<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> We now return my eyeballs to their regularly-scheduled sockets. I see Neak is online looking at a list of posts. I hope somebody's around to catch her when she keels over. We've been teasing her a LOT about having twins this time around, and she's getting really paranoid! Or, as we say around our house when you get too paranoid, quadranoid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It's not too bad tonight, although the night is young...even if the nurse is old. Hope to be on later to fluff up my Saga. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. Neak, since you're goofing off online anyway, so you can't tell me you were too busy or too sick <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />, howzabout Baby Yoda Lina and The Ears. Reminds me of when my friend and I went to Vegas for a class, and did the Star Trek Experience. We had our pictures taken and inserted into a cast photo. I was next to Spock, and looked like his cousin! Only mine were real. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'll have to look for that and see if I can get Neak to post it at the same warp speed she has brought to everything else! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Neak, I am glad you are doing better. It is so difficult to see someone we love having such a hard time. I was so worried when my W struggled with the twins. She wanted to give them a good start, but she fought staying down like the Doc asked her to. She, like you and your mother are "doers' and she hated it.

I have a lot of respect for what you are doing, even (as I said) though I never went through it.

What a wonderful blessing it is that our mothers were willing to endure it for us. It takes a while but someday your children will know and will thank YOU.

Anyway, I am glad you are doing better.

SS

OK! OK! My mistake! Not flufh. Not fluph. Not Fluff. Not!

I mistook something for fluff in my sleep-deprived delirium.

-A (fluffy) D

I know which thread you refer to. I'm just a lurker there and have often wondered at they way conversation seems to go on around most of the VERY profound or funny or profoundly funny posts you've made there with nary a reference to your presence. It amazes me, actually.

Since I've never been one of the "beautiful people" I've gotten used to being ignored in real life... cliques are so unenjoyable to those that aren't part of them.

I've been following your thread for a few weeks now, and I think you are one of the most amazing people I've had the privilege of meeting - either in RL or cyberspace. I wish a happily ever after for you - and I think, with the loving family that you have, you already have that, no matter what the tar baby says.

That, of course, doesn't mean I don't have any opinions about what you've revealed here (I'm just FULL of opinions - and I'm always happy to share them!), but I am trying to prevent them from gelling until we get the rest of your side of the story... I'm sure that you're just waiting with bated breath to hear what *I* have to say. Well, I have been on this forum for quite some time... some would call me one of the "old timers". That's just short for "don't have enough of a life to leave the MB Forums for good" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Can't wait now, can you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

T

Well, while we're waiting for "the rest of the story", can't we brainstorm ways for t&l to bring the clam out of his shell?

For instance, make up her face like a clown, and be peeling potatoes with her back to him as he walks into the kitchen....then, look at him as if nothing is unusual and give him a big grin.

If he goes to sleep in the recliner, give his toenails a nice coat of bright red nail polish.

Or, since she's had a hysterectomy, paint a face on her body, complete with false eyelashes on her....um, eyes, and walk into the bedroom, naked.

Any of these will get some kind of reaction! Believe me....I know! Just don't ask how I know!

Amazingly enough, as soon as I posted that she went offline and now won't answer the phone. I'd hypothesize about what she might possibly be doing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, but I don't want to go blind. I'm at work and I do have to drive myself home in the morning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I'm telling you, one day enough's gonna be enough and I'm gonna fire that girl and hire somebody else to do daughterly deeds. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Will be on later tonight. Thanks for the posts. Lately I haven't been ignored as much on that anonymous thread, which has been great fun for me. Maybe I should tell you guys, too, about Little Miss BombA$$ P***y, a very famous pt. in this department who had the whole words tattooed in large letters on her abd. with an arrow pointing in the right direction. Good thing I didn't have false teeth, or I'd have dropped them right on her under-buttocks pad when I pulled the cover back to do an exam! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Signed,

Pluhghee

To tell the truth, probably just seeing me in the kitchen peeling a potato would probably be more than enough to send him over the brink. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I work. That's it. No cooking, except for some rare and special occasion. Fortunately, he knows how to cook and is perfectly capable of doing that himself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Or, as an alternative, I could cook, and he could go out and work 72 hrs./wk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Oh, you saw those snowflakes in "censored", too, huh? Thought I'd save the monitors the trouble, so I bleeped myself.

Pluhghee, formerly t&l (What really happened is that there was a misfire, and I accidentally struck myself with my own lightning. Now all those long hairs are standing on end. Voila! Instant Phluhghee.)

