Well. AD, you want to know what I want to see before I die? Light at the end of my tunnel, that's what. And, boy, do those trains run right on schedule around here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I guess it's my own fault for trying to live on the railroad tracks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I am not sure if they have computers in AZ or not. I'll check it out, and get back to you.


If they do, I'll try to post between sightseeing trips, and playing with my grand daughter.

It may turn out that they don't have computers here. In which case, I won't post at all.

(and, not missing a beat, SS waves at everyone, and goes off to bed. )

SS

Try carrier pigeon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />



Playing with your granddaughter first?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Where are your priorities, man? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

t&l

T&l

you can come camping with me anytime! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I think if we take a ocean side unit at the Busselton Resort we can oversee the boys tent..you know the canvas & vinyl thingy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Neak,

Take your time, I'll be around!

t&l, I have plenty of stories to talk about while you're in HI....it will be helpful for me to get them out!!

And since you'll be around until next Wednesday, you can laugh with/at me!

Hi CSue! Your post was right on, though I wouldn't consider myself depressed. No time...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am having a hard time with quite a few things, which is to be expected. I think I am already doing most of the things necessary to get past this eventually, especially now that SS has added singing to my chore list, but if there's anything else I can do to make this easier and/or faster, I'm all in favor of it.

Hey SS, if you have computers in AZ and can spare enough time away from your granddaughter to look, the pastor at the church with the evangelistic series asked me last night if I would help with some of the music, and will call me to set up when. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'll start saving my money now! If there's anything I'd rather do than supervise men in a tent from my beachside resort suite, I can't imagine what it could possibly be! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I get warm fuzzies all over just thinking about it.

t&l

I was surfing the internet looking at blogs, and came across this girl's blog, and noticed a very fascinating discourse on affairs. So I'm posting it below.

RFA.....Ripe For an Affair

My salon at home has started to get busy and all is going really well there. I'm ever so grateful for my loyal clients. After a while, when I have been doing a clients hair for sometime I begin to feel like friends with them. After all they tell me such intimate details of their lives, that its only normal that I feel like their friend.

This one particular client has decided to tell my all about her affair with a younger guy. She works as a sports physiotherapist. He had come in with some injury a few months ago and had started to treat him. After he was better he kept coming back so she started to get sus and asked him why (i cant believe she asked him) . And he admitted he like her, so they met up after work for some drinks and bam...they are into a full blown affair. She has been married for about 15 years and has 2 sons 9 and 12. She tells me she has never felt so alive and young and that I should try it. She is looking better though, she has lost weight and is dressing sexier. And she finally let me change her boring hair into a new funky style that took years off her.

Thinking back now I have to admit she was very RFA (Ripe For an Affair). She was always whinging about her boring life and was never doing anything exciting. I have become pretty good at picking out those that are RFA. My sister Sassy and I are always spotting them, especially some of the mums at school.

Here is a list of ways to spot them
1) They used to lead such exciting lives & can't cope with the lack of excitement
2) They start to dress sexy
3) They loose weight
4) They start going out more with their girlfriends.
5) They size up every guy that walks past them
6) They have a flirty attitude
7) They look like they have a secret
8) They start to fight more with their husbands (this way they can justify what they are doing)
9) They become number 1 in their lives, and the kids number 2
10) They just look good

Have you noticed that more and more it's women that are having the affairs, not men. Is this cause we like the thought of being naughty and exciting or is it more a control/power thing.
Some of my friends that have had affairs admit its a control/power thing. That they had little say in their home lives, having to please the kids and hubby, that this was the one thing they had control of and it made them happy. Many have gone on to be serial offenders, with multiple lovers. It's an addiction, and not unlike those that starve themselves for selfcontrol. And it usually ends in tears. Childrens tears when their parents split. This will always be the one thing that would stop me. Even if I wanted to and wasn't considering my husbsnds feelings, I don't think I could be selfish enough to possibly destroy my son's security of a stable family. Even if all the stories I hear sound like fun. So if you are out there thinking of plunging into an affair, ask yourself who would truly get hurt if you got busted.

