<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> It's OK now, but I was sure ticked off for awhile. When I arrived, they gave me two pts. who were supposedly early in labor, and then when they both took off a-dilatin' right when I arrived, still had me keep them--even after each of them was a 1:1. I was trying to maintain 2 rooms with one pt. 9cm and the other 8cm, while the other regular nurses were out chatting at the desk. Oh, well, I had them both done within 3 hrs. and 8 min. and now they're gone away and I'm at least temporarily free. I really hate this job. But I sure like getting the paycheck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


If you ever got a chance to read Lee Strobel's book, The Case for Christ, he tells how his journey from firm atheism to true believer in Jesus began when his agnostic wife became a Christian. The change he saw in her was so inexplicable, from a human point of view, that he eventually became compelled to investigate what she believed, and why it had changed her so. You might not be able to get Aussie to read books, or go to meetings, but you can make use of your opportunity (when he's home, anyway) every day to be for him the visible face of Jesus, and show him by your speech, your actions, your character, what God's love is all about. Make him curious about what happened to you, and why. You might be surprised.




<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />



Haven't seen Neak for a few days, but when I talk on the phone she's often eating, so I'm assuming she's feeling better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I wish I knew what was going to happen with Neaksis and the kids. We've known Biodad for almost 20 yrs., and have watched him journey from Satanism to Christianity to neither-fish-nor-fowl-mixed-up-<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />. So much time, effort, love, money, interest our family has expended on Biodad. He was truly a member of our family, so it hurts a lot to have him take this wart hog-gy position against us! Makes me a lot more sympathetic to God, Who, as our heavenly Father, has all these little rebellious upstart children running around down here...and still doesn't zap us on a regular basis! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Amazing.


Nobody knows yet. It may be a few weeks before we find out, but our patience isn't notable for its longevity, so we'll find out soon, never fear!

t&l

I was going to say that if you wanted to find out what was happening to AW, and what she had to say in reply to your post, you'd have to come and browse again in the feminine hygiene products aisle...but I see you've already figured that out for yourself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

cc46 is in another time zone. You guys are in a whole 'nother day entirely! Did you know that my great, all-time #1 love song is "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I think I told about that somewhere early on in the Sad Saga of OtherSusan the Stupid. No sissy, mushy, oogie-woogie ballads for ME. No sirree. Marsupials are what get my hormones flowing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I know how you feel. I haven't been getting a lot extra done myself these days, either. (That would be housework, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />) I'm going to have to paste together and wear a series of my MB posts when I go to the alumni banquet next month, instead of the muumuu I was planning to sew for myself, if I don't get cracking on it pretty soon! Probably some of the longer posts, I think. The one-liners would be a bit skimpy as outerwear, even in the tropics.


Unfortunately, Neaksis and I share a pathetic character trait--the pathological need to know. I don't think she could have it unopened, and not look at it. Not unless she could hear the bomb in it actually ticking as she held it in her hand. However, after the first time, you pretty much know what you're getting, so the element of shock is lost. She'll do OK.


My privilege. It's always a pleasure to corrupt another elegant and dignified mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

t&l

The first life lesson I posted during the Sad Saga of OtherSusan the Stupid was, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Originally, I applied it to people (specifically myself), but it can equally be applied to situations and circumstances. Opportunities for great things and incredible achievements are often disguised as imminent disasters and looming catastrophes; while the path to broken hearts, ruined lives, destroyed families, etc., is dressed up as true love, great sex, My Soulmate, wealth, fame, popularity, make-the-list-as-long-as-you-want. The Devil does NOT believe in truth in advertising, as many (but unfortunately not all--yet) WSs on this board have discovered too late.

Not only that, but (LL#3, LL#2 dealt earlier with the definition of love)) life-altering events don't necessarily announce themselves at the time they occur. Too many times people look backwards, trying to figure out how they got into such a mess, only to discover that what started it all was some apparently small, insignificant choice or action, whose eventual effect was all out of proportion to its importance at the time it happened. I'm not sure I believe any more that you can ever truly be sure that any choice or circumstance is really insignificant, although obviously some are more important than others.

How on earth could I have known, at 14 years of age, that an apparently-chance meeting with MS, almost 5,000 from where I lived, would forever alter the course of my life? I'm not saying it should have, or needed to. I'm simply acknowledging that it did. Any grown-up, should they have heard me at that point proclaiming that my life was permanently changed by meeting this 14-year old boy, would probably have patted my head indulgently and said something to the effect of, "Don't be silly. You're just a kid, having a cute little summer puppy-love romance that'll be over before you know it."