Your talking about trying surprise seduction moves on HP reminded me of this snippet I posted on Neak's seduction thread about 3 months ago, in which I imagined his reaction if I tried to put some moves on him. Have to be careful what I say on a thread where my daughters and my DIL will read it. Wouldn't want to put them off their feed for the rest of their lives by talking about S-E-X in their preceding generation. Besides, there's nothing to talk about. If my life depended on it, I couldn't tell you how long it's been. Years, at least. And no, it wasn't my idea. Now that's all I have to say about the subject. Girls, you may unplug your ears, uncover your eyes, and stop going "lalalalalalalalalala" now! I'm finished. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> This younger set is SO dang delicate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />




Sound of door opening, revealing t&l in full middle-aged splendor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> "Hey, there big guy, how'd you like to-- Yes, I mean you. The one with the <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> look on your face." Saunters seductively towards the bed in an undulating movement (necessitated by the rolls of fat, you understand). "Guess what I'm gonna do to you, you big hunk of burning...Hey! Are you OK? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Why have your eyes rolled back in your head that way? Did you know that purple isn't your most flattering skin tone?
M-E-D-I-C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does anybody know CPR?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Nice flufh!

Thanks being sent to the Phluhgher <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

From

Phluhghee

As good an explanation of the little puhghs of phluhgh floating around this thread as anything I could've come up with on my own! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

phlughee

This kinda reminds me of the cat the kids had that they named Milo, only it was spelled Meighlough, the Rough, the Tough, through and through. Ain't English grand?

I'm not sure I've got a formula. I have discovered that people deal with pain in an almost-infinite variety of ways. Take my second-son-third-child, Flard, who, after the multiple miscarriages, began to insulate himself from the prospect of pain by rejecting others before they could reject him...God, his wife, etc. He admitted as much to me a few months back, although he phrased it as "not being the whole answer." Trust me, if that boy admitted to it being any of the answer, it was a lot of the answer. So he became an atheist, at least in part, to protect himself from a God who had allowed him to be hurt this way. Unwilling to bear the possibility of future rejection from his wife, he drove her away first. Do unto your wife before she can do unto you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Pain management via pre-emptive strike! There a lots of others like him, (and MS, for that matter) who drive away the people who are close to them and voluntarily isolate themselves geographically. Surrounded by people they manage to remain alone.

Some, like certain nameless-but-not-unheard-of individuals,in dealing with real past trauma (as opposed to imaginary future trauma) stay where they are, but withdraw from intimacy on any personal level, keeping it safely in the imagination and under control.

I already tried the lock-it-in-a-box-and-put-it-away method. Most of the Sad Saga of OtherSusan the Stupid is a direct result of the failure of THAT, where I did dumb things in trying to convince myself that I didn't hurt any more, or to distract myself (like a smashed finger would direct your attention away from your headache!), or mask the pain. I'm not recommending these methods to anybody else, mind. I'm simply acknowledging that they exist.

Through the twists and turns of the Saga, I finally came to accept that pain would always be with me. I will always be sorry, on some level, for the loss of the life I once hoped to have. And oddly enough, it gets increasingly poignant with the passage of time--less sharp, but more sad, if that makes any sense. I don't try to hide it, or to hide from it any longer. I don't try to pretend it doesn't exist. Every day of my life, pain is there on the sidelines, trying to woo me into its lethal embrace--fluttering its eyelashes and wearing nothing but a come-hither smile while it does a seductive pole dance. Wait. Wrong metaphor. A naked girl pole dancing wouldn't lure me anywhere. What would be attractive to me? Hm-m-m-m-m-m. Let me think....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Snug, low-riding blue jeans. A white tee shirt. Tall. Nice muscles. A dimple in its chin. Blue eyes. Nice hair (we middle-agers are very susceptible to hair!). Bare feet. Deep,intimate voice............................................Sigh-h-h-h. Huh? Oh, hi, everybody. Are you all still here? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Ahem, SO sorry about that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Where were we? Ah, yes. The allurement of pain. It can be very addictive to take long wallows in your (real, legitimate, genuine) pain. I'm not trying to minimize, diminish, or show any lack of respect for the situations of anybody who posts here. I have been overwhelmed at times by the quantity and level of pain that is expressed in this place. But I found that, for myself, as long as I held onto my right to feel hurt, I never got better, never moved forward, never changed, never reached acceptance of the way my life turned out.

It doesn't happen overnight. God knows I tried! But every day you can choose somehow, I think, not to be consumed by your pain, your grief, your loss, your general sense that life in general (and your life in particular) is nothing but a big load of fertilizer, and nary a rose bush in sight! You can decide not to succumb to the pain's seduction, to resist the temptation to go over to it and engage in some flirtatious talk and a slow, cheek-to-cheek dance or two. And over time, it does become easier to make that daily decision, just like practicing the piano let me progress from one finger to two, to one hand to both hands, to all fingers all over the keyboard (loud!). It's not easy, and it's wonderful if you can have the help and support of other people along the way. But it can be done, and in the long run, you can survive...and even thrive, in spite of what has happened to you.


