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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715 |
LOL...you would be AMAZED at what all I learned to do as a result of my wife's online EA. This is simple stuff. Proving her EA was hard, as her OM was an IT guru, and had tried everything that they could think of to make sure that I didn't catch on. It was only when they got too complacent that they slipped up.
It's also good to know how to tell WHEN things were accessed, so that you don't jump to conclusions too. Personally, I'd suggest that you get a keylogger and put it on the computer unless it's one provided for him from his work. I've got one installed on all of our home computers (my wife knows about it, doesn't have the password and doesn't care about it...we're 'recovered' as far as all of that goes). We have it on there now to keep track of what our kids are doing on the computers. Just my suggestion.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 469
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 469 |
Post deleted by HealingT4J
me-FBS M-6/84 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD - severe-5/04-9/04 with continuing C; NC ltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
Praying for all WS/BS. Blessings!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Healing, putting spyware on H's computer is what enabled me to trust him again. I could see, with my own eyes, that he was being truthful with me. Nothing he could have said or done could have given me that level of reassurance. It did wonders for our marriage and allowed me to relax and stop worrying. Our marriage changed dramatically once I did this.
I put spyware on his work laptop and had the reports emailed - secretly, with no trace - to a secret yahoo email account. The program that I liked best was actmon.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 469
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 469 |
Post deleted by HealingT4J
me-FBS M-6/84 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD - severe-5/04-9/04 with continuing C; NC ltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
Praying for all WS/BS. Blessings!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
grrrrrrrr, my post disappeared!! I will write it again.
H, my H is also a computer whiz and this is what I liked about actmon, he never detected it. What it did was allow me to completely relax knowing that he was being truthful. It gave me the ability to move forward.
If you would like, I could walk you through the installation to make sure you do it right so it's not detectable. It might be just the thing to help you get over your wondering and worrying. I know it sure did me. It gave me enormous peace of mind.
So, if you decide to do it and want help, just email me and I will walk you through it to make sure it is installed in the proper invisible mode.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023 |
Dr. Harley also says that trust will not return 100% nor should it. We shouldn't completely trust our spouses nor should they completely trust us.
If he has read the Harley books he should understand what he says about both not being owed privacy or trust.
If he has nothing to hide, he will hide nothing.
Last edited by Trix; 05/23/05 07:13 PM.
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