And yet it didn't pass, but ended-without-ending, and I set off through life trying to mend my broken heart with a series of unwise choices that stretched out for years and has affected too many lives in ways I could never have anticipated at the time. Which brings me to LL#4. The effects of our actions upon our lives, and the lives of others, are like ripples in a pond. Well after the rock has sunk to the bottom and disappeared, the ripples keep pushing outward, expanding, extending--spreading well beyond the immediate area of impact with the water. Because I met a boy and fell in love, and couldn't let go when it ended without an end, I married the one who asked me...because I wanted children. Because we weren't happy, and because in my anger and resentment towards God at my circumstances I had no divine strength given me to resist temptation, I was vulnerable and receptive to the enticement of the prison inmate. Because once I returned to God, I felt guilty over what I had done and the way I had spent my time working in the prison drawing attention to my provocative young self instead of to Jesus, I always wished there was some way I could go back and "do it right." Because of this background, I took the kids that Sabbath afternoon in '86 or '87 to the church to hear a talk about prison ministries. Because their pen pal program provided people like me an opportunity to witness, I signed up that afternoon. Because I signed up, we first met Kewpie, whose cellie was Biodad the Satanist. (Neak, I typed in "Stan." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) Because we became friends, and visited them many times in prison over the years, when Biodad became a Christian we were able to help him transfer his parole to our county, even though I had to go to our Senator in Sacramento and have him make it possible for this to happen after the local parole office turned him down. Because I brought Biodad to this county, he met Biomom and they produced Neaksis' 3 kids. Because of those 3 kids, Neaksis has a life today that I never wanted for her, and wished she didn't have. If there was ever someone made for marriage and family, Neaksis would be it. All the things that go into making a home, are things she loves to do. (Didn't get it from me, either! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />) She should be married and have a husband and babies of her own, not the single mother of somebody else's screwed up pre-teens.

I feel so responsible for this mess she's in. I'm not trying to diminish the fact that along the way other people also made choices that affected how things are now. It's not like I created this situation all at once with my magic wand, after all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> But the effects of my choices rippling out from the center event over a period of years, have certainly changed more lives than just my own. I do love Neaksis' kids, but I also often feel resentful of them on Neaksis' behalf, especially when they show the effects of their abuse by violence, stealing, defiance, disobedience, and a host of other extremely irritating characteristics, too. But I could never turn my back on them and reject them, since I consider myself to be partly responsible for their very existence on this planet. Because I brought their father here, he met their mom, and they were the result. Even if I didn't love them, I'd feel that I owed it to them to try and help them salvage some good out of the mess their parents have made. I both love and resent their parents, too. So much trouble these people have caused, while the ones who haven't done anything wrong are the ones having all the problems. And ultimately, it all came about because when I was 14, I met a boy...

Think about how this concept is displayed in the Bible story of Isaac and Ishmael. Because Abraham didn't trust God to keep His promise of a son, he decided to accept Sarah's offer of Hagar, her maid, as a surrogate, so to speak. Because the son of promise finally DID come along 14 yrs. or so later, conflict was brought into the home over the position and importance of the 2 brothers. How long ago was that? 3,000, 4,000 years? You wouldn't think ripples could keep going for that long, would you? Yet the conflict between those two sons of Abraham back then continues alive and well today between Isaac's descendents, the Jews, and Ishmael's descendents, the Arabs. One man's sinful lack of faith, and the consequences of it, didn't just last a lifetime, but have endured, and increased, for millenia. The results of his act have affected not just a few people, as my ripples have, but billions of them...and it's not done yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I think people need to be more aware, then, of the fact that life-altering events are often not recognized for what they really are at the time they occur, and that the rippling effect of our actions may go far beyond what we intended or dreamed, and because of this we should be incredibly careful in the choices we make. Do I always exercise this much care in my choosings? Are you kidding? My reach often exceeds my grasp. But I think it's true, anyway.

t&l

AW, I've got to ask you, are you drinking decaf? Caffeine comes through in breast milk, as I once learned the hard way 30 yrs. back with Neakbro. I had a pt. some years ago who drank 12 Pepsi's or so a day, and her 2-yr. old had never slept more than 2 hrs. at a time from when he was born until she weaned him after she got pregnant with the second child. She had no idea until I told her after her delivery, that she'd been caffeinating the kid herself all those months, and making him stay awake. I bet he had a headache to beat all, the first few days after he was weaned, though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I could never figure out how she'd been brave enough to get pregnant a second time, having a kid already who slept like the first one did. If they BOTH slept only 2 hrs. at a time--and you KNOW they wouldn't sleep the same 2 hrs.--she'd have been getting up every hour around the clock!

t&l

Hi T&l

I have to admit to not drinking decaf all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

However I have been off real coffee - thats rich black mountain beans which A2 got me hooked on strong enough to disolve a spoon - for so long that when I have two cups now of non decaf its like getting a energy boost.

