Now that I can finally post, I figured I'd say I'm praying for you and have been following your story.

*sigh*

I kind of went through something similiar with a psycho OW, but my husband finally opened his eyes and saw her for what she truly was. We had no choice but to get a RO against her. I wonder if your OW and my OW are related in some way?

I'd love to be a psychiatrist and find out what makes these people tick.

*waves at Orchid* I finally made it back, and things are kinda quiet, but "she's" still lurking.

Well, I got a call back from the bank.
He wrote out two checks to himself, and signed my name.
I filed a fraudulent affidavit with the bank, and now have to file charges at the police department.

I then was talking to a friend....who suggested that he probably went to VA to get his car with the money.

So...I called U-Hual. Sure enough...he rented a tow dolly on the 17th at 6:40pm to get his camaro from VA....with my money.....

I can say this was the straw that broke the camels back. I plan to file for the divorce on Tuesday when I go to court. I am done...
Danielle

Aw, Dani, what a jerk. I'm so sorry you're dealing with more crap from him. I'm just so disgusted that he'd steal money from his children's household, let alone you.

Dobie

I'm with Dobie- and Im absolutely LIVID.

Please do not second guess pressing charges against him and YES follow through on filing for divorce. This man is now a danger to you financially in addition to physically.

What I wouldn't give to be able to hang out with you in Maine.

ARGH! He stole from his kids!!!

Don't forget the proof that he's breaking the terms of bail.

Just to seal the deal.

Oh, and don't forget to get an RO to protect yourself, if you can.

Well I filed a report with the police in the town we were in when he stole the checkbook. (The night of the 11th at his parents house). The officer working the case will file a report in the town in which the checks were cashed and try to get the tape of him in the bank. I notified them of the bail conditions and the continued contact. They are WELL aware of it and said the detective is ACTIVELY working the case. He officer asked how cooperative my MIL was, because he was going to speak with her. I gave him all of the contact information. He said he would get back in touch with me in a few days to let me know how the case is moving along.
I asked him about the RO case on Tuesday. He said that if my WH and the OW do not show up they will put the RO into effect without them, but that my WH could go down and take his name off of it at any time. I don't care, I just want MY NAME on it..

I called the U-haul place to see if he returned the trailer. He returned it tonight and told them that his friend had gotten into a car accident and was at the hospital. That is why the trailer was late (He had only reserved it for a local move to save money and didn't tell them he was going to VA). THEN to add onto it, he told the u-haul people that his MONEY WAS STOLEN and he got paid again on Monday and would come pay his balance of 118.00 then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He has NO JOB, and $900 of MY MONEY! ERRRR....

Wow....this man is really out of his mind....

Danielle

dani,

I suggest that you CLOSE that account at the bank. Sometimes a check will slip by and be paid even though a stop payment has been placed on it.

When the account is closed...it won't happen because the account no longer is active. It is a big inconvenience to you, but it is a sure fire way to make sure that NOTHING gets paid. It also allows for the checks to be returned and stamped "Account Closed". He could be out writing checks all over town if he has a book of them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Again, I suggest that you close the account and take NO chances on anything being paid.

committed

Adding...as long as you sign an affidavit that you WILL prosecute the person that forged your name, the bank will return your money. If they want to give you a hard time, ask them if they "verified" the signature on the front of the check to be the correct signature. There is a reason for signature cards...and it's to make sure that the authorizing signature on a check is valid. They are obligated to return every penny to you.

I hope you do not think I WISH you for getting a divorce...i do not. I just think that as you stated, what is the other logical option? I am all for rebuilding at any point when trying to help anybody here...

Hon I am sorry about the money...Orchid once told me this...lies propogate in the dark...she may have worded it differently though. Your wh has gone off deep end and is with ow most likely...and his inability to contact either you or his parents is a defense mechanism to give the best possible environment for these lies to flourish (his not having contact w/anybody for days).

