Neak - I just got done writing a long post to you and lost it. Let me shorten it up a bit. I am completely speechless that the would-be homewrecker had the nerve to send a sympathy card.

I am so sorry for my loss of your post. Any of it that you are able to recreate, I would be interested in reading. It has bothered me some and I am curious what you had to say.

God, in His mercy, prepared me that it would come, so it was not a shock when it did. Still, it is hard to conceptualize what kind of person uses the death of a child to disrespect the very person they claim to love.

I am used to her disrespecting me, it oozes out in every single communique, and I expect it just as I expect the sun to come up in the morning. But to use our tragedy to disrespect AJ's clear request for her to have NC FOREVER, placing her own desires above what he has clearly told her is best for him, that is incomprehensible. Reprehensible, too. Of course she would claim she was just so sorry about what happened that she had to express it to him, since she is still his friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

At first I wanted Mom to send a generic response card "on behalf of the family", but changed my mind to just ignoring it. On the piece of paper wrapped around her payment for this month, I wrote, "My mom was supposed to tell you that the payment would be reduced this month due to some unexpected expenses."

That should have sent several clear messages, none to her liking. 1) Did we even get the card? If AJ got it and just didn't show it to her, why hasn't he called me? That would mean... 2) She didn't even tell me when her child died. That means she won't tell me anything else important, either. 3) (Neaksis thought of this one, the only one that would be incorrect.) She does not even think about me enough to bother to ask her mom if I was informed already about the payment.

Neaksis is giving me a bad time about obsessing, and I'm trying not to. I guess it's just that with so much that can't be easily dealt with, it's easier to focus on a smallish problem where nothing actually has to be done, except to vent a little.

Thoughts?

Personally, if I had received a "sympathy" card from the would-be homewrecker, I would have marched over to her house, pulled her little head off, and stomped it into the ground. But of course, that would be very un-MB like.

There is a great book called "The Grief Recovery Book" that had a chapter about the loss of a baby. One of the authors and his wife ended up divorced over it.

He explained that a man's response to problems is to try to "fix" it. Of course, it is "unfixable". What happened was when he couldn't "fix" it, he felt like he was failing his wife, and turned inward. This was just when she needed the most emotional support. They were unable to work through things together.

Years later, they spoke about it. She thought that he just didn't seem to care, and didn't realize how really miserable he had been. It was very sad to read.

Your marriage has been on my heart, and I am very concerned about it. You have had some HUGE losses - the baby, the betrayal, and even the money. Right now, I'm more worried about you giving it all up.

I know that AJ is just being a typical man, but I hope at some point he will realize what a terrible thing receiving that card from the homewrecker was for you. I don't even know you, but it stabbed me in the gut.

It is wonderful that you have been so strong. But please learn to lean on the Lord, your family and friends a little. You have been through too much for any woman.

At some point I hope that AJ gets that the homewrecker sending that card was terribly selfish. I think you are right to completely ignore it.

I'm going to have to tear myself away for a bit to get things (the kids, mostly) ready to meet AJ at the motel. There are oodles of things I want to say, and will try to before I go, but for the moment will content myself with this, that I think AJ will understand if he doesn't already.

He was very upset that she even knew.

Soon, as soon as I am able to collect my thoughts, we still need to talk about games and her hurting me, etc. While I don't want to dwell on her too much, I worry that if he loses all memory of what she has done and how she has shown her character, that he will only remember the good parts of being with her and not why he DUMPED her and chose me. Naturally that idea is worrisome to me.

The rest of your post is right on, too, but if I don't stop for a bit I will never get a shower and the kids will never get lunch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Ripping her head off and stomping on it does sound tempting...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add: Oops, did I really say that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Ack! I should be leaving now, not just starting to pack. What a lazy day this has been.

I am dropping loose ends all over the place. I have not forgotten that at some point I still need to go back and revisit my earlier change of attitude and what brought it about (just in time, too), and lots more things.

It's also important that I remind myself of that as I begin to mentally address what you said of giving it all up. Wow.

