t&l

the camel rides are fun though ..lol

sunset, its not too hot, actuaslly can get COLD ....
your man, NO KIDS, a nice bottle of wine,
some snack food like fresh oysters & prawns ..yum ..

lights are low, you lean across and ...........

the door crashes open 'Mummy Mummy look at what we did at the Kids club!!,,can't see mum" - lights go on, radio is on, doesn't it bring back the memories hehehehe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

A quick (I certainly hope!) conclusion before I go to sleep...

As Exhibit A for the premise that anyone can change if they want to, let me offer you young OtherSusan the Stupid of yesteryear, and OtherSusan the WhateverIamNow of today. I think that for those of you who have actually waded through the Saga with me, and have been splattered by spray from the Pool of Introspection, it would be hard for you to make the argument that, although Stupid and Whatever have inhabited the same body (albeit at different times), there is not something different about the person who lives in it today when compared with the person who lived in it 30+ years ago. However HP may, when he's angry, try to say that I only THINK I've changed when I haven't--the fact that he lives in the same house with a woman who once long ago plotted to have him killed (by natural and supernatural means), and now comfortably turns his back on me (even when I'm coming at him with a pickup truck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />), and lies down at night to sleep with both eyes closed at once, shows that he doesn't really believe what he's saying and that he recognizes change has occurred.

As far as I'm concerned, if I could be changed, so can anybody else who chooses it. Unfortunately for all of us who are burdened or tormented by the bad behavior of others, we can only choose change for ourselves. How convenient would it be if we could choose change for everybody else whenever we wanted? Wouldn't that be COOL? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> But it doesn't work that way, blast it all.

So I think that people in difficult situations have 2 essential attitudes to bring to all their difficulties. (1) I can only change me. I can only give permission for God to work in me. Even if the other person needs WAY more change than I do, and is the source of the problem. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> But my own changes will inevitably beget change in others. Not necessarily exactly what I want, since it is always reserved to an individual, the right to be stupid. But a human who allows him/herself to be filled with the fruits of the Spirit--not the least of which is self-control--will ride the turbulent waves of the storm with a grace and a serenity that is not available to those who are trying to make it through alone. (2) Remember the lowly caterpillar. What you see now is not the permanent outcome of life. Marriages that appear doomed can still survive--this MB site is a testament to that--as long as somebody doesn't squash that poor caterpillar before its metamorphosis can be completed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> And let's face it, except for some twitching if it's touched, a chrysalis looks pretty doggone dead. But inside--all unseen--a butterfly is forming, and when the time is right it will emerge in all its glorious beauty. And for those whose marriages fail, in spite of all their best efforts; those who made painful or necessary changes, and now it looks like it was all for nothing? Don't give up hope. If you are a Christian, and if you accept love as a principle of action and not just a feeling, you may (and should, I think) continue to pray for your WS as long as you both live...and let God continue in the responsibility for turning that lowly worm-like thing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> into a beautiful winged creature. I find it hard to believe that any of you, should you and your WS, even after a complete marriage failure, both end up in heaven, forgiven and saved, that you'd say, "You know, Lord, this is a nice place, and I'm glad to be here, but I can't help feeling bummed out by the whole thing, since what I really wanted was to salvage my marriage back in 2005." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

You can't hurry a metamorphosis. Force open that chrysalis too soon, and all you've got is butterfly moosh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Give God enough chance to work. All master craftsmanship takes time. But the final result can be a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

t&l

Neak just gagged over the butterfly moosh, which reminded me of something I didn't mention earlier. You see, personally, I've made a LOT of butterfly moosh in my lifetime, by trying to force change before its time.This habit started early, too. When I was a little girl, the mission children got to plant some gardens near the school apartments. I planted carrots for several years in a row, without ever harvesting so much as a single carrot for all my labors. Why? Because I didn't know how long they took to sprout and grow and mature, and I kept digging them up too soon "to see how they were doing." Which wasn't well at all--after I dug them up. I'm sure they were doing just fine, right up until they suffered from premature excavations. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

One of my most valuable life lessons was to learn to wait, and not to try to force anybody (except small children running into the street, or doing other dangerously dumb stuff, which would include arguing with Grandma!), even when I was completely right and they were completely, positively, absolutely, 100%, totally, infinitely, unmistakably wrong!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I got sick of butterfly moosh, if you want to know the truth. And I've quit trying to grow carrots, too!

t&l <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

AJ says Neaksis and I went to the same school of math. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> (Like he should talk!) Both of us have more money in our bank accounts than we ought and we can't figure out why! You know good and well that as soon as we give up and go shopping we will remember what it is we spent it on and had just forgotten to write it down.

