Good point, AD. I'm hoping she just sent him an email directly and that's why she forgot to respond here???? I'm tattling a bit now, but Neaksis actually squealed when she saw that he had crept back onto MB for a moment and honored the list of feminine hygiene products with his presence.

Oh, and LetSTry, you are pretty close, but we're bound to be a ways north. Depending on just where you are, it's probably 2-3 hours from here, though compared to Hong Kong or Britain, that's pretty close.

neak, I figured that, but I meant relatively close, though in cyberspace, what difference does it really make? I once attended an Adventist women's conference with an Adventist friend near Yosemite, not far from where I live.

t&l, Hope neaksis' DS#1 is okay.

Okay, that's it, I'm gonna shut up and listen again. As one of the 6000+ I wanted to let you know I've been enjoying your saga and like others, find it inspiring, as well as fun reading. BTW, I'm a nurse, too, but in a different type of work.

I'm glad. It was a fortuitous accident, but I'm glad anyway!

t&l

Thanks for the post about the grains. Somehow I don't consider you and yours to be the least of the least. You are pretty important to many besides God.

Really important. You can count on it.

I listen to the news coming out of the south, and I am in awe. We pray for those affected, and we ready supplies to be sent, but it seems like so small a contribution.

T&L, You are doing a good work (in my eyes) I pray for your success also. I pray for your happiness.

It has been interresting to see Susan grow (as her story has unfolded.) Makes me smile. Necessarry for all of us.

SS

It was taken a few years ago at the Nuuanu Pali on Oahu, where the winds are so strong that I have heard (urban legend vs. fact) on at least one occasion before we left in 1966, that a suicide jumper leaped off the cliff and was blown back up onto solid ground again. If you're visiting the Pali, skip the hair grooming until you leave. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Ignore them? Are you kidding? When I first read what he had written, I so gleamed with joy I accidentally burned 3 nurses who wandered too close to me before the initial excitement wore off. Even now, several days later, I'm still radioactive enough to serve as my own night light, and pass safely through the darkness in the soft glow of myself! Ignore them, indeed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I emailed him directly to say thank you, but just didn't get around to posting anything here in a timely fashion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


Color... Color... Ah, yes, that would be what my hair used to have before it started going gray. Most of the gray is on the top, which (in the picture Neak posted) was well-covered by having everything else stand on end. A few months back at work, one of the obstetricians was sitting across the desk from me, and with my hair pulled back and clipped up, with fluorescent lights shining on the top of my head, the gray just glows. She kept looking at me and I couldn't figure out why, until she finally asked, "Susan, how do you get those beautiful silver highlights in your hair?" "Um, Dr. B--it's gray hair. I just let it grow!" I tried to color it once, hoping to restore its deep chestnut brown hue, but I left it in too long and ended up with Bar Floozy Black down to my waist. All I would've needed to complete the image would be a glass of whiskey and a cigarette voice. No matter what they say, that stuff DOES NOT wash out in X# of washings, and I was left with this really humiliating head of hair for a very long time. That was my only foray into hair coloring. (My daughters laughed at me, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)


I DON'T know exactly what's inside his head. Didn't I say someplace that he was incomprehensible to me? If I didn't, I should've. My bad. Let me say it now. Nobody in this family, possibly nobody in the whole world, understands what's in that man's head. Including him. Now that doesn't mean I don't understand certain things about him, what his template is, how he looks at people and events...but to understand why is beyond me. MB is big on personal boundaries. And I said before that after years of effort, I finally reached mine. No matter how much I talk about maintaining a good attitude, being kind, loving for Jesus' sake, and-so-on-and-so-forth, the fact of the matter is, on a deep and personal level, I really don't like getting shot down. So I quit flying my little plane over the anti-aircraft batteries. Makes sense to me!



If only there were 100 positive things in which to bury the negatives! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> See, he views life generally through jaundice-colored lenses. No rose-colored glasses for HIS family. They all bring to life the attitude that the world is out to get them, and in order to keep that from happening they need to "get" the other guy first. Becoming a part of their family was a reality check for the idealistic little missionary girl, let me tell you!

