SABBATH MORNING, WHILE GP GETS READY FOR CHURCH......................
Today while I wait, I'll be writing the complete history of the Roman empire. The last I looked he was in there on the bed, sitting with his clothes in his lap. Maybe he's waiting for lightning to strike. "Here I am, Daddy. Thundering, too, just for you!" (All that unaccustomed food has an unsurprising, if unfortunate, side effect. OtherSusan the Flatulent. It's the people that stand around NEXT to me that are the stupid ones now.) Not that this will have any effect upon the enthusiasm I'll be bringing to all these meals, you understand. I assume all middle-aged women with weak sphincters develop coping mechanisms of one sort or another. Mine is to feign deafness and keep walking REALLY fast. The fast walking part may prove difficult on the dinner cruise tonight, given the confines of a catamaran. Let's just hope the trade winds are brisk. Your dad's computer has no emoticons. I'm finding out it's much harder to do this without them than I thought it would be. I miss my little emotional crutchicons.

Your dad and I usually only ride together to and from church. I'd forgotten what it's like to travel with Marvin the Maniac, but it's all coming back to me...at rather high speeds, too. I don't think he was made to drive on highways where the freeway speed is 45 mph. I don't expect any of you EVER AGAIN to talk about how fast I drive. My driving leaves the slime trail of a snail compared to your dad's. It wouldn't be so bad if I could read a book and pretend that I'm somewhere else, but he expects me to be looking out the window and warning him ahead of time that the street he's supposed to turn on is coming up. Yes, it is coming up. At Warp 9 speed, too, and how am I supposed to read THAT in time to give sufficient warning. "Commander, we seem to have overshot the Andromeda galaxy and will have to reverse course at this time." "Overshot the galaxy? How did that happen? How can you overshoot a whole galaxy? And why didn't anybody tell me before it was too late?" "A thousand pardons, Excellency. I would've told you, but I don't speak Warp 9."

Good food last night. I tried to tell your dad that there was fish in the sushi. He said it looked like pink food coloring to him. Right, fish colored pink with food coloring. I stuck with the corn shushis (2, or was it 3?) and when they were divvying up the leftovers so that they wouldn't have to get tossed, managed to "rescue" the last 3 on the platter. Plus some truly excellent potato salad, and some Oriental noodle stuff. It's going to be breakfast as soon as I quit typing...which, now that I've started talking about food, will be very shortly. There was a Chinese gentleman there who works in the entertainment industry. He says if you watch The Wedding Singer, you can see his back (I assume that means the long black ponytail) and his profile. He entertained everybody with Chinese massage, including your dad, and then went on to somebody else without so much as touching my poor destroyed neck. I scowled at your dad, and he laughed. However, later he came back and rubbed my neck for quite awhile, focusing on sore spots I didn't even know I had. I was VERY entertained. By the time he finally worked his way over to the side with the whiplash injury, his ride wanted to take him home. I'm hoping he's feeling therapeutic on the cruise tonight, too.

I hear the food in fridge. It's calling my name."OtherSusan the Voracious, where ARE you?" And you all know I can never resist a question! I'd tell you good-bye but it's rude to talk with my mouth this full.

SUNDAY AM
I was too tired to write anything by the time we got back here. I'm not sure I have enough energy this morning, either,
although I DID sleep through the rooster's morning ritual. Or so your dad claims. I think somebody probably killed it, and
he's just trying to make me think I was sleeping more soundly that I actually can. You KNOW what a light sleeper I am! Your
dad is making up a LOT of stories these days. Last night on the cruise he tried to say he'd seen a porpoise (while I wasn't
looking, of course!). The only thing that was missing from his tale was the sea creature's little playmate and companion, a
yellow-headed blackbird fluttering joyfully above the waves.


It's raining. In CA that would be an end to a day's outdoor excursions...at least for me. Here, it's just a passing cloud,
and if IT doesn't pass, we'll be going someplace else anyway where it won't matter. You kids may or may not remember how
shish kabobs became one of our family's major food groups in the first place, but I had them for the first time when I was a
kid, and the elementary school sold them at the school fairs they had for fundraisers. I always knew that the ones we made,
while excellent examples of dead soys, didn't quite measure up to the original. Yesterday I was enlightened. I will be
bringing home the reciple for the home-made gluten steaks that are the foundation, plus how to make the sauce in which the
steaks are marinated. But the final step, which I never knew before, is that the "real" ones are broiled over an open flame
to give them their crisp outer texture. At least now I know why the shish kabob sticks were often a bit charred on each end.
Well, how was I supposed to know? I thought they were brought at night by the shickabob fairy. Who called them "shickabob"
anyway? Well, tell the shickabob fairy is real, because I met her here and I'm going to see her again today, AND SHE HAS
SHICKABOBS ONLY FOR ME. Haha. Not only that, but in May they have another fundraiser, and I said I'd send her some money so
they could FedEx me an order. Even for me, a trip over here to pick them up my self seems a bit excessive!