I dont drink coke unless its caff & sugar free because of diabetes and habit from when the kids were small....I never bought anyhting but caff free. Cant drink anything else now.

Mmmmmmmmmmm will have to watch that as I certainly dont want the little fella waking up all the time because of me!

Can I have a extra chocolate to replace the second coffee???? I'm sure I heard yes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

The caffeine in chocolate has been officially declared not to count, and is a benign substance! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Oh, you wanted to know who made the declaration? I did, when I wasn't busy re-stocking the shelves of the feminine hygiene products aisle. Maybe I should branch out and include chocolate with the rest of the, um, personal stuff? This could be The Store That Meets Your Needs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well, I'm going to go out to the nurse's station and try and talk my way out of here an hour early. Dull. Dull. Dull around this department after everybody delivered all at once. I'd rather sleep now, thanks. Neaksis, don't forget the grocery list for you and your sister. Speak now, or eat beans all week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

YES !!

t&l

this can be so true. However it is to me even more complicated then a direct cause & effect as the ripples that spread out interact with the actions of another, the ripples alter and so on and so on.

You relate how your meeting a boy at 14 led to neaksis with 3 kids..perhaps or was it rather a interaction that led to another and another but NOT necessarily the key element alone that resulted in a decision. Choices are made at each stage which alter the ripple and bring other choices and futures.

But yet I do the same ..

I let my 18 month into a swmming pool with my other kids, he got meningococcal meningitis from some carrier, I didn't know this he just got sick quickly, the local doctor had no idea, he rang the air ambulance, not available, so went by road to the regional centre only to arrive finally at a hospital to have him die in my arms a little time later.

All because of a innocent decision I made to let him swim with mum and brother & sister in a public swmming pool.
That particular choice led to a number of very bad decisons by myself leading to my affair.

That original choice led me to others, But we need not always be totally bound by those previous choices..not totally.
We do have freedom of choice, even if it is limited.
Its gaining the wisdom to use that gift that is to me the key. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Believer & SS for the prayers...

t&l, I'm glad you slept through my "crisis".

Everything turned out absolutely Ok....which brings me to my next question - Does anyone else "re-direct" anxiety? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

That's what happened to me, and partly why I was panicked, although I didn't know it at the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

This teacher meeting truly wasn't a big deal - he has far greater issues that are on the table...and I suspect that was what I was anxious about.

So thank you all sincerely - I felt in touch with God, felt your prayers - and breezed through the whole thing which fortunately left my son's issues at the forefront of the discussion, instead of me gaining attention due to an unprovoked meltdown... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I really love this thread, and loooooooong to catch up on the reading - because I've left some "meat" curing a few pages back and want to give it the attention it deserves - specifically "born again" - I want/need to give it the attention it deserves.

However, it turns out that my father "the clam" in my family has decided to come visit...and he and my sister arrive tomorrow! So in order to prepare for their visit I have to get busy HERE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I get to see him only twice a year if I'm lucky, so I spoil him while he's here (takes time & effort) when I COULD be POSTING HERE! But it is a labor of love!

So If I move quickly and effeciently, I can come back and catch up on back posting....and I see an new installment on reflections of the saga that I MUST read as well.

Blessings to you all!! Thanks t&l for such a wonderful thread - I'm grateful for it, in all it's states!

And I hate to whine...I've been posting for 3 1/2 years and now as a result of this thread...I have to use <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You'll just have to remain patient with me as I learn to use them properly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Feel free to critique!

It's what I get for trying to sound intelligent in the middle of the night. I wasn't trying to say that from an innocent childhood meeting it was a straight shot to Neaksis and the kids. But it altered the trajectory of my life ever-so-slightly, and each successive decision blew things a little farther off the route it should have been taking, until I was WAY off course. I don't know if you've read the Saga--and I'm not suggesting that you hunt it out through all 70+ pages and 1000+ posts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />, either--but how this happened is explained in the relating of the story, and as I have gone back through my life and asked, "Why did this happen?", and answered, "Because-----", "Why?", "Because-----" over and over again...the final "Why?" can be answered, "Because when I was 14, I met a boy." And in that sense, it started it all. Not that it made this outcome inevitable. There were many other choices made along the way, not all of them mine, that added their own brand of confusion into my personal fog. But almost all of my bad decisions, and wrong choices, were made because I loved someone who loved me, but I couldn't have. I have compensated in some very bad ways for my disappointment, and while I'm sure I would've done some dumb things in the process of growing up, regardless of whether MS had ever entered my life or not, I really don't think they would've been the same ones I ended up making because he'd entered my life (and then exited, the turkey!). Equally foolish? Maybe. Different? Almost definitely.



