tnl - I'm so sorry. For all the good stuff that you see in your job, I'm sure you see enough heartbreaks, too.

Usually L&D is a cheerful place to work, as long as you don't mind screaming women. Most of the time things turn out right. Everybody's happy, and it's all pretty upbeat. But when things go wrong, I think that, as a general rule, it's worse there, than when things go wrong somewhere else in the hospital.

As hard as it was to say good-bye to my mother, at least when she died--at 89 years of age--nobody could say that she hadn't given life a good run for its money. When a baby dies, it just seems harder somehow. I guess it's because of the sense of a life unlived, potential unfulfilled, dreams unrealized. The grief of the parents is very acute, especially since almost always, the death was completely unexpected, allowing them no chance for any sort of mental or emotional preparation. In Neak's case, until I put that ultrasound wand on her abdomen, and we were unable see any clear cardiac activity, nobody had any real clue what we were about to find out. How do you get ready for something like that?

They say that no matter how long you know in advance that someone is dying, you're still never ready for it to actually happen. But the completely unexpected death has its own special knife twist, I think, and when I wrapped the baby up in the little blanket and handed it the sobbing parents, saying, "I'm going to close the door for you now and leave you with the baby as long as you want," my voice broke in the middle and I had to stop, clear my throat ahem-ahem, and try again. I used to have better emotional distance, for some reason. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Off to work again. I''m about ready to start Kewpie's story, I think. I still don't know for sure what happened, and I won't give any real names, or even real states, because I'm not sure if I would need to be afraid of the consequences if prison officials should somehow learn of our suspicions. If we are right, murder was committed by men in the guise of law officials, and if that is true, certainly those who did it have a strong interest that their crime remained covered.

t&l

T&L - Sorry that these things keep happening. But I wish that I had had a nurse like you when I lost my first. Just the fact that you realize that this is a REAL loss, and that they need memories of their child is so important.

praying for you tl, some days can be very hard in your job.
How would you think that you would not be affected so soon after Dillon?

We all associate and relect what goes in our lives and those we love so its only to be expected that you are not as 'detached' as you may have previously been.
Caring is not a weakness but a strength, though its SOOOO much easier to say than to do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Just because I understand that does not mean much ... IC keeps saying 'why me, why me & <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ... for some reason <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Much more attention is paid to this fact now than it was back when when you lost your baby. For this patient, I was able to obtain 2 very nice pairs of footprints and handprints, one set on a card, with a poem about footprints that pass through our lives too soon, that the nurses signed; and the other on a white panel that was inserted into a cloth frame on the little "grief box" that is provided for mementos. The little feet were just a little over 1/2" long, and the hands turned out very nicely, especially considering it was day shift and I could get anybody to help me hold the fingers out straight once they were inked...so I figured out a way to do it by myself. Night shift here is the only shift that does handprints anyway, since they're much harder to do than feet, and somebody always helps the nurse who had the delivery, since you need one hand to hold the card, one hand to hold the arm, and one hand to hold the fingers. Few of the nurses have 3 hands for this purpose, but nobody on day shift was interested in helping out so I developed a new system that worked in spite of them.

We got new digital cameras for the department, too, and I was able to wrap the baby in a little blanket, put a tiny hat on her head, and fix her little hands so they showed by her face as if she were asleep, and then get some really good closeups, too. Much better than that stupid Polaroid that we used to have. Still, the only way to do this (at least for me) is to divorce my emotions from my tasks, and only allow myself to think about the steps of my job as they come in sequence, so that each one is done well, but without contemplation.

The patient told me at the end of the day how glad she was that I was there. Turns out I was the delivery nurse for her sister 5 years ago, and the grandparents remembered me because her sister, who was having her 3rd baby, had gotten stuck at 6cm and was having the threat of a C-section waved over her head. They said I came in, and when they told me what the doctor had said, replied, "Well then, let's fix that for you."

"And then you climbed up on the bed, and did something with your fingers, and the baby came." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I must've been a lot more agile 5 years ago, because I certainly don't do any bed-climbing these days!!!! I don't actually remember doing that sort of thing back then, either. I'm more of a sit-by-the-side-and-hold-a-foot-on-my-shoulder kind of person, but who am I to argue with their memories?

Well, I've got to go and start Pitocin on the hapless soul whose membranes ruptured 12 hrs. ago but who hasn't managed yet to have a single contraction on her own. She might have had this done earlier, but when I called the MD at 10PM, she had a bad headache, and was perfectly willing to put off any labor stimulation until morning, after she had a chance to sleep. How nice it is on those rare occasions when what the doctor wants to do, suits the nurse right down to the ground, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

t&l

MMMmmmmmmmm wise Doctor <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You know, when I had my first baby, I felt a bit underattended. I was one of those 7 am inductions who got her water broken at 2 pm because I was not dilating. I got to 3 centimeters long about 10 pm. I had the baby about 5;30 the next morning. The doctor later apologized for not having gone the route of prostaglandin gel. Thankfully, I had great postpartum care.

With the second baby, I had wonderful labor and delivery care. Induction about 7 - baby at 2:30. Nurse was personable. Let me have ice chips and a popsicle. Lousy postpartum care.

My mom lost a fullterm stillborn baby when I was 12. It affected what I told the pediatrician and gyn before the babies were born. Affected which hospital I went to. I was, after all, the daughter of a medical social worker.

I used to belong to a smocking group. We made daygowns for a local hospital - and some special things for the bereavement program. I always sewed them with special love.

My church currently has a sewing program which makes teddy bears which go all over the world - Cuba, Germany, New York, Jackson MS, Honduras, anywhere they are needed. They also make infant caps, little shirts, quilts, totebags and other items for children in the Children's Hospital at a teaching hospital in Nashville.

