Coach,

All I can tell you chere is that I was taught to respect adults and not talk about unpleasant things...because it wasn't "ladylike". I was also badgered, hurt, and blamed. I carried around alot of guilt about somehow not preventing it...even when was only five years old! There are some things that perhaps cannot be understood until you experience them....maybe sexual abuse is one of them. But a whopping 75% of abuse victims...never say word. I understand IP's response....because one of the biggest reasons they don't is that A) they won't be believed and B) Somehow it will be considered their fault. Your post seems to imply BOTH of those things. I'm sure that ISN't what you meant...but I can easily see how it would feel that way. "Surreal" means something has an "unreal" quality because it is characterized with fantastic imagery and incongruity. I'm choosing to believe that by choosing that word that you're recognizing that this situation sounds too awful to be real...but what if it is? What if it is for many of us?

Precious

First of all, I want to offer you a big, squishy hug. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((IP))))))))))))))))))))))))))


You are MOST DEFINITELY not alone. As you can see, there are many of us out there. TOO MANY. But whether or not, you're comfortable going to a support group, I hope you can see, you've already got one.

Coach,

I'm sorry, I'm in agreement with everyone else. And it may just be that since you haven't walked in the shoes, you can't understand just how "real" it is or how painful it is to hear the things you said, no matter how good your "intentions" might have been. What you said, and the way you said it, came across very accusatory toward IP, as if she (as she'd had been taught to believe) was truly to blame, or maybe imagining it all. This is very common phsycho babble bull crap, we that have been through it, have been taught, and until get/got help, accepted as fact. Why wouldn't we? The ones feeding us the bullcrap, were the ones we respected and trusted to care for us as no one else, could or would.

I'm sorry, I know you guys don't know me, this is the first time I've wandered off the EN forum, and I'm intruding. But this is a VERY personal issue for me. And I can't stand to see another in pain or being attacked, or made to feel unsure of their concept of reality, no matter how innocently done.

Again, sorry for the intrusion, and slight TJ.

BIG HUGS TO EVERYONE ON HERE WHO's BTLTT.

Tama

Thanks to all who have responded and rallied around. It's very unfortunate that I'm not alone. But it's so helpful to be validated and know that I'm not crazy.

I actually started this thread, not to talk about my CSA, but to talk about and solicit suggestions ways for me to deal with my H and no longer LB (yell). I'm working on my never-ending list of issues down other avenues. But that still leaves me with M to do something with. I do think that buried somewhere in my H is a wonderful, caring individual who wants to be there for me as much as I want to be there for him. But are his hurts too many too?

I, unfortunately gave the history I did to help people understand where I'm coming from. I don't want anyone's pity. I don't want anyone's tears. However, I guess I expected a little understanding, which was probably a mistake. I only opened a pandora's box. Some days (very very fleetingly), I wish I had never started on this journey. But as I said, it's fleeting. It's easier to just be the bad girl. The emotions really suck sometimes.


Thanks again to all. I think I'll go back to lurking on occasion and forget the rest.

I'm precious

I'm Precious - I hope you realize that there are many here who are rallying around you. I don't think most people understand. I was sexually abused by a family member, and a stranger as a child. I never told anyone.

My sister and I have talked about it now that we are grown. She was abused by the same family member, and didn't even remember it until she had her daughter.

Then stay here and get help working on the boundaries issue.

You are going to need support and suggestions for dealing with your LB issues and for how to implement boundaries when he disrespects you.

People here have alot of good ideas and can be used as a sounding board which is very much needed when trying to change relationship dynamics.

Lurking is fine if that is truly what you want but I think you want some input and feedback. Even just sticking around and learning how to keep posting when those old feelings of being unlovable and blameable come up. For me that has been a real exercise and growth opportunity. It makes you stronger, especially if you are used to stuffing everything out of fear of being rejected, or blamed.

Surreal is an interesting word. The correct word I think to describe my feeling as it relates to this post and the issue at large…as well as my pro-active attempt to define and understand. And Ms. Precious…I was not and do not offer pity. I do share your sadness however, because you offered me the opportunity to do so. And so that you may better understand me and where my heart resides on this issue, I have 4 daughters…4!
Coach