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Your lil' Dervish is certainly a character! We have a couple of whirling dervishes in our family, although they seem to be growing out of a lot of the "whirling". Our son was also somewhat of a whirling dervish...aided and abetted by the kids who lived behind us. One year, I made a Superman costume for our son (he was about 3) as a Christmas present. He promptly put the cape on, climbed up onto the arm of the couch, jumped off, and said, "Aw, shoot! It don't work!" He still loved to dress up in it, anyway. A couple of summers later, he had outgrown the shirt and tights, but still played with the cape. One day, I heard something on the roof. I looked out the window to see the neighbor kids standing out there, hollering, "JUMP!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I rushed out there to find that DS had managed to put a ladder against the house and climb onto the roof...and was preparing to take off in true Superman-style flight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Only by threatening to kill him was I able to talk him into coming down the ladder, instead. Neighbor kids were banished from my yard with a promise to call their mother. Turns out that DS had told them the cape didn't work when he tried jumping off the couch, but they convinced him that the reason it didn't work was because the couch wasn't high enough. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> When DGS#3 was about 4, DH had parked his truck under a big cedar tree beside the driveway while he was mowing the grass. DH also neglected to remove the key. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> DGS#3 noticed that the wind was blowing that tree pretty well, so he cranked the truck up and drove it INTO THE END OF THE HOUSE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> There was an air conditioner in one of the windows, and that got pushed into the den, where DGS#1 was watching TV. DGS#1 told me, "MeMe, I was just sitting there, and all of a sudden I heard a noise and here comes the air conditioner, so I got up and RAN!" Thankfully, the air conditioner wasn't hurt other than a few dents, and the window frame was only slightly dislodged. When Paw came running around the house, DGS#3 just beamed at him and said, "Paw, I saved your new truck!" Paw wanted to know what he thought he saved the truck FROM. "I saved it from that tree falling on it." Paw chewed him out good and proper and told him that he had better NEVER turn a key to crank anything up ever again! Well, while Paw was fixing the window and putting the air conditioner back in, he heard the lawn mower crank up. Yep, DGS#3 had cranked up the lawn mower and came around the house like a bat out of Hades! After getting his seat warmed for this second offense, he sobbed, "But, Paw! I was just saving you from having to walk back to the lawn mower!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I just wanted to let y'all know that y'all aren't the only ones with a whirling dervish. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Yes, he will certainly keep Neak and AJ occupied...and help them through their grief in his own way. I do want to let you know something from my own experiences, though. Neak may, at a later date, have a day when grief may come crashing down upon her. For me, it was usually about a week after we experienced the loss of each baby. It would be awful, but I think it was a necessary thing, as I was then able to go about daily life a little better...without that heavy weight inside my chest. Oh, I still grieved...still do shed tears from time to time, as a matter of fact. You never really get "over it", but you go on with life. I guess that heavy weight inside my chest was from trying to control my grief so my family wouldn't worry about me. My H said that he dealt with it by going out into the woods and just screaming and hollering. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Lady Clueless; 11/13/05 08:43 PM.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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You never really get "over it", but you go on with life. I'm surprised to read how many of the ladies on this board have suffered pregnancy losses. It's never easy for anybody, but there were special difficulties attending miscarriages in Believer's and Lady Clueless' era (which would be mine, too) because there was so little attention given to the emotional side of it. You didn't see the baby, even if it was "see-able," you didn't get any memories...nothing. I have a good friend at work who lost a term baby during labor some 30+ years ago. She had an emergency c-section, and the baby was buried and gone before she ever got out of the hospital. When our mutual friend lost her baby at 4 days of age, 10 years ago, she came to the hospital and held him and cried, and in some way felt that she'd been able to say good-bye to her own child from so long ago. There was no acknowledgement of women's pain and loss back in those days. It never occurred to medical professionals to even try. The same thing happens now to women like Gell, who lose babies too early to have any precious memories of their infants provided to them at all. Who can blame us for having questions when overwhelmed by this kind of grief, or for wondering why? I'm borrowing myself without permission from FF, since it "fits" here, and I think after Dillon died, we're going to be doing a lot of thinking about why, and what it all means, and where faith comes into play when you've had a painful loss. So we might as well all ruminate together. I'll talk more about it in the future, but since I'm done threatening the Dervish for tonight--I think he's finally fallen asleep--I'm going to head for home. Drat. He's still awake. I'm going home anyway. I'm Grandma'd out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> HP burned our brush pile tonight, and the kids got to have barbecue veggie weiners roasted over the fire...then heated in the microwave when the fire turned out to still be too hot for them to get close enough to for cooking purposes (without cooking themselves first! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />). After all that excitement, plus marshmallow roasting, the Dervish fell asleep on the way home just long enough to revive him so he could object to bedtime. I'm kiddie-watching today for Neak, which doesn't exactly lend itself to deep spiritual meditation , so I can't really try to tackle this for you right now. There is an answer, though--even a "straight" one--that can be seen and understood, I believe, by the eye of faith.
