Neaksis tells me Biomom stopped by my yesterday to visit me. I was asleep--fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I guess this was the result of our phone visit over the weekend. So instead, Neaksis got to make awkward conversation while I slumbered upstairs, peaceful, undisturbed, and unaware. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Don't know if I'll have time to finish before my break is over, but let's see what these nimble fingers can do. One of the themes of the Sad Saga of OtherSusan the Stupid (remember the Saga?) is that anyone can change. When Biomom met Biodad, his efforts towards rehabilitation went into a screaming nosedive from which they have yet to recover. I was very hostile towards her at the beginning, since she was fighting so hard to destroy all the work and affection and hope that had been expended in Biodad's behalf. Such bitter anger I had towards that woman, completely at odds with any profession of faith I had ever made, or claimed to believe.

At that time I was doing home health, and providing skilled nursing services to people in their own homes. I had such interesting patients. One had an infection after a cardiac bypass, his diabetes making it hard for him to heal. When I started doing daily dressing changes for him in his home, I could look 4 inches down into his chest and see the pulsing movement of his heart muscle, just under the covering tissue. It was the spookiest thing. One of my patients was also a church member of the same church our family attended weekly. She was always nice to me, but she'd had a running feud going with another church membe--over a quilt, if I'm not mistaken. It had lasted over 20 years by that time. They hated each other. They took every opportunity to take potshots at each other, and air their grievances to potential allies. They are both dead now, and the female half of the battle was the first to die. Because she was my patient, after church the week she died I went by the funeral home to sign the memory book. I went into the chapel and stood looking down at her, lying there in her casket, and as I did I had the oddest sensation that a voice was speaking in my head, and it said, "This is what will happen to you if you don't change your attitude towards (Biomom)."

I didn't interpret it as a threat, but rather as a statement of fact that I couldn't hope to die forgiven if I continued to harbor hate in my heart towards another person the way I was doing. And so I turned around, left the funeral home, and went directly to Biomom's house to make a friendly visit. Let me tell you, she was <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> to see me standing on her doorstep, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, shoot, nimble fingers weren't fast enough. Duty calls, and it's yelling, "OtherSu-u-u-u-u-u-san!" Oh, phooey.

t&l

OK, maybe I can finish this if I hurry. Biomom and I became close over the years, in an odd sort of way. She gave me a little card I still have somewhere, after her mother died, in which she expressed her love and appreciation to me for being like another mother to her. So this whole violent dustup over the molestation was a serious regression for us, and, to a certain extent, a real surprise.

She told me Sunday, during the course of our conversation--and after telling all her relatives and friends for the past 4 years that Neaksis and I are liars and child thieves who made up the whole molestation/abuse scenario just to deprive her of her children--that she was glad Neaksis was taking such good care of her children because she had never been a very good mother to them, and Neaksis was doing a better job of it than she could've done. Not only that, but she admitted she couldn't have handled them herself and that her own life was better because they weren't living with her anymore. All of this was spontaneously offered--no prompting from me (How could I with my mouth hanging open in that dumbfounded fashion? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)--and as unexpected to me as it would be if I woke up one morning and discovered I was the Queen of England and a billionaire. Now if we could only get her to go around to everyone she's poisoned against us and set the record straight.....I know, haha, fat chance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Then I'd really expect to be the Queen of England and a billionaire! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

My point is this: fog isn't only a wayward spouse phenomenon. There is more than one mothership, multiple varieties of aliens. And I want to say, after more than 10 years of knowing this woman, if she can change her mind this much (akin to concrete turning to jello), there's hope for anybody. Of course, not everybody will take advantage of their chance to change, but it's at least possible. I realize that she's still got a long ways to go, but what she is right now is 180 degrees from what she's been for years, and I feel hope for the future for her in a way I never thought possible before. What has been blowing the fog out of her mind I couldn't begin to guess, but I can see the results, and am able to rejoice. And it only took yearsandyearsandyears! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> So to those of you struggling with different aliens in another kind of fog, don't get discouraged too soon. You never can tell when the light will dawn, and shine the brightness of reality into some pretty dark corners.

This kinda makes me curious to see what's going to happen next, which is scary, because I don't usually think about stuff like that, being sufficiently burdened with the problems du jour and very reluctant to borrow trouble. (can't afford the payments! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)

t&l

oh my..what have I done with 'the neaks' .... hehehehe lol

t&l

I'm sure we have all hated someone at some time, I do think its part of being human. The knowledge that we have this part of our character allows us to fight against it.
The most..... well eye opening realisation I had in this area was when I realised that there were those who HATED me.
THAT SORTA SITS YOU BACK A BIT.

What? Me? yep me...

There was one more N<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, but Neak was supposed to post it last night and didn't so I guess I'll "save" it for her to do today...just in case with 3 toddlers, an elderly grandpa, and an ailing husband (need I say MORE?!), she doesn't have enough to do on her own!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I know. How dare those people not like us? I mean, what's not to like? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> No accounting for taste, I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I know...some people are SOOOOO strange ..lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

T&L -

It's amazing how much most disfunction is so alike. I told you about going to court to get my step children's 2 year old brother out of a home where he was being neglected and molested.

