Well that reference would be me, but that is not what I said. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I said:



It does not say "if I had a mother like you"...

It was said before I knew that your kids already knew it all anyway.

It was said tongue-in-cheek but apparently my attempt at humor was not funny.

(I will say I don't have that kind of relationship with my mom, so I don't know how I would handle all her details ~I might need counseling ~ if she decided to share them; and I would not share all my details with my daughter. That's just me and not something you should take personally.)

What is really puzzling is that even reading all this you have written, I still don't know one thing about who you are today.

Just want to clear this up. Feel free to post whatever you want. I will not interfere again.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

My job tonight is 1 hr. away from home, and I have to leave in just a few minutes, so I'll try to answer later if it's possible. It's a good thing I'm an Explanationarian by blood!

Oh, by the way--that pt. that came in last night, sitting off to one side and grimacing with pain? She was 1 centimeter dilated--o-o-o-o-o-oh. 7 hrs. later, when I left, she was...2! Very cute girl, but not a fast dilater! She asked me if I had to go, which I did, of course, but with her luck she's still going to be there when I get back!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Till later--

t&l

Me: Do you have a desire, and are you motivated, to make yours a happy and fulfilling marriage?

T&L: Sorry if that's not the right answer. It's the best I can do with what I've got.

Me: It answers a question I did not ask.

I asked about YOUR desire and YOUR motivation .... My question had nothing to do with your husband's present (or past) state of mind.

I also did not ask you if you thought it was a possibility .. only about your desire and motivation.

But, I think that the answer is a no ... You have neither the desire nor the motivation .... is this statement correct?

Ok,

Well after more thought here's what I think. I think I learn more when the format is "story". What I learn may have nothing to do with your story per se....it's "my lightbulb" that's triggered as a result of YOUR story!!

One of my biggest lessons of learning to take responsibility for myself is in a story that is about my 1st marriage to an alcoholic who was also a pathological liar! I had my victim story down pat! That is until I learned from an angel sent to me from God....that regardless of external circumstances I was responsible for myself, and my attitudes and behavior!

The journey I traveled to learn those lessons, I have thanked my ex-husband for thankfully before he died! I wouldn't have missed those lessons or that journey for all the happiness in the world! I had practically memorized "People of the Lie" by Scott Peck way back when, just to help me learn to deal with what I was living with at the time!

Back to your story...thankfully I have figured out how to learn life lessons from other's stories....(don't have to make all the mistakes myself - Whoooooooo, Hoooooooooo!)- so I'm happy to learn from yours!! I think it helps give meaning to the madness!! We all get to choose who our angels are, don't you think?

Desire? Yes. Motivation? No.

And you called ME a "pistol"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

T&L,

I enjoy your writing - the style, the content, the subject matter (you).

It is all very far away for me, since I don't even know you or anything. (That's right, I don't know anything, LOL).

I consider you brave to tell it - and wise.

Pep,

You are a wonderful person and a cornerstone of this forum, but ... can't you see of course T&L "desires a happy and fulfilling marriage". But you ask the question without acknowleging her struggle. It probably seems like a criticism - as if all her struggles were just some kind of time-wasting self-serving diversion. She is obviously in a constant struggle, doing the best she knows how to achieve just that - and more. You don't walk up to somebody who's trying to push a car up a hill and ask "just tell me, do you or do you not want a reliable automobile". Just help her push, or offer her a ride!

-AD (spelling optional)

