Good answer, 2Long.

AD:

Fat lot of good it'll do me...

...still, I needed 2 say it. It's MY truth.

-ol' 2long

Have her spray some starter fluid down the carb. The aerosol kind you can get in any auto parts store. She takes off the air filter and squirts one blast into it.

Two pulls (don't put the filter back on yet) and the mower will wake up.

Guaranteed or I'll send your money back.

Oh, tell her to make sure the filter is not all dirty and clogged before putting it back on.

Ap:

I cleaned the filter when we were there last, so it's just a dry fuel system.

The mower is only a 2ple years old, and it's ac2ally got fuel injection and electronic ignition. Or maybe it's just electronic ignition. Don't know.

Anyway, it's amazingly easy to restart once you've got it going the first time after it's been sitting for a while.

I don't put much stock in it. She just needed an excuse 2 email me.

-ol' 2long

That was a great reply I believe.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ALW:

Maybe it was, but it was wrong of me 2 do that 2 myself. I've now wasted about 2 hours 2day fretting over it. ...and I had such a pleasant evening last night.

Spacecase pointed out that I'm not letting go like I said I would. My bad.

-ol' 2long

Maybe if we tied a psycho rabbid gopher and ornery squirrel to your belt and you had to walk around with them all day long your thoughts would be so occupied by the constant noise and flying furr plus wayward bites here and there you wouldn't have problems letting things go.

That or train your tabby to engineer a space craft and throw you down some worm whole for the rest of the week.

Your choice.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

2long,
I'll mail you tonight, and answer your questions.


Also -

Dear W,
I'm having a hard time talking to you about things like the lawn mower, and so on.

I have pretty much resigned myself to getting a D. You want the freedom to have friends that I cannot accept. I grant you have the right to do what you want, but I can't go along with it, so I am preparing for the D.

You say you don't want us to live in the past, and I agree, but your choices in the here and now are where my problem is.

I would love for us to have a future. I dream of it still, but I won't have one with you if you choose to keep ANY relationship with him. Professional, friends, or any thing at all.

I don't want you to say "Oh all right, if you have to have it this way, I'll do it."
That's not what I am looking for. I want a relationship where you would say "I want this to work, and because I love you, and because having a future with you means so much to me, I will burn the bridges between RM and myself, so we can move foreward.

There is a difference, I think you know what I mean. I want someone who wants me, not someone that will settle if they have to.

Unless you can see us in that kind of relationship, we may as well finish this soon. if it is finished, I can't see me helping at (OOSP) any more, it would be a waste of my time when I should be looking out for my own future.

If you can see us in a future where we are deeply, totally, madly in love, then continue to call me for help, but if not, then please leave me alone to mourn what we had,(or what I felt we had) and so I can go on with my own life.

Love 2long.


Hope the ideas are worth something.

SS

That is a perfect email to send...it says it all. Man I wish I could write like that!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's a great letter,SS. I wonder how she would receive something so open, and straight forward. Would she just poo poo it like every other attempt?

She seems to approach life and marriage from a very different place than many of us who have been exposed to the MB way of looking at R'. I am not sure a letter like this will have much of an impact. (Pig-headed and stubborn comes to mind) I really hope I am wrong. I pray for a miracle.

ss:

That's a great idea. Says the kinds of things a plan B letter would say, but she'd balk at a plan B letter (not that she doesn't balk at pretty much everything I send her anyway). So, if I do hear from her again (not sure I will, frankly), I'll consider something along those lines.

-ol' 2long

Trix:

It might have an impact if I cc'd RM and HF at the same time.