To this day, my WH and his children insist that the molestation didn't happen. It doesn't matter that the bio mom's 2 other girls were molested twice, which they now admit. It doesn't matter that all of the children were left with drug addicted and alcholic homeless men on a routine basis. It doesn't matter that the doctors have testified that the 2 year old was molested. It doesn't matter that the baby himself talked about things no 2 year old should know. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have given up hope that they will ever accept the truth. And it doesn't really matter now that my marriage is over. I think about it from time to time, since this incident was the starting point of the end of our marriage.

When I see the boy thriving in his home with father and step mother, I realize that it doesn't matter.

Yes, it was a quilt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Did you forget about Thanksgiving tomorrow?

The newest member of the Neak family is rather noisy, and we have gotten numerous complaints from the neighbors. Shr_iek.

I made it through two weeks as of last night. The physical evidences are almost gone. I still tire more easily, but the bruises from all the needles are barely visible. Life has gone on, with or without me. I would have thought all the piles of baby stuff that now has to be packed away would bother me, but it doesn't, much. It is one of the few ways I can tell that this wasn't all a dream.

Monday the 7th, when we got home from work and the hospital, is when we told the 2 older kids. Thankfully the Dervish was asleep, and you know what he said anyway.

Our big 2 of course wailed and sobbed right along with us, just a big sticky mess of four. When they recovered enough to begin asking questions, they wanted to know where we would bury the baby.

AJ explained what we had talked about earlier, that we were thinking of cremating it. Well, they're still pretty small, so, "What's cremation, Daddy?"

Such shrieks and howls broke out at the explanation. The Princess screeched at the top of her lungs, "Daddy, don't burn our baby!!!!!!!!!" So that was that, as far as I was concerned. AJ still thought he could explain enough to them so they would be ok with it, but we'll never know for sure who would have been right. (Maybe I should insert a poll.)

At the hospital they had given me some muscle relaxers so I could sleep that night. I shared them with AJ and we both slept fairly well under the circumstances. Once I laid down I had very little time for reflection, which was all to the good.

I just put my hand on my little tummy and tried to reconcile the reassuring bump with what I knew, that there was something - someone - dead inside me.

Within two or three minutes I was asleep.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Neak))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you. I needed that.

I swear this is the weirdest thread. It can turn on a dime, going from comedy to tragedy in the blink of an eye, and then back to comedy again. I'm not complaining, you understand, just commenting on the absolute truth of the "multi-tasking" label that was earlier (and so very long ago) applied to this site. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> It really has no label, defies labeling, even. It just IS. And only for whatever given moment "is" happens to be, too!

A poll, indeed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I love you, sweetie, and will be hugging you in my sleep...every moment I can elude the monsters sure to be pursuing me through my dreams. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

T&L -

I just went back and checked your first post on this thread -

"I'm here...but only briefly. Am at work and don't have time right now, but will save to favorites so I can come back easily after my pt. delivers her baby. Thanks for the invite."

It seems like not too much has changed for you.

Pep can now claim prophet status. (Of course there was that little incident with the emergency flesh-eating chiton removal service, but the universe prevented her.)

I often get chased by stuff in my sleep, too, but it's not so traumatic. In nearly every case, I am MUCH SMARTER than whatever is chasing me, and completely certain that I will be the victor.

Except the last dream, where Neaksis' alarm went off at 5-something, just as the helicopter was landing at the drug dealer's mansion (I was undercover <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) while I sat there thinking frantically, "What was that password again? Something-loco. Oh no, oh no, oh no."

Lucky Pep. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I'm turning in MY prophet's license. I'm developing a very poor track record of successful predictions, more's the pity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> But I almost think, Neak, that you were the one who first gave it the multi-tasking label, once while we were discussing shopping lists, etc. Whatever. Who knew at the time what uncanny accuracy was being displayed? Certainly not I. Nor what sort of "tasks" would be multi'd either.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> And no, Believer, things haven't changed much for me. Short of a divine miracle I don't see them doing that, either. At least not for several years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. I'm thankful we've gotten to "know" you all over the past months, even if the reason for our introduction was not a felicitous event. What's that old saying? "It's an ill wind that blows no good." As far as I'm concerned, we've certainly had the ill wind, but getting acquainted with so many of the good people on this board has been an unexpected, and pleasant, side effect. Gotta go make vegetarian gravy (no, that is NOT an oxymoron!) so the 3 vegetarians at work tonight will have something to put on the mashed potatos besides butter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Signing off, in the warm, rosy glow of knowledge that somewhere in this world this Thanksgiving eve, there is a being who is ever-so-thankful for me. Who might this grateful soul be? One humble little turkey, down on his knobby little turkey knees, still dressed in his warm little turkey feathers, going, "Thank you, God, for OtherSusan the vegetarian." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

t&l

We had a pot-luck at work today, and it was good. I brought potato salad and baked beans. When I was putting the dishes into the car tonight, I accidentally left my coffee cup on the roof. Discovered I'm a very good driver, because I drove all the way to the gate (12 miles @ 55 mph) before it went flying off!