In the meantime, let me assure you that you are one in a long line of people who have wrestled with this very issue. Go to Psalm 73:1-17, and read how King David struggled with his envy at the wicked, who seemed to have everything going for them, while he tried to do good, only to be "plagued" and "chastened" for his efforts. His understanding and acceptance came when he "went into the sanctuary of God," where he "understood...their end." The sanctuary service tells the story. It contains your answer, and it promises you that your best days are still ahead (and your DS's, too). According to the Bible, for your WS and his mistress, however, unless they repent, turn away from their sins, and are forgiven, these are the best days they'll ever have. It's hard to see the glory of the future, though, while bogged down in the pain of now...but you're still farther ahead than they are, or can ever hope to be, while they continue in the course they have chosen.
The Dervish is frighteningly silent. I must go and investigate. If you want to chew on this subject more later, I'd be happy to do so, since I've tangled with this sort of jealousy myself over and over again during my life, even if it was not for the same reason. t&l P.S. Neak laughed when she read about Lady Clueless' son, and said, "Oh, good. It could be worse." And I said, "Yeah, her son could still be 4 years old, your next door neighbor, and the Dervish's best friend!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
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T&L - You are exactly right about how primitive things used to be for grieving moms. Can you believe, after losing my baby, they put me on the L&D floor? I stayed up all night listening to moms giving birth.
There was one nurse that came and comforted me though. She was the one who got me through it. The doctors were worthless. Maybe that's why I have always had a lot of respect for nurses.
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Can you believe, after losing my baby, they put me on the L&D floor? There may not have been any other logical place to put you, although it probably never entered the hospital mind-set back then to try and give you a room in a less-traumatic site. After all, 25 years ago, these events weren't considered actual losses, "just" miscarriages. At my hospital, we try to put people out on the surgical floor, as space is available. Sometimes, if there's no private room out there, and they'd be sharing a room with an agitated oldster, patients elect to keep their private room on the L&D floor, as the better of 2 bad choices! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> In Neak's case, I called ahead and requested the room in the very back at the far end of the least-used hallway. The room itself had a solid wooden door, and that section of the hall also had one, so when they both were closed she was fairly-well insulated from any of the activity in the rest of the department. She also spent the night there afterwards, since I figured nobody anywhere else in the hospital was likely to take better care of her than my own friends. I'm sorry for your rough experience back then. I'm sure the fact that the treatment you got was par for the course in those days doesn't make it any easier to remember. I'm glad, though, that you had someone who tried to make it better for you. Well, maybe not "better." Just less bad. What a lot of baby playmates there will be in heaven! I hope they've got some kind of improvement on diaper patrol, as we know it!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I'll be over smelling the roses, thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> t&l
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Thinking of you all. Wishing you well.
Praying for you.