Or, alternatively, keep her distracted with difficult questions, and the car will eventually roll backwards over her and just squish her flat...OtherSusan's Excellent Solution. Maybe they could make a movie about me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for your perceptiveness. I DO think I'm trying as hard as I can,on multiple fronts, and am debating whether or not I want to "talk" about that particular aspect of life tomorrow before I go to sleep (a little less appealing to me, since it deals with current events and is not something in the distant past that's over and done with). Every day I have to consciously choose to find joy, reject resentment, accept life as it is. Some days that's still VERY hard, and I often cry on the way to work until I'm with a couple of miles of the hospital...at which time I dry my eyes so nobody can tell and go into work, telling jokes and making the other nurses laugh. I don't need anybody to pat me on the head, and say, "Good girl," in order to get me to do what needs to be done. I am a fully-functional, independently responsible, self-directed adult human being, but life still hurts a lot...a lot of the time. And when I'm running as hard as I can, doing as much as possible, if (by some quirk of fate) I need to hear that my efforts (and I) aren't good enough, why, HP is readily available and needs no encouragement from anybody to let me know! I'll say more later, possibly even tonight, but my pt. is delivered and gone and the cafeteria opens in 3 minutes...and FIRST THINGS FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I couldn't remember exactly what you had said, and didn't have time to go back and hunt it down. That's why it wasn't in quotation marks.



Not "not funny." Just misunderstood. My kids are one of the only things where I think, in the end, I done good. I guess it just probed a sensitive spot. I'm laughing at your humor now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Extrapolate, then. I like to do things in order, with a logical sequence. I haven't gotten to "today" yet. You at least know I like a good joke, even if apparently I can't always recognize one when I see it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> People SAY they want an honest exchange of ideas, and then when you say what you think, it's the wrong thing to say! (Present author NOT excluded, by any means! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />) Nobody (that would be me) was trying to make you feel like you had to take your marbles and go home. You can still play in the sandbox with me. And without being accused of interfering. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Good for you. You are most fortunate. I never was able to learn from others' mistakes, preferring to make my own...sometimes over and over again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

In addition to wanting my life story to be an encouragement to people who are in dark spots in their lives, I also thought it might be able to serve as a warning to people (like you) who are able to learn from the mistakes of someone else. In retrospect, I feel like I should've gone through much of life with a flashing orange light over my head--DANGER AHEAD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And a pre-recorded message that repeated over and over, "Children, do not try this at home." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I look at that picture of me that Neak posted (when I was pregnant with her) and it makes me sad...because at one time I was every bit as innocent and wide-eyed as I looked, and had such noble ambitions. All my life, I wanted to marry a preacher, and be a missionary in a faraway country to tell people that Jesus loved them. To have gone, in the space of 2-3 short years, from that idealistic young girl to someone who was willing to attempt a pact with the devil, is something still hard for me to understand and accept. You could never have told me at 20 what I'd be capable of doing at 25. Well, you could've TOLD me, but I'd never have believed you. The person I am today is very hard to surprise with the ability of ANYBODY, no matter how good they look or act, to do things that are supremely stupid, or downright evil. I was certainly annoyed with FWH for treating my daughter the way that he did, but I'd already learned from me that anybody is capable of anything, so I was not shocked by it the way I would doubtless have been if I hadn't already screwed up in much the same fashion. I don't want to get into any arguments with people who disagree with me about this, but IMHO, anybody who tries to say, "I'd never do THAT!" is only fooling themselves.

I'm too tired to attempt further philosophizing. I may even be too tired to figure out whether or not I was successful with the philosophizing I just attempted. Whatever. I'm sure somebody will let me know if I failed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

As indeed, she was. Still there. In labor. At least she was pushing, and we had a baby within an hr. after I arrived. Actually, that worked out quite well for me. I had her during the early part, when she was still comfortable enough to find me amusing, and then got her back just in time for delivery (the fun part) and some breastfeeding teaching, which I also enjoy doing...without having her all those 12 hrs. of tough stuff in between! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It doesn't get much better than that.

t&l

Was just reviewing the last couple wks. of this thread, came across this again, and was struck by its irony.


And you thought just the humor was grotesque!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Let this be a warning to anybody else who might want to suggest that we "peel back" any more of my valuable coverings!

IN MEMORIAM

I had a nice protective shield,
Strong and sturdy--it didn't yield
But curled around me, straight and tall,
And let me lurk behind its wall.

My secrets faithfully concealed,
Mistakes and follies unrevealed;
My hide intact, and not unpeeled--
Behind my nice protective shield.