(Neaksis is shopping now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Oh how cute!!!! The Dervish just drew the Ten Commandments and read them to me. "Don't steal. Don't bow down. Don't bow down to zebras."

That's one commandment I'm sure I've never broken!

Hey, me neither Neak. That made my morning.

Course knowing now that it is one of the commandments, I'm sure I'll be tempted soon to bow down to zebras, if I run across any.

Neak
as soon as I get some money in I am finding so many ways I spend it, power, water, council rates, car rego, insurance, that pesky side need of FOOD, mortgage.....

Moment I get ahead something like flying DD to the East to be with Jonnie or paying someone to break Aussie legs - B that WAS a good plan too - so he couldn't go away just comes up and eats the little nestegg. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

t&l

If I COULD change Aussie just a bit I would. I've fought a rear guard action for a long while and ended up just pushing him the other way.
So much for plans.
Bob Pure & I discussed this just a few days ago, the same type of thought, you can only change yourself.
Bottom line is I cannot make him into somethings he's not. he is a soldier, will remain a soldier, regardless and in spite of.
And of course while we are so busy trying to change others we don't have to work on ourselves do we?

But still if I could get him to dig ditches I WOULD >>LOL ME BAD

Re: Metamorphosis

Isn't it interresting that God provides so many examples in nature of what he is trying to do with us?

Is't it sad that so many won't make the change?

I hope I don't get mooshed.

Neak,
I thought some more about you, and your struggle with thoughts.

We can't entertain both good, and bad thoughts at the same time. When the bad ones come, we must replace them with good. Your Mom learned this, and she related it. Sometiems (most often) it is easier said than done.

I learned that music can help. I sing hymns - out loud if I am alone, or in my head if I am not. It has become a habbit that has served me well over the years. Now I find myself singing them often for no reason except that I like to sing them. What a change simple little things can make. (Speaking of myself.)

I recommend that one to you - if you haven't already tried it.

SS

SS - such an excellent idea! It's kind of like the cobbler's children, though. I've almost forgotten what my voice sounded like, since it's been, well, all year long since I heard it. A year ago I would have thought it would almost be easier to stop breathing than not sing. Your timely reminder means that it must be time to start back up again.

Mom, I have new phone numbers finally. Call me and I'll give them to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Or just check your email.

Neak,
I hope the Deverish takes good care of you today, and makes sure you get enough exercise.

A year ago I would have thought it would almost be easier to stop breathing than not sing. Your timely reminder means that it must be time to start back up again.

That says a lot.

I've been here for quite some time now, thinking about what you just said. When we were small, my mother would sing - she was a happy person. It set the mood, the tone for the feeings of us, as children. Somehow, we would hear her sing, and we would know our world was OK.

I hope you sing again. When you don't feel like it, that's when it is often needed the most.

Same with prayer - when you don't feel like praying, get down on your knees and pray until you do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Back when you were singing often, what did you like to sing?

SS

I majored in voice in college, and sang a lot of classical and musical theater as part of my curriculum, but my favorite is sacred music. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow, majored in voice. I am impressed.

I asked my W once if it bothered her when I sing, and she said: "No, it doesn't bother me, I know you mean well."

Did you sing in college plays? Do you have favorites?

Favorites as far as musical theater, and also sacred music.

Forgive my questions, it's interresting to me.

SS

Don't apologize. It's the next best thing to having you ask about my writing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> My grandfather sings sometimes. He says he looks forward to heaven when he will be able to sing beautifully, and for the life of me I can't help but agree with him. My grandmother was worse. Though she more closely approximated the tune, she also more closely approximated a mosquito. Neither one could quite figure out how the gifted voices suddenly cropped up in the family, starting with Mom.

