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Which is worse?
1. committing adultery
2. catching someone committing adultery
I see several threads here where folks think its BAD to catch someone cheating [naughty, naughty to spy!] and wondered which was worse?
Also, are the police immoral for spying on, and catching other infidels, such as embezzlers, drug dealers, child molestors? Wouldn't that be the same principle?
Just curious.......
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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committing obviously. No doubt about it
cc
"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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Mel ... I don't think that particular person really really REALLY wants to fight for the marriage .... I've been watching this conversation and here is my observation... this is conflict avoiding in a very basic level but he's pretending this is a 'moral highroad' choice instead of simple conflict avoiding and unwillingness to fight for the marriage I don't think he wants to save the marriage if it involves him making a great effort and pushing himself to his limits... it seems that way to me YOU have more passionate ideas for working on his marriage than HE does ...I don't see that passionate desire in him to be the man, the warrior, the hero of the family It's like... "Give me ideas that don't take effort or involve risk." phoey! Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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As you know Melody, I can think of nothing worse than adultry being commited behind someones back. I don't care if it is the married spouses back, the families involved back, the OP's back.
We all have a right to the truth of what is going on around us.
Getting stabbed in the back not only goes for the BS, but anyone else involved. And involved you are, even if unwittingly.
I have two friends at work which I think might be having an affair. One lost her only daughter two summers ago right after her husband left her for another woman, and the man has been in a loveless (so he says) marriage for many, many years. I do not know his wife but I am very fond of this woman at work and just flat don't know what to do. I have been ignoring it because of what she has already gone through. This is one case that I truly don't know if staying silent is better than not.
I may be a hypocrite, but it sure is tough on ALL when adultry is committed. It affects each and every one of us, even if it is indirectly by causing us anxiety on what the heck is the right thing to do.
And in my own case, NO ONE told me my fiance was married. NO one, not even his mother or children. I have finally over come much of that part of my life, but I still love him, my DD still loves him. My friends and family STILL are ticked that they unwittingly supported and even encouraged our relationship and also considered him a friend. All the while adultry was being committed.
And I hate deception of any kind, but adultry needs to be found out (spying), exposed and dealt with because of the backlash of destruction it causes.
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Pep, holy crap, you are exactly right. There is always a handful of folks on this forum who really don't want help. They just want to come here and whine about their poor lot in life, but can't be bothered to lift a finger to do anything about it.
I used to know better than to post to those folks and just spend time with folks who really do want to save their marriages. I think I forgot that lesson as of late and have frustrated myself to no avail posting to folks who really don't want to change anything.
Don't get me wrong, people have every right to come here and whine if they want, but there are others here who are much better equipped to commiserate with them than I. That ain't one my talents and I fully recognize that!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh, I thought it was a general question. Didn't know it was specific to a thread. In my own little world again I suppose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Hi Mel,
You probably already know my POV - but just to put it out again...
"Spying", as some like to call it, is a perfectly wholesome healthy, life-liberty-and-persuit-of-happiness-preserving activity.
Any person who keeps any kind of secrets (except job-related national-security or privacy-of-client matters) from their spouse or fiance(e') is already off track. Even my wife, who is having an affair, agrees with that.
Adultry is close to murder in it's affects on people, families and society. It is 100% destructive and evil.
(I like to use the "E" word.)
There!
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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weaver, you know I agree with everything you said. It disturbs me that anyone believes it is an "invasion of privacy" to catch someone destroying you behind your back. That just boggles my mind.
I had a similar situation with a girlfriend of mine recently. I had decided to bust her to her H, but in the process of gathering relevent facts, he found out by putting spyware on her computer. Needless to say, she is not my GF anymore as that is not the kind of person I would ever have for a friend. But, I would have busted her had her H not found out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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There is always a handful of folks on this forum who really don't want help. They just want to come here and whine about their poor lot in life, but can't be bothered to lift a finger to do anything about it. Yep...you are right....there is about 5 of them at any given time...including now. I used to know better than to post to those folks and just spend time with folks who really do want to save their marriages. I think I forgot that lesson as of late and have frustrated myself to no avail posting to folks who really don't want to change anything. Oh no...you are slipping. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> committed
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Oh, I thought it was a general question. Didn't know it was specific to a thread. In my own little world again I suppose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> No, actually I meant it as a general question, weaver. I have heard it said on a few threads the past several days, so I thought it would be a good topic of conversation. You were right on target! I like your analogy, AD, and agree very much!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh no...you are slipping. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
committed you need to keep me in line! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What about the person whose is totally repentant and asks for forgiveness(not that I ever really received that). Should they not be totally forgiven and eventually trusted again?
Is there anyone out there who really wants to face the horrible fact that their spouse is or has cheated on them?
Sometimes, we pull the covers over our head and pretend it's all a bad dream, and hope it will end anytime soon.
Sometimes, facing reality is worse than facing our perception of reality.
Some can handle it, some can't! All I'm trying to say, is don't condemn those who can't. Instead, rebuke your anger and disrespect, and support what they cannot.
Jerry
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Jerry, the issue isn't one of forgiveness, it is about spying on someone who is suspected of being in an active affair. And sure, folks don't have to face it - EVER - but they should never feel it is WRONG to investigate if they want to know.
And I haven't "condemned" anyone or shown "disrespect", so I don't know what that is about.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OK, soooory. I thought I saw you again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> All blessings, Jerry
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Committing adultry: much much worse on God's scorecard.
CATCHING someone (you love with all your heart) committing adultry: is the most painful, heartbreaking, and agonizing thing for one to do in this life.
k
EDITTED TO READ: I replied before I read any of the other replies. Sometimes it's fun to do that.
Someone (Shinethrough) said that "some folks might not want to know their spouse was laying naked with an OP and having huge Os and exchanging all kinds of bodily fluids." (I may be para-phrasing here)
Those people who would not want to know are so weak, pale and timid that they are invisible. And might be worse than their WS! They have no passion or feelings whatever...maybe that is why their WS is elsewhere.
Last edited by krusht; 06/02/05 08:43 PM.
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Mel I sensed your frustration coming on, and although I realize this post was intended in a general non-specific way .... I just recognize the probable source of your frustration and wanted to acknowledge the hard work you've done ... but when you are doing most of the heavy lifting for someone else's situation and you seem more passionate then they do ... I donno Mel , maybe go have a Pepsi instead <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm just saying.... Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Pepperband; 06/02/05 09:13 PM.
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Krusht said: Those people who would not want to know are so weak, pale and timid that they are invisible. And might be worse than their WS! They have no passion or feelings whatever...maybe that is why their WS is elsewhere. you got that right sho'nuff Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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but when you are doing most of the heavy lifting for someone else's situation and you seem more passionate then they do ... I donno Mel , maybe go have a Pepsi instead <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm just saying.... Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Thank GAWD you didn't say Coke! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> And I know you are right. I set myself up to be frustrated and know better! I have no one to blame except myself. Appreciate your input very much, my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel I would never say the "c" word to YOU! Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Mel I would never say the "c" word to YOU! Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> **SNORT** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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