I read a brief mention of the loss of your child in a post by either you or Aussie, but never felt comfortable asking for more details. I'm so sorry about this. The guilt a parent carries when they are plagued by the "If-only's" is probably one of the heaviest burdens a human being can ever bear. I would imagine your mother also had/has a very hard time not blaming herself, too. My heart goes out to you all.


Not to excuse you, but it has been well-studied that the death of a child is often the catalyst that leads to the death of a marriage. I'm glad you and Aussie are beating the odds, even if you've gone about it in a rather roundabout, and extremely painful, way.



Hark! I see a kindred spirit--a woman who has obtained her life's wisdom the hard way. Do you have scars, bumps, bruises, and scabs, too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I don't know WHY I couldn't have been one of those naturally-wise people who is able to learn from the mistakes of others, instead of the RockHead who had to learn them all from the mistakes of myself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Glad it turned out well for you. The fact that it did, and you know that it CAN, may help you feel calm and under control when it's time for the next one, too.


I don't know. I'm more likely to redirect rage! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


Don't think you have to do it for ME! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Will it be a friendly discussion? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Why isn't there a fear emoticon?



He should just be glad you're not planning to make clam chowder!!


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> You're as bad as I am! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Hey t&l

over here a mo......

just for you ..I've got the wobble board - we arn't going to fight over the wobble board are we?

I've got it on a mp3 file if you would like me to email it as well...its a hoot & talk about PC ..NOT!!
And I have it with the Wiggles and Rolf Harris as well ... well dont look at me it was Aussie, he said "Mike" needed it so he downloaded it!! I've got the electric train set as well in the shed, the cricket bat, Radio controlled racing cars ...
you get the idea ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Ok then 1, 2 , 3 ......

There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying.
He gets himself up onto one elbow and 'e turns to his mates, who are all gathered around and 'e says:

Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed,
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed
Altogether now!

CHORUS:
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

'n' take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Let me abos go loose, Lew
Let me abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lew
So let me abos go loose
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot thru, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!!
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Ok...

stopped for lunch - I used to read the paper while eating; now I read this thread!

Of course t&l - it will be a very friendly discussion regarding 'born-again', I have alot to learn!

I'll be back; I'll think of another excuse somehow!

After a nice serving of eggplant parmesiano for breakfast, I feel very well, thank you. Though now since it's lunchtime I may have to have another.

AW, I am so sorry about your baby. I can't even imagine... The first thing that comes to my mind is that he died in the very best place it is possible to die, safe and secure in your love. You will see him again, and have the chance to raise him in heaven, where there will be no sin, no worry, no fear, and no death.

Would anybody like to go to my ultrasound with me? Yes, I have another. I am able to switch from the clinic to my regular doctor, and she wants to do her own ultrasound.

I scheduled it for Monday @ 9:45 so if AJ hadn't shipped out by then that he could see the little squid before he goes, but now he apparently is supposed to work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Somebody might as well enjoy it.

It is most likely still too early to detect gender, but since its external genitals are now developed there is at least a small possibility that she might be able to tell. Don't worry, as soon as I find out I will type very very quietly. Shhhhh.

AW,

I too am sorry to hear about your baby. How shocking that he could go from being so healthy to so sick in such a short period of time. My sister's original career was in Pediatrics Intensive Care, and whew....I remember how quickly the meningitis babies got so very sick.

Pool water can be so bad....for carrying germs. I am so very sorry. God's Grace to you.




t&l;

I can't wait until my sister gets here with my dad. I'm going to tell her that the "non-speak" my dad has spoken for all the years we've known him is officially called "Clam". She lives with him still; so she can use all the HUMOR she can get.

I have a couple of issues to discuss with him that he's been clammed up about on the phone. I'll see what my clam speaking abilities are when I see him in person.

Some of our extended family needs some information desperately, and they sure don't speak clam....they're getting frustrated with him. Both my dad's siblings died recently, and their children just simply don't get clam. Their feelings are probably getting hurt. So I'm going to see if I can interpret! My expectations aren't very high however! It's a matter of catching him in the right mood.

What's a wobble board?


Aw-w-w-w-w, isn't that the MOST romantic thing you ever heard?! Marsupials, large noisy birds, crusty old men, imminent death, and taxidermy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

There is no such thing as "nice" eggplant anything! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Grrrrr. Why don't you and AJ just go to dinner together and leave me and my eggplant ALONE???????