Hi folks, My ex remarried recently, just 6 months after our divorce was final. She married the man she had an affair with. The had a church wedding complete with reading scripture and talks about how God blesses two people united in this covenant with him. Disgusting considering that both of them are adulterers.

I had expected her to remarry, but not so soon. I thought they would at least wait a year to avoid things looking bad. And I figured it would not bother me much. But it has bothered me in ways I did not figure on. What bothers me most is that while I and my children are still recovering from the destruction of our family unit, she is carrying on with her blissful new life. Her children are hurt. I hurt. (though I realize that does not bother her or she would never had had the affair and left me.)

The good thing about this is that she will no longer carry my last name. Thank goodness for that!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mine remarried last July. I had the great "fortune" of having a friend who was invited tell me all about it - still can't quite figure out why. It bothered me - for much the same reasons as you talk about, except I don't have kids. It didn't bother me for long, and in many ways was the final piece of the puzzle that allowed me to really move on.

Keep in mind that while she may appear to be moving on with her blissful new life, that their relationship is based totally on lying and cheating - how successful can that be for any length of time?

T

Hi Justin,

Mine just married a week ago, we have been divorced 1.5 years now. He also married his affair partner.

They didn't have a big deal. They went to the courthouse. I can't believe your x had the big deal. They took her daughter along, but excluded ours(his). He just keeps digging that hole.

For me, it's weird. It has given me the permission to move on. Like it was the final break of what ever used to be.
I didn't really care at this point that they are a couple. The part that I don't like is that they now have an official stepmother. That does bother me.

I feel very free now, and it is a good feeling.

Karona

It hasn't happened to me yet....

But I'm fairly certain it will. I imagine it will sting a little, but like you the great benefit is that she won't be carrying my last name anymore. (Question: If I was so awful that she had to have 3+ As to get away....wouldn't she hate signing my name everywhere, seeing it on her paycheck? It aggravates ME that she still has my name. What about OM3, when people ask about his GFs name... he has to know it's mine...)

Anyway, got sidetracked there. I imagine it's gonna smart... but what'cha gonna do? If I didnt like it, would it change anything? No. If it hurt, would it change anything? No.

I say good luck to 'em both. Curious to see which one cheats first.

"I'd never cheat on you...."

RRRRRIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTT

Ethan

My XW married the guy she "wasn't having an affair with" 5 months after our divorce and 4 months after his. Our families were best friends. Our kids had even been exchanging Mother's and Father's Days cards for several years. How ironic.

I guess because my wife was adamant that she was not having an affair (and still denies it to this day) I viewed their marriage as vindication in a twisted sort of way. And it was all the remaining proof I and everyone else needed that these two are total nut cases.

In short, I felt a tremendous sense of relief and freedom.

And - since this IS the "after divorce dating" forum - I could tell ladies that yes, I just got divorced earlier this year but my XW has already remarried. This in itself was a check mark in my column as not the one who was screwed up and a good indication that she and I would not be back together in the future.

WAT

... xw not remarried yet,,, but it is funny that you should mention name change... no children born of this M, so i put it in the decree that she must resume her maiden name at the time of final judgement... everyone looked at me like i had six heads and asked me why i did that... i think thefurnitureman knows why... lol...

wat... love your angles... my xw is still living w/the "one she isn't having an affair with, because she didn't have SF with him until the night she moved out of the M house"... (coincidentaly, she was supposed to be in MC w/me that evening... yea... she was obviously a little busy... lol...)

...and she used the "i would never cheat/do that to anybody" statement, too... lol... ok...

anyway... from the heart,,, i don't think it would effect me one way or the other at this point,,, we are still friendly/amicable toward each other,,, i just have no desire left in me, what so ever, to cohabitate, be with or other wise be connected to her on a daily basis...

JE... i read your stuff all the time, you are one funny cat... hang in there, and good luck...