TK, that's me.

B, you're the latest one, but I would swear all of you are mind readers. You all always seem to be able to put your fingers directly on my weak places when I haven't even said anything.

So much loss, yes, and the hurt from the two seems to be intertwining, each making the other a little bit worse. And for more reaons than one, the money list that finally arrived was pretty staggering.

On the one hand, part of me wants to just lie down and give up - he's hurt me too badly, I'm sick of thinking about this, I can't believe he borrowed all that, I can't believe that many of her filthy receipts are floating around my house somewhere, my poor baby, it is just all too much.

The more sensible part of me recognizes that not only would giving up not solve any of the above problems, or make the pain disappear, but I would be throwing away someone who, so far, has been an admirable H, the kind of person I always believed he would be. And I can see how hard God has been working in this, too, so the logical portion of my mind says that obviously there is another answer.

All this information was just kind of free-floating, but you brought it together with your comments. Some of these things are unchangeable, some perhaps could be handled differently. But I need to look at options and see what can be done.

Getting back into MC will also be helpful, as I am seeing many of the areas where I, personally, need to work. (Our MC had his MIL die while she was living in the home with him & his wife, and this was several weeks before our time of trial.)

The long and the short of it is this is my problem, though it is the result of his problem, and I am the one who needs to tackle it. Not my fault, but my problem. There is very little he can do except keep being supportive. Except for making clear that he realizes what Garg is really like, and remembering-but-not-dwelling upon it.

Wanted to thank everyone here.

You are all such wonderful people, and I thought I would tell you.

AS I reflect on my blessings, I count knowing you high on the list. You teach me daily - good things, T&L, by example.
You can crack jokes if you want, but I mean it. (grin)

I see courage, grit, kindness, and love. It warms my heart.

God bless you all, and thanks.

SS

Neak -

You are a good woman. I'm sorry, but any money my WH owed the OW would NOT be my problem. There is something very sick about that. It is bad enough that she tried to break up your family. To expect money is just too over the top.

My WH did cause us to file bankruptcy. During the throes of the affair, he disappeared and gave me nothing for months and months. I paid the bills as long as I could, then got a roommate, then dipped into savings, then my retirement, but in the end filed for bankruptcy.

I thought I would never recover. All my hope and dreams, even my future seemed to be swept away by the affair.

Of course the Lord has turned everything around now. I have a wonderful life that is completely different than I would ever have dreamed.

My WH has gone down his path and it made me very sorry. It is amazing how a man gets so lost in lust. My WH was a good man.

Your baby is another blessing. You had such a short time with him, and I know you are so sad. He has been spared all of this earthly trial. As the years go by, you will recover and your days will no longer be so bleak.

You are in my prayers, and I'm asking for great things for you and your family. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I'm trusting that the Lord will bless you beyond your wildest dreams.

Here while I was posting about being a TK, lots of other people, well ok, two, were making their posts even faster.

SS, a smile headed your way.

B, you are so kind. I do have very much to be thankful for, and I try to remind myself of my blessings whenever things get too aggravating. One of my blessings is that most of my problems are of the cleanup variety, not fresh offenses (at least on the part of anybody who matters). And I am so grateful for my baby. I am thankful for the affection AJ shows me many times each day, and that he verbalizes his love. I am thankful for my annoying, naughty little children, because I have them. I am thankful for my friends, most of whom are right here, except for my friends who are family, and most of them are here, too.

It's too bad about the choices your H has made, but God is still working on him as well; he may just be a tougher nut to crack. If it's at all possible without violating his free will, God will bring him back.

As time has gone on and the tally grown, I can see that realistically there is no way we can pay back both the personal debt (should be gone by January, yay), and the money owed by the corporation. We can perhaps lessen the impact, but rightly or wrongly, as she has tried harder and harder to wound me and fatally damage my marriage, I have felt less and less obligated.

I agree about there being something wrong with all this. It is not possible to put a price on what she and he did.

It's just my personal opinion, but your obligation is to your children first. Any money that was borrowed during the affair needs to be chalked up as a loss by the OW. I'm sure she is using the money as a way to hold on to your husband. He was clearly not in his right mind during that period. For her to expect his wife to pay the money back is ludicrous.

I think that I would write her a to the point note and let her know that there is no money left. She may take you to court, but I doubt that she will collect anything that was owed due to an affair. In fact I would let her know that in the future, her financial dealings should be with a man who doesn't have a wife and family to support.

The other thing that has been on my mind is the possibility of you getting pregnant again. After my miscarriage, the doc warned me to wait at least 6 months to recover. I didn't, got pregnant the very next month. Luckily my first child was born healthy.