I'm glad I got my temptation met and done with while I was still young, to tell you the truth. I think if I hadn't I would've been very, extremely, intensely, overwhelmingly vulnerable in my middle age, because to add to all the "reasons" they list for women to have affairs, would've been added the burden of aging and losing your looks. Well, I guess your looks aren't really lost, since they're still hanging around as closely as your nearest mirror...just in a no-longer-recognizable format! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> And fresh male attention can be so irresistibly affirming when you feel your youth and allure steadily, mercilessly slipping away.

I've been typing as I talked on the phone to Cingular Wireless while they worked on fixing my misdirected payments. I'm done now, and need to write a couple of letters (without any smiley-face emoticons! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />) to the responsible parties regarding the defective septic tank. So I'm pretty much done on MB for right now, because Grandpa's haircut comes after that, before he wears Neak right into the ground complaining about how shaggy he looks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

However, I will say, both as a lesson from the Saga, as well as one facet of my character today because of it, that my own temptation and failure have left me extraordinarily sympathetic to people who fall when they are tempted. I have great sympathy for HP. As angry as I was with AJ for screwing around on my very own DD, my understanding of how easy it is to give ear to temptation (and heart and mind and body! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />) had a profound effect on what I said and didn't say to him while the affair was going on. I am also quick to forgive, and to give somebody another chance, if they're sorry and want to try again. Why shouldn't I be, after what God has forgiven me?

t&l

Before I go tackle other problems, let me just say this about that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I am absolutely not trying to make myself sound like some saintly soul of infinite patience who cannot be annoyed by the failings and foibles of others. That would be SO not true. People bug the, um, stuffing out of me a lot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> But even Biomom, Biodad, and GargyGranny haven't been bad enough yet for me to reject them completely, if the time came when they ever wanted to be real friends. Everybody's screwed up in one way or another, to some degree (sorry, Neak and Neaksis, you, too--but only a teensy bit! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). You don't have to accept in order to be able to forgive, or to try and understand. It goes back to my poor aborted post regarding the Proper Use of Tools, and why what tempts your WS doesn't necessarily seem to be a temptation to you. Stan (to use Neak's frequent typo) uses what works. Even if there is divorce, with legal battles, and custody issues, and every other unpleasant thing that might come in the aftermath of an affair...forgiveness still sets you free, no longer hostage to the bad, stupid, unwise, and even evil behavior of others. Take it from one who feasted on it for years, the root of bitterness spoken of in the Bible will indeed destroy all who persist in consuming it, and are consumed by it. Don't let it happen to you. If YOU are the only thing you are able to salvage intact from your marriage, you will have enough to survive.

t&l

Nicely put!

Daisy

Thank you. I mean, when you get down to the nitty-gritty, who can anybody salvage from anything, except themselves? You can Plan A, Plan B, Plan Campbell's alphabet soup--but if somebody is determined to be stupid, is there really anything you can do to stop them? Other adults, I mean. The Dervish can be stopped...so far. But he's 4. And scrawny. Once they quit being kids, it's a whole 'nother ball game, isn't it? Even if the adults are acting like kids, or worse.

Well, Grandpa's head is coming towards me in a very bushy fashion. Guess I'd better get out the nippers and nip.

t&l

Neak, I'm glad to hear you're doing so well. I was just concerned based on t&l and Neaksis's surprise about what they didn't intuit about your feelings. Which started me wondering if you were near the 6th month mark.

It was counter-intuitive for me to figure out why I was struggling at the 6th month mark; and a real blessing to come here for understanding.

I absolutely LOVE this place. And even though I'm way beyond recovery, threads like this help me with my ongoing personal recovery and future growth!

Not to mention all the dang HUMOR!!!

I LOVE the statement "The Dervish can be stopped...so far!"

I look forward to hearing how he evolves!! You are blessed to have your family so close by. What great support you have.

My goodness, I do believe I have time to tell a story!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

All my boys went swimming, so I'm in the house all by myself!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok, to setup the background. If you recall my father and sister came to visit for 9 days at the 1st of October. My father will be 80 in February, my sister is 34, and I am 45.

