Sorry, I cant claim credit for that one. I'll have to go back and so who really did it.

I have one suggestion though. Gramm is having almost the exact same issues as you. He is hours away from exposure. Go to his thread and see the things written out there. It may answer a few questions, and raise a few more.

Thanks!

BTW - I have been plan A'ing for a year or so.

The last month or so, it has driven her Nukin Futs!!

Seems it was WAT that coined the moniker.

Very, very funny.

Made me laugh. Boy did I need it.

Just re-read the last fews posts.

WAT - you are sneaky, aren't you? No problem at all letting Mortar take the credit.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't consider it a competition. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

So, how has your Plan A been driving her futs?

WAT

It annoys her when I offer to rub her feet (she loves a good foot rub, and tells me I do it well), to do things for her. She gets frustrated. "You DONT have to do that for me" etc. She is trying to separate from me in all aspects.
She just does not want to look bad to the kids or be considered a bad mother. She also sees a great benefit to both parents being in the house. She has talked about us divorcing and still just living in the same house.

I can not do that.

And what are the negative things you contributed to the relationship? What are her complaints about you?

WAT

She was never able to keep a job or a play b/c of my schedule. I traveled a lot. I have stopped. I now jockey my schedule so that she can work and be in plays. She has worked for over a year now. My traveling was cool - a high profile coveted position. I selfishly hung on to it for too long. But the play - that one is killing me.

I was not a good listener. I am now. ('cept I can't hear "it is just not gonna work") She has mentioned several times this year (before the affair started) that had I been listening like I do now that it would have worked out.

I did not do my share of chores or child work. I am at home right now, with our 2 younglings, doing laundry, making breakfast (poptarts), while she is working.

Oh - BTW - she will be out of town for a week or so at the end of the month - with her mom who has just finished with chemo and having a mastectomy at the end of the month.

W will likely have to quit her job to spend a couple of weeks back in big D.

And the LB questionairre is still sitting where she laid it a month ago when I asked her if she would fill it out.

Mine is complete - ready to be shared when she asks for it.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Thought of branching out a little?

In a blender with OJ?

Your kids do anything else?

Try some WAT's scrambled eggs alien.

Regular old scrambled eggs. Just tell the kids they're leftover from alien brain scrambling experiments. If they like 'em, they'll brag to Mom how they're eating scrambled brains - of course, she'll think it's cute. She'll have no idea what the smirk on your face is all about.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
WAT

Now that I have every number for every person involved in the play, how about I start calling every one of the cast - fish for one to spill any beans. Then she and OM will wonder who spilled. They have wondered if anyone caught on.

If it gets around that I am fishing - so be it. They will have no idea where I have gotten my info. And I will do it the day that I contact OMW.

Whachu think?

No, no, no. Not yet. First exposure has to be to your wife and immediate family members. Then other family and friends. Then to the outer circle. If you start with that, they will then begin to clamp down and play your hand before you are ready. Your wife and OMW are always the first to find out....okay?

Do you know any of these people personally?

I'll assume for the moment that you don't.

This is what might happen - you call one. Introduce yourself. He/she doesn't know you, but knows your wife and Mr. Taster. Likes them both. Owes their part in the play/show to Mr. Taster. You accuse them of having an affair. After the call, they DO spread the gossip - that your wife sure has a desperate husband. No wonder she wants out of the marriage. Mr. Taster will be good for her.

Sad, but as likely a response as any.

But if you really have a pre-existing friendship with one of these people - one that knows your whole family, you might get some traction.

I believe you ought to start with exposure to OM's wife, confront your wife, and expose to her family who you believe would poo poo her actions.

Please consider the responses of others before you make a decision.

WAT

Thank you MM....first ring of exposure is always the spouses....yours and theirs. With luck....that will end the affair....if it doesn't....you go to the next ring (family and friends of the marriage)...and finally....scorched earth and billboards okay?

Found,

I believe the first step is to confront the W with the proof and demand NC. Because NC will mean quiting the play, you have a major battle on your hands.

If NC does not occur and the A continues then comes the exposure to OM's spouse, and then exposing to the wider orbit.

Some feel OM's W should be told anyway, of which I agree.

k

Hi, everyone.

I have a concern that I have expressed previously on this thread, so I am going to voice it one more time just to make sure that everything is being considered.

I agree that other mans wife, found's wife, family, etc, is the correct exposure order, it is the time delay, and distance for the shock wave that I take issue with.

This is her SECOND affair. She is operating from a level of entitlement that far exceeds her first one. I believe that a limited exposure, then waiting, is simply going to act as an inoculation, and essentially entrench the affair.

I know that there is some concern over her reaction to 'scorched earth'. That is a very real risk. However, my opinion is that this has to be an acceptable risk versus the greater risk of an entrenchment due to the drama - you are dealing with 'actors' here.

In my mind, the only possible exception to that would be if the other man has more than one actress on the side, or he has done this multiple times before. If that is the case, he will very likely 'dump and run' at the first sign of trouble.

I think that before found finalizes his decision, that digging for as much information about other man's indulgences would go far toward an effective plan. Basically put; see if you can find out if he is just taking your wife for a ride, or if he is chemically over the top 'in love' with your wife.

There is my $0.02 worth and change :-)
Gimble

Ok - here is my plan. On monday expose to OMW first, try to get more contact info on OM family, then email WW family, then talk to her.

OM and OMW are returning from a trip sat or sun. I think WW and OM plan to meet Sunday to celebrate her birthday. No details - would be difficult to follow her.

More details: WW has never wanted kids in childcare. Either she or I have been at home with the kids. (her mostly for the first 9 or 10 years) She is ATTACHED to these kids.

I am calling the lawyer in a few minutes to start the paperwork. I will not move out, and she will not take the kids out.

Just data. Please process and opine.

Thank you all very much. I so rely on your advice at this moment.

Oh yea - my appt w/steve is on tues morn.

Gimble - when her family starts weighing in she is gonna take note. Thanks!!!!!

I go from calm to a state where my heart is pounding out of my chest several times a day.

No way to tell until I talk to OMW if he has a habit. He seems to be taken by her, but when she is on, baby she is on. When she is pissed, better put on the verbal armor. And the acid suit.

He seems smitten to me. Well, maybe more horny. I can not tell.

K - the play is over, but she is studying for the next play. He wants to direct her again. Imagine that.

This will seriously f-up her acting career for a few months, but she is so good that she will not be out for long. I am just afraid of the next powerful director....