<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Bad Neak. BAD Neak. Badbadbadbadbadbadbad Neak. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Personally, it helps me to think of the demons, snarling, writhing and drooling, and sitting right at the entrance of my home, watching me.

Like in the book, they all have their specialties - despair, hopelessness, fear, complacency, etc. When I feel hopeless, I actually tell the demon to leave, get away from me and my home.

And no, I haven't been locked up yet.

AW - You have been blaming yourself for too long. That is not healthy. Time to give yourself a break and tell that demon to get out of your life.

Neak - Step aside for the bulldozers. Maybe you can plant some seeds in the devastation, and water and care for them.

We can deal with that bad Neak later, but right now let me just quickly tell you the story I shared with the children in Bible study class this morning. Once upon a time, there was an old man walking down the road. On his back, he carrried an ENORMOUS knapsack. A passing farmer, taking pity on him, stopped his wagon and offered the poor fellow a ride. The old man climbed into the wagon and sat down with relief, but when the farmer told him to throw his load into the empty wagon bed, he refused. "No, thanks," he said. "I'm fine."

After they'd traveled a bit farther, the farmer again encouraged him to toss his pack into the wagon. Again the old man turned him down. Fianlly the farmer couldn't stand it any longer. "Throw that thing in the back," he said. "You must be tired, and it's got to weigh a ton. Set it down!"

"Oh, I can't do that," the old man replied. "You've already been so kind just to give me a ride. I couldn't ask you to carry my burden, too."

And so we stumble through life, our burdens (guilt, grief, fear, etc.) firmly strapped to our ("heavy-laden") backs, while Jesus waits to help us by lifting our cares, and giving us rest...only to hear us say, "Thanks anyway, Lord, but I'll just carry this myself a little while longer, if you don't mind."

t&l

t&l & B

Aussie told me is his love letter to let go of it..so I'm trying very hard. I think I needed his ok for that.

Did I ever let you read his letter? Well the bits I let others read. I carry it everywhere like a teenager. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Probably TMI, but I bloated up again like a watermelon right after supper and spent the whole evening lying very still guarding my turgid abdomen. You can imagine it put a damper on my plans for after the children went to sleep. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I will be back on in a little to share the w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l joke Neaksis and I played yesterday at potluck. Heh heh heh. It went off beautifully!

It happened this way. Neaksis was the only one who was in on it. I very carefully made my potluck contribution, covered it with nice, anonymous aluminum foil, and smuggled it out to the trunk well before it was time to go. Upon arrival at the church I quickly carried it downstairs and tucked it in the oven before anyone could see it.

Neaksis helped keep watch to see if the prankees each took a serving of e**p***t (censored out of deference to t&l). And sure enough, they did.

AJ caught on first. "What is this STUFF? Did you bring it?" he hissed in my ear. "Shhhhh," I hissed right back, snickering a little. "Mom hasn't caught on yet." "But what is it???" "E**p***t."

Grudgingly, he stopped making little gagging noises and settled for throwing his serving ostentatiously on my plate. Busy chatting, Mom didn't notice.

She took a long time to get to hers. As she got closer...and closer...we struggled to keep our faces calm and unconcerned. As she chased several peas round about the final offering on her plate, we held our breath. At last she picked up a piece of the e**p***t and put it in her mouth. And chewed. And swallowed. And reached for another without even gagging.

As she put the second piece in her mouth and started to chew, she finally asked curiously, "What is this?"

Neaksis and I nearly sprayed our food on each other. Bemused and puzzled, Mom turned to me and asked if I had brought it. Wracked with wordless, helpless laughter, I could only nod. AJ finally had to break the news to her.

Her nose wrinkled a little. "It's passable," she sneered.

I nearly wept. Never had I even dreamed she might give my e**p***t such high praise! I still get all teary-eyed thinking of it now. That Sam I Am, that Sam I Am, I do not like that Sam I Am.

Not in a box, not with a fox.

Too funny Neak. I love e**p***t. It is fun to disquise it. I make it with eggs sometimes, and my boys wolf it down.

You're right. It IS TMI. However, I'm delighted to hear it anyway. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving person! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I hope AJ tied a string to your toe and turned you into a helium balloon for the kids to play with.

