Hateful little kids, singing that dumb song on purpose. I'd forgotten all about that until you brought it up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I did NOT sleep well, but the little men with the jackhammers are gone anyway, and While I Was Sleeping the Nameless Horse appears to have trampled the hit parade something fierce and scattered all the horn players to the four winds, so I'm not thinking about those songs tonight either!! Lalalalalalalalalalalala. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I wish I could say that, having made the decision to "turn around," I just did it and steadily marched off in the opposite direction, but as my father was fond of saying (and as I was NOT fond of hearing), "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip." And that certainly proved true for me. We had 4 children within 6 years, 2 months, and 2 days, each precious munchkin brought into a home that (in spite of all my good intentions) was full of conflict. I guess the difference (in me) was that at least by then, I never quite came to the point of completely giving up again, and even though I failed a lot, I still kept struggling. Looking back, I remind myself a lot of a fish on land, flopping around and trying not to die, but just not quite able to make it back into the water. I hate watching fish die. Really. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> It's like looking into a magic mirror and seeing your past self, in Technicolor, 3-D, and surround-sound. Lucky for me I'm a vegetarian, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The workplace calleth, and I've got jobs to do before I leave. MB has been a busy board today and I finally found my 2 stars on the bottom of pg. 2. You have NO idea how much easier that thread is for me to find now that I don't have to read all the little print hunting for the storm clouds. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

BIG parade.

Oh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> And from N <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />-- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />.

I had NO idea. How could I, when I always ran every time I heard the tune?! We night shift workers are always in the dark anyway. That's MY excuse. Neak can come up with her own. She's got the imagination for it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

So, do you think it was a big HIT parade, or a big HIP parade? I'm going with hips, I think.

Well, I've finished eating my extremely-dead baked potato and it's time to put my nose back to the grindstone, my shoulder to the wheel, my hand to the plow, my sails to the wind, my spurs to the horse, my butt to the saddle...Work time. Could anything be more glorious? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Have you ever explained why you work so much?

When do you have fun and enjoy yourself? Or just relax and do nothing?

There's a lot of discussion on here about you going to work, about what you are doing or have done at work and then you go to bed...

I may be missing something though...

Well, it would come up eventually anyway, but in a nutshell it's just that the last 4 years have brought our families a steady stream of extraordinarily bad luck. Thank God for my bad luck, though, because without it I wouldn't have any luck at all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Starting with the embezzlement and destruction of FWH's business in 2001 (with its subsequent bankruptcy), through my mother's death, the almost-certain-to-be-murder of a friend of ours who was going to give us a large sum of money that would help us out because we'd helped him when he was in trouble (and who died on the day he was to meet me to complete the transaction, at which point we discovered that all his money had disappeared mysteriously from his account), and blah, blah, blah, we have just been hit with one financial blow after another.

This presented us with 2 dire and conflicting problems--raising a lot of cash in a short amount of time, and taking care of the very young and the very old in our family. If the girls went out to work, babysitting problems would be present at both ends of the age spectrum. Unless family babysits, the cost of such care quickly becomes prohibitive, especially when you have 6 children, and 2-then-1 oldster(s). Did you know that grandchildren have much more energy than their parents ever thought of? Or, could it be the age of the grandmother compared with her age as a mother? Whatever. I just knew we couldn't afford to pay outsiders to do this, and I was too tired (and the kids were too NOT tired) for me to work nights some of the time and turn around and babysit days, especially so their mothers could go out and make less money than I would if I worked as a nurse for the same number of hours I'd be doing child care. So I concocted the plan, which is working to this point, that Neak and Neaksis would have full responsibility for their grandparents (now just grandpa) and their kids, and I would be the moneygoose, and lay golden eggs. Essentially then, they (and especially Neak) work for me, and I work for the hospitals. Everybody's bills get paid. All the family members who are unable to care for themselves get cared for by other family members. My mother was able to die at home because of Neak's and Neaksis' faithful tending to her, and my father will be able to do this as well. If everybody else were sitting around sipping tea and watching soap operas I'd resent it. But we divvied up the jobs, and they're doing theirs faithfully, so I'm doing mine, too. I don't enjoy it, but so far nobody's come up with a better idea.