SS
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Thanks for the prayers and the good wishes. It has touched our hearts to have so many express their loving concern for us in our loss. It is fascinating to me to observe how the MB board has become to us (as it doubtless has to others) both different and more than we ever expected it to be when we first wandered by. I sometimes look at pages from The Sad Saga of OtherSusan the Stupid and wonder, "Where'd all THAT come from anyway?" Who knew, at my age, and in this format, I would come to know so many people...and so many people would come to know me too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> It is a daily pleasure both to "speak" and to "listen" here on this thread, and others. And in the process, we find ourselves gaining insights, changing opinions, growing testicles (even we girls, if necessary), as we learn about ourselves and what we need to do. Neak told me tonight that AJ mentioned to her on the way home from the hospital that he felt the family had become much closer over the last year, with all our troubles, even HP and him. OK, now there's a newsflash for y'all! I'll let Neak give her own details as she wants (unless she takes too long), but since the funeral service was private for just a few relatives and friends, we had no pastor, figuring we could do it ourselves to suit us. Neak asked HP to say a prayer. He decided that a prayer wasn't "enough" for the occasion, and extemporized a talk, during which he cried quite noticeably on several occasions. Clams cry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Who'da thunk it? So I think AJ is right. This whole experience--starting with the affair--has altered the dynamics and course of this family in unexpected ways. And in the long run, I know we'll be better for it, too. Short run hasn't been too hot, though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Well, it's getting late and I'm worn to a thread. At least tomorrow I don't have to get up for anything that I know of, and if something comes up, how's about nobody tell me about it until at least 9:30? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> t&l
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If the clam can cry, he can talk. Not sure what it will take, but I bet he can learn. I see you are worn to a thread - I need to loose weight......... tell me how you did it? Oh, and I would guess you need a new wardrobe now, you may as well post pics. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Lady C,
I haven't heard any thing bad on your end for quite some time.
Is that good?
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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I need to loose weight......... tell me how you did it?
Oh, and I would guess you need a new wardrobe now, you may as well post pics. Not sure which photo you thought indicated weight loss. It was probably just a fortunate camera angle, since right now I'm supposed to lose weight for my BP but hadn't been able to get motivated quite yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> For me, it involves cutting out sodas (<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />), cutting way back on other sweets, and oils. My two favorite food groups, too--sugar and fat! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I still have clothes saved from the last time I lost weight, so I think a recycled wardrobe would be more in order than a new one, should the time come. Been putting off a re-visit to the MD, too, because I didn't want to get lectured. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> t&l
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Not sure which photo you thought indicated weight loss. Not from a photo - I got it from this: Well, it's getting late and I'm worn to a thread. Threads are p r e t t y thin AROUND HERE. So, I thought you must be thin now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I'm about where you report you are - except I didn't save my clothes. It makes me tired to think about how your last week was. I'm one of those people that doesn't know what to say, but I try anyway. I just hope good comes out of all this. SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Not sure which photo you thought indicated weight loss. Not from a photo - I got it from this: Well, it's getting late and I'm worn to a thread. Threads are p r e t t y thin AROUND HERE. So, I thought you must be thin now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Ah. I get it now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Slow catching on these days, for some reason. I would be one of the big, sturdy, wide, industrial-strength threads, then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> "All things work together for good to them that love God..." I've always noticed how it does NOT say all things feel good while they're working together, though!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> More's the pity. t&l
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"All things work together for good to them that love God..." I've always noticed how it does NOT say all things feel good while they're working together, though!!
More's the pity.
I've noticed that VERY SAME THING.
But then, how would we appriciate being happy, if we were never sad? I think good days feel good because of the bad days.
Still don't look for the bad ones though.
Life is good to you despite the hardships?
More happy than sad?