I just went down to throw clothes in the dryer and found out I've not no fabric softener sheets, so it's off to the market for me. Right after I get out of my pj's. After all, it's almost 1PM. I think it's time. I'll be back, because I want to respond to all the questions and comments that have been piling up the last wk. while I was busy.

t&l

I'm not trying to imply that he goes around all day every day, rubbing his hands together and muttering in his beard (not a metaphor--he has a beard), "Hah! That woman is another day closer to the red-hot flames. Good. Good." I don't even necessarily think he thinks of it every time I do something of which he disapproves (working extra, giving somebody some money to help them out, visiting the girls on my night off instead of staying home so I can be in the vicinity while he does what he does when I'm NOT there--watches TV, plays the guitar, or messes around with the computer,etc.). But I can know the underlying attitude is still there regardless of whether or not it is said. Why? Simply because I haven't changed and started doing what he told me to do, and until I do (hey, did you hear that [color:"red"]censored [/color] just froze over?), his assessment of my future will still be there, even if it's never openly expressed again. I could give you a number of examples where after long periods of time, in a variety of situations, some attitude like that has flared to the surface after seeming to be dormant, or even extinct. But I want to finish the Saga some time, so I'm going to defer this until afterwards, or for good, if nobody's curious when the Saga ends at last!

t&l

I'd like to read the rest of the Saga....

I'm trying to be patient.

Neaksis thinks it's the "feminine hygiene products" label that gets people curious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Whatever it was that drew you, not only am I glad you're here, but I'm extra glad to know that it is helpful to somebody. That was my whole purpose in having my colonoscopy in such a public format, and I'd hate to have had it all be for nothing!



If you're close to Yosemite, you're close enough. I live in a little town called Burson in Calaveras County. Should you ever chance to drive through it, try not to have an eye twitch while passing by, or you'll miss it completely!

t&l

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> 5 hours? Really? Wow! I had no idea I'd been so wordy.



Let me say again, thank you for everybody's encouragement. I've wondered at times why I kept on doing this, especially when longish periods of unilateral postings went by without any response from anybody except family members. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I guess because it reminded me too much of trying to have a conversation with my husband. Different Tar Baby, same response, you know? So to have 2 unexpected encouragements to continue arrive back to back on this thread like that was a very special thing to me, and I appreciate it very much, as I also appreciate the people who come on here fairly regularly and chat with me for a bit. Please know that if I have had a beneficial effect in any way upon any of you, you all have done every bit as much for me, and more.

t&l

It's a long story. Could tell it after the Saga, although you might not want to see pictures. Well, you're a nurse. YOU might not object, but not everybody would want to, I don't think! He has a variant of Goldenhar's Syndrome, oddly enough not the result of his biological parents' drug use. It has left him with an asymmetrical face, among other things. Two years ago,the MDs at Stanford did a jaw distraction where they broke the short leg of his mandible (under anesthesia, of course), inserted a plate and a screw which stuck out of his jaw, kinda like Frankenstein's monster. After 4 days of initial healing, every day Neaksis had to rotate the screw completely 2 times, for a period of about 14 days. After the bone had been stretched about _____ that much, the screw was removed and the plate remained in place until new bone had formed and solidified so that the plate itself could be removed a few months later. Yesterday was a checkup to see how everything was going. Further surgery will probably be done when he's in his teens, but just that much made a significant difference in his appearance. He's a very handsome little boy--takes after his biodad--but there was just something "off" about the way he looked before surgery, and now it's only minimally noticeable. I went because I'm supposed to ask the medical questions, if there are any...although I'm not sure how much good I was yesterday since after being up for 18 hrs. I spent the first part of their MD consultations passed out cold in the van. But I also go because traffic is so bad, and Neaksis is a country girl who finds Bay area traffic intimidating. They told him after they fix his jaw a second time they'll do a fat transplant (from his abdomen) on that side of his face to plump his cheek out like the other. I WANT TO BE THE DONOR. I've ALWAYS wanted to be a fat donor. "Say, DS#1, how come one side of your face is so much bigger than the other? I mean, that cheek is HUGE." "Uh, I needed a fat transplant and my grandma was the donor!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So why did you become a nurse? I've been asking around lately at work because we've had so many bad nights, with difficult patients, both in their attitudes and their level of sickness. Nobody I know can remember why anymore. I guess it just seemed like a good idea at the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Let me say again, thank you for everybody's encouragement. I've wondered at times why I kept on doing this, especially when longish periods of unilateral postings went by without any response from anybody except family members. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I guess because it reminded me too much of trying to have a conversation with my husband. Different Tar Baby, same response, you know?