Hm-m-m-m-m. Good question. I don't think those words exist on my planet. I hide in the bathroom with a book sometimes. I play around on MB more than I should. I read at traffic lights, while I eat, and often when I'm walking along the street or in the hospital. I seek opportunities for unredeemed silliness wherever I can find it. We went to Disneyland and Universal Studios last year to celebrate Neaksis' kids being adopted. OK, I admit it's pretty pathetic to be using something from last October as evidence of my fun-loving life, but it's what I've got!


How interesting that you should mention that, since I got online to see how much my paycheck was this week so I could balance my checkbook, then I planned post a story from work last night before I went promptly to bed! You know that poem about how "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..."? Well, quite frankly it's not turning out that hot for Susan either! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I am figuring it will take about 3 years of this to square things away. By then I'll be ONLY 60 (OK, that's really scary!!), so there'll still be time for the bungee jumping, whitewater rafting, hot air ballooning, and all the other hairbrained stunts I still want to try. My optimism has lost a bit of its sproing, but I haven't given up yet, and still hope to goof off before I die! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm just afraid that I used up my Official Lifetime Quota of Goofing before I left my teens, and have none left to for my upcoming second childhood. That would be a bummer! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. And maybe Neak will become a famous and extremely wealthy author, and SHE can support my future life of leisure. How about that Neak? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sheesh t&l,

I logged on this morning just to catch up on your thread...and I'm falling on the floor laughing - and I don't have time to finish reading; but had to post this & will come back later.


Neak...is she this funny in person too? If so, stand-up comedy is a must!!! Here I am 45 year old mother of 2 boys, and I've become a t&l groupie!!!

The 76 trombone story.......agh!!!!!!!!! Well, I'll be back!

Do you know how bad you have to be to disgust an OB nurse? Let me tell you--pretty doggone awful! We get peed and pooped on (by both the mamas and their little darlings), puked on, doused with amniotic fluid, sprayed with blood (thank you, Dr., for the wonderfully flamboyant way in which you just cut that umbilical cord), and endure nasal assaults from some really awful secretions and discharges; and all of this is viewed and experience from a somewhat intimate angle, shall we say? And let's not forget the audio accompaniment provided by some very full-lunged women, as an enhancement to the visuals. My point is--we're pretty hard to impress. This is why I've got to hand it to the lady who arrived today just as my shift ended. (I have never seen before anybody come through the door with more drama, more noise, or MORE BODY FLUIDS! I take back the part about having no luck except bad. That timing was EXCELLENT luck for all of us, but especially me, since it would've been my admit, except it was time for me to go home!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was sitting at the desk finishing my charting when there was a lot of noise and ruckus just outside the security door. It opened and we could hear somebody yelling at the department entrance. I turned around (like everybody else within earshot) so see a very pregnant woman come staggering in, screaming bloody murder, until she got just inside the doorway...at which point she leaned over and went, "Blear-r-r-r-r-r-rgh," and emptied her stomach, splat, all over the linoleum. A few more ear-piercing screams, and she doubled the size of her puke puddle to about 3 feet in diameter. At this point, she shrieked again, threw herself onto the floor on all fours, and splashed her arms from her hands up to her elbows into the puddle of vomit she had just made. Then she blear-r-r-r-r-r-rghed again, all over said hands and arms...and managed to spare a glob or two, as well, for the two nurses who'd run to help her. Boy, was I glad I wasn't the nurse who had to help her up and assist her to get to her room, then clean her off before I could put her in bed, so I could finally go and clean myself off, too. I know that vomiting people can't be prissy, and there is always a risk of bad aim, or accidental overspray, but really, there's no need to WALLOW in the stuff, is there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Barf. Oh, yeah, it's already been done.

