I am wishing you all, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year on this thread (mine doesn't get so much attention).

I just hope next year is better. I can't take 3 Christmases like this. It's my favorite holiday, but has been spoiled lately.

But doesn't ahve to be for anyone else, so have a great time and appreciate your families!

Good thing for him she didn't say, "No," then, isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I'm doing so well on the shirts I decided to take a break for a few minutes. I'm even putting little pockets on the boys' shirts. Mostly so they won't complain, but who has to know that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I have a feeling that for AJ, wearing his shirt is going to be a lot like swimming in an Olympic-sized pool. Um, roomy, in other words. Aloha shirts are SUPPOSED to be loose. You keep telling him that, Neak. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Nothing left but buttonholes and buttons. Not my favorite part, but noticed significantly if omitted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> See t&l crack her own whip. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Maybe you're wearing too many clothes? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> If you'd just shed your facade, and go stark-stitch nekkid, you'd get all the attention you could ever want! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> And more... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Merry Christmas, cc46. Sorry for the circumstances of our meeting, but it's certainly been our pleasure to cyber-know you this past year. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

It's been great fun and a lot of distraction meeting you and all your family too. Someday we might even meet in person! but not I don't think.

Supposed to be summer here, but doesn't feel or look like it today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Can't get through on your house line, which to me means you're online <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> on this exceedingly busy day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I have just had the most hideous thought. Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze, tell me I understood correctly that you were going to buy my gifts for the 4 kids who aren't getting aloha shirts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> If you didn't, I have instantaneously gone from being well ahead of schedule, to hopelessly lost! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Call me when you see this, one way or another. I need to know what to do. I the meantime I'll be making buttonholes.

t&l

You're probably right. I have enough trouble getting nekkid to take a shower! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Never did like my body, even when it was young and skinny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Age has NOT improved it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Well, it's just been one thing right after another. Discovered the vacuum cleaner rotor don't rotate...right after the electric clippersr and I scattered Flard's hair all over the carpet. The buttonholes were more trouble than the whole rest of the shirts combined. The sewing maching has been uncooperative the whole time I've been working on them, but I didn't want to lose use of it for the time it would take to have it in the shop for servicing. Figured I'd do it after Christmas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> It showed its appreciation for my tenderness by deciing at buttonhole time to go belly-up on me and kept unthreading itself, doing straight stitches instead of zig-zag, breaking the thread, and the wheel kept sticking a lot and wouldn't turn. HP agreed to oil it for me, only the new bottle of oil has disappeared and in looking for it in a hurry because he wanted to leave for town, I dropped the lid of his (derelict old) trunk down. Only one of his children can fully appreciate the seriousness of my offense. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> He ended up using corn oil, courtesy of Mazola, and now I'm afraid the sewing machine lady will be able to tell we used kitchen oil, when I take it in for her to fix. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> After that it ran a bit better, but during the next buttonhole it spit out a small piece of dark oil/thread onto the front of Mr. Computer's shirt and left an oil spot. Fortunately it came out with a little Shout (AiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) and Cheer (Hooray!). There's still a blood spot on AJ's shirt from where I accidentally bled on it after sticking my finger with a needle. I guess I'll have to shout and cheer about that, too. The bobbin ran out 1-1/2 buttonholes from completion--don't look at the underside, Neak, or you'll notice there's a change in thread color on the Dervish's shirt. I doubt HE'LL notice, though. My sharp pointy scissors have disappeared--they're probably with my missing driver's license--so I had to try and open the buttonholes with a seam ripper and some $1.88 Wal-Mart specialty shears which grimly chewed them open the rest of the way. I'm so <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> by those buttonholes, I'm going to have to give these shirts under a pseudonym. Really. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Of course, I'm the picky one who, when I was younger and Sergers weren't available for home use, made lining for my dresses with the inside facing out, so that there were no unruly, fraying seams visible inside the dress! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Used to drive my mother nuts.

Not only that, Neaksis and I have had an unfortunate non-meeting of minds, and I'm going to be making a quick trip to the only nearby store (Long's) that might have some dregs for sale there that can be given to the kids who were supposed to be getting stuff that somebody else bought for me!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Well, there goes washing the dishes today, is all I've got to say.

11 more buttons to sew on, then I'm pressing the shirts, wrapping the presents, and heading for a lovely little shopping trip on this festive occasion. I'd ask what could possibly be next, but I don't really want to know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Scrooge

I hope whoever that was aimed at understood it.

I'm telling AJ that all he's getting for Christmas is one bloody shirt!

I'm still reading.

SS

Merry Christmas Neak and family!

Scrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooge!!
Scrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooge!!

Yes? Did someone call me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Well, the violin cancelled at the last minute, to the extreme annoyance of his mother (and the funder of all those interminable violin lessons over the years! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) What an interesting service we're going to be having tomorrow. Good thing it's a small church. Non-critical, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Merry Christmas FF.

Turns out if I hurry I can even wash a few dishes before we leave to practice (some new songs!) for the program tomorrow. Whee. All this wild living is really getting to me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

I hope the program goes well. I would enjoy it just as much as the Messiah, and you are right, for different reasons.

