StillHere - yes, I called my lawyer and got the info. I don't know if he's talked to his lawyer or not, it may be that he just assumes if I agree then it's binding. I won't bother going into the advice here.

I counseled w/ SHarley and got some great advice. I need to lay out (again) the plan for a great M, which includes protecting each other above anyone else (so NC and done in the right way) and then just remove myself and see if H is capable/willing to do these things or not. SH seems very concerned about H's state of mind, meaning that he's not in a FS/team-oriented state of mind. I think this is like I was saying above w/ the "me" vs. "we" thinking. SH also said that I shouldn't bother w/ more exposure. I do think she should be tested for STD's/AIDS given his other sexual partners while he was sleeping w/ her, but I guess she will have to figure that one out on her own. So gross. Anyway, I'll give an update.

Thanks everyone - please pray for our M, my H and for me - we are in the 11th hour and we need all the support we can get.

I would most heartedly endorse that basic bargaining premise. Holds true for all of life, from marriages to real estate.

Thanks, Cymanca - you are right and I have to set my boundaries. I'm going to put my terms on the table in a nice way, explain why the things I'm asking for are the best things for us and the M, not just me, and if H cannot live up to them, then I will wish him well and walk away into Plan B/D until he meets those terms. I'm sure he'll take OW on a trip for Memorial weekend, or he'll go to Vegas and pay hookers for it. That's his choice, and her choice for putting up with it. I am done until all of my terms are met.

My new motto: no negotiation; just completion.

By the way, I hardly ever post, but I lurk a lot. I am familiar with your situation and I hope you are doing well. Your W will regret her choices and I'm sorry you had to go through this.

I like this one!
Do not sign anything away. Period.