Right now, I think it would hurt, but I don't know. My STBX is not dating his affair partner, but has been seriously involved since February. Apparently, she is "everything he ever wanted." Course, she probably doesn't know that we were in MC when they met. Probably doesn't know he freaked out on me when I asked him not to call me anymore. Probably doesn't know what happened in our marriage except "he was young and wasn't ready to lose me so he married me and he was never happy in the marriage."

Their relationship hurts me *now*, but..not much I can do about it. I suspect he will marry her within the year..before he leaves his current duty station. I suspect she will change his mind about kids and they will have a child within two years. I suspect that within five he'll be in the same place that he and I were in.

That doesn't make me feel good. And if it happens that way, I'm not sure it will make me feel vindicated. I actually hope that at that time, I just don't care anymore. at the moment, though, I feel okay being petty enough to wish them ill-will.

But in the end, I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. I'm not in love with him, and pretty sure I don't even love him. I don't hate him. And yet I'm not indifferent either. So a marriage wouldn't suprise me, but I do think it will hurt.

My xh married her 3 days after the D was final...and she was way preggers by then.

What does it mean to me? I think that as an appropriate wedding gift for the woman or any woman marrying my xh, it would be a gift certificate to either a private investigation service, free obgyn consult complete w/std screening, consult with divorce attorney (for when it happens a year later), and free psych advice when he does the usual as he has done to now 3 wives.

I hope my xh does not marry anybody else. He's caused enough problems and never taken one minute to work on himself. It is very very very sad.

I say this sad but true. I wish I had known his first wife. I never did. I am sure she could have told me what to expect, as she hightailed it out of my state and immediately moved to the west to probably, imho, escape him.

I think any wayward who marries an OP is carrying soo damn much baggage that this is the culprit usually when their marriage dies. It's all the compounded lies, to their former spouses, kids, friends, family, etc., that makes it all seedy and gross no matter what spin they use to make the affair seem "acceptable to society".

Some good spin and common ones:
*my W/H did not understand me. We had become friends and roommates, not lovers anymore.
*My W/H lost it. They became unbalanced/crazy, etc. (probably from dealing with their affairs)
*My W did not take care of the house...or herself (spin used to justify..most likely the W was depressed and that's usually why that happens..again, affair related)
*My W/H actually pushed me to have the affair. (this is a catch all phrase..used for weight gain, not understanding, not physically attracted, etc).

AND THE QUEEN MOTHER OF ALL LIES TOLD TO FAMILIES, SPOUSES, AND FRIENDS IS....

DA DA DA DA...

THE OP IS MY SOULMATE...I HAVE WAITED A LIFETIME TO MEET THIS PERSON, AND IT'S SAD, BUT I WAS MARRIED WHEN I MET THEM.

I was fantasizing of having a Sponge-Bob singing telegram sing at his pool party for a wedding gift LOL

Any suggestions for what song he could sing?