My mother died 23 years ago, and since that time my father and sister have lived together continuously. It is a blessing that they have each other....to a point! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

My older sister (47) and I are grateful that my YS lives with my dad because we don't have to worry about taking care of him. He's had various age related heath issues that you would expect of a guy his age, and her benefit is that she lives basically expense free all these years.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> plus for many many years she collected SS from my mother's death, which my dad put into a savings account and gave to her untouched.

So it's a blessing to all of us that they have the living arrangement they do.

I last saw them July 4th week when we got together at a lake cabin. Nothing struck me as unusual about my father's condition at that time - he's just slow getting around.

So imagine my surprise when he walked(if you could call it that) through the door NOT VERY WELL! I thought he was just stiff and tired after a 10 hour car ride. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I was stunned to see over the next few days, that he had to hold on to the wall and anything else he could reach in order to shuffle around my house. Finally he said to me one morning that his leg was numb...Hmmmmm I thought, and asked him details. Well he speaks clam after all and I didn't get much information from him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

He really didn't move much except to come in to eat, or go to the bathroom - basically very minimally. Thinking he must be getting cabin fever, I decided to take him to a new museum that had opened up recently. Hoping they had wheelchairs, I went to the admission counter.

Found out that they hadn't gotten their wheelchairs in yet. Went back to tell dad about this and found that he had gotten to a bench in front of the museum all on his own. However he wasn't able to get to the entrance because of the GRAND Entrance they had. And that's when it hit me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Something is very wrong. He couldn't pick up his left foot/leg and we really had no business trying to motivate him to do so, especially with him talking about numbness.

So my sister and I decided we had better have him checked out by a Doc. So instead of continuing on to the museum we went to the ER.

What's huge about this decision in my family is that my older sister is the BIG BAD NURSE <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> in our family and we consult with her about EVERYTHING! The pressure of taking our dad to the hospital without her was not what I wanted!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

She's one of those bossy "take-charge" nurse types that you just step back and watch in awe as she calls the shots! She's great to have around because she knows her stuff. But I try not to get on her bad side~!

BRB...

Ok, well it turns out that speaking clam incudes not being able to state symptoms correctly because.......

The ER doc proceeded to prove to my dad that he wasn't numb! And how he did this was he took what looked like a chopstick and broke it in half - he then proceeded to poke my father with the stick that had jagged sharp edges now up one side and down the other. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Asking repeatedly "Do you feel this", "And how about this?" My father was very polite at first saying yes, yes, yes, yeS,yES,YES,ouch,oucH,ouCH,oUCH,OUCH,OUCH,OUCH as the doc moved towards his privates!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Point proven.....my father wasn't numb at all! But what he did have was weakness on his left side - by which you all probably have guessed means he had a stroke. A mild one, I believe they call them TIAs right?

And how perfectly clam of him to not have the obvious stroke signs THANK GOD! So mild it was, and his instructions after all the subsequent tests were for him to R&R the rest of his visit.

We rented a wheelchair and wheeled him everywhere from that point forward. He was liking it too much. Man are wheelchairs heavy!

Fortunately when I reported to my OS, she approved completely what had been done and once dad and YS returned, she would take over his medical care. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

So all's well that ends well for now at least. He's off to see a neurologist who will make plans to clean out his carteroid (spl?) arteries which are partially clogged. And he's off to physical therapy to see if he can gain enough mobility so he will be allowed to drive. (his doc at home suspended his driving priviledges for the time being) Thank God for that as well. His reaction time is so slow, that it worries me to have him behind the wheel of a car. I'm worried for everyone else on the road that would have to look out for him too.

So he's bummed about that, and with a few other complications that are hard to manage in an old guy, we (my sisters and I) need to be thinking about the future for him.

So in November I'm off to visit them for several days so we can take care of some family business and come to an agreement about his life, (with his input of course). By then he should have further testing complete, and several good weeks of physical therapy under his belt.

So that's the story about my dad (who speaks clam) and his recent visit.