My ex is seeking an annulment so he and the ow can re-marry in the catholic church. That in itself makes me angry. We were married 26 years - have 3 children and he is asking the church to say it never happened. And the church is actually considering it. Actually they are both seeking an annulment - this is the man who missed every church thing our kids were involved it. Now he attends mass every Sunday. I think this hurts more than when he does re-marry. I still can't understand how a church can let two adulterers - who broke up two marriages - have their marriage blessed by god or anyone for that matter.

The Catholic church (nor any other church for that matter), has no power whatsoever to expiate sins (through confession, annulments, prayers to "saints", etc.), or pass judgement. So the annulment issue is irrelevant, sin is sin, and yes we all sin, is how we deal with it that matters. On the other hand God recognizes the condition of "divorce", as well as the condition of "marriage". Regardless of how or why one finds themself "divorced", the issue is not who behaved (or sinned) worse in the marriage (cause in all cases, both sinned to one degree or another), the issue is what are you going to do about it. One needs to repent and make whatever ammends are possible. But whether one does or not, Grace covers going forward with your life, including marrying again (no matter who you marry, as long as they are free to do so). Jesus made that clear when he told the adulteress, go and sin no more, He did not "punish" her, or restrict her choices...

Those who visit illwill on ex's, and judge them, or hope their marriages fail, are not practicing Christian values, and themselves are sinning in doing so. A new marriage is a new marriage, it has nothing to do with the past, it exists in the present and the future, there may very well be consequences, marriages that begin as affairs have an uphill battle, and fail at high rates. But it is not becuase they aren't blessed equally as all marriages by God, but because the individuals often (usually) exhibited very poor judgement in mate selection, and/or exhibit poor relationship skills in the marriage. The annulment thing is a good example of not repenting. It is an attempt to avoid spiritual responsibility, that suggests poor character, which increases the likelihood of marital failure. I can sympathize with your distress HF, it is a pretty outrageous behavior, and regardless of your part in the quality of the nmarriage, you don't deserve that. However, whether successful or not, is no reflection on you, and any Christian who actually understands God's Word, knows this.

BTW that is why I am not Catholic (though married in Catholic church), they are seriously messed up doctrinally.

What a great idea! I wish I had done that. Unfortunately I had enough other problems to worry about in negotations I didn't want to throw in an emotional thing like that as well.

I totally understand why you did and wish I would have thought of it. Oh well, maybe she'll do it on her own...

Miker

Knight,
I was a very good practicing catholic but this has certainly opened my eyes to that religion - I no longer attend church - not sure how I feel about any religion right now - I know God is there and I do pray - but that's about it. I'm not saying I want his marriage to fail - I just think that he could have gotten married outside the church and not put me through this. How does anyone have the right to say my marriage didn't exist. It's not like we were married for a year and just realized it was a mistake before there were children involved. My youngest son is really having a problem with this. I didn't fight it - my oldest asked me not too - she saw the pain I went through and she knew it would just bring it all back. And the funny thing is - I am happier now then I've ever been - have a wonderful, caring man in my life. But there are some things that still just hurt.

Are you serious, knight?

You can be as righteous as you want, but a "marriage" made up of two adulterers who re-married soon after their respective divorces has about as little meaning and integrity as anything imaginable.

Permanently soiled and dishonorable.

Why re-marry when marriage had no meaning a few months ago?

Not yet, but.... there but for the grace of God go I.

I don't suppose any of us know how it will feel until it happens to us. I think I'd rather he disappeared from my life and I never knew what happened to him. That's pretty much what happened with my first M after we were divorced.

BTW, re: changing names - I never took my H's last name in the first place. Perhaps karma... or maybe it was an early clue, I don't know. I was going to change my name, but after waking up with nightmares and feeling like I was losing my identity, I went to the courthouse and changed the paperwork back to the name I had before. I did this between the time we applied for the license and the actual wedding.

It always galled his family that the name I kept had belonged to my first H. I kept his name initially because all my credit and college records were under that name - and I was trying to change jobs without having to explain why none of my references would know who I was.

WAT, same with me. She never admitted to having an affair with the guy but simply claimed that god wanted them together. So six months after her marriage is over and less than that for his, they get married. Does anybody really believe there was nothing between them before the divorces were final? Any person who thinks so, probably is looking to buy a bridge in Brooklyn or swampland in Florida.

He and his now ex-wife were friends of ours! How ironic that these tow adulters who made a farce of the holy sacrament and covenant of marriage, got married in a church. Sometimes I wonder if I should have called the pastor of the church and told him the truth. I can't blame him for marrying them as I am sure they never told him the truth. But, it would have been interesting to see what the pastor would do had he known the truth.

Justin, I agree God does not ask people to sin to get what they want...but He may very well use our sin (and we all sin), to "improve" us, if we let Him. Why does it make any difference whether someone admits to sin (to you). It is important to own sin of course, but the consequences are on the sinner. Being betrayed is no fun (been there), but revenge in thought or deed is also a sin, with consequences. Re the pastor, obviously I do not know the circumstances, but I suspect very few (did you?) of us confess all our sins and ask someone if they will marry us. However, if either was not yet divorced, and remarries, that is adultery, and one should certainly not hoodwink a pastor into marrying them. Do you object to your exw remarrying, or just who she remarried? Some hold that theologically you can remarry but she cannot...ever... is that your belief? If not and both individuals are single, what would you have them do? They can longer be a part of church family? Or if so must tell anyone and everyone their past misdeeds? Do you, does anyone? How does one recieve Grace and forgiveness from God? and continue to live their life and make the same choices everyone else gets to make? This isn't so much about your exw Je, or anyone's ex-spouse...it is about you, and your spiritual well-being.

correction, it is important to admit you sinned against someone to them, and make what ammends one can, it is unfortunate she did not do that to you...but you (a betrayed spouse) are the only one who has a right to that...but that was not the point of your or my post.

My ex didn't marry his affair partner. They broke-up the month after our divorce. <giggle> - -> once they had each other, they weren't happy. Actually, she started cheating on him (can you believe it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) with another MM. I guess since my ex wasn't married anymore, the thrill was gone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But he met someone else and married about a year later. What did it mean to me? Well, it kinda hurt at first, but I got over it. I suppose I wondered why he wouldn't want me back. I worked through it, and overall, I realize he is not dealing with HIS issues, and is just going from relationship to relationship, searching for someone to make him happy. I really don't want his new marriage to fail - I hope they will make it work. But he's the type of person that is not happy in one place (job, marriage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, etc) very long, and I hope he overcomes that about himself.

I still have his name. (no kids) I didn't want the hassle (confusion) of changing it. Also, he, and our marriage, meant a lot to me, and was a part of me, and I just didn't see a reason to change it. When (if) I remarry, I'll change it then.

Well, as a lot of you know, my X actually remarried before our divorce was even final.....so, yeah, i've had felt a wee bit of ill will towards them. It hurt...badly! What it did positively for me is convince me that I had no other option than to move on with my life. It forced me to face reality. So, now, when I am dating someone I do tell them that my X is remarried....that way they know there is no way I'm going back to him. I have come a long way since that time, but the remarriage was a real blow to me and my kids.
KK

Wat, it seems fairly common people want to make their experience the yardstick for values. Your exw may have exhibited bad judgement, time will tell, but that has nothing to do with the principles involved. What if 2 "adulterers" learned their lesson, were remorseful, made ammends, they are still adulterers "permanently soiled and dishonorable" then? I assume from that statement you are not Christian, so my post was not relevant to you personally. Christians believe in (and practice) forgiveness, redemption, and Grace. Is there any way in your world for adulterers to rise above their poor judgement and lead good lives?

I'm curious, who married them when the divorce wasn't even final??

And yes, you had another option, file charges against him it is still illegal to be married to two people at the same time. He could have at least gotten jail time.

And it would have burst his new wifes bubble that he was actually divorced. And in that, IF this marriage between them does not work she could get it annualled as if it never happened. are they *really* married?? Maybe you could check into that, see if there marriage is even valid, beings that he was still legally married to you when he married her.

Wouldn't that burst their little bubble of joy??

So, adulterers become polygamists? That's illegal - big time. Your X coudl go to jail for that.