Thanks you for the advice. Were you betrayed. What did you do?

Are you together?

Never once did I say I condone it! I told Leslie this may be his reaction. That's right Betrayed, as soon as he starts yelling have Leslie confront him with " This would not have happened if you did not contribute to the state of our marriage and my deciding I needed to have an affair".
Leslie you know what may or may not set off your husband or what will ease him. If you say ILY helps ease him then by all means say it. If you think it will be offensive at this point then don't say it. You may try this " I know you don't believe this right now, but I do love you and I will show you". Then show him.
Do not stick around for the abuse if you believe it is more than you can handle. I did not infer to stand there for everything he throws at you.
You need to know what he needs to hear. Yes be vulnerable and open. Leslie you will be able to guage what can be opened up or not. From my perspective if my wife had tried to place any blame on me immediately after I found out, I don't know where we would be right now. But that's just me. I just want you to know. ILY was the last thing I wanted to hear or could believe. You know him best! Open and honesty as he asks and is ready for it.
Leslie go over and try to get some advise on the thread from some of the othe BS's and WW's. Ask them what would have helped them in the very beginning.

Leslie,
Yes, I was the one betrayed. My H formed an online friendship that quickly turned into first a EA than a PA.

Upon DDAY, I threw him out, wanted a divorce. I was devasted.

That was 15 months ago, we've been in recovery now for almost 14 months.

From dday to the beginning of recovery was about 5 weeks for us.

We're doing well. It took me time, but once I realized, and really accepted that I was just as responsible for the downfall of my marriage, I could make the decision to stay , or leave, with a clearer conscious. I never wanted to walk away wondering if I did the right thing...if I could have done something.

Before I found this site...saving my marriage....was the last thing on my mind. I can tell you from my experience though, in most cases, a BH can recover quicker than a BW.

I'm running over the GQ to see if you are posting over there.

Hang in there.

Leslie,

How's it going?

TMCM

It is not going well. He still won't talk.