I so enjoy watching people use their talents - those that do it on stage under the big top (so to speak) , and those that do it for friends, family, and fellow church members.

It's always busy a few days before. I see many of us are about the same. Lives so busy, we are rushing around.

May all of you have time to think too. To ponder this great gift we have been given. May you have time to catch your breath, and sit a minute.
That reminds me - here's a poem for T&L.

Things Work Out
by Edgar Albert Guest

Because it rains when we wish it wouldn't,
Because men do what they often shouldn't,
Because crops fail, and plans go wrong-
Some of us grumble all day long.
But somehow, in spite of the care and doubt,
It seems at last that things work out.

Because we lose where we hoped to gain,
Because we suffer a little pain,
Because we must work when we'd like to play-
Some of us whimper along life's way.
But somehow, as day always follows the night,
Most of our troubles work out all right.

Because we cannot forever smile,
Because we must trudge in the dust awhile,
Because we think that the way is long-
Some of us whimper that life's all wrong.
But somehow we live and our sky grows bright,
And everything seems to work out all right.

So bend to your trouble and meet your care,
For the clouds must break, and the sky grow fair.
Let the rain come down, as it must and will,
But keep on working and hoping still.
For in spite of the grumblers who stand about,
Somehow, it seems, all things work out.


Just so you know, I don't think you complain all that much (your daughters can comment if they think it's necessarry.)
It's just that I wanted to encourage you that things will work out.

I hope that wrist is doing better. Sewing all day wouldn't be much fun with a sore wrist.

Merry Christmas.

SS

So I have had two very fascinating conversations about relationships recently which inspired me to pick up a book my mom gave me the summer Flard and I said adieu. "10 Stupid THings Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives," by none other than Dr. Laura, the crass and often-times rude lady who is quoted to me WAAAAAY too much by my over zealous mother! I'm beginning to not like that woman very much. Actually, haha! I've never liked her! But I have a deep respect for her books. And boy have I had a revelation, or else a "Ahha!" lightbulb experience, where my dazed thoughts have now been ordered and explicitly labelled according to their Latin names!!! I got my jumbled mess of thoughts organized! Yippee!

So here are some of the major quotes that jumped out at me today while reading the first three chapters:

"Women are so driven by the desire to exist through men..." (ibid 6).

"In order to grow, you've got to face the fact that painless change happens only in fairy tales. .. Decide to become more meaningful to yourself and to others" (7).

"Tragically, when a woman doesn't dare to dream or endeavor to a purpose, a sense of meaning generally comes from excessive emphasis on a relationship with a man and/or producing babies" (13).

"It is your job as a woman, as a person, to become as fully realied as you can by having dreams, forging a purpose, building an identity, having courage, and making commitments to things outside yourself. In so doing, you take a more active role in the quality of your own life so that other people--friends, spouses, children--share in your growth rather than become responsible for it. You'll feel super. And you'll feel really womanly--as opposed to babyish or girlish--perhaps for the first time" (24).

The Female Escape route "is a socially acceptable means of avoiding becoming an individual--through attachment" with men, enamored with love and romance (31).

Expecting a boyfriend [or any male] to provide you with your life is unrealistic and actually unfair, because it's simply not his job. men are here to share our lives, not to be our lives" (32).

Women [are] being driven [by themselves] to attach to men for identity, affirmation, approval, purpose, safety, and security--values that can really only come from within ourselves" (34).

Unfortunately "men are... used by many women as a place to hide from teh difficulties and discomforts of becoming an autonomous human being... They are often burdened with the task of being the source of affirmation and approval for the woman's young, uncertain, developing, or even somewhat damaged self-esteem" (36).

"For women to expect men to be the bandage for their hurt is to surrender the opportunity to be co-equal and confident in a relationship" (39).

In summary: most women, and I once upon a time (I hope and pray I've dealt with this part of my life), are so needy for a man, that being in a relationship is an addiction because they find their self-esteem, value, worth, whatever, in being in a relationship. I didn't become such a needy person until bad things started coming up between Flard and I. I realized that when the man doesn't perform right, her esteem is crushed because she has based her whole life on his instead of her own. I did this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Stupid, stupid, stupid. When Flard went his own way without taking me with him, I let him or rather, gave him my identity, my self-worth and esteem. This is NEVER A GOOD THING! Anyway, this book by Dr. Laura is amazing. Just thought I'd share a few excerpts from it. I am hoping I have mostly covered this ground and am not that way anymore, but I guess I'll see if I ever get into another relationship with someone! Its time for the women of the world to stand up and build their own goals, dreams, identity, withou basing their whole life on a man who is human and fallible just as we are. I know I wouldn't want a man basing himself off me! That would be jacked up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm excited by my new discovery <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> even if you guys knew this already. I did too, but I didn't realize I was doing it only 2 years ago! Its awesome being smacked in the face sometimes, because that provides the best growth possibilities.