It's hard to see him age. He looked young for his years, but has never recovered completely from my mother's death. He was 56 at the time and she was 51 when she died. Way, way too young for both of them. And he was NEVER interested in dating.

For perspective my husband is 55 NOW, and I can't imagine him NOT dating should I die when he's 56!!!

Edited to ad emoticons!!!

Like I said, her facade could give my facade lessons! And they're only almost to the 4-month mark, so there's another 2 months to go before she hits the wall, metaphorically speaking. Boy, THAT'S something to look forward to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />




Well, I'm bigger than he is. And considerably more devious, if far less agile. With his hair cut short he reminds me a lot of Curious George in appearance, and in behavior, regardless of the length of his locks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> When we were wave chasing, I'd be standing up there on the beach for just a FEW seconds to let my feet thaw, and he'd already be back down in the water again so I had to gallop after him. Over and over. It wasn't just the lighthouse's 616 steps that solidified my leg muscles into solid lumps of pain!



I hope you're talking to Neak. If so, please keep up the refrain. She needs to hear it often, and loudly. She keeps talking about wanting to move to Montana. I don't WANT to move to Montana, but neither do I want her to be so far away from me. Do you know how cold Montana is to somebody who grew up in the tropics? And the wind!! Wowie kazowie! We traveled through it in the summer time a few years' back, and at dusk I nearly froze. I'd turn into a Lot's wife of ice if I had to live there through a winter. Montana is a bad, bad idea. Close by is good. As long as close by isn't arctic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Neak said I was supposed to tell camping stories. I told her a picture is worth a thousand words,so by the time I posted all those photos, at 1000 words per pop, I was left with nothing to say! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Besides, I DID tell some stories. I guess I left out the ones she thought were important. So let HER tell them. it is 6:42 PM on a Friday night. With the exception of the 1-1/2 hrs. I napped in the car this morning in the hospital parking lot, I've been up since yesterday afternoon at 3PM. I, t&l, wild party animal, am going to sleep. Try not to have TOO much fun while I'm gone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

t&l

My family wasn't pleased when I moved 648 miles from them...but they sure like to visit. It's just hard to not have them around so we can run around and do things together. I was very close with my OS, she was easy for me to be around.

And our kids don't know each other as well as we would like. It's hard to be good friends when you see each other only a couple of times a year.

t&l, I know what you mean about devious. Thank GOD I am as devious as I am, because I need every bit of it to keep up with my YS. He hasn't pulled anything yet that I haven't seen before, however he's very creative with his hiding places....his worse stunt so far is that he was mad as my older son, so he sneaked into his room and poured water into his beloved CD player. Well, I forced a confession out of YS, and he apologized to OS. But that's just one of the many stories about that child!!!

SS has heard me talk about him before many times. The good news is that he finally found something he LOVEs to do and he's good at it. He LOVES chess! And it's something he can sit still long enough to do. It's an enormous blessing! He won a trophy at his 1st tournament. The change in him has been remarkable - he has much more confidence than I've evern seen him have before!

t&l....you wild party animal - "sweet dreams"!

I'm looking forward to hearing Neak's important camping stories!

Just what exactly are you implying here, CSue? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> What is this word "bossy" of which you speak? We do not have this word on my planet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Nor "take-charge", either. Ask my daughters. THEY'LL tell you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My mom had TIAs for years before she finally had a series of strokes over about 3 days and died 2 days after the last one. She was given a medicine called Plavix that I think lengthened her life by several years, since once she started the TIAs decreased in both frequency and severity, right up until the end.

How ironic that, as you noted, even your dad's symptoms were in Clam. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Isn't that just too appropriate for words? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Glad you got him treated. You done good.

t&l

ohhhhhhhhhhh t&l,

That reminds me.........I've been meaning to ask you -

Do you deliver your own grandbabies?????

I've been wanting to ask this of you forever!!!

I'm going to answer this only this post and then turn off the computer before I can get tempted to write any more! I was her nurse for all 3 babies. I delivered the Dervish myself, not because I intended to, but because when the Dr. arrived, he stood behind me and looked over my shoulder and said, when I told him to put on his gloves, "That's OK, you're doing a fine job. Go ahead."