I just checked out and came home, with a big <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> on my face. What a special morning it turned out to be for me. I was the dog instead of the hydrant. Hubba hubba.

t&l

P.S. I didn't stay to find out whether she was in labor, or had the flu, but I think it's safe to say she had severe nausea for some reason or another! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I've often thought it would be fun to do stand-up comedy, particularly with an obstetrical theme. All the women would be cracking up, and the men would be going, "Huh? WHAT is she talking about?" I would love to do that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Neak and Neaksis are both entertaining, but your best bet is to get the 3 of us together, especially when we're tired. We are absolutely hysterical. Well, we think we're absolutely hysterical anyway!! Neaksis has a bit more public control--could be because she's a bit shy with strangers--but Neak and I cannot be trusted together in public if something happens that's funny. And the more solemn the occasion, the funnier it gets to us. Most parents try to keep their kids well-behaved in church, and I DID value that in principle, but it was the devil to pay if we were sitting together when somebody messed up. And very embarrassing, too, since we'd feel so guilty for snorting in church...all the while snorting away.

Once our pastor, Richard ***, was trying to explain to the congregation how to better understand the Trinity. He said it was like a family, with God the Father, and God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit--each a member of the same one family, each distinctly, individually separate from the others, but still one. As his illustration of this sort of oneness, he used his own family, and said, "In our family, we have *** the Betty, *** the Amber, and *** the [censored]." Hearing a preacher describe himself that way right in church, especially since he often managed to offend members of his congregation with what he said and did and it was sort of TRUE, was so unexpected to me, and I was SO unprepared for it, that I sprayed my lap with spit trying to get down low enough in the pew to be hidden from people around me who heard someone snort and would be turning around to see who this uncouth, irreverent, coarse person could possibly be. And don't think Neak was being any asset it self-control, either!

I'm glad somebody finds this thread funny, too. While it's true that I'm a good object lesson of What Not to Do With Your Life, and this gives my life story value, it's every bit as true (as far as I'm concerned) that in a site like this--where so many people hurt and are discouraged and down--that there's value once in awhile in just being able to laugh a little and to be able to shuck your burden at least as long as you're being amused. I know--this may be a thread without a theme, but it is also The Thread that Multitasks!! Answers all your needs from Angst to Yucks (couldn't think of a z-word) in one handy dandy little package. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

t&l

..pssst....


Zingers

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> You rang?

t&l

Well, it's a good thing I live alone now, 'cause otherwise, everybody in the house would be standing here asking me what so funny!

T&L, maybe you could split your time. Do 2 hours of standup each week and cut down on your birthing stuff. It might bring in the same pay and free you up to spend more time corrupting your grandchildren. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD

At this point, I can think of only 2 times in my life where I behaved well when I was confronted with something funny in public. Both occurred in the hospital. Both involved pts. or their families saying something medically incorrect, and in both situations I would've given offense if I'd laughed. Still, they were VERY close calls for me, and if Neak had been around, too, there's not a chance I would've made it. Why of all the available characteristics I could've honed to perfection in life, a sense of the ridiculous is the only one that I've managed to polish, I'll never know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I only have time to tell one right now, since my pt. is happily epiduralized and I'm taking a break (well-earned) from her angst before I start charting. I'm going to get get out of work today like I was shot out of a cannon, so everything needs to be done before the day shift arrives.

I had taken care of a cute little 15-yr. old all night, but she didn't deliver before I left. We'd had a good time together, though, so when I came back the next night I went over to post partum to visit her and see the baby. Her mother was there, and they proceeded to tell me the WHOLE story of her delivery, how hard it was, how many stitches she had (lots)...everything. Her mother concluded with the following statement. "She tore SO bad it went right through her Volvo." (correct word is vulva) And I'm thinking to myself, "Volvo, huh? Guess that musta ripped right through the old assphalt!" But they were nice and I knew what they were talking about, and most importantly of all, I WAS ALONE when it happened, so I was able to do my snickering after I left the room. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> The other one is longer and I'll save it for later.