This should not be interpreted to mean that I am bitter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> And if I ever speak to you again, I'll tell you so personally.

t&l

I thought it was veggie scallops, and was saving the best for last, as I always do. I didn't play tricks like that on MY mama. That's probably why she lived to be almost 90, while I, on the other hand, will wear out much, much sooner! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

T&L,
I tried not to laugh, really I did. Out of respect, and everything. In the end, I laughed anyway.

Please forgive me.

I'm even trying to stop laughing - I promise.

Maybe it's like my Dad said - "you didn't beat those kids near enough." Grin.

SS

They're 33, 30, 29, and 27. NOW you tell me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Really, there's something very <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> and <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> to see an 57-yr. old woman pout in such a childish fashion. I deeply disapprove of that sort of age-inappropriate behavior, you know. But we're talking about E.G.G.P.L.A.N.T. here! Or, as HP calls it, "at its very best, salted boogers." Parmigianno. So, 57 or no, what the heck?!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

t&l

You and me both, Believer. Wouldn't THAT be the day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> One of my favorite sayings, which I'm pretty sure I've mentioned here before, is: "Time is a wonderful teacher. And a lousy beautician!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I wouldn't like to be young again, just to be young. But if I could be 21 years old, and 57 years smart? Now THAT would be a deal worth considering. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Let me tell you something about this Neak person. You'd never know to look at her, or visit with her, that anything was troubling her at all. Her facade could give my facade LESSONS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I'm not trying to make excuses for you, but putting your A in the context of your child's death, let me tell you something I read once that I thought was very interesting. It involved some study somebody had done about people who had suffered the loss of a child or a spouse, and they found that in the aftermath there was a very heightened interest in sex. The explanation given (my words here--I don't remember exactly how it was stated) was that sexual release was both an affirmation of one's own "living" in the face of another's dying, and a way to still "feel" alive somewhere when the rest of you felt dead. Obviously, it's too late to put your particular genie back in the bottle, but I guess generally it's a good thing to know it can happen, so that if such a circumstance arose for others here they could be warned that they're at increased risk for that particular type of temptation.

So, now that you have Aussie's OK, go for it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Believer, sometimes it costs a lot to do the right thing, doesn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> "...great is your reward..."

t&l

Sorry it took so long to get back to the point, but continuing................

What weaknesses, which vulnerabilities, did Satan prey upon to lead you WSs into adultery? For you BSs, where do you get hit now, probably repeatedly, as you try to regroup and recoup...even if your FWS has repented and is trying to make amends? I think that too often when tempted, people mistake their thoughts for something of their own, instead of recognizing them as temptations, and their true source. In Neak's next book, Fisher of Men (from here on out, if/when mentioned again, FOM) I was intrigued to read about the temptations Peter encountered, most of them things he never identified as coming from anywhere but his own mind and inclinations. And because he failed to recognize the origin of his thoughts, he remained unaware of his danger, and very susceptible to sinful yearnings.

I mentioned earlier that I'm not tempted by drugs, like Biomom and Biodad (just as an example of tailor-made temptations). I do, however, have a VERY hard time dealing with uncertainty. I am obsessed with knowing how things will turn out. If I'm thinking of reading a particular book, I always read the ending first, since if it doesn't end well, to my mind there's no reason whatsoever for me to waste my time wading through the whole thing just to get to a bad conclusion. I can take pretty much anything you throw at me, just so long as I understand what's going on, and why. I've been this way for as long as I remember. Naturally, given my predisposition to doubt, I am surrounded by uncertainty , with life circumstances at every turn presenting themselves to me opaque mysteries that I not only can't solve, but I can't even begin to understand the question. I don't do well with this. If I could just skip ahead to the "end of the book," and see that everything turns out OK, I wouldn't mind some turblence and trouble in current and future chapters. My sons' loss of faith. My grandchildren's long-range traumatic consequences from molestation, with all the behavioral difficulties which have resulted. Neaksis' permanently-altered life circumstances and prospects. Can I ever possibly hope to get out of debt? I mean, before I drop dead in the placenta bucket someday, still working at 92 years of age? I could go on, but you can get the idea. Some people seem to be able to skip blithely through life, worry-free and nonchalant, just taking what comes and then moving on. Not me. I am constantly tempted to worry myself to a frazzle, trying to figure things out that are basically unfigureable. Whywhywhywhywhy?!