I said, "No, I've only got one glove on." (I don't DO slimy! Blecch! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />)

Neak said, "Gn-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n," and there came the Dervish right into my singly-gloved hand and its poor naked companion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He was the only one she didn't have stitches for, so I was proud of that. But slimy is slimy, whether I'm related to it or not, and if I'd known I was going to do the delivery, I'd have certainly put on TWO gloves. The other 2 I just did nursing care. I'll tell more about that later, if you're really curious. With what's-his-name (#1--I can't remember what his MB nickname) it was pretty routine. With the Pwintheth, who was a pound bigger than her brothers, Neak got stuck at 8cm and was headed towards a c-section when I decided if I was going to intervene I'd better hurry...because once the day shift got there I wouldn't be able to take care of her any more and none of them would be aggressive in trying to head off a surgery. She delivered 6 minutes before the day shift started, so it was very, VERY close...and pretty uncomfortable for Neak for the last half hr. or so, although not as uncomfortable as 8 wks. of post-operative healing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We've talked about having this one at home, and if I knew there'd be no complications we could. It would be fine except for the mess afterwards, and no housekeeping services in sight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> But when all's said and done, I think we'll head back to the same hospital as she went for all the others so we can have that emergency backup...just in case.

t&l

You'd better believe we'll be heading to the hospital. I have my same nice big room all picked out for round #4.

Well, CSue, I just haven't really understood what's been happening. Yes, I had gathered some info from all the handy-dandy 'kits' on here, so I wasn't totally clueless, but it's one thing to read a little bit of an overview and quite another to live through day after day of recovery.

MC has been a smashing success. We have stretched it out to every 2-3 weeks because all we had left to do anyway was a brief checkup. "Y'all still doing this? And this and this?" "Yep, yep, yep. All that's going real fine." "And you're both saying ILY and spending lots of time together?" "Yup, those, too."

We go through and rate certain aspects of our R on a 10-scale, each one showing steady growth. Everything wonderful, and AJ working to become the kind of husband I always hoped I would have. There are only a couple small things I would still want to see changed, all in due time. Things are on the right track and going very smoothly.

So I didn't understand why I was so bothered when AJ asked how much longer I planned on going to counseling. I said that I still needed the accountability, which I do, but didn't know exactly how to explain that there was still so much wrong with me that even if the counseling was not directly addressing what I was/am having problems with, that it still makes me feel much more comfortable. I had been thinking anyway of arranging some individual sessions to see if anything better could be done, but I may just learn enough here from those of you who have been where I am.

I know Dr. Harley recommends that resentment be dealt with by building positive things, and that that will eventually take care of the other, so that is what I've been aiming for, but in actual practice have not been terribly successful so far. There's definitely progress, and as long as I keep seeing progress I won't stress excessively, but some cleaning products are bound to wash off the muck faster than others. There is a line between being pushed down into the goo and having a really hard time getting up, and just wallowing. I have definitely crossed the line on more than one occasion, although there is a great deal of the just-having-a-hard-time, too.

Overall it is an intense battle for my mind and thoughts.

The camping trip was a nice break from that. There was no mental warfare, only sun and wind and family. Wet, gritty little children begging for hot cocoa. Raccoons a few feet from our campfire, enjoying the cat food thoughtfully provided by Planned Feralhood. Getting up during the most frigid part of the night to stagger across to the bathroom. Ok, so some parts were better than others, but all were suitable distracting. I can't live at the ocean, so I'll have to find a way to do the same thing at home. (Actually I do get up during the night to go to the bathroom at home, too, but you know what I mean.)

I'll continue later, but it's late and I'm getting sooooo sleepy. Hungry, too, since all I did was snack at supper time. What to do? I really should not eat one of those fresh, gooey, home-baked cinnamon rolls no matter how good they smell. Strawberry cheescake ice cream? Not the best choice, either. Chocolate covered mint cooky? Ditto, but mouth-watering. All of the above? Tempting. I'll try to be brave and just drink some water. Nite, all.