We all work, mow the lawn, take care of our kids, grandkids, and so on just like you do. Scheduling being what it is, and my W always coming first, I don't always post here when I would like to post.

Never think people don't care, because we do.

Also, sometimes I just read, and think. Until I finish thinking, I can't make the post come.

SS chuckles....

Sometimes even when I think it doesn't come out really good, but then, I do the best I can.

Yes, you are important. Never forget that. After all, if the sparrow can't fall to the ground without him knowing, how much more important are you to him? And to us, your fellow travelers.

I'm still thinking about you and HP.

You know of course that God still can, and does perform miracles. You know he can do it in your marriage. You don't know how, if, or when it would come about.

If God was to begin such an event, he might very well involve you. He does that..... quite often.......very quietly. If he was to begin it, how would you know it, and how would you know what your part was to be? Would he send an angel? Would he whisper it to your heart? What do you think? Please understand, I am not teasing you about this. After all the miracles he has performed in my life, I am sure he can do the same for anyone else.......that being you.

Would he perhaps use something like this web site, and this information that has helped so many others enrich and improve their marriages? If this was true, would you feel it in your heart while you read it?

Oh,
And sorry for making you think even more, and for asking you to respond. I know how limited time is - I still cringe when I think about the hours you work.

God be with you.

SS

Maybe I should copy and paste that from AD's thread, so people know what you're talking about. I wasn't trying to make a statement of actual worth. Jesus' death on the cross is the ultimate, and only, statement about how genuinely valuable each human being is. But don't you have days, too, where you feel pretty insignificant, and wonder what and why and when or if? I just think God was trying to reassure His people that not even the smallest, loneliest, most obscure person who belongs to Him, will ever be unseen by HIS eyes, regardless of how the world views them, or even how they view themselves. There's another thing that gives me joy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

t&l

AD--

No jokes for you today. But I prayed for you and opened my son's (temporarily!) abandoned Bible to find a text for you. Here's what it turned to, in Amos 9:9...

"For, lo, I will command, and I will sift the house of Israel among all nations, like as corn is sifted in a sieve, yet shall not the least grain fall upon the earth."

The Israelites were going to be separated from each other, and scattered among the nations, with such thoroughness that it would be like being sifted in a sieve. It would seem to them that God had abandoned them, and that all was hopelessly lost. And yet in that separation, and all their trials to come, God promised that not even the "least" of those who truly belonged to him would be lost in the process.

We have troubles like that today, too. Often. I claim this promise pretty much every day when I pray, and tell God, "Lord, we're not famous, not rich, not special to anybody but each other and you. We're the least of the least of your grains. Don't let us fall to the ground, and be lost. The Bible says that you won't let it happen. I believe you meant what you said, and claim this promise for myself and those I love, in the name of Jesus."

And then THIS particular least grain goes on about her business with a considerably more cheerful heart than the one with which she started. I LIKE being a "least grain." Well, when it's one of God's grains, I do!

Prayers coming your way...

t&l

Yes I have days too, I know (and knew) what you mean, I just hate to leave statements like that alone when I know the peson that wrote them has such great worth.

It was just my way of getting my $.02 in.

And Yes, I believe you are right about what God was trying to say, and I agree with it.

I am a parent, and a grand parent, and I love them all, but I am still amazed at God's love. It's wonderful that he can do it though. I am glad. Wish I could pay it back, though I know I cannot.

SS

It's been quite awhile now, but there was once a time when I expressed something about being surprised people were so interested in me when there was so much genuine seeking for help going on at this site. I felt quite crushed when I got Peppered with the observation that a boy cow had just pooped on my thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smacked my knuckes so hard, she did, that I had bruises for weeks. So I've been a little leary since then about saying anything that might be seriously construed as grotesque self-deprecation, and with the above comment, wanted to make my point as clearly as possible. Having said that, it still surprises me that people are interested in this way. I've flown below the radar for so many years that this much public attention just feels odd. I think I should be able to feel odd if I want, don't you?! Or is that odd?


Yes, you can. I know how. And I'll tell it to you, too! Read Isaiah 53:11, the first part. That chapter has just finished telling about the sufferings the Savior would endure for us--despised, rejected of men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, not esteemed, bearing OUR sorrows, stricken, smitten of God, afflicted, wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, (with) the chastisement of our peace upon him, the iniquity of us all laid upon him, oppressed, brought as a lamb to the slaughter, taken from prison to judgment, cut off out of the land of the living, to make his grave with the wicked. And after all that trauma and grief comes the kicker--"He shall see of the travail (labor, as in childbirth--no epidural) of his soul, and shall be satisfied."