I never sang in a play, though it seemed like it would have been fun. Hands down, my favorite musical theater would be everything from Phantom. I was thrilled when they made a movie of it, and even more thrilled when it exceeded my hopes of how good it would be. (The Princess plays snippets of the theme song on the organ - adorable.) Les Mis has some real gems in it, and some of the songs in Camelot are hilarious, though I doubt I would ever again in my life be able to watch it. ("Where's the knight pining so for me, he leaps to death in woe for me, oh where are the simple joys of maidenhood?...Shall I not be on a pedestal, worshiped and competed for? Not be carried off, or better still, start a little war?") Then there were all the Italian art songs and arias, the (mostly) doleful German love songs, and the rich, gorgeous Latin choral pieces. I enjoyed them all.

My favorite sacred music compasses a very wide range from ancient to contemporary, but all with the similarity of sounding like sacred music. My tastes are quite conservative, and I like Christian music that sounds like Christian music, regardless of when it was written.

I like everything from Bach and Handel to Steve Green and Ray Boltz. If I happen to play something instrumental, with or without t&l, it is nearly always very loud. We are used to shrugging off complaints from the retirement demographic, hee hee. I'm sure no one here would be so intolerant. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Handels Messiah is one of my all time favorites.

It sounds like you know, and love music.

One that I sing often when I sing hymns is "A poor wayfaring man of grief." I don't know if that is one you know - I notice that it depends on which Church a person attends as to the hymns they are used to singing. I don't know all 7 verses.

If I happen to play something instrumental.....

Piano?

My daughters (the twins, age 12) are learning the paino, and just getting to where they can do more difficult peices. It is so fun to come home from work and hear them play. Your children, (and AJ) are blessed that you have this talent.

BTW, I can sing my part if I practice the song over and over. I need to hear it played first. I can't just look at it and sing the correct notes. But then, I have no formal training.

Well, I started these thoughts wanting to help you with recovery. It has to be tough. Use your talents to help you. God gave them for a reason.

SS

Thank you, SS. Sometimes the most obvious things are the ones we (I) don't see at first.

The Messiah is one of heaven's special gifts to us. (I mean the piece as well as the Savior.) I could be biased, but I think it is one of the most inspired works mankind has ever been priveleged to hear.

The closest I know to the hymn you like is "I Am a Poor Wayfaring Stranger". Yours sounds good, too.

My main instruments besides voice are piano (correctly guessed), clarinet, and tuba. I started piano round about 3rd grade, clarinet in 6th, and tuba in 9th. I kept them up through high school and all five years of junior college. (We called it the "Delta Five-Year Plan" because there was a whole crowd of us that had to work our way through the 2-year music program in 5 years, being poor and heavily employed.)

Don't feel bad about the lack of formal training, as long as you enjoy yourself. Besides, it's never too late to take a voice class. I promise you that you won't be the the worst one, not by a long shot. I have heard some poor, poor arias that sounded more like cats on the back alley fence. A few of them I even have on tape, or no one would believe me.

If I can ever figure out how to link music online I will post a link to my singing. Though I am not overly puffed up, at least I don't believe so, I don't have the same bashfulness about my music that I have about my writing. Maybe just because I have been performing since I was tiny and writing is relatively new to me.

It's kind of funny, but I've always thought of my talents in the context of helping others. It never occurred to me that they could be a help to me, also.

It's not just OTHER people who are a danger to our chrysalises (chrysali?), is it? Sometimes I have been known to moosh myself by prying the case open too soon, and disturbing the delicately-balanced metamorphosis that was (up till that very momemnt <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) going on inside. Patience is NOT my natural state, although I AM sightseeing there more and more often as the years roll by. Nice scenery. I'm trying to look for a good motel, so I can stay awhile! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

It's kind of funny, but I've always thought of my talents in the context of helping others. It never occurred to me that they could be a help to me, also.