Intellectually, I can understand the Bible promise that "all things work together for good to them that love God..." Or, "he does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men." Or, "We must through much tribulation enter the kingdom of God." Or, "For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son that he receiveth." Like I said, my head understands. My heart says, "But this doesn't feel good," and is enticed to wonder if there is a God at all, and if there is, how come He isn't being nice to me?

I think this is why the Bible says we must "walk by faith and not by sight," because what we see and experience so often is deceptive, and fails to reflect those eternal realities which can only be known by faith. I have come to see my nearly-constant temptations to doubt as God's equivalent of physical therapy. The therapist exercises the patient's weak muscles, or those that are in danger of weakening because of disuse. God, who sees and knows my weaknesses, allows me to be tempted and tested in those areas, so that through repeated exercise , faith may be tested and strengthened.

Several Life Lessons from the Saga revolve around this point. (1) Temptation is inevitable. Expect it. It is NOT your fault you're tempted. You're not a bad person because you are tempted. Temptation comes simply because Satan and his angels, who know your own personal weaknesses, are making proper and efficient use of their tools. Give them credit for effort. (2) BUT, remember, too, that while temptation is inevitable, surrender is not. There is power in God to resist even the most attractive temptation. Young people too often think they have a monopoly on life, love, passion, etc. The truth is that as we get older, and increasingly aware of our own mortality, that the temptation to grasp at life's pleasures tends to intensify, rather than diminish. Ask any 40ish male with a mid-life crisis. Or female, for that matter although we less often succumb to red sports cars and 20-yr. old paramours. (3) Expect to be re-tempted where you have previously failed. I was surprised, at 47, to have to confront again the longing for a long-lost love, a love which I had thought for years, was far behind me. I shouldn't have been. Don't you be either, when new temptations surface, for old weaknesses. If it worked before, it will be tried again. If it ALMOST worked before, you'll get another go-arounder with it before you're through, as Satan makes proper use of his tools. Realistically speaking, this means for AJ (to pick on a family member) that there is going to come another time when there will be a great temptation to be involved again with someone else. Neak will be tempted to wallow in the past instead of trying to rebuild. Neaksis can expect to be tempted to feel cheated of a husband and children of her own, especially when the adoptees are unusually noxious in their post-molestation behaviors. I'm not tempted really any more by the fantasy of a relationship with MS. I DO get tempted every single night on the way to work to wonder WTH I'm doing living like this, and how unfair is it anyway? (I get tempted to swear, too, even though I swore off of that years ago!) (4) There's an old saying, "You can't keep the birds of temptation from flying around your head, but you CAN keep them from building a nest in your hair." All temptation begins in the mind. You're not going to suddenly find your body out stealing a car when the last thing you knew, you were inside the church reading your Bible and singing hymns. I think the key to resisting temptation is to reject it when it first enters your mind. If you keep it around to give it cookies, and engage in some witty conversation, you are much more likely to give in to it, than if it is firmly ejected from the premises the instant it intrudes. If I had constructed and maintained a mental fantasy, at 47, of a renewed romantic relationship with MS, my body would eventually have followed my heart. The fact that I'm still where I am, and content to be there, is directly related to the fact that I never, ever allowed any bird-nest-building to go on in Mr. Incredible's flowing tresses. Even though those were some pretty doggone attractive birds!

Well, there's a pt. arriving, who belongs to me, unfortunately...and duty calls.

t&l

Shoot, I accidentally did this under "edit" and have now deleted a whole earlier post so that I now no longer have any idea what it was! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

CSue or cc46--Don't one of you get these postings in your email? I think what I deleted was the original post about the proper use of tools, and temptation. Do you still have it? If so, could you please send it to me @ sportkanga@yahoo.com so I can try and re-post it. Otherwise I don't have a "continuing" of anything, which means it will make less sense than if it was attached to the first post.
Thanks, one way or another.

t&l

T&l
the mails are the same as what's on the thread. So I suppose you did not lose all that wisdom!

Har-de-har. The lost post was originally done on 10/6, and was entitled The Proper Use of Tools. It was accidentally deleted when I mis-posted this morning, in my technologically inept fashion, and is now gone from the thread. I'm not so much thinking of it as lost "wisdom" as something more like undigested rumination...and you know even a cow never can chew its cud exactly the same twice, so if I tried to reproduce what I first wrote about temptation, I wouldn't be able to say it the same. And if I don't say it at all, the 2nd part doesn't make as much sense.

My poor lost pearls!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> You don't have them by any chance, do you?

t&l