Before I go to sleep, just wanted to include this text message from Neak, who is in SoCal now on their way home and will be back here by this afternoon...having made an offer on the house in the barn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Jonah, no, 'Lijah--by the Dervish

"Da izzywights... da pwiests tucking demselves and
shumping and shoking demselves. Lijah say maybe he on
da potty, or maybe he wif da shickens... hee hee hee,
I make dat one up."

t&l

It's interresting the way humor is mixed with things so serious.

I know I can't keep up, so I'll just say hi.

HI !!
SS waves

My wife sent me this one this morning.


My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought
me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to
monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big,
bright, red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond...


Cheers !

SS

Yahoo!!! children were both out of school and I was off from work for President's Day. We had the best day off we have had in ages!!!!!!! [color:"orange"]Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/color]

Well, we are back, we have had a wonderful home-cooked fresh supper, looked at all the pictures, talked up a storm, and gotten ready for bed. Neaksis is helping us figure out how little of our stuff we can't live without. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What an adventure! We have pictures and stories, once I am coherent, and once my dearest, favoritest taskmaster lets me go tomorrow. Well, I've got to take the rental car back at some point, preferably after the stuff is unloaded.

I'll have to catch up. I see I'm days behind.

excitement and a NEW beginning do I hear ? lol

sounds like you all had a wonderful time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

cant wait to hear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

CINDERS GLAD YOU HAD A GREAT DAY!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We're just trying to get the poor, poor rental car ready to go back. Part of that is going to involve scraping off the mud and salt mixture all over the exterior. It looks like we went muddin. Well, we did. Most of the way through Oklahoma.

We just got the counter-offer on the house. She offered just under the original asking price, which is fine, but wants to allow us only 30 days to find a buyer here, and close escrow. That is so not happening! In our offer it allowed us 3 months to complete everything, would probably have been closer to 2 in actuality, but 30 days is crazy woman talk. No DJ intended.

I don't know if that's exactly true. Far be it from ME to hustle you out of state and halfway across the continent any sooner than I have to, and I am very far from convinced that you (OR AJ) would really like to live in a single-wide in a barn...with 3 children (why don't you just buy a sardine can and move into that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />), but if God wanted to send you a buyer for Neaksis' house, and finish things up in that time frame, I have no doubt but that it could all be done. It would also give a sense of "rightness" and authority to a move that seems just a wee bit impulsive to me, otherwise. Conversely, if it takes 3 months (or more) to complete, He can hold the other property for you, too, if that's where He wants you to move, and where He wants you to live. It just depends on what you pray, I guess, and how it's answered.

I'm leaving for your house soon to take your GP to get his ID card. Is he awake, up, dressed, and ready? I'm awake (sort of), up (but not at 'em), dressed (I slept in my clothes when I got home from work), and ready ("ready" being a relative term, you understand). We ought to make a great pair this afternoon. The elder and the living fossil! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

t&l

HP just called to say that he's taking Neakbro out to lunch tomorrow and did I want to come along, since I'm not working tonight...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Fortunately, or unfortunately (I don't know which just yet), I'm not working tonight so that I can work a day shift tomorrow...and will be unavailable for this unprecedented event. I wonder if they're going to King Tsin. I wonder if they'll save me any food.

Most of all, I wonder why! He's certainly getting very chummy with everybody, isn't he? Makes me nervous! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Here's a big hug for you: ((((((((((t&l))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with these triggers, but I'm so glad that you have the compassion and thoughtfulness to help others through that moment of loss.

For a long time after we lost both Jamie and Amy, it seemed as if everytime I picked up a newspaper, there was an obituary for a newborn infant. To this day, I cannot attend a funeral for a child...because grief wells up inside me as if it was MY child. Thankfully, there haven't been too many children I've known who have died. Well, I DID attend the funeral for my best friend's daughter and her unborn baby who died in a car accident. I made it through because I HAD to for the sake of my friend.

I agree with you, Susan. If buying the trailer is what God intends for them to do, everything will fall into place.

Neak, if you DO buy the trailer, be mindful of the lack of privacy you and AJ will have. There is NOTHING private in a trailer!

Now, if it works out that you actually buy the sardine can...er...trailer, we should have some discussions about innovative storage solutions.

For instance, did you know that you can make a pretty nifty bedside table out of a 30-gal. plastic garbage can, a circle of plywood, and a piece of 2x4, with a flat sheet made into a tablecloth? The table would also work as an end table beside the sofa. It makes a handy-dandy place to store extra linens, out-of-season clothes, Christmas decorations, etc.

For kids' rooms, you can also use kitchen cabinets, a few 2x4s and plywood to build raised platform twin beds. This gives space for the children's clothes and toys, plus the space between the back of the cabinet and the wall is great for other storage.

Remember that trailers do not have much closet space and NO attic space!

Hi, Lady Clueless--How's it going for you? Personally, I'm weary of myself, which is pretty difficult, since I have to take me everywhere I go! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> On the plus side, our dearly-beloved Charred-and-Broiled, having come to the brink of suicide over his life failures, is coming back home and trying to pick up his pieces. He would've been SO much better if he'd stuck with his interest in Neaksis, instead of being lured by the flashy cover of the Charbroiler, horror story extraordinaire...for which he has certainly paid over and over again. Whether or not Neaksis would've been better off is open to debate, but since it's a moot point at this juncture, it's really not worthy worrying about. I'm just glad he's trying to get back on track again.


I hope it's sturdy enough to be the new "bathroom sink"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Neaksis just told me the sardine can has TWO sinks! Who needs anything else? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l