So there you have it. His payment is you. Each one of you. Of us. When all this mess is over, He will look at us, the fruits of His painful labor, and the Bible says He'll be satisfied. Nobody can EVER get more valuable than that. Be joyful!

t&l

I've been online now for 5 hrs. and 40 minutes today, although not every minute has been spent at the computer. Still, that's a whopping amount of time, and I need to leave for work in less than 2 hrs. So I'm going to leave the last part of your questions for later.

But in response to the snippet I quoted, let me say, yes, I DO know that God can perform miracles, even in this marriage. And that's why I stay around...because if the moment ever comes when human cooperation finally lets God work, I want to be in the area at the time so I can enjoy it, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Last post of the afternoon. Scout's honor!

I've been spending WAY too much time on MB, even before today's marathon. How do I know? Funny you should ask. I was just going to tell you! Yesterday en route to Stanford, we talked to Neak a bunch of times by cell phone. During one of these conversations, I wanted to say something to her about her sister, and with the sister in question sitting right there beside me, I called her "Neaksis" instead of her real name...which she's had for only 26 years, 11 months, and 2 wks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I'm thinking it'll be awhile before I live THAT one down!

Earlier in the Saga, I told you how MS was wounded severely in Viet Nam just 2 wks. before we were to meet in Hawaii for a well-chaperoned and chaste (see "well-chaperoned") 2 wks. together. For fourteen years after I left for college, I never returned to Hawaii, and with my children, my parents, my job, my life all here on the mainland, I'd pretty much outgrown my attachment to the place where I grew up. That is, until I had the chance to return with my parents for a visit when the kids were small, and when we flew over the islands, to see that deep blue water becoming lighter and lighter, turning to turquoise and then to white waves pounding the sand, my sense of homecoming was as profound as it was unexpected. Poor HP backed himself into a corner on that one, and ended up babysitting all four kids while I went off on vacation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Even if we could've taken all the kids with us, I really woudn't have wanted him to come along. I never had any desire for him to go to Hawaii with me. Ever. My guess is that it was because of the aborted trip with the man I really wanted to show my home sights to, and if I couldn't share it with him, I wouldn't share it with anybody else either. So when we sent my folks to Honolulu for their 50th wedding anniversary trip, but didn't tell them that 17 of us were going along to celebrate it with them, I never objected when HP decided he didn't want to go but would stay and "keep an eye" on things.

I've gone several times since then so that my parents could go to some Hawaiian Mission Academy function or another. He's never gone. I've never invited him. Why would I when he always turns me down anyway? I just enjoyed the week to 10 days when I couldn't be complained at...if I left my cell phone off. However, for some hairbrained reason which I can't explain, I got to thinking that I should ask him if he wanted to go in October when I take my dad to the '55 reunion. It's all MB's fault. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> After weeks of thinking about it, I finally asked him one morning on the way to church if he'd like to go to Hawaii since I was paying for the trip. And what did the Tar Baby say? That's right, boys and girls. You got it right! The Tar Baby said nothing. See? You're getting acquainted with the Tar Baby, too. It really annoys me when he does that, which he also knows very well.

However, I didn't say anything, dropped the subject immediately, and went back to reading. Maybe 3 wks. later, I girded up my mental loins again, and asked him another time if he wanted to go. He did answer this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I know. I was as amazed as you are! He said, "I don't know." A response. Whee. Finally this last wk. I was getting to the point where I really have to make reservations, and I had prolonged mental debates with myself about whether or not I should ask a 3rd time. I mean, how hard should you have to plead with a person to take an all-expense-paid trip vacation to Hawaii? And besides, I've mentioned (just today, even) that I really hate getting shot down. However, I eventually bit the bullet and asked him one last time if he wanted to go.

He told me, "Well, I guess I could...as long as there aren't going to be any children along. You and your dad are OK." Such graciousness overwhelms me, let me tell you! The cockles of my heart were so warmed, in fact, that several of the little devils actually burst into flame <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, and several days later, I still carry about on me just a whiff of charcoal.

Now what am I going to do? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I hope you guys are SATISFIED!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I thought you weren'tgoing to write anymore tonight! Nearly gave up.

But I'm listening...