Good post, coach!

With appologies to 2Long for the threadjack...

If I knew 7 years ago what I know now, things would be completely different.

I allowed my W to do many things taht I didn't agree with - because I'm a CA.

She, on the other hand, is a "take what you can get away with" girl. You wouldn't think it, if you met her, but that's her way - fight for everything - constantly. Since, I don't like to fight, she wins. (or rather, she won).

She doesn't know any way other than that. For her, there is no such idea as a win-win situation. Either she wins or I win, and she was willing to fight every single thing. I should have stood up to that from the very beginning. The first time I saw OM's phone number on our bill - which was just over one month after we were married, I should have had a conversation with her which would have continued relentlessly until she knew absolutely that calling him was completely unacceptable. etc. etc. etc. water under the bridge.

Now what?!

Perhaps FGG can save it. Georgia and Mrs. FGG have a lot of good in their history, but I don't think I've got anything much to build on in my marriage. It's been pretty much horrible right from the beginning. I will agree to stay married if W makes the turn - and does it very convincingly, but even then I expect much pain and struggle. As coach has written before, I may look back in a few years of "recovery" and regret staying.

-AD

*pops in quickly; pokes 2long with stick (now newly improved with beer hanging off of it), so he'll keep moving.*

ALW:

Yep, felt it!

-ol' 2long

1. That scope looks really cool. Does it work as well as it looks?

2. Coach really did a good job of talking about change. I think it is very apt.

3. I think you should have told the financial planner "We may be getting a Divorce, so we had best come back in a month or two when we know more."

4. Your W still doesn't know how soon this may happen. Some recommend surpprise, but if you are not going to surpprise serve her, the sooner the better in my book.

5. 2long is a pretty good guy, I wonder if he knows it.

SS

2long ... ur still stuck ... how could I help u ?. is 2012305487235:1 the chances of RM going away ?.

-rh-

SS:

I ac2ally thought about cancelling the appointment, which was made before I saw those emails.

But it was useful for both of us 2 go ahead with the meeting. I learned a lot I wouldn't have figured out otherwise.

I'm going 2 have another meeting with the IC 2 decide on some specific IRA stuff for my retirement. This will happen sometime while my W is gone for 4weeks (thought it was 6, can't count). I may bring up the possibility of DV then.

rh:

Good 2 hear from you! I have no idea what the odds are that RM will self-immolate. I don't care. I made my point, she's pretending 2 ignore it, and I've got assignments from my coach I'm following up on.

-ol' 2long

I really like this, 2long! This might be the only sig line of yours that I have ever understood. It's very pretty.

In reading this thread I wonder if any of your wives (you know who you are) have ever had to struggle and if they would be of a different mindset if they had. As someone who has never been with a really great guy and has had to work, take care of a child alone, take out the trash, mow the lawn, worry about bills all by myself, I just wonder if marrying a man who is so capable and caring has somehow taken something away from the women that they need to have to grow. Some kind of a need to struggle to illicit personal growth, so they create trouble.

I don't know if I am verbalizing my line of thought well but I often wonder if women who have it all, great guy, great family, better off financially than alot - just go out and find trouble so at some point they will have to struggle and then in turn grow from their loss.

...or maybe their just spoiled and bored.

Same could be said for many male WS too I suppose. I just don't get it.

Oh I just realized that I have dated really great guys, back in high school and college, but I didn't want them. Must have had my own need back then to do some major struggling.

Ah well.

weaver:

"I really like this, 2long! This might be the only sig line of yours that I have ever understood. It's very pretty."

You probably don't remember this sarcastic sigline I used for a while about 2 years ago, then...

"Build a man a fire, and you'll keep him warm for a day. But set a man on fire, and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life!"

Not very pretty, ac2ally! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

That was the sound that the eyebolt on that Alaska Airlines 737 landing strut made when it broke after they'd pushed us away from the gate but had failed to disconnect the tractor before it started backing away. That was in Seattle, 12 years ago this summer. When I heard that, I knew we were in for a LONG stay in Seattle before they could fix it and get us on our way 2 Anchorage...

