I'm still waiting for the rest of MS's story....

Oh, all right. Here's a snippet for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I told you I don't remember a lot of details about the intervening 25 yrs. between the sky of life beginning to turn light and the sun actually coming up. And, it seems, Neak and Neaksis are being RUDE enough to selfishly pursue their own lives and activities instead of slavishly providing, for the thread, details that I've forgotten. Hm-m-m-m-m. That may not be entirely a bad thing, given that some of the things I know they remember are, shall we say, unfortunate--at least from my point of view? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> As you were, girls. Carry on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nine years ago in April, Neaksis was scheduled to go with my parents on a trip back to WI for a reunion of the school where my dad was principal when I was born, as well as a trip to the FARM. It was my favorite place in the whole world, when I was little...much more exciting than Waikiki Beach could ever hope to be! When Neak was 7, she got to go with GM and GP back to the farm, and at almost-18, it was finally Neaksis' turn, too. Once the trip idea was settled, Neaksis started hounding and badgering and bugging me to go along with them. "It won't be any fun without you, Mama,.." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> This harrassment went on for wks. until finally I agreed to go. However, when I said yes, I also told her at that time, and very plainly, "If MS is there, you're gonna be in big, BIG trouble!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The school reunion was for HIS school, too, you see, and I had absolutely no desire to ever cross paths with him again. I kinda liked being somebody's perfect memory--no wrinkles, no fat, no gray, no crabbiness...well, you get my point. I was not enjoying getting older, being at this time just past my 48th birthday, and resentful of the fact that my youth, whatever beauty I'd had, my enthusiasm, my doggone LIFE, blah, blah, blah, blah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h, had been squandered on a man who, although he claimed to "love" me, not only didn't like me but seemed to disapprove of everything I did, including breathing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I had a good thing going being someone's forever-young memory. Why would I have wanted to screw it up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Well, fact of the matter is, I didn't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> But I went because Neaksis wanted me to, and so for the first time in 27 years I ventured back to the place where my train had derailed, so to speak.

Sabbath morning we went to the school gym for church. There we sat with a couple we'd known approximately forever. They were from the farming community where my mother was born, and had been students at the academy when I was born. Now almost in their 70s, they'd been taught by my dad when they were in their teens. They were also the surrogate parents for MS, and had befriended him when he was a child, as I told earlier. I sat next to Neaksis, who was next to my mom, who was next to Es. Es leaned across the two of them to get my attention, and whispered to me, "MS is here. He got in last night." With considerable effort, I returned my bugged-out eyes to their regular sockets, and made some non-committal answer before sitting back in my chair to assimilate this stunning piece of bad news. Neaksis' eyes were bugged out, too, and she whispered to me in turn, "I'm sorry, Mama."

Well, how was I supposed to know that this year, of all years, he'd travel almost 2,000 miles to attend a school function which he regularly skipped? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

DON'T STOP NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

I can't do it right now. I'm a good public speaker, and comfortable talking in a variety of settings, but I am NOT going to get up tomorrow and try to conjure up 45 min. of spiritual edification on the spot!

However, because it made my daughters laugh so much, I will tell you what happened tonight after I came home from Neak's house. HP told me about a recent incident at work. His computer got goobered up, and IT, in the process of "fixing" it, just trashed it so that pretty much nothing worked. But they kept working on it, and eventually they got it repaired so that it was better than it had been before. So he went to the lady in charge and told her this, and that he wanted her to know how much he appreciated her hard work. (Please bear in mind that this a man who almost never acknowledges the work that I do, to say nothing of thanking me for it!) I was listening to this story, and mentally going over the discrepancies, when he said, "You know, she told me, 'Hardly anybody ever says thanks to us. They just chew us out all the time!' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I want to shake your hand." I wasn't going to say anything, but at the end, I just couldn't resist. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> He was SO pleased that he'd made her day by his gratitude, and oblivious to to the discrepancy in the way he'd treated a co-worker to the way he treats me...so I said, "You know, if you told ME 'thank you," I'd give you a kiss." And then went back to what I was doing. I'm busy working away when I hear this voice behind me go, "Thank you." I said, "For WHAT?" and turned around to see him sitting there with this cheesy grin on his face. So I kissed him. And he said, "Thank you." So I kissed him again. "Thank you," said the Tar Baby. Smack! And here I told you the Tar Baby says nothing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

After about the 5th or 6th expression of gratitude, I whacked in him the stomach (after I kissed him) and said, "This thing CAN be abused, you know!" So now he appears every little bit to say thank you. I'm going to bed. All this PDA is wearing me out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I did stay up long enough to hear him tell Neak that red-headed twins were in his family. Give that girl something new to worry about besides OW, the bankruptcy, and the ex-employee trying to sue blood out of their turnip! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

T&L,

I'm still reading, not all of it, mind you, but bits here and there. It sounds like your mister tar baby is not so clueless as you led us to believe.

-AD

thank you for the chapter, but when is the NEXT ONE??????

You mean you're SKIPPING some?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



I'm sorry. I never meant to imply that he is clueless. This is a very smart man. The things he does are deliberate. I no longer choose to be the trout which rises every time he casts his line, but he fishes nevertheless. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I'll try for tonight. In fact, I'll try to finish the whole thing during the coming wk., if I can. Surely it can't be a zoo at work for 6 nights in a row!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I certainly hope when the story's done,I don't turn out to have been a one-trick pony!

Ok. I'll be looking forward to it.

Picking up where we left off, bugged eyes and all...

I was OK during the church service, having had his location pointed out to me (safely across the other side of the gym). I also had the advantage of him in that I knew he was there, while he'd probably have expected to see a space ship land on the stage and beam up the school principal before he expected to see me...so for the next several hrs. I ducked and weaved around the crowd and avoided him with utmost artfulness. They were having some kind of performance thingy in the afternoon, and I was going to sing a song at it, and play the piano for another man to sing a song also. I was sitting on one side of the chapel, waiting for the program to start, when I saw him come in with Es and Wa and sit down on the other.

"Susan," I said to myself, "you're a 48-yr. old woman (I mention my age to myself a lot when I'm giving myself lectures or pep talks!). You're being ridiculous and juvenile to skulk around like this. Go over, say hello, and get it over with." So I got up and walked around behind, and back up the aisle to where they were. I was sure by this time Es had told him I was there, since they ate lunch together, so I just greeted him and told him it was nice seeing him again, and maybe after the program we'd have a chance to visit a bit if he had time. All very matter-of-fact; after all--in my mind, I'd been "over" this for more than 15 years. I was standing (hunched over); he was sitting. I put my arms around his shoulders and gave him a quick hug. Well, it was supposed to be a quick hug. To my surprise, and considerable consternation, he put his arms around me and didn't let go. Believe me, I was not thinking, "How wonderful to be in MS's arms again." I WAS thinking, "Holy cow! Am I ever going to be in trouble if my mother looks across the auditorium and sees THIS!!!!!!!!!!!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> This embrace lasted 3 or 4 interminable seconds, but it seemed much longer to me and I quickly scuttled back to my side of the room--in a much more contemplative mood than I had left it.

After the program he, Neaksis, and I sat for maybe an hr. in the auditorium with people milling all around us and had a well-chaperoned conversation about the past and the present. Don't remember too many things we talked about, but certainly nothing that couldn't be heard by a sheltered teenage girl with ears the size of satellite dishes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I do remember asking him why he had never married and he said that he'd never found anybody he wanted to get married to, and that when he was 37 he quit looking. I let the comment pass without comment, but immediately recognized that that was the year he had sent me the first Christmas card. (He'd continued to send Christmas cards for about 5 years, and then had quit as abruptly as he'd started, so that at this point it had been 5 years or so since I'd heard anything from him.)

It was a pleasant conversation, without any dangerous undertones or currents. MS was no longer Adonis, with the to-die-for physique. He was just a pleasant, middle-aged man with thinning, graying hair and a phsyique that looked like something very small but roundish had already died near his middle, and been safely buried right under his belt, too. Of course, his forever-young image of me was also shot, although at that point the formaldehyde was still working on me and I think I was a still just a bit better-preserved than he was. (The last 10 years have been very aging ones for me, however, while he still looks the same as he did in '96.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I've got to get my pt. gowned, gloved, masked, and otherwise swaddled so she can go to the intensive care nursery to see her 2#12oz. baby before shift change. So I'm off, but I DID keep my promise to write at least a little.

t&l

I appreciate it

If I could remember things better, I'd probably have played these conversations over and over in my mind a lot, but the same poor memory that keeps me from dishing all the gory details now, saved me from a lot of inappropriate and unnecessary brooding back then! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Which is not to say I didn't brood. But it was for a LOT shorter period of time than it ever would've been if I could've remembered more of what I was brooding about!

I say this as prelude to relating that we had at least one more conversation that day, this one standing out in front of the auditorium while hundreds of people milled around. Unfortunately or fortunately, I remember absolutely nothing that was said there, and the above memory is the reason why. When it was time for him to leave for his own class reunion, I said good-bye to him with the idea that I wouldn't see him again. He gave me another of those hugs whose length exceeded my comfort zone (that would be after approximately 2 seconds, in case it matters!), and after a few moments I stepped back. As I did that his hand slid down my arms (I'll have you know those arms were safely covered by a shirt, and jacket, AND a leather coat made from a dead real cow! It was WI in April, and COLD!) to my hands, which he held in both of his as I continued to back up until finally only our fingertips were touching and then fell away.

I believe I've said that I've pretty much had fantasy and googly-eyed romanticism ground out of me by the realities of my life. What came to mind as this was happening was to wonder how on earth, I (of all people) came to be in a movie scene of such overpowering sentimentality. I was briefly grateful I wasn't diabetic, or I'd have need a quick dose of insulin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> OK, Pep, if you're still stopping by the thread, THERE is an example of humor masking pain--not now, but back when it happened. I was headed straight for a brick wall, and still making jokes 2 feet from impact.