I'm off to the Christmas program here in Tillamook. Hugs to everyone.

gellnjen -

Those are wise things to learn. Luckily you are very young still. Many women go through their whole lives, without figuring it out. With your permission, I would like to quote your post to a person on the Dating After Divorce board here.

Evening all

Christmas eve here .. well nearly 1.35pm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />-

tl I always found that when I was short of prezzies a card - kept a 100 extra just incase - with some $$$ in it seemed to smoothe the problem right away!!
Not exactly made with love but when you forget its a life saver.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well, we've been to Neak's house and sharpened our knives for tomorrow's musical massacre. Teach the church to keep dumping this program on us year after year! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

well why you guys go to sleep I'm gong back shopping!! yikes

chrissy is crazy!! Mum is in a panic as usual .... dad is drinking beer and hiding in the tv room - as usual ...sisters are working and/or drinking white wine - as usual

only problems are 3 missing men but we are waiting with bated breath for some contact ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL with hugs & kisses xoxoxoxoxo

Lets see what I've ordered for you from Santa ...

tl - pure & loving contentment with some spice
Neak - peace & contentment, some closure, a long & happy M
AJ - strength & pride in all he does knowing it's with love for neak & family that its worth every hard moment
Neaksis - a man who can share, give & accept love, and thinks she & the kids are the best thing since sliced bread
Flard - will find what he wants and learn how to reach that with honour and pride
HP to find that life is good and he only has to step out into the sun to find more than he could imagine!

Gell, ff, cc, csue AD SS B wow who have I forgot ..so many I'l catch uo with you all [yep a threat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> ] lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

mums ready 3 hours shopping to go!!! woo bloody hoo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Believer, you don't have to ask permission <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> it sort of made me feel good you wanted to share it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Dating after divorce.... a very S.C.A.R.Y. thought!!!!!!! I don't see how people can do it so quickly! Honestly! I may have gone through some really lonely parts, where intimate male companionship was what I craved, but I could NOT BRING MYSELF to actually go out and find the solution with some guy! So my body pillow got a lot of hugs from me at night as the tears ran down my face . But I am over the weepy stage, and the "I miss intimacy so desperately" stage, to just pure satisfaction with my life and with singleness. I honestly don't want to trade my time with ME with ANYBODY right now! I like me! Me and I enjoy hanging loose, chillin' out!

A year ago, that was a different story. I hated myself. I couldn't be alone, in fact, many nights I watched movies ALL NIGHT LONG because I couldn't be by myself. I was renting from my brother and his wife, and once when they left for a week long vacation, I literally starved myself weeping on the floor all day long. I could do nothing but drink, pee, and every once in a while try to force food down and try to keep it down too. The green shag carpet seemed to take over me as we got intimate... me face down in it sobbing for a week straight. It was awful! I had reduced myself so much that I was willing and wanting to die because I lost my spouse. I'm sorry, but NO MAN is worth it! No woman is worth it! Dangit, it makes me mad just thinking about it now. So I really related to Dr. Laura's book, because I had lost my identity in my spouse, and when we split, I had nothing left of me but a shell, and one I couldn't even stand to live in! This probably pushed Flard away as well. I know it hurt him to see me like that--my own immature stupidity--and for that, I have already apologized to him for.

Which is why I feel like now I've been given a new lease to my life--God handed me the keys to a brand new me, and said, "Go enjoy! Experience! Live!" Viva la singleness! I could not give it up easily, and frankly, I don't want to for a good loooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I wonder this: if those people able to whip right back into the dating scene after divorce or a split, is that a sign they never had true commmitment or such a deep love for their spouse? Or are they trying to just cover and drug over the pain? To me, I was just so doggone in love with Flard that it would have been as if I were slicing and dicing and flaying his skin to have even entertained the thought of another guy in his stead. Even now, I choke up with the thought--not sure if its in memoriam of him, or rather my own fears of getting screwed, or trust issues I have now developed because of getting hurt--but honestly, I would rather go home single and lonely, than married and the most desolate kind of loneliness known to mankind. That thought ALWAYS cheers ME UP! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE IN AUSSIE LAND! And I've been looking at tickets to fly over there March 10... I have some friends over there, and I have a longer spring break than normal because my internship with the State Legislature lets out before school does <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> so cool <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

I do admit this thndr, I miss Christmas with you guys. Its just my brother and I now, neither of us are getting any gifts from Santa (I PROMISE I was good! Now, I don't know about him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) but we at least did get invited by some people at the Christmas program to eat with them Christmas. Christmas isn't Christmas without children ripping into packages though, and a huge Christmas tree with lights. I really miss CHristmas with you guys. My parents don't do Christmas as you know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> so that option is out! I watched "Polar Express" and cried... silly, I know, but when everyone is together with family but you, its a downer. Ah, well. I manage. We've been trying to gloss the season over, pretending its not really in existence, to not feel so lonely <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />.

So I'm getting my fix by seeing all you guys wishing each other happiness here on the forum!!! I am taking my turn at verboseness tonight--so I will sign off. See ya'll later! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />