[color:"orange"] I was kidding!!!!! [/color]

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I am [color:"blue"] way [/color] older than that.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

And I'm older than you.

Ok, I gave it to him, so I can tell you now. It was a pair of navy blue 10" Dickies. That sounds really bad, but it is a pair of work-pant style shorts, of the sort that is the required uniform for his new job, and he didn't have any till now. So as I said, unromantic but very very thoughtful. He was very appreciative.

The kids got him a bottle of Simply Lemonade, one of his favorite brands of juice (there is also Simply Orange Juice and Simply Limeade). The Dervish was crying in the store, because he wanted to get Daddy his 'own pwesent'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mom gave him a hilarious card and accompanying cash donation, and Dad brought him some yummy garlic and pepper stuffed olives.

We feasted and laughed and had a wonderful time. Thank you for all the well-wishes. Oh, and Cindy, I thought you were older than us!

Thanks to all that wished me happy B-Day. It was great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Glad you enjoyed your BD with your family. You are still very young, and I hope you have many more happy years together. Blessings to you.

[color:"red"] ROTFLMAO!!!!! [/color]

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I was 34 when Princess TalksWithHerHands was born!

I was 36 when Prince CatLover was born!!!

I am the best preserved, though chubby, woman of my age at my office.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I missed AJ's brithday so I am very sorry .. I was out shopping with MOTHER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
do you REALLY think that colour suits you darling? No mum I buy it because it annoys you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

But I really really want to wish you a Happy Birthay AJ and many more of them!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When you get to my age and 40 looks closer than you thought you would ever get to it, 2 years to go lol, and find yourself with grown kids, well you know that 40 is pretty young <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hope the Neak clan is coping well with the birthday boy and that the kids were 'playing' with dad on his special day
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I had a load of 8 to 12 years olds in the Urban Assault Vehicle with mum today travelling to shops and soccer and netball ..... I forgot how kids niggle each other ... arn't I lucky to get to do it all over again?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Just when you thought you were done being a soccer mom. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I think indoor cricket is the way to go, they have a coffee lounge, comfy chairs and do massages <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mikey would enjoy indoor cricket, I'm sure of it, yes, positive ..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

This is sooooooooooo funny that I've just got to <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />BRAG<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> about it, teehee.

Overall, I am one million, two hundred and eighty-one thousand, nine hundred and fortieth in the Amazon.com sales rankings.

But here's the kicker..........

YESTERDAY I MADE A HUGE LEAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........to one million, two hundred seventy-five thousand, one hundred and s e v e n t y - n i n t h ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Are you all not so thrilled for me???? Not to mention a big thank you, in case any of you were among those who caused me to jump almost 7,000 place points in a single day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It may sound as if I am being sarcastic, and really, I'm not. It's just so funny to me that 1,275,178 books sold better than mine yesterday, and I suspect that even if I knew how many sold less it would not be enough to give me a swelled head. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> You don't have to worry about me getting a huge ego at least until I break into the top million, lol.

(I am still #8 for the publisher, so holding steady after over a year.)

The pastor today was from a 120+/- member church right around Carmichael, and they might be inviting me to come visit them sometime soon. That would be fun, and they have cute little kids that are very nice, and better behaved than some of mine.

I typed mime at first instead of mine, and that reminds me....I came up with the perfect description for Mr. Computer, aka Nerdboy, and his overdramatic ways. He is like a mime that talks.

Neaksis agrees. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Congratulations Neak. You are a wonderful writer. I even loved your writing BEFORE I read your book.

Thank you, and {{{{{{{{{{Believer}}}}}}}}}}} just for saying that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

At least I have a goal now: One Millionth Or Bust! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So, how many do you sell on an average day?

Maybe I should get on there and buy some books - I want a copy of Renita Weems book, 'Listening for God'. It is out of print now so bookstores are not an option. Just need to get busy. Mmmm, need to order some books soon? I have never, repeat, [color:"purple"]NEVER[/color] ordered anything from Amazon.

I have ordered precious little over the internet - some American Doll things from their website and some University of TN football tickets on their site. However, I did find my beloved pooch on Petfinders.

Here is the site for the rescue group on which I found her - www.wawpr.com I am responsible for TARGET being with the group. Found him at the local Target store and knew it was not financially responsible to keep him. I will give him a glowing letter of recommendation should one of you lovely people inquire about adopting him.

Please allow me a brief thread hijacking...

Have a small decision to make between now and in the morning!

Tomorrow is BABY DAY at church.

I usually make a scheduled non-appearance at church on that day. It is something I am glad they do. I support them doing it. I just choose to not take part.

See, they started it in about 1995 which was when my son was 2 and my x had announced he was leaving us. So, it causes me pain to sit there and see those happy families with their small ones. It picks at my scars.

So, there is a youth group meeting at 8:15 - before Bible Classes. I don't mind going to Bible class and then leaving. Am I being silly?

Should I learn to go and just endure it?

(Neak and AW, I am sorry if this question causes you pain. However, I have lived with this for years and I really can't get past it. I don't want a whole thread on this. Just want to hear from a few people with whom I have a bond.)

I had an answer in my head - but it was kind of a "canned response."

I thought about it some......... this is a tough thing because it deals with your feelings - which are an important part of you, and you can't just turn them on or off.

I would think that emotional healing for you would mean you could take joy in others family successes without feeling down about what happened to you. I would like to see you be able to do that, but how do you get there?

How do we learn do that kind of thing?

I would hate for you to go and just endure it year after year, but if going could help you get through it, I vote go.

What do you think? Do you understand why you can't be happy for others in this way?

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, I mean, I understand where you are coming from, but over time ......... I would think it would change for you.

Can you change your focus when you go to things like that?

SS

This and father's day are hard for me. The two biggest triggers that don't involve dealing w/ x in the flesh.

You see, when I see those families up there, I wonder what everyone is hiding. I know, statistically, that a lot of them aren't going to make it intact.

X moved out 10 years ago - almost 11 - and I have never made peace w/ Baby Day. It brings up more bad stuff than Father's Day.

This and father's day are hard for me. The two biggest triggers that don't involve dealing w/ x in the flesh.

There has to be a way for you to get past this. I don't know that I am smart enough to help much, but there has to be a way.

You see, when I see those families up there, I wonder what everyone is hiding. I know, statistically, that a lot of them aren't going to make it intact.

Yes, you are right, but some of them are going to make it. I tend to try to be happy for the ones that are - even though I don't know which ones will/won't. I have to look at it that way, or I go crazy.

Kind of like "Plan for the worst, but assume the best until the worst happens." I just hope for them - happiness, joy, and love. For you too - may it come to you in time.

X moved out 10 years ago - almost 11 - and I have never made peace w/ Baby Day. It brings up more bad stuff than Father's Day.

It's always your choice, and I don't know what to tell you except maybe this -

Someday your own children will probably marry. You'll do your best to prepare them for a successful life, including that part of it. You'll be afraid, but still have hope.

Maybe you can apply that line of thinking to these other families.

I hope I don't make it worse, you really can do what you think is best tomorrow. Pray to know.......

And come back and tell us what you do, and how you feel. We care.

SS

Congrats Neak!!!

You really are a great writer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Can't wait for the 'party' when you get to the 1,000,000th !!

I started the second book and , um , well, corrupted the file somehow. I think I did something accidently with the codes and things, but no worries it is on my back up drive ...... now all I have to do is work out how to access it
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I think I might just reset the computer back to the day before I played with it ... of course we DON"T have to mention this to Aussie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Cinders its ok to talk about it. Well write about it anyway.
I have come to the conclusion that it will never be better just more bearable, eventually.

As for avoiding that day, well some events are too painful and I guess it comes down to what are you proving by going?
What benefit do you gain for yourself and others if the pain is renewed again?
Some people have told me to bring alll those feelings out and enable them to fade in time, however that does not always happen. Sometimes the wounds are deep enough to scar the soul and relief comes from the peace you gain within.

I do wish there could be a final end of the hurt for you but such reminders can awaken the lost dreams and broken love and renews the loss. It works differently for each of us.

Let those who wish enjoy the day & be happy for them to do so. I think I would try to do that and then go do something that I enjoy that day.

Oh well back to normal programming, I've been putting off the bath for Mikey last 15 mins... Aussie thought it was OK to let him rub his lunch into his hair and ears and all over <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ... and I have the ironing, cleaning & vacuming to do. I THOUGHT this was supposed to be a day of rest? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

oh I forgot, it is .......... for MEN!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just a quick drive-by. There's an egg salad sandwich up front with my name on it, and I seem to have completely digested the church potluck lunch. You'd never know, to look at my mid-section...but I'm starving!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Cinderella--what to say? Personally, weddings are huge triggers for me. I HATE going to weddings. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Neak's wedding, in the very same church where HP and I married, was enormously difficult for me to attend. I only go to weddings where my affection for the couple or family involved outweighs my screaming reluctance to be involved in the process. I kinda think you've got the same thing with Baby Day. Someday your children and their children will be involved. You'll go and watch and smile and support, regardless of the turmoil going on under your calm exterior. I'm not sure you need to do this for people who are not a part of your personal world, when it bothers you so much without actually doing anybody else any good. Their day will not be improved by your making yours worse. Does that make sense to you? It does to me.

t&l

P.S. AW, I'm absolutely dying for you or your mom or Believer to read that cyber-book and give some feedback.

It makes perfect sense. There are several who know that I plan to be gone on Baby Day. And they don't blame me. So, we shall see. Right now it is 2 a.m. and I am still up. I doubt I will be alert in the morning in time to make it to church. I slept from 3 am to 3 pm today and woke up with muscle spasms in my back and abdomen. What was that about? They eventually went away. I think I am still up because I am dreading experiencing that again.