And I want to say this too...to some other posters here who think it's your wh's mistress' fault...no...it is BOTH of their faults. Not just hers. He has free will he is acting of. so blame them both for these stunts. but I think I would hold wh most accountable b/c he knows what he is doing.

let their affair relationship die. it will. and it will be a nasty death as both are not mentally sound, or doing well financially....a fantasy cannot survive on mere "love" alone...affair partners need money to keep the charade alive..trust me, my xh's marriage, his affair marriage would most likely already be over had he truly had the financial issues he claimed he had in court.

your spouse is a ws.

this is a good analogy...I went and saw star wars last night w/my son...it was great...but there was this whole underlying theme of how annakin slowly moved to the dark side...

towards end of movie, obi wan tells padme that "annakin is not who you think he is now...he has become a sith now." something like that anyway. You see a man destroy everything in his path that a sane person would NOt do...he becomes a monster, and even kills the very person he wanted to save (his wife). Shortly before he harms her, she pleads to him to come back...to change...that they'd go away together from all this and start over. she says "annakin, you are going down a road I can no longer follow". I see so much of the whole WS thing in the character, especially in the change of annakin. He is not who you think he is now. He has transformed into something..somebody else. A decent person would not uphold such poor actions (coming over drunk with his affair partner at almost midnight to see kids) and stand beside her in court when you are simply there representing the truth...and now a real act of disgust and desperation...stealing from his children's mouths.

heck I don't think he's provided any child support in months? am I not right?

But if you choose to divorce this man, do so with speed and haste but only to protect yourself and the kids legally from the person he has become now. You can always later on remarry your H should he come back for good...but you will be divorcing your WS.

I know you probably don't want to hear this. I have tried over and over for you to email me or contact me. I lived this and can help you...it's not something unique or original that happened to me...or to you...it is a sad thing, but you have to learn how to be strong during this and make wise decisions.

It is great you are going to go to paralegal school. Just make sure you research your books on this and get in touch w/legal aid. I cannot imagine now any court in the land who would deny you full custody and support. He is despicable. but he is a WS. enough said.

Divorce is something you do not want to do...at least if you, like myself, once loved your H. You want to help him all you can, you want to save him from himself. But they have something called free will...that allows us all the chance to live as we choose. He is exercising this and most horribly unfortunately. My old minister back home, when I asked him if I should file, said this...it was like the reason why our country, our leaders, decided to go to war in the middle east. We did not want to. Our options for peaceful negotiations had become something which would not work. For that option had been exercised for years. He said that (my minister) we proceeded as a country to do that, go to war, and get out of our comfort zone, because we were up against a wall and we had no other way out...that we had to do what was right. He said for me to proceed that way...if I have to file, it was because I had no other option. Together he and I carefully went over things, even called my old sunday school teachers to his home so they could all talk together w/me. My option was only divorce...and this is when I consulted with my basically spiritual leaders who do NOT condone divorce.

But yours will be easier to conclude than mine. My xh had so much financial resources and avenues to use to bolster his lies. Your wh is outta work, shacked up with a woman who has an ro against him, and they are a true recipe for disaster. The twisted path in this rubble, of who's filed ro's against who will be burning in the ear of the judge...it is an open and shut case. We all wanted him to come home. We all wanted to see him change. But it was clearly written on the wall he was NOT ready for reconciliation as he was NOT willing to admit his wrongdoings and was NOT willing to provide you any comfort as a bs by disconnecting the phone or allowing you to go with him to get the car.

Personally, he and ow (I'd ask for fingerprints on the check and maybe handwriting analysis) should go to jail together for this one...how romantic for them!

The two fugitives belong together...at least until what monies they have together run out...or until one cheating liar abuses the other cheating liar. My best girlfriend back home in tn had this to say to me. Off and on for now the last 3 years, I would always get shocked with the antics and behaviors of my now xh...each time it would seem he'd do something else...something despicable. My best friend, T, will say to me (and she does to this day if needed ) "Now Peach...What about his man has actually changed? You act SURPRISED he did this. Don't be surprised anymore." She said to just expect it now. I try to now, and it is easier. Until if and when your xh crashes and burns, do not be surprised at anything he would do. He is a WS ok? They are aliens from the furthest point in the universe ok? They do not speak our language and are out for their self-alien-gratification and do not care what happens to the earthlings. He's living large on the mothership right now..but the mothership is runnin' out of gas and gas is something even an alien has to purchase or else his ship is going down in flames. Let's hope he crashes soon for his health..his mental health. My xh unfortunately has tons of money so his mothership is still flying high, nontheless his orbit is slowly descending and it's just a bit of time before he crashes too.

I would just protect my family legally right now asap. I know this is not what you want to do nor what you want to hear. But I will be happy to just listen, and offer any advice to you I can.