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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You have very intelligent trousers, young lady! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> You may have called it, though. That would explain a lot. I guess when a person's as short as I am, they get to the end of their rope a lot faster than they would otherwise, and the reason I feel so close to the end of mine is because I was already so close to it when I started. Maybe I should just tie my toes in a knot and hang onto my feet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> t&l
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Hi guys how are you all? just to prove I'm not the smartest twigg off the tree, I agreed on the weekend to look after our friends little 5 yr old girl while they have to run over to China... the H dad is very very ill and hes a bit concerned about taking the kids. His son is at boarding school here for the few months but can come home to us whenever. I sorta half brought little Lisa & Tom up so it was no big one really.... but now with Mikey too...I'm re-entering the REAL mum years and I feel SOOOOO old!! AW child care corp! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Aussie wont mind -- I hope - as far as he's concerned he loves kids and any around when he is get treated like ours ... half the time I never knew how many I was cooking for... back to the future..lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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as far as he's concerned he loves kids and any around when he is get treated like ours From your stories, it sounded to me like he WAS one of the kids! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And you, the lone and outnumbered adult in the group! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Oh, well, somebody's got to be the grownup, I guess... First night back at work. I didn't like it very well. I guess it will get better. t&l
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AFter having gone back to work after some many months - 18 - I have to say NOPE it does not get better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The trouble with being the grown up is that you are the party pooper <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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Sorry if I'm asking this out-of-turn, but is 18 months how long it has been since Peter died? I don't know, but why I thought that had happened quite awhile ago. One of the friends who came to Dillon's funeral is the nurse who lost the 4-day old 10 yrs. ago. She can talk about him now without crying every single time, but she's not "over" it yet, and I'm sure she realizes she never will be, not all the way. Neak especially appreciated her attendance at the funeral, since Dillon is buried only a few feet away from Hans, and almost 10 years to the day afterwards, too. But she came, and made all that food, too. There's true friendship, as far as I'm concerned.
What I've learned over the years of working with people who lose an infant is simple: There is no timetable for grief, no schedule for recovery. Nobody's mourning is exactly the same as anybody else's, and nobody can decide for someone else how they should deal with their loss, or when it's been "long enough." And you can't really plan ahead, or practice, either. You just plow forward, and blunder through the best that you can.
t&l
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I'm losing track of time and what I posted where to whom. DID I tell you Aussies brother rang me about 2 weeks ago - see another very active communicator <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> - asked me if I had heard from his big bro. Yes I had blah blah blah so on & so forth. "CLICK" the light went on!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> OK AB ..whats wrong. "Ah nuthin." Ab ? Well um you see I went on the Rottnest Island fun run - this is an old prison/Army island about 12 miles off the coast which is now a family holiday place ..no cars allowed all bikes or walking Photo last holiday we had there They swim across - yes right through the white pointer feeding grounds, I DID SAY he was aussies brother you know - then get out at the pub - yes the PUB - and run around the lakes in the islands interior back to the pub for drinkies. The lakes are so high in salt you cannot sink, its weird. Well the road back is across a causeway lined with big limestone rocks to protect it from the lakes and he decides he needs a wee. He thought he'd just duck off to the side of the road in the rocks and get relief, Un Ah ....... he goes full tilt into a out cropping piece of rock just at eyebrow level, gets knocked down, sees stars - the twinkle twinkle kind, gets up reckons he ok, does his business, bends down to get his breath after the knock and blood starts spurting out. Puts his hand on his head to apply pressure - nope not working, gets his towelling hat out of his pocket and jams that down .. nope still bleeding ..takes his T SHIRT OFF WRAPS IT AROUND ..nope So he staggers out & lucky for him his wife & FIL come jogging by - they were his support team - OMG she shouts - by this time he looks like our Lord with a crown of thorns, blood pouring down his head - only image I can relate to sorry - so they grab an arm each and say come on back to the Pub for first aid. Jog off. As they come into the settlement the loudspeaker announces .. "And its AB from Booragoon first in , look at him and his support team.. fantastic ladies & gentlem... JESUS CH...T where's the medic" Oh yes, blood is thicker than water ,,,just wait ..... He gets a few stitches, but by now groggy, bit under the weather.. But NO I paid for 4 nights to stay here so we are staying! But honey says poor suffering wife with 2 yr old & 6 month old baby each hip you really should... NOPE!! Commanding male behaviour you see ...so manly isn't it? Well there they are .. in a lovely beach side cottage a day later .... AB gets up ... concussion of couse - takes the lovely blue tablets which makes all the pain just float away.... I can almost see you just shaking your head t&l... hes alright isnt he? he can ride a bike can't he? NOPE he falls off about 5 feet from the cottage ..broken right collar bone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Then AB tells me filled with pride.... but I WON the race!! I had a very very long phone call from his wife. Shes decided not to have her tubes tied for now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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