So I'll be back tomorrow, and the rest of you keep having fun with out me, k? Make sure there's plenty to read when I get back. Better yet, make it so good Mom calls me up to read it to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> TTFN!

I have just spent my whole "sleeping" day escaping, in my dreams, from a variety of life-threatening dangers. Every time I woke up just in time to elude disaster, I'd fall back asleep and into another stalking menace. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm so tired this afternoon I feel like I've done my night's work before I ever leave the house for the hospital! What a fun night THIS will be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

"I have just spent my whole "sleeping" day escaping, in my dreams, from a variety of life-threatening dangers."

Haha T&L - I can sure relate to that!!!! And the only good dreams I ever have is when I'm invited to a huge feast. I survey all of the food to decide exactly what I'm going to eat, and wake up suddenly - BEFORE having a single bite.

You ladies talking about red flags reminds me...

My XW and I once visited a certain professional in his office. She commented that she felt uncomfortable because there was a photo of a woman in a bikini on his desk. I noticed it too - but since it was a small photo in amongst an assortment of photos that looked like family, I just assumed it was his wife - although I still thought it odd that a man would situate such a photo where his clients could see it.

A couple of months ago, I read it the paper that he had been arrested for child molestation (or some closely related crime).

Some red flags are tiny, but they're still red.

-AD

Try selling your house around here and convincing your realtor to present cold running water as an amenity for prospective buyers! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> We SO don't appreciate enough what we've got. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

AW, when Neaksis was preparing her talk about child molesters she came across a social worker joke in one of the books. Two social workers came across a man, lying in the ditch, beaten to unconsciousness by an unknown assailant during a vicious attack. One social worker turns to the other and says, "That poor, poor man. Anyone who would hurt another person like this needs a lot of help!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I've got to go back and tend to my nursely knitting, but I'm posting this reminder for myself to tell you about the interesting talk I had with Biomom a few days ago. Blew me away, it did.

t&l

I love it t&l!!


I'm afraid my milk of human kindness never feed anyone THAT far.

In fact - I blush <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> - I was known as 'That bit*ch" as I was very - ummmm - insistant on them keeping to the court order ..... both sides. Don't think I could do it now.

Why are Social Workers buried 300 feet in the ground?

Because deep down they really are good people.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How Many Social Workers Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

None! We empower them to change themselves! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I Googled "social worker jokes" just out of curiousity. Did you know there are 6,010,000 links to that entry? I'm guessing they repeat a joke or two along the way, though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Strange about that t&l ..lol

talking of Google

type in failure

and hit the 'I feel lucky' button,,,,,, good laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Bwahahahaha AW! That must be getting around in Aussie land, because one of my Aussie friends (who is also in the navy) sent it to me not long ago <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I sent it to Flard, and HE at least enjoyed it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had kind of an icky experience in town today, but at least it has a happy ending.

I was cruising along in a town almost an hour from home, heavy traffic, and in my rearview mirror I see a Garmobile bearing down on me. Same make, model, year, and color. Just before it crawled up my tailpipe, (AJ's tailpipe, actually, as I was driving his car), I glimpsed enough of the license to see that it was NOT her.

The vehicle zoomed around me, and within a few blocks was lost to sight, leaving me thinking rather dark and grumpy thoughts about both Garg & AJ.

A couple more blocks, as I drove carefully along, a motorcycyle policeman pulled out from a side street, lights flashing. "Oh look, kids, somebody got busted!"

Yep, you guessed it. Way up ahead, neatly being cut from the herd, was the G-mobile. As we drove by slowly, the policeman took off his helmet. When he approached the driver's window, we could hear his booming voice say, "HELLO!!!"

I smiled. I am still smiling.

It's funny that you know her license. I know OW's too. It's weird how all of this stuff changes your life and feeling of safety so much.

Even though my WH is living with OW, she still has a need to drive by my house constantly. You would think that having my husband would be enough, but it's not. She has a need to flaunt.

Hey Neak - This is OT, but I'm looking for the scripture that says a husband, through sin, can invite Stan into the marriage. I need it for another thread. Do you happen to know?

Here is Hebrews 13:4, and I'll look around a little more.

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

(I liked the NIV on the same verse, too.)