There is no magic words which we can say to make this disappear for you and the kids. I wish it could happen. I wish more than anything, he had used the opportunity, his opportunities given and chose wisely.

Just think with your HEAD right now vs. your HEART ok?

Thank you all for the replies....

Justpeacy, I will e-mail you either tonight or tomorrow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Today I went to the bank to file the report, and then to the police station to give them more information.

About 2 hours after I got home I got a call from the Wiscasset PD. It was my WH... "Well I am going back to jail...thanks"
Basically he called before they booked him. They picked him up driving, and arrested him on violation of bail. He admitted writing a third check, for $400 yesterday. He said that he believes I 'owed' him the money from when I was a SAHM. Then he went on about how *I* left him, and went home on vacation (in August of 04). Whatever. Then he is begging me to drop the charges, saying he will pay me back. Then he says I obviously don't care about him. That I am out to get him if he won't be with me...
Says that he is depressed, and it runs in his family.
He doesn't know who he wants to be with, or what he wants.
Then he has the nerve to ask me to call the OW and let her know he is in jail. Ummm....HELL NO!!!!
GRRRR...
The officer wanted to know if I would like to press charges, and if I would like to submit evidence that he and the OW had contact. He said if I would, then please do so by Monday...

It's time for bed...
Danielle

Ugh...he's so foggy and most likely mentally unstable dani.

don't listen to his words ok?

He's with her and he's trying to suck you in saying stuff like "you're out to get me if I don't stay with you"...blah blah blah...a guilty man trying to get you to ease his conscious. No, he is a man who is violating bail. He is a man who stole from his family. He is a man who has upheld an immoral woman over his wife. He is a man on the highway to hell faster than a speeding bullet.

You are welcome anytime to talk. i will listen. At bottom of my email addy in response when you email will be my home and cell numbers.

He's unwell hon.

You've got to stay well for the kids.

COMMITTED...YOU ARE RIGHT on alot of the points here. I know we usually are completely opposite when corresponding w/each other, but this time I will say you're on target. At least we are able to unite in helping a fellow mb'er.

Dani, do what she said and close the joint bank account for your financial safety. I would also close any other joint endeavor...it's time.

So the police are going to talk to your MIL? do not be surprised if she is evasive or attempts to hide something to help her son...just a heads' up. I hope she is honest and straight up with the police.

Let him go and be with her. He can see if she can bail him out now. Do not enable him at all. It's time for your Wh to crash and burn...and here's the kicker...he has to learn who is really to blame here...IT IS NOT YOU...YOU DID NOT FAIL HIM...HE FAILED HIMSELF. Go see star wars. annakin failed himself. same crud. blaming somebody else for your fatal mistakes.

It's called MISPLACED AGGRESSION when somebody does this...rather than accept responsibility for their actions, a person will sometimes lash out at the person sending the truth their way. Or the person they believe who is really inflicting their pain. When in reality, their pain is caused by their negative actions. Many ws's here do this. It is commonplace for them to do so. They do not want to believe they are destructive in affairs. They wanbt to believe it was the BS who was destructive and cruel and forced them to be so desperate as to engage in an illicit affair ok?

Do not buy into this.

Hopefully, having NC with your wh now, except for his prison one time phone call, is helping you see him for the creep he is now. He is changed. He's not the same guy ok?

LET THE OW HAVE THE WS. Who wants a WS anyway? I wouldn't...not anymore at all. One day I'd like to have a husband. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And keep your faith...remember the verse "all things work together for good for them that love God". I used to say that to myself over and over. Have faith that you keeping on moving on is a part of the Almighty's plan for your life. Your WH will have to take up his part with HIM at some later date. As for now, just know that you gotta do what you gotta do for the kids and for you...

I am scared for what your WH will do should the ow make bail and he be freed...he is angry...he is vengeful...he is blaming you...and he is wacked out right now ok?

Get the ro...move in with any safe relative right now(excluding il's)...You need to be safe. I am scared ok? I don't say this often. But I am scared for you. I want you guys safe. Everybody near you needs to be able to contact you 24/7. When you go out, tell a close friend or relative where you're going so if you don't show up at a certain time, they will be on alert for you. I would BE HESITANT TO TELL THE IL'S YOUR WHEREABOUTS RIGHT NOW AS THEY MAY BE IN CONTACT WITH YOUR WH...THEIR SON. He doesn't need to know anything about you.