I've known for years I talk too much,
Of this and that, and such and such.
Introspection? I don't dig it!
I'd rather laugh, and play the idjit.

A question asked--I must reply
Of who, and where, and when, and why.
And bit by bit, the pieces fell
As my poor shield was shot to, um, heck!

The sun burns hot without my clothes.
My skin has turned the deepest rose...
My brain is shot, my blood congealed;
I am SO naked...without my shield.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Rats. I THINK I had one more verse in me, but a pt. just arrived and it's my admit, so I'll guess we'll never know.
Deep sigh of relief all around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. Sorry about all the posts, but it was boring at work tonight and I had a lot of time on my hands. Can you tell? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l;

What do you say about a seemingly intelligent professional 30 year old woman who goes to the emergency room because she feels "sick"... Turns out that she is about to deliver a baby.. at 37 weeks....

We thought she was getting fat but REALLY....

I've heard of teenagers doing this but, trying to hide a pregnancy from parents....

Have you known this to happen?

She claims that she did not know she was pregnant.. Even wore shirts with her stomach- almost- hanging out... I guess that is stylish these days...

What do you have to say about this?

T&L ... you remember the comedian Louie Anderson (now sadly deceased) right?

His gift of humor was great. He had a quick and clever mind. But there came a time I could no longer laugh at his stand-up ... because I came to sense he was really REALLY in pain. Pain that only spoke through sharp barbs of humor he stuck into himself. How can anyone of good conscience enjoy laughing at someone else's pain?

and ... as you may have guessed ... I began to feel your humor is painful expression .... and if I enjoy it ... I then partake in sipping from your hurt for my own benifit....

what do you think of this?

PS ... I dig the poem.

BTW,

Sorry about my threadjack regarding.

It would be perfectly OK with me if you disregarded my post about the PREGNANCY DENIAL altogether...

Honest-to-God truth is what you're looking for, right? OK. I'll tell you. I think you think too much, and read meaning into stuff that doesn't really have any. I could make a joke about how deep down I'm a very shallow person (I sometimes say that to HP when he's being exceptionally annoying), but I don't want to appear to tweak your nose when while claiming to give a serious answer to a serious question; and besides, I'm not actually incapable of either mental or emotional depth. I just get the bends, when I come back up, if I go down too deep in the water. Decompression is time-consuming and difficult. And I'm afraid of sharks. So I'd rather stay on the beach and splash around in the 6-in waves, to continue with the whole nautical metaphor.

All I can do here, I guess, is tell you on my honor, and with as much sincerity as I am capable of, that if I'm really, truly hurting about something, I do NOT make jokes about my pain. I am not a masochist, but what sane person wouldn't rather laugh than cry, if they could choose the one they wanted? In almost every undesirable circumstance, there is something that happens with potential to lighten the mood. At the graveside service of my very dearly-loved mother, I enjoyed a brief-yet-amusing moment standing there by her casket. I loved her no less, nor was my grief IN ANY WAY diminished, by the fact that I acknowledged (if only to myself) that what the preacher did (even if he didn't know it and didn't mean to) was pretty doggone funny.

I'm sorry that what I've said has made you feel guilty (if that's the right word) that you might be finding humor in somebody else's pain. That was certainly never my intention. But from the spot in life where I stand looking at things (not your point of view, I realize), this is really your issue, not mine. I like to laugh. It's important to me that I be able to. I don't have any problem with laughing at myself...as long as I think it's funny. We could ask the girls how well I laugh if something hurts me, or if I'm not amused! When THAT happens, meet Prunella Pruneface. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

You said in the beginning you wanted to "meet" me. Well, now you have, and if it's turned out to be either more or less than you expected (or both, for that matter), at least now you know.

t&l

Egg-zak-lee

it IS my issue

I 100% agree

Thank you. Glad (if somewhat surprised) you liked it. I tend to get very silly between 3AM and 5AM, and I don't know why, but somehow writing a poem suddenly seemed like a really good idea. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Better be careful. We are agreeing WAY too many times in the same day. This is scary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l