Yesterday I saw my teachers from 3rd, 5th, 6th, and 8th grade. Oddly enough, they are much shorter now than they were in the
'50s and '60s. Not nearly as intimidating, either. For a bunch of little Japanese ladies, they were massively skilled in
juvenile crowd control! My old choir/voice teacher has moved back here, too, and is the choir director for the church now. He
was very surprised to see us, and immediately commandeered your dad and me to sing in the choir. That was trippy. Your dad
took some pictures of the potluck for you to see, since I wanted you to experience as much of it with me as possible. Do I
detect expressions of skepticism on your little cyberfaces, my darling children? Would I gloat? You betcha. And for my
enormously finky eldest, I want to say that there was a lovely tray of breaded scallops with tartar sauce, which I saved for
my last bite, AND IT WASN'T EGGPLANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The cruise was interesting. One of the students brought along 3 vegetarian entree things for us. Good thing, because
otherwise we'd have had rice, mashed potatoes, salad, and bread. And really cool drinks. I've got a picture to show you of
our virgin lava flows, which were an ice slush of pineapple, coconut, and strawberry puree to make the red-hot lava. It was
very pretty, and pretty tasty. Our "Hawaiian" entertainer was the whitest lady you could ever hope to see, and old enough to
need longer sleeves on those upper arms, too. Wait till you see the hula dancers with the coconut shell bras. If one of
those puppies had slipped, the whole floor show would've been x-rated. I heard that one of our party got sick and threw up a
little, maybe even at the table, but I missed it, being busy eating at the time. I wasn't seasick at all, but it does feel
odd to have your "solid" foundation rolling back and forth. No wonder sailors walk funny! We saw the inter-island cruise
ship leave port while we were at somebody's house on Pacific Heights. You can see lights from one horizon to the other. It
was gorgeous. I think the cruise thing sounds like fun. You sail from one island to the next during the night hours,
sightsee during the day, and travel again at night. I was told that if you get the cheap rooms (LIKE WE'D HAVE A CHOICE!) you
can do all this travel for $100/day, meals included.


I'm going to eat some breakfast (we've still got party leftovers) so I can build up enough strength to go to my old elemetary
school and buy me some shickabobs. By tonight I will have large bags of li hing powder in my personal possession. I expect to
be treated very nicely, thank you very much. I've also been told that li hing pineapple is even better than li hing mango.
I'll sacrifice myself for you dear little souls, and try it out first. We'll have to see if anything bad happens to me before
I risk any of you. And if dear sweet baby girl asks me again, "Mom, are you sure you're going to fit in your plane seat on
the way back?" I'm going to sit on her and squash her flat.


Oh, yes, the Chinese gentleman is Japanese. Oopsie! You'd think the Japanese last name would've been a tip-off, but not to me! Apparently all my blood was busy in my stomach...digesting food.

Wow, what made this weird format? I did it the same as all the others. Sorry it's so odd, but your GP just came out and told me he was done shaving, and now he was going to wash his face, so it sounds like he's almost ready and I'd better get out of my pj's myself!

Meadghbh Elizabeth

Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oan.

I am SO not hungry. I can't even begin to tell you. When Neaksis told me tonight that I was going to have to be rolled down the cargo ramp and dumped out, I almost had to agree with her. Thank my lucky stars for the inventor of elastic. We are a fatter, and much more comfortable, people because of it! My childhood playmates and their husbands are taking us out to dinner tomorrow night--Chinese restaurant--and I'm almost tempted to suggest that we share a can of SlimFast amongst the lot of us!

And then only if I'm hungry. And on the subject of food, I forgot the multi-layered lemon chiffon cake that we had for dessert on the cruise. After dinner we went and sat outside for awhile. Your dad took a picture of me that really is mostly wind blowing up in my muumuu and making it pouf out, but after all the meals I've spent days describing, I bet it wouldn't be hard to convince somebody that was all really me in there!