Now, do you want this man having any contact or custody with the kids knowing what is happening with him right now? What about this ow? Both are imho dangerous and you need to solidify custody and financial issues before he tries something else shady or illegal.

I hope you didn't forget your manners and replied "You're welcome." LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Gag. Spit. Sputter. Ack! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />



Uh... sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


And your reply was???

~ Snow

>He said that he believes I 'owed' him the money from when I was a SAHM. Then he went on about how *I* left him, and went home on vacation (in August of 04).


Yeah. You owe him for washing his chonies and birthin' his babies....yep...YOU OWE HIM cause his skidmarks were such a complete pleasure to Shout It Out that Six Flags is thinking of making it into a ride....I wonder what color the sky is on his planet??? He must be seriously high.

- Kimmy

Well, sadly what is continuing to happen to you is not really a suprise. Remember that remaining in this dysfunctional mess was YOUR CHOICE. I am hoping against hope that you obey the law and file charges. Your history of actions dictates that you will somehow succumb to his manipulations. RE-READ this thread starting from the top. Just do that, and it should be clear.

Dani, you have been at the "end of your rope" too many times to count here. Stop letting him "hang you" with the rope. Cut it, and move on. If you let him off the hook AGAIN here, you 100% deserve everything that comes to you as a result. This is your choice here. Am I harsh here?, maybe....but there is no OTHER WAY that I know how to say this to you.

You cannot possibly garner any support for remaining in this mess. I know the concept of the "fog" is the great "rationalizer" for a WS actions, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Your WH is definitely on the "who's who" of Wayward Spouses. I know that I have probably have been one of your harshest critics, and you probably cringe when you know that I have posted to you but I have never wanted to give up on you. This will end today. This will defintely be my last post to you here. I cannot possibly think of anything to say to you that I think will be of any value or help to you in the future. The other "wiser" souls will hopefully be able to "support" you in this.

You were sarcastic when you believed that people "thought" you were a "fool" to remain in this mess. Well, let him off the hook again, and there will be no "thoughts" at all about this.


Stop the insanity of all of this.

LM

He he he. Kimmy you kill me! It's so absurd isn't it? One day Dani and Mr. Dani will look back and he'll say, "did I really say that?" (I am, of course, thinking positively here).

~ Snow

[/quote]


You cannot possibly garner any support for remaining in this mess. [/quote]

I take that comment back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Dani,

Why would he pay you back if he believes that you owe him the money in the first place?

Dobie

You have my sympathy...but I know you will not become whole again until you do get out of this mess....only you can do this. Let him live in his chaos.

Redhat? Are you nearby?

I am calling for redhat to give you a visit dani...he's goood also. Wise and factual. He will call it like he sees it and usually is on the money. Plus he can give you a guys' idea. He is also on the divorced side as I am, but continues to help others MB and get thru an affair. He is unbaised and is somebody who can maybe help you further see the light.

Lemon cares and is worried I know. He is just wanting you to wake up from this hell and get smart and move on. We are rooting for you, but we can't walk you to the courthouse and sign any papers for you. Gotta do it on your own. I won't lie dani...it was the hardest day of my life when I signed the divorce papers...I was crying the whole time. I regretted that I had NO other choice but to do that. But again, sometimes we have to walk thru the darkness so that we can find our way to the light.

Remember the verse: "All things work together for GOOD for them that love God".

Good will come from your strength when you show it. Good will come from when you stand up for your family.

File the charges. Get protection. Lots of it. Go dark. I agree with whoever wrote not to let your in-laws in on your whereabouts. Just tell them, "Sweetie, you're better off not knowing right now." "Anything you don't know can't be wormed out of you."

And on the phone call -- Dani, I haven't answered my phone for over a year now, since my situation went nuts. I screen all my phone calls. You should be, too. That way he can't "accidentally" get through.

By the way, how did he get your phone no.?

Please, you can't be careful enough on this one.

I'm literally praying to God right this moment that you file charges on Monday.

"The end of your rope"... this made me think of something another MB lady shared in 2003 during a time my family was in crisis. Please read "The Bridge" found here:

http://www.bpd411.org/bridgemetaphor.html

Its time to let go of your end of the rope.

Wow. I have never read a more true metaphor that fits this situation exactly. Mojo is right, its time to let go of the rope. You are not responsible for his lousy choices. Read the bridge story and then reread it until it sinks in.

{{{{Dani}}}}