How much will it help your family to have you back?
You're a good actress, but it looks like there are a few things you missed. (grin)

It looks like there are important parts of you still missing. Lets see - what did he say? Don't hide your light under a bushel??

Yes, please sing again.
It will be good for all of you, and it will help AJ feel like progess is being made. He worries about that.


Here are the words to the song I mentioned.

A POOR WAYFARING MAN OF GRIEF
Words: James Montgomery

A poor wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not power to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Once, when my scanty meal was spread,
He entered; not a word he spake,
Just perishing for want of bread.
I gave him all; he blessed it, brake,
And ate, but gave me part again.
Mine was an angel’s portion then,
For while I fed with eager haste,
The crust was manna to my taste.

I spied him where a fountain burst
Clear from the rock; his strength was gone.
The heedless water mocked his thirst;
He heard it, saw it hurrying on.
I ran and raised the suff’rer up;
Thrice from the stream he drained my cup,
Dipped and returned it running o’er;
I drank and never thirsted more.

’Twas night; the floods were out; it blew
A winter hurricane aloof.
I heard his voice abroad and flew
To bid him welcome to my roof.
I warmed and clothed and cheered my guest
And laid him on my couch to rest;
Then made the earth my bed, and seemed
In Eden’s garden while I dreamed.

Stripped, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

In pris’n I saw him next, condemned
To meet a traitor’s doom at morn.
The tide of lying tongues I stemmed,
And honored him ’mid shame and scorn.
My friendship’s utmost zeal to try,
He asked if I for him would die.
The flesh was weak; my blood ran chill,
But my free spirit cried, “I will!”

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in His hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.
He spake, and my poor name He named,
“Of Me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto Me.”

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren, ye have done it unto Me.” Matthew 25:40

Wishing you well.
SS

T&L,
If you read the end of the book first, how can you then go back and read the rest?
Akkkkkk, I can't identify with that!!!

I am still thinking about your treatise on patience.

On the one hand, you say you have little, but on the other, you are still there with HP.

You have learned to trust God in some things. Do patience and faith go together?

SS

No more can I identify with somebody who will waste all that time and energy and interest on something that ends badly. I've got no control over actual life, but I'll be switched if I'm going to voluntarily subject myself to anything without a happy ending! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I didn't say I didn't have any patience. I just said it was not my natural state. It's hard to WAIT when you're busy being that pudgy little blurred streak shooting across the horizon. Did YOU see it, too? It's kinda like a meteor, only a lot closer to the ground... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well, I have a whole hour to edit Neak's book. Only 5 or 6 more chapters and MY part will be done. Those cover art people, though. Tsk. Tsk. Very slow. Very slow.

t&l

What a wonderful song; I can see why you like it so well.

I had no idea until the last few days that I gave the appearance of being fixed. Repaired, not spayed. I had only managed to reach the point of beginning to function, and would have thought the big holes still showed.

One thing that has helped is that I've begun to lean - just a little - on the wavering faith that AJ is not going back to the filth he left. He has been so steady through the last several months, and has demonstrated the fruits of the Spirit in his life, with only a few smallish blips (a couple of cranky days).

Not only do I have a bit of confidence growing toward him, but I have gained quite a bit of confidence toward myself, too, that if he did go back I would recognize the signs very quickly. A still further boost comes from the great repulsiveness displayed by ol' Garg. The smooth olderwoman-mask has slipped off to reveal the black scales and dripping fangs. Nobody in his right mind would pick what she has shown herself to be.

AJ is not one of those like poor Believer's husband, who could stand up in church and ask for prayer for his marriage just before going to boink his OW. When he backslid, even not in an A, being inside a church was about like water to the Wicked Witch of the West. "I still love God; I just want to worship Him in my own way. At home." (Not that we are saved by going to church, but there we gain and give a special blessing to be found nowhere else. But that's a whole 'nother subject and I mustn't TJ myself.)

So anyway, with so many evidences that God is hard at work, and enough time going by to make the changes habitual, eventually I'm going to have to take a few steps out on the ice and see what happened. It cracked under me 4x before, making me quadruply hesitant, but I'm almost ready to try again.

Such a lot of meandering to say yes, I will start singing again.