Since you cannot at this time stand up to him, why don't you work on some of your issues. Now is as good a time as any.

And I want to caution you that he may NOT take DD's on a regular basis, or get a place for the dog, or suitable for your daughters. You cannot force him and have no control over it.

My WH left his "one person" dog with me and never even came to see her, walk her, or bring her food. His excuse was that his luxury place would not accept dogs. He knew that when he rented the place, but was more interested in pleasing the OW than taking care of his responsibilities.

Classic symptoms of misery, Homer. Classic behavior of a miserable person.
YOU didn't make him a miserable person.

I agree, but the loathing is of the SELF variety -- good thing you're around to dump on, otherwise he'd probably implode.
Regardless, Homer, he's not getting any "better" and this is eating you alive... slowly but surely.

Not sure what you mean by the second sentence... you mean things that are preventing you from taking the next step, or ?
Why do you want to work things out? For all the reasons you already know! And there ARE LOTS of them. But NONE of them make a helluva bit of difference ANYway, while your WH's brain and behavior have both gone south, and you get trampled on... and emotionally abused... and dragged...

Homer, you seem to be adamant about skipping a Plan B, and when you've had enough, go directly to D.
Why?

My issues...self esteem? Why would a woman who is attractive, intelligent, well-liked, humorous stay whith someone like this. I know that there is someone out there who will treat me as I deserve. I know that I will be OK financially. I know I deserve better.
Yes my husband is attractive and in good physical shape. And as shallow as it sounds, in the last few years I have not really met a whole lot of men my age that I am attracted to. My Mom says that is because I have not allowed myself to be attracted to anyone.
It is funny because one thing my husband has accused me of is lack of initiative. Honestly I think that is crap. I bust my butt to keep a clean home, cook good meals, cart my DD's around, all the while being employed full time. I stopped initiating SF awhile back because he rarely showed me any affection and often treated me like a speck.

As far as plan B? He would never go for it. He would refuse to communicate thru a third party re the DD's. He would never give me the key to the house (Its his house ya know), so my recourse is a legal sep. But what does that get you? A more expensive D. I just think plan B drags the inevitable out.

Homer, of course he wouldn't "go for Plan B," he isn't supposed to. You don't have to "ask" your H if you can go into Plan B. You are a grown up, not a child.

Plan B is something that YOU do in order to protect yourself and hopefully save your marriage. What you are doing right now is DAMAGING your marriage because you are simply enabling the affair to continue. As long as he can get his needs met in 2 places, he can continue the affair. He will never be able to find out the truth, that the OW can never meet his needs because you are protecting him from that.

Have you ever considered that perhaps your tactics have been none too successful and maybe its time to try Marriage Builders principles? I think the Harley's have done pretty well, don't you?

Went out with friends from a divorce support group, who all encouraged me to do the things necessary to take care of myself. When I got home WH barely said two words to me unless I said something to him first. This morning it was as usual, him spending 45 minutes in the bathroom while I got up, fed the dogs, woke up the DD's, got them breakfast and put dirty dishes away, including his. He puts them in the sink and waits for me to put them away. he packed up his gym bag with enough clothes for 2 days, when I ask him if he is going to the gym after work his response was "maybe".....so......I finally told him that the way he was treating me was unacceptable, and that I thought he should start looking for another place to live, furnish it so he can have the DD's, told him I didn't want to keep the house, didn't want the dog. Told him I couldn't stay in this unhealthy relatioship any longer. That it was obvious that he is miserable with me and doesn't want to do what it takes to save the marriage. Told him we needed to look at our budgets. Of course his response was "FINE!" and he stormed out the door. As always I broke down, crying and sobbing that I couldn't do this...prayed for strength...took a shower and came to work (for him) I told him it would be my last day. I told him that this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and that he knows that from day one I haven't wanted a divorce. I told him I didn't appreciate it that when I finally am finding the strength to do WHAT HE WANTs, but hasn't done himself, that he gets angry at me and acts like I am doing something unexpected. I told him that I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do this, and I wanted him to be civil and work with me on it. That it wasn't fair for him to make me feel guilty about doing that he has wanted all along. I believe that if he can sit down with me a few times and discuss how this is all going to work that the D papers will be filed and we can both move on to better places.

I told him I wanted my old H back...that I have been hoping and praying that a light bulb would come on, but it hasn't and that I needed to take care of myself by removing him from my life.

His response? ...."OK" I will miss him, and this is going to be hard, but if I don't detach now I will have nothing left of me.

Homer, maybe the light bulb will still come on. He's probably just as scared right now as you are.
But you're better than all this, your happiness (and your sanity) are more important than all this. Extricating yourself from the madness is what you HAVE to do. Your WH didn't leave you any other options.
I know you're going through hell... keep your head up, and stay strong.

Plan B, for YOUR sanity?

I don't think I have Plan B in me. I just want this to be over. I once told IC in front of WH that I just wanted for him to go away and never see him again. That is the only way I am going to get through this NC for a very long time.
I don't think I can afford to have him back in my life, even if the light bulb comes on because frankly I don't trust him and I don't want to ever go through this again.

He is not worth it to me and I am not sure if any of his redeeming qualities will ever resurface. I am just ready for it to be over.

Yikes! So you are quitting your job today?

B...I work 60% time and make decent money at my main job. I reduced hours over a year ago so that I could
1. Have more time to take care of "stuff" at the house
2. Work a little for WH's company, since we had always planned to buy out his partner someday. I have a specialized skill that they need and will have to hire out once I am gone. This means I will have to pick up more hours at another job, or see if I can bump my hours back up at my main job.

I believe with child support I will be OK, even though he wants the kids 50%. I can just cover the mortgage with my pay and maybe a little more that is why I would like to sell the house and downsize. He is going to have to give the house to me free and clear in order to cover what my portion of the business will be. He is not happy about that.

Hmm. We will have to see what happens next. I don't think he is as calm about this as he appears to be.

Just go to Plan B, Homer. At least do something to save your marriage. Telling him off won't achieve that.