huge, and very comfortable and roomy. When he asks the stewardess why their seats are so much larger than other airlines, she replies, "Well, you know, sir, everything's bigger in TX." The inflight meal was enormous. He couldn't even finish everything. He asked the stewardess why they served so much food, and she reminded him gently, "Sir, I told you before--everything's bigger in TX." When he got to his hotel, he went to the restaurant and ordered a Coke. The container they set before him felt like it must hold a gallon of soda, but when he asked the waitress why it was so large, she just said, "You'll find that everything's bigger in TX." Naturally, after all that liquid, he soon needed to relieve himself, and so he asked the waitress how to find the restroom. She told him it was 3 doors down on the right, and he felt his way down the hallway and entered the 3rd door he counted. Suddenly the people in the restaurant heard a horrible racket, like somebody was being killed. People rushed down the hallway and through the door, to find the blind man splashing wildly about in the hotel pool, and screaming frantically, "Don't flush! Don't flush!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I love this lady! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What is a RNP?

Real Naughty Person

H

shaddup Hiker ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Of the 6 women who delivered last night, 3 of them had "C-Section" tattooed on their foreheads for the last several hrs. before we pulled rabbits out of their hats (metaphorically speaking, of course) and the babies exited through the more-conventional route. However, there was a LOT of pushing that went on before that, and to honor their poor, sacrificial tissues, please join me in the following musical tribute (sung to the tune of "Puff, the Magic Dragon").

Puffy, the Perineum, after delivery,
Looks so fat--pooched out like that--
It's swollen, you can see.
Nursey's jaw dropped open
to watch that rascal puff...
'Twas NOT her magic fingers;
It was all that pushing stuff!
Puffy, the Perineum..............

And all the mothers said, "Ouch."

thndr ... you just heard this sound

... thud ...

the big grown men in the room simultaneously fainted ...

LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You know what we do with men who faint in the delivery room, don't you? We push them out of the way over against the wall, step over them, and continue with the delivery. L&D is not the best place for males seeking sympathy, if the truth be told. I had a delivery a few years back where the dad started to get woozy and walked outside the delivery room. All of a sudden I heard this big thunk, and looked under the curtain to see him laid out on the linoleum, the whitest Mexican I'd ever seen in my life. One of the Spanish-speaking nurses went to help him (I was busy with the delivery--bummer--so couldn't do anything myself!), and decided to give him some OJ to perk him up. He sat up halfway and drank part of the juice before he suddenly vomited. She was holding him up by the shirt front while he drank, and when the cascade headed towards her, she let go of his shirt and dropped him back on the floor. Thunk. Mother and baby were fine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I fainted once in the OR ... and they did the same thing with me ... pushed me with their feet off into the corner ... and kept on going ... it was so hot in there and I was soooo hungry and the nephrectomy was soooo icky once they got to it ... I just went down like a tree ~LOL~

When I was a student, I was watching a c-section in a california-coastal hippie-haven town ... Daddy was gowned up and in the room to watch ... and just as the birth occured ... suddenly *darkness* ... the hippie-dippie-dad turned out the lights so the baby's eyes wouldn't be uncomfortable with the bright lights!

What a turkey!

Pep