So I went back to my folks, and watched the students trounce the alumni in basketball. They say that age and guile beat youth and inexperience, but not every single time, let me tell you. In the morning we were set to go to the farm (about 100 miles away), where we planned to spend a few days visiting relatives and staying with EsWa at their home. Nobody bothered to tell me the night before we left that MS was going there for a visit, too, nor that he'd be staying at the same house we were at. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I'll try to come back soon, if it stays Q _ _ _ _, but right now there's food up front, and you know how I feel about priorities! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Are you coming over today? I still have cobbler, you know, and I certainly haven't been eating it very fast. Yes, it is straight up bribery to get you to come over and finish your story. Either this happened more than once (ha!), or there was a lot to this that you INADVERTENTLY FORGOT (HA!!!!) to tell me.

Keep the those little rats out of the cobbler (that would include all SIX of the darlings, too. Tell 'em it's Noah's and she's gonna be cranky if it disappears before she gets there!) I'll be there momentarily.

No story-finishing right now, though. Your dad is taking me out to dinner. Actually, he's going to dinner himself to kill time while he waits for the computer guy to be available at 6PM, and since I'm going to be in the same town going to work, he's probably afraid I'll catch him feasting solo if he doesn't include me. As far as the accusation of keeping secrets--I have no idea what you're talking about! I'm an open book. Written, unfortunately, in gibberish...but the book itself is wide open. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Hi,
Has anyone seen Pep lately?

Glad Neak seems to be doing really well.

T&L,
Three years is a long time to work like that. I admire you for it, but I am thinking........ well, for now, Lets just say I hope you take your vacation time for vacations, and not anything else.

No, I was not like neakbro, I didn't take things apart just to see what made them tick. That was my little bro. He still does it. Now though, he manages to get some of them back together.

I Faithful was right, I like to ask questions to get people to think about things they say, and sometimes light goes on, and sometimes I help.

You are an interresting person, but you don't give any thing away about WHO YOU ARE NOW.

Perhaps If I listen to the journey, I will get it anyway.

SS smiles, clocks out.

You told me at the time that there was a forest. Now you are listing the trees.

Don't be silly. Vacations are time for catching up on the stuff I can't get done because I work so much. I may take my Dad to Hawaii at the end of Oct. to attend the 50-yr. reunion of the Class of '55. However, being away from work isn't necessarily a vacation. If we do this, I will have taken my folks (now only dad) back to HI 4-5 times in the last 8 yrs. or so, without putting so much as a single toe in the water even once. And not because of my shark phobia, either! I still owe CSue (I think) a vacation post, but really the only actual do-nothing vacation I've had in the last 8 yrs. was after I had surgery and couldn't go back to work for 6 wks. so I took a multi-state trip by myself. Now THAT was a vacation. It's coming up in the Saga soon.


Your mother thanks you. What she said about your brother is, in all probability, entirely another matter!!!


Certain things about me NOW should be extrapolatable (I know, I just made that up, but use it anyway) just from what you've heard so far: determined, resilient, helpful towards others, devout-though-imperfect, humorous in a self-deprecating-and-possibly-grotesque way, etc. I'm a linear sort of person, and since we're telling a story, I'm plowing through it from beginning to end, with grimly-determined resilience. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I don't have the time, even if I had the inclination, to wander down every (or any) side path in search of myself. If, when I finish, somebody still wants to ask questions, I'll gladly entertain them (there are still some cookies and milk left over from entertaining the marriage-improvement advice!). But I want to finish this for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I ordinarily do not allow my mind to even ENTER this neck of the woods, to say nothing of wandering around admiring the trees, flowers, cute little animals, and the rest of the verdant sylvan scenery. You know, it just occurred to me--if we're here in the deep forest, where'd all these blasted sharks come from anyway? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> My metaphors apparently are becoming confused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The cobbler is singing its siren song. And there ARE all those kids around there. I'm going to go and get my serving while there's still some to serve!

t&l

Interesting that we should simultaneously make use of that metaphor, since I was busily making a forest scene of my own without knowing what you'd written. Let's see: oak (hard to cut), redwood (tall-in-a-short-kind-of-way, sturdy, thick around the middle), pine (not affected by seasonal changes and can survive and even thrive both in the sun and the snow), spruce (blue, considering the Saga <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />), maple (if I'm going to lose my leaves, it might as well be colorful and beautiful), royal poinciana (wonderful flowers at least once a year), golden or rainbow shower (then the beautiful flowers all fall off on the ground and DIE!!!!!!!!!!). Please tell me you don't want to meet each petal individually! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

One more thing T&L,

You are smarter than you will admit to.

SS smiles some more. It's a warm friendly smile. A chuckle slips out.

BTW, I am not disupting what you say, it makes sense.

I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride, and try to remember not to say "thank you" when I'm in the same room as you.

You don't mind teasing, do you?

Neak, does she take teasing well?

SS

Hi SS, she ALWAYS takes teasing well if she knows it's teasing, and usually takes it ok even if she's not sure. You are right, too, in that she is very smart. OtherSusan the Stupid has become OtherSusan the Terrifyingly Intelligent and Powerful Woman. Megalithic was an apt description, though she still tends to see herself as Mild-Mannered Clarkina Kent.