I have to thank you boys for all the contributions you have made to my unsqueamishness about creepies and crawlies. It stood me in good stead this morning when I was making the bed. I walked around to the side by the wall and there was a 2-1/2" cockroach lying dead on the carpet, all his ugly little cockroach legs protruding stiffly into the air. He's still there, too, by the way. I think your dad's the one who killed him. You kill, you toss. That's MY motto.
Our dinner hostesses tomorrow night are sisters. The middle one lives in CA somewhere, so she'll miss the feast (shudder, shudder!) The oldest sister was my partner in crime when we were kids, although I suppose it would be fairer to say that she got sucked into my crimes. Tommy was my REAL partner, and co-developer, in crime. I'm bringing home a picture of the famous Dr. K, whose brand-new black Cadillac was decorated by the two of us. With sharp rocks. And long scratches. Pictorial exotica by which the boring black shininess of the car was relieved. Joy is the one who, when our parakeet died, helped me bury it in a mayonnaise jar outside Aunt Lillie's window and under her bouganvillea bush. She's also the one who helped me dig it up several months later so we could "see how it was doing." Not too well, as it turned out. Who would ever have guessed (if they hadn't checked) that so much nasty liquid could've come out of such a small bird? We were laughing about this tale a couple of visits back, and her teenage son and daughter were both listening. I wish you could've seen the expressions of horror on their youthful faces as they heard the kinds of things their mother used to do. She's the kindergarten teacher now. How much you want to bet that her juvenile shenanigans with me weren't the best preparation for dealing with small children she could ever have had? Her sister is the 2nd grade teacher now. Several others from my era at the Academy are also elementary teachers there...and I PROMISE you, the teachers who had us didn't look at a single one of them and say, "You're going to teach here some day. I just KNOW it." Metamorphosis, you know. We were all caterpillars then, with nary the hint of a butterfly in sight. How interesting life has turned out to be.

I just read that the new baby's name might be Meadgbgh, or something like that. Let me tell you a little secret, if that's what gets selected, inspiration isn't the only thing that's going to "strike" the new mama. She'd be spelling that stupid thing for clerks, teachers, police officers (when she gets stopped for speeding),etc. for the rest of her natural-born days. "Would that be 'dgbgh' or 'gdgbh' or go-to-h? Oh, never mind the spelling. I don't care. Your name is Sally."
After the cruise Saturday night, one of the class members, who had always been a great favorite of your GP's, came up to him and put his arms around him, kissed him and said, "I love you." GP hugged him back and I stood off to the side all teary-eyed, wondering if this will be the last time he'll ever get to do this. I wonder that a lot on trips like this, but so far he's a Timex watch and just keeps on ticking.

They have got SO many tourist opportunities on this island now. Little towns that were barely names on the map, places where when you attended HMA you had to stay in the dorm because it was too far from home to commute every day, now have stores, shopping centers, boutiques, with LOTS more houses, and LOTS less parking. The dinner cruise people also offer a submarine tour of Waikiki beach (only $79/person, plus tax!). Personally I wouldn't have thought there was much to see underwater around Waikiki except sand and tourist legs, but they allege fish, and shipwrecks, and sunken aircraft. I'm not quite sure how the Atlantis company is creating "new homes for fish" through "impressive reef development activities," buy hey, it's an ad--would these people LIE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course these are the same folk whose dinner cruise ad said that "The superior design of the vessel allows it to virtually glide across the water." Tell THAT to the lady from our group who threw up from all that "gliding." They do have special Russian tours of Oaha. Must've been a group on that cruise because there was a van waiting for them when we got of and I read the inscription "Eskoorsee na Rooskom", and was quite pleased with myself that I could still pick it out. I think I'll post this before it gets any more unwieldy and go back to nagging GP to get dressed. "Clothes for sleep? Why are you giving me clothes for sleep in the morning?" "No, Daddy, clothes for TODAY."

[t&l]

I just read that the new baby's name might be Meadgbgh, or something like that.

After the cruise Saturday night, one of the class members, who had always been a great favorite of your GP's, came up to him and put his arms around him, kissed him and said, "I love you." GP hugged him back and I stood off to the side all teary-eyed, wondering if this will be the last time he'll ever get to do this. I wonder that a lot on trips like this, but so far he's a Timex watch and just keeps on ticking.

I have to thank you boys for all the contributions you have made to my unsqueamishness about creepies and crawlies. It stood me in good stead this morning when I was making the bed. I walked around to the side by the wall and there was a 2-1/2" cockroach lying dead on the carpet, all his ugly little cockroach legs protruding stiffly into the air. He's still there, too, by the way. I think your dad's the one who killed him. You kill, you toss. That's MY motto.