well..not sure what to say right now. He and i had a confrontation last night and i lashed out..i had to. Heard something about him trying to hit on my own sister a while back and to be honest with you, i don't know if it's true, my sister and i haven't spoken in a couple years and she never mentioned this to anyone before, but chose to tell my mother this yesterday. But, i did confront him about it which of course he denied. I was also angry at the fact that when my WH told me he was leaving, my two oldest lost it, my son who's 17 flipped out and literally took off to find this woman and said he was going to kill her, my daughter, who's 19 went after him and even though there was a scuffle, threats and so on, they were both arrested and i was here alone for the next 3 days with my two younger children. And my WH gave a statement to the police AGAINST his own children when he could have just said "i didn't see anything"..so he was confronted about those statements also because i told him he better fix it and help these kids. We argued about money because he was off running around with the OW's family doing things for them while i was in court with my children and i couldn't find him to be here waiting for my younger two when they got home from school, my long distance was shut off for non payment so they wouldn't have been able to get ahold of anyone in the family if they needed anything, i had to have someone drive out here and pick them up. I told him i needed to know how to get ahold of him at all times, that his responsibility was still to this family. In the week since he left, he has made no effort to call, or visit his kids on his own, i've had to send someone to go look for him and tell him to. also, he admitted that he of course had slept with her. That was the big thing with me. My mother, sister and brother have all had spouses that cheated on them and i've always told my husband that if he ever cheated on me, that would be it, i wouldn't want him back...and to cheat with someone that's been a huge sore spot for me..that was worse than a stab in the gut. She'll dump him after a while, she's 40 yrs old and has never been able to hang onto a man, her own kid was here the other night, he's my daughter's friend, and he was angry, telling my daugter that the OW is a whore and she's always been on, now how bad is that??..anyhow, up until this point i had been trying to work on getting him out of this fog and into reality hoping he'd see what a mistake he made, but now..i just don't know if i even want him back!!!

Ugh.What a mess lost.I told you things could be rough,it's the rollercoaster we speak of.

In my opinion,at this point you need to sit down with your kids and have a heart felt talk.I definitely can sympathize with their feelings right now but they cannot do anything that would get them in serious trouble.It will not help anyone and they must realize that it is not worth it.I know they are hurting but what you have to remove from your lives is the chaos that ensues with Infidelity.If your WH is acting remorseful( unlikely) and want so to be around the children and be home then what I said yesterday applies.But you all cannot go looking for or contacting the OP and the WH anymore.Don't go looking for trouble because it's already visited your house.

Also,don't try to force a relationship between the kids and your WH.The more you push the more the WH will pull away.It is HIS responsibility to see his kids and unfortunately,many times the WS does not do this in favor of their own selfish feelings and needs,which should not be the priority when there are children involved.

What are you doing to protect yourself financially? You may have to,one day,go to court to get spousal/child support.Your WH cannot just float along without a job eternally.He will have to get off his behind no matter what and contribute to the wellbeing of his kids and it will be court ordered if he tries to escape it.In that manner,he cannot just pretend he has no responsibility.Just keep it in the back of your mind that you may need to retain a Lawyer if things turn ugly(ier) and they may,it's happened many times around here.

PLEASE.You have to be rock stable now and support your kids so they don't run off and do something rash again.Sit down and talk to them about how ALL of you will handle this OK? It's WAY too early for your WH to be out of the fog or seeing what a mistake he made the way you might think or want.Don't try to teach or expect much right now.Keep to your plan and do try not to LB(love bust) your WH despite how mad you are.Yelling at one another will only fuel the fire.

O

ty Octobergirl..to be honest, after what he told me last night..i just don't want him anymore..but he IS going to support this family, i'll make sure of it!!!..and i know it'll be a long process, but my kids and i will be ok. As his mother told my WH.."You don't spend 20 yrs building such a close knit family just to pull the rug out from under them"...and she's right, me and my children are close. They were so proud of the fact that their parents were still in love and still together when not one of their friends came from a two parent household, so they were and are completely devestated. But they know that i'll always be here for them. And what broke my heart is that my two oldest weren't worried about themselves when they were sitting in jail..they were worried about me!! I'll still have to take it one day at a time, but once we get a routine back and the money coming in...then i can finally start to move on and prepare for the rest of my life without him.

Lost - Time for you to calm down a little. The affair is obviously just an attempt to escape his problems. That happens a lot around here.

Your job is to keep your family safe. Let your kids know that you have a plan now (Plan A), and things will work out. They need to settle down, and stay out of jail.

Read some more on Plan A, and start practicing it. This site is devoted to saving marriages, so stick with the plans here.

Don't listen to what your husband says - he is way out there. You will have to be the one to protect your family.

i will believer..the kids and myself just really needed to get that out of our system..and i made him stay and take it..things could never be the same between us..and what we had was the most important thing to me..i was soooooo proud of our marriage. Even my sister-in-law commented on how we were everyone's rollmodel. I just have to move on is all

You may feel like that today, and want him back tomorrow. Infidelity does not have to be the end of the marriage. It is extremely hurtful, but lots of folks here have marriages better than before.

Your husband is just acting like they all do.

You know?..Normally i'd believe that this is just and affair and eventually he'll wake up and come to his senses, but with her i'm not so sure. This is a woman that broke his heart over 20 yrs ago, they were both very young and she cheated on him constantly, he even caught her in bed with other men..they also had a child together..and it was her that left the relationship, not him. It's not like he's meeting this for the first time..they have a history together, a kid together..he knows her family. There's a VERY strong chance, in my opinion, that he does love her. Especially now that he's slept with her. I'm hoping that she's still the person she always has been, a user, gets a man then throws them away for the next man..her own son, whom she gave away to her mother to raise when he was little stood in the yard the other day and said "she's a whore, and she's aways been a whore" (he and my daughter are friends). Still, even if she decided to dump him, his feelings wouldn't go away, i think it's HIM that needs to decided to get rid of HER before all this could end.