Please tell me this isn't an instructional, how-to manual! That would not be helpful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />



I understand this. I'm not going to tell you right now about the weekend I decided to kill myself (while I was still in nursing school in 1968, not last week or anything!) because there are doctors around right now who keep wanting to use the computer, and even though it's a short story I don't want to have to quit in the middle for somebody whose priorities are higher on the professional totem pole than mine! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I also admit that I think, even now, maybe especially now, that being dead wouldn't be all that bad as a career option. Dying is kinda scary sometimes, but being dead is a snap. Living is what's hard!!!!!!!!!!!

t&;

This department runs almost the length of a city block. I'm at one end; the lady delivering is at the other. Boy, does she have a good set of lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I could swear she was sitting right here in my lap for her delivery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Which must be over, since it just went blessedly silent around here!

Gotta go. Will return after my nap. Phluhgh van Winkle, over and out.

t&l

You know..........

This is the "comfortiest" thread around here, in spite of the title which we have no control over...and talk of suicide, among other things!

Agrrrrr...I just wish I hadn't been so busy to hang around more and chat - which by the way I enjoy the breaks from the saga, to chat!

Kind of like not wanting a very good book to end just yet - sort of a grieving process when it does.

So anyhow everyone....keep up the good work! It's fun to be here!

Don't worry about this ending. We write a new chapter every day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well, when I did the face-painting on my body thing, and then did the "undulated moving" thing (also necessitated by the rolls of fat), I had a similar experience, except that my H turned bright red and dang near fell off the bed laughing.

After he recovered, he managed to gasp out, "I never thought about your scars making your belly look like a face!" The scars were my smiley-face hysterectomy scar and my gall-bladder scar that stops right beside my belly button and looks sorta like a nose.

Then, the next thing he wanted to do was rip the false eyelashes off......nope, wasn't gonna happen! I retired back to the bathroom to GENTLY remove them.

'Course all this happened before he fell in love with Cafe Woman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Well, it certainly comforts me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Glad to hear I'm not the only one. I think it's neat to have a place where you can say what's on your mind (even phluhphee thoughts!), question authority without penalty, and be amused as well.

OK, before I go to bed, I'm going to throw this question out for somebody who has a clue about computers in general and the MB board in particular. When I posted the last 2 posts, I must've done something weird, because they are so wide that the words run off the screen on either side. I can't read it without making the screen go back and forth. All the other pages are fine. It has to have something to do with the margins, but for the life of me, I can't find anyplace that gives you that choice. What did I hit to change the format, and where can I find it so I can hit it again?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Mahalo--as we Hawaiians say.

t&l, whose phluhph is a little matted and tangled at the moment!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS THREAD????????????????????????????

I've seen it happen before and I just quitreading the threads that are wide because it is so uncomfortable.

I hope someone finds a way to solve it. If not, [color:"red"] PLEASE [/color] just start a new one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have read you answer to my questions and would like to think about it a while before telling you how much insight you have in the way people think and feel. I just came back from work but am expecting a friend over to do some other work, so I can't write for long.

BTW, The Dr. told her own experiences but not as a how to manual. She did not kill herself and I guess she is doing much better. The book discusses possible causes for suicide. It's very interesting but in the end, not much is known which could help prevent it. That in itself is an interesting conclusion.

I never considered suicide. Maybe I'm too much of a coward. But I never considered taking my life. In spite of the pain.

Have to go ...

And here I thought I'd found a way to screw up my computer work that was unique to me, and then you go and tell me somebody else has done it before! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Many thanks to whoever fixed it for me, unless it fixed itself while I was asleep, in which case I'm completely mystified by the whole thing, instead of merely confused by what my clicker hath wrought. Oh, mysterious benefactor, what did I do? What did you do to fix it? Who was that masked man?

t&l

Well, Gell, I thought I knew most of the sad songs, but obviously NOT! I assume it's sadder with the music included, and was glad your post was "just" words.

I don't think MS would ever let me run into him, on the sidewalk or anywhere else. He learned his lesson when we were 20 and he came to visit that weekend on his way to Viet Nam. I borrowed a friend's VW so I could pick him up at the airport, and I barely had time to make it back to class. People think I drive fast now! We returned to the school at warp speed, and for someone who'd never seen anything but the flatlands of Wisconsin to be suddenly driving with a maniac up and around the twisting, winding roads of Napa County was a white-knuckle experience for him. How do I know? I was blinded by the glare every time I looked in the direction of his hands,that's how!

So if he saw me behind the wheel of a car, what I think is that he'd get the heck out of the way. I've sometimes thought it'd be fun to get to take him for a short drive on the roller coaster road near our house, to see if I couldn't make his remaining gray hairs just plain fall out!

t&l