But that isn't my point here. My point is that it was an instantaneous moment of realization that some major change of plans had occurred.

I just had another one, almost as loud as that TINK 12 years ago:

During the investment counseling session last night, one thing that was interesting was that my company's input 2 my retirement plan won't change at all if I stop contributing al2gether. The IC (I love that: "Investment Counselor") suggested I put the $400/mo in2 a Roth IRA instead, and let my company's input 2 the regular retirement account continue unabated. I earn more from the IRA than by putting it in2 the regular account.

The TINK moment was when I realized that I could put the money in2 IC or coaching for the near term BEFORE investing it in2 the IRA and probably have a much more positive impact on my (our) net worth in years 2 come by making my best effort 2 save my marriage right now (while at the same time still meeting with a DV attorney 2 know what that option entails).

Gonna meet with the "IC" again in a few weeks. I will tell her what I'm thinking at that time, and enlist her help in making it so.

-ol' 2long

Hehehehe I do love that quote... *ponders about making a bumper sticker*

Uh Oh!?

2Long, are you saying you're going to try more marriage counseling?

... instead of pushing forward ?

Maybe it will work, but I don't think any amount of counseling for you is going to turn around your wife. But, then again, I'm not a marriage counselor, and my marriage is screwed up, so obviously I don't know what I'm thinking about.

It sounds to me like another way to avoid taking action.

And I say that with the greatest respect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Let's see, you can take 3-4 months of marriage counseling (alone, since your W probably won't go), and you can avoid the confrontation of actually filing for D etc. Does that sound about right?

Please forgive me if I'm off base here.

With warmest regards,

-AD

Great and funny quote, 2Long!

I'm here looking at the clock waiting for lunch when I can spring it on my lunch buddy.

Ah, I can interrupt his work. He needs to hear that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

<AD rehearses>

"Give a man a fire... no, Build a man a fire, no, how does it go?"

When is your appointment with the attorney to discuss all of this?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Susan:

I'm calling 2day. Don't know when or whether we'll set up an appointment at that point.

-ol' 2long

Why not?

Susan

My 2 cents worth......

There is no doubt that you would be better off,financially as well as emotionally if your WW would finally do the right thing. No question at all. Your kids would be better off, you WW would be better off, and you would be. But your WW has not budged in ...how long???

You could certainly put more money into IC, and coaching, but let me tell you the thought that came to my mind when I read this post:

My 17 year old son LOVES to play football. He would LOVE to pay in the NFL. I would be more than happy to put every dime I have into a private coach for him. I would work 3 jobs to pay for a coach for him.
But it still won't get him into the NFL. He just doesn't have what it takes.
I love him. I want him to be happy. But all the personal trainers, and coaching, in the world won't get him into the NFL.

Don't know if that is helpful to you at all. But that thought was screaming in my ears as I read your latest post.

wof:

Believe me, that though crosses my mind all the time. We "learned" (not that I didn't know this before), that, if we sold our house and divided the equity in it in its PRESENT, unfinished condition, we'd each have about 500K from the equity alone.

Susan:

Because.

Sorry 2 sound flippant, but I just got invited 2 lunch. Back in an hour or so.

-ol' 2long

2long,
Pretty interesting isn't it? About how many kids can still find happiness even if they don't make it to the NFL. Sad to say that all of us can't play the game in that leauge. And I would guess that the most fortunate of all are probably those that figure it out sooner rather then later.

What do you think?
Coach

Susan:

Sorry I didn't get back 2 you earlier.

Why not? Well, this is why. When I called up the number that I'd keyed in2 my cell phone earlier this week, I couldn't hit the "dial" button. The weight of that decision just got the better of me and I didn't go through with it.

Still needs 2 be done, at the very least so I know what I'm facing. And it's an assignment I need 2 complete.

-ol' 2long