Although it has become unwieldy due to explosive growth, I agree with the others who say leave it 'whole'. There is such a wonderful exchange of information going on, which I think serves to shed light on the 'other side'. I'm also not sure how it could be divided up without having people inadvertantly miss some great posts. <P>I DO like the idea of starting a read-only section, where these great posts can be gathered (at the request of members), so they don't 'sink' & disappear. Perhaps this could contain the success stories too.<P>This is a wonderful website. We've been married for 21 years, struggling for much of it, and this is by far the most practical, useable, effective & concise information available. Thank you!<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

Hi,<P>I know you asked specifically about making Infidelity into separate sections or not, but I wonder if maybe you could add some sections instead of separating one of the larger ones. I have found in my experience in designing web pages and managing an email list that it is best to start new to encourage diversification than to change the existing by splitting things into 2 or more parts.<P>I would also like to ask if there is some way for you to include more information about addictions and how to use Marriage Builders with an addicted spouse. I believe that addictions complicate attempts at making a marriage work, and people need to understand that before they start working with the Marriage Builders methods. Just my opinion.<P>Thanks.<BR>Hope this helps.<BR>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful

NOT RELATED TO QUESTION:<P>I was wondering if in one of the future newsletters you could write a letter about what to do if there hasn't been a "discovery" day. Some of us know that our spouse cheated, the affair ended - and are really having trouble going forward with the denials. I've been coining this phase as "predisclosure plan A". Thanks.

I would like to see the forum remain under one heading, but I think it would be very helpful to have a list of members and what category, or recovery stage they are in to make it easier to find the type of thread you are currenly interested in reading or posting to at a given time. A listing that the members would have access to move there name from one category to another as their story changes....!

Success and Beyond is a wonderful idea! I also cast my vote for a Plan B and Beyond... I know it doesn't really fit with the "-Builders" theme of the site, but the reality of it is that way too many of us are ending up there.<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie

I already posted my idea for a rebuilding forum. I would like to say why. I have been in a strong rebuilding process with my H for 8 months now. I read here often and try to help others, but never feel comfortable asking for advice, nor do I ask. I would really love to discuss my problems and ask for advice, as I have a lot of stumbling blocks. The reason I don't do this is, with so many difficult issues being in the majority here, I feel my problems are too trivial. It's difficult to explain, but I would be more apt to discuss my situation or ask for advice in a thread where people aren't in as much pain as most here are. As I said, my problems are very trivial in comparison and I am not comfortable AT ALL discussing these things in this forum. I am begging you to please add a rebuilding/recovery forum. Please!?!?!<p>[This message has been edited by Distrusting (edited September 25, 1999).]

A vote for keeping it as is. I understand if the traffic increased much more, you might have to break it up a bit. If you feel the need, some of the categories previously mentioned("Success Stories" for one) would be good. Maybe "Ask the Betrayer?" so those trying to gain insights into how(if?) their wandering spouse is thinking can learn from those of us who have found ourselves living the insanity, yet gone on to marriages even more wonderful than we could ever have dreamed.<P>Oh, and how about a "Clueless" Forum? Make Carlton and D99(H) co-moderators. Of course, they'd be making most of the posts as well...<BR>

Steve,<BR> I vote to leave it as it is. One addition that would be nice would be an archive section where members who have reached a more or less "finality" in their situations could leave their complete story. One example would be DuncanMac and Suse. My first thought was for "success" stories, but people could be helped by the "unsuccessful" ones as well.<P>The profiles are nice, but it would be more useful to have a more complete story told than what we usually put in our profiles.<P>Anyway, whatever the changes or not, I will still be here and thank you for a great service to me and others....

I am a new member, but so far, this site has been very beneficial. Keep it in the same format for more interaction.

I vote to keep as is. I get alot from all the postings and I may not see everything if it is divided into different categories.

I like it as it is also....however hope is a great thing when one is hurting so a success stories section as an add on I think would be of great benefit....<P>Keep this great forum great by adding to not separating from..???<P>I add my Thanks to Dr Harley and Associates<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P>

Let me add my voice to most of the responses. I don't think this forum should be broken down into subcategories. It does seem to be getting a bit unweildy (has far and away the largest number of postings, which I think says something profound about the issue itself). But there are so MANY possible categories, and breaking it up might separate a lot of us who've grown very close trading our stories. It's great to be able to come to ONE place and just see who and what there rather than having to search around to find what I'm looking for. And to know that if I post something, everybody will at least see it.<P>--Wex

Please leave it the same ..... I have found the input from both sides to be really helpful for insight .... to help learn ... and, after all, that's why we are here! <P>Have checked out other sites where catagories exist .... a lot of venting goes on, but not much learning from what I read. We need the support of each other, to help understand the dynamics of all this, and to grow from each other .... the mix of posts is great. Thanks

There are so many whose mates won't return to them that I don't feel a part of this group. But yet I still have needs that I feel I still need to be here at times. I'd like to have a group for those who are together and recovering apart from those who aren't together. Seems like there are those who are all happy they're back together to help inspire others, those who are sad they aren't but are trying anything to get them back, and me all alone who basically does okay that we're together, but still has moments of depression and anger that he did this to us.

Hi Steve<BR>I believe that you should leave the site the way it is, I have found so much great advise here and so many friends its great to know you are not alone. I live on the other side of the world, yet just by pressing a few keys I am among friends that can help and do understand I think that if you changed it alot would be lost in the process. Just my opinion.<P>Jenny<BR>South Africa<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Leave it all together. The reason it has grown so fast is because it is an open forum. If you need to beak it up in smaller chunks to make it more manageable or to improve performance, do it by starting an Infidelity Archive of threads 6 months (or some other time period) or older.

I've got to say that I think it would be SO helpful to have two sub-categories on the infidelity board.<P>1) affair still going on, one partner not committed to marriage<P>2) affair is over, both partners committed to the marriage and to rebuilding.<P><BR>As a member of #2, I find little advice on this topic. As stated above by Distrusting, our troubles are very real to us, but seem so trivial when compared to someone who is at home alone wondering if their spouse is sleeping with someone else at the moment. It's very difficult to find what I am looking for on this site- I need help building my marriage, not re-hashing how horrible I was when I was betraying my spouse.

Leave as is.

Leave as is - good to know all sides and see all phases of affair. If you seperate the forum people might go just to one area and miss other helpful perspectives.

Wow! Great feedback!<P>Here is what I'm thinking about:<P>First, updating the forum program. This will allow for the archiving option we've needed for so long. Also, updating the program will eliminate that "search bug," among other bugs, most of us have been experiencing here in the forum. I've been a little hesitant to upgrade this program out of fear of a catastrophic glitch. However, it might be time.<P>And second, adding a few sections one at a time. Most likely starting with a "Plan A/Plan B" section.<P>I'll try to give you all about 2-3 days advance warning of the upgrade. <P>NOTE: The "My Story" option in your profile was my own hack (it didn't come with the program). In case the transition does not go as planned, I highly recommend that you save a copy of your "My Story" description now. The "My Story" option will be included in the next version. But, only after I have a chance to modify it again.<P>One last thing…<P>This is an open forum. All have an opportunity to respond to any post. However, it is YOUR choice as to whom you respond. Choose wisely.<P>Thank you all for the feedback!<P>Steve<BR>------------<BR>If someone tells you have you have a tail, you'd probably think they were crazy. But, if several people tell you that you have tail, shouldn't you at least look?<BR> - heard it somewhere<BR>