-ol' 2long

2long,
With all do respect...when your WW responds to you in the way she did, (re: your post to her) there is no good answer, except maybe something like this:

~WW, stop your BSing right now. You are being purposely obtuse…you know *it* and I know *it*. But in case you have any questions about *it* here’s my clarification regarding what *its* all about as far as I’m concerned. I don’t really care any more about weather you think having a relationship with this piece of garbage is a prerogative you feel entitled too Are you getting this? If we are to be married, I want you to have no relationship of any kind with this person for any reason ever again. And if you think your prerogatives regarding this piece of dog meat are more important then being married to me then we have nothing further to discuss about this or anything else. I hope you and your prerogatives have a long and happy life together but don’t you ever again try to debate this issue with me on any other basis except about you choosing to have a selfish dishonest relationship with another man instead of being married to me.~

Get it 2long? You don’t give credibility to her babble by debating it with her. She simply must know once and for all that this is a non-negotiable issue and you have to be the person to define this issue to her because you are the one in control of your own fate. Not hers for sure and not even the marriage…but you are in control of you.
Coach

Just do it 2long ... in CA you have to wait for 6 months before the M dissolve anyway.

-rh-

rh, my friend:

I was just thinking over the weekend, that if we "declared" the moment of separation as June 27th, we could be divorced for our 30th anniversary.

What a present, huh?

3 years ago, in one of our MC sessions with a freakin' SOCIAL WORKER, for Rice Cake!, my W said "Can we just take this a day at a time and see if we want 2 renew our vows for our 30th anniversary?" Remember when I posted about that??

I may ask her if she thinks we made "progress" by taking that approach. 3 years and we're still dealing with RM!

I liked SS' sample letter a lot, but I'm thinking a lot about what Spacecase keeps telling me, and that is 2 just let go and get this done. Don't lose momentum.

I think that's what you're telling me, 2.

I will forever love my W. But I don't have 2 live with her choices.

Why the hell does this have 2 be so hard?

-ol' 2long

Because it is. We have been with our spouses for so many years. We have our family with them. We have so many connections and history together. The good and bad.

Because of the dreams we had of growing old together and being empty nesters, and being grand parents together, of traveling, etc. etc. being there to comfort each other in sickness and in help.

It is very difficult to accept that it is really over and that we have to change our whole outlook and look to the future with a new outlook. To see the possibilities...because it is something that we'd have to do to survive.

I agree but you have to serve her by June 27th. It is 6 months from the date she got serve.

yeap, I remember ... you could wait for 2century and still be 2morrow.

Yeap, send the letter and file. She still have 6 months.

Right again, but what you have right now is WW !. By 6 months if she doesn't return as W ... you are free and I could be your dating coach !!!

Because u think 2much and u r a very good family man.

If u call W.Harley's program he would tell you to Dv her along time ago.

-rh-

Trix said that she doubted a letter would change anything at this point.

I don't think she will respond in a way acceptable to you, but you can write such a letter and send it, and still file tomorrow. Like RH says, you still have 6 months, and you can stop it anytime.

You already told her you were going to file if she wasn't willing to do NC. She has never agreed to NC. You would just be doing what you told her you would do.

All the letter does is continue to maintain the same position. If she wants to do NC with all her heart, then there is an opening. If not, the D gets closer.

SS

Folks:

Since we visited the mediator 2gether, we have 2 file 2gether. But we can call the "separation date" anytime we want, and divide our finances at that moment.

Heck, although she wouldn't agree for financial reasons, I could say we've been separated for 6 months and so the divorce would only take as long as getting the paperwork through would take.

I think the 27th of this month would be poignant. We can "declare" that date when she comes back and we meet with the mediator sometime in July.

The letter would likely accomplish nothing, as she hasn't responded 2 my reply 2day, even. Mostly, fretting over what 2 say wastes MY time and brings ME down. But it might be useful 2 illuminate the sitch 2 HF, maybe even 2 RM, if he really does have a GF. He might not want 2 have anything 2 do with this right now and might go away on his own... ...what am I saying? I don't give a rat's a$$ what he thinks or does. If he dies in his sleep 2night, I'll drive 2 NM and dance on his grave!

-ol' 2long

2Long,

I'm really surprised that your future options are so immediately limited by simply visiting a mediator. California law is strange!

So now, you can't file on your own at all?! No matter what she does?

Say it isn't so.

-AD