Tonight I've been a hydrant. I guess to atone for yesterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I'll tell you my deepest fantasy, something I've kept to myself for years, but will now share with you, my dearest, closest, most intimate friends-I-don't-actually-know. Sometimes, after a really bad night, with really difficult pts., I have an almost-uncontrollable urge to go to a store and be rude to a clerk who will HAVE TO BE POLITE TO ME FOR A CHANGE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Not that my pt. was rude. But when you've got a first-time laborer, one centimeter, crying with pain and begging for an epidural 1/2 hr. into a 12-hr. shift, you don't need a psychic or a crystal ball to tell you it's gonna be a long, LONG time till morning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Would you quit scaring my daughters, please? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

t&l

thndrnlitng -

you said:

"Answers all your needs from Angst to Yucks (couldn't think of a z-word) in one handy dandy little package. "

I was giving you a *Z* word...zingers.....

Ah-h-h-h-h. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I'm a little slow on the uptake here, but excellent choice. Excellent choice. Thndrnltng--Angst to Zingers. Has a nice ring to it.

t&l

You want to know what I want to do? I mean, reallyreallyreallyreally want to do! I'd like to turn my labor and delivery song parody snippets into full-length songs, and record them, like the laryngospasms have done songs about anesthesia (Bre-e-e-e-eathe,"The Little Old Lady with the Fractured Femur). Labor nurses would buy titles like "Put Your Foot on My Shoulder," "Green, Green, Your Fluid's Green," "Hemorrhoids" (to the tune of "Feelings"), "Puffy the Perineum," "Am I Laboring Tonight?", "If I Could Put Pit in Your Bottle," "Red is the Color of Her Pubic Hair" (true redheads are notorious bleeders after delivery, and red pubic hair is a warning to the smart nurse to have Methergine, and possibly Hemabate, in her pocket beforehand),"Ain't No Sunshine When She's One (that would be one centimeter)," etc. Also, something might be done with "Guantanamera"--"Uno centimeter, solamente uno centimeter..." Somebody suggested to me tonight when we were discussing the whole idea that Beethoven's Fifth (Dum, dum, dum, DUM) could be turned into Epi-du-RAL. Etc., Etc. I could play keyboard. Neak and I could sing the songs. We already know the guy with the recording studio. But I'd have to collect the musical scores for all the songs so I could see exactly what silly poetry we could make fit into it, and I just can't seem to get a round Toit, so it does nothing but fester in the back of my mind. But it sure would be fun to do!

Off to bed for Hydrant Susan. I'm pooped.

t&l

P.S. The weepy pt. I spoke about earlier told me I was wonderful when I said good-bye this morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I think the anesthetist, along with the epidural, gave her some rose-colored glasses!! She sure was happier afterwards than she was before... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to sign out for the weekend, unless is Q _ _ _ _ at work Sat/Sun nocs and I have a chance to log on. My DSTBX daughter-in-law is coming tomorrow to spend a day or 2 or 3 with us, and what little wake time I have to be with her, I can't see spending it on the computer. She lives far away and we see her too seldom, and never for long enough, so for a change I'm going to spend some of my non-work time fully-clothed, out of my bedroom, and reacting directly with a real live human being! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Have a nice weekend everybody. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

t&l,

Soon to be ex-daughter in law? Sounds like it could be another story!

Have a restful weekend!

Couldn't resist a quick drive-by snooping on my way to do some online bill paying! Of course there's a story there. Do we do any other kind? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Unfortunately, this one doesn't have a happy ending, unless seen through the eyes of faith (or foolishness, depending on your point of view). I'm going with the faith angle, personally. I refuse to believe that the God who saved Flard's life while he was still a fetus (the whole angel/car crash thing), preserved it just so it could be lost now. Still, I wouldn't mind if God hurried things up a bit!!!!!!!!!! I know this will surprise you, but I have to confess that patience has never been my strong suit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Neak, I'm coming over to your house after I go to the Dr. and get some groceries (not from the Dr.). You need to get off that computer and fix me a treat!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm hungry. Also, I'll call you from Super Wal-Mart for your grocery list, if you've got one made out for me. Then when I get to your house, we can trade. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> This thing needs a batting eyelash emoticon. batbatbatbatflutterflutterflutter...

t&l <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe I should just post a grocery list on here, since your thread multitasks in so many different ways...