I'd just had my lunch as well. Bad timing.

I've got some nice photos of our anniversary last year, when the four of us went out for a meal together. I think I'll send those. We all look very happy, and the kids look beautiful.

Alph.

Capitol idea ! But GET YOUR MATE TO CALL OWS FOLKS TOO ! Don't chicken out darl'....this stuff is why we tried SO HARD to get you brave !

You have to be a tigress fighting for your cubs. Bronte Women don't cut it in the war against infidelity. You have sand. LOTS of sand. Use it.

I agree <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

HINY

Ok. But this is a fight for another day. I'm off to bed.

Night night.

Alph.

Its a fight for TOMORROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleep well Alphin.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Incidentally Alph, I won;t be around this weekend - taking the kids to our holiday home while Squid has a weekend of dull karate and out dancin' with her GFs.

You already know how I post so GEE YOURSELF UP in my absence OK ?

EXPOSE !!!

All blessings

Bob

Good morning!

Here is a draft of the letter I intend to send to OW's parents. I will be including photographs of our wedding anniversay last August which show myself and WH and our two beautiful girls looking very happy indeed.

'Mr and Mrs ***

I wish to speak with you regarding ***, who came to visit you last week with your daughter ***. I am his wife, and the mother of his two daughters.

I do not know what *** has told you about our marriage, but we are still married and I will never divorce him, despite his adultery. I love him so much, as do our two heart-broken children who are desperate for him to return to them. He has no grounds to divorce me.

*** has abandoned his wife and children for an affair. He has not given us any money since he left, and I am struggling to make ends meet. He is spending the money he should be giving to our children on having fun, as if he is a bachelor again. *** also tends to drink alcohol heavily, a habit which has frequently made me very unhappy and has only got worse since he left us.

I must also inform you that my husband’s affair with *** has put both of their careers in great jeopardy. The affair is secret for now, but the school will not tolerate such a relationship once the affair becomes public knowledge.

I tell you this because I want so much for our family to be restored. Please look at the pictures of our family that I have included and see for yourself how happy we were. These pictures were taken on our 11th anniversary in August. If you find any support for my family or your daughter's reputation in your heart I beg that you do all you can to make *** and *** reconsider their affair.

Thank you.'

This letter will need to be translated. I have friends in Spain who can do this for me.

Comments welcome.

Alph.

Phone your friends in spain now alph.

Do A's have 'honeymoon periods'?

I suppose that the secrecy extends the honeymoon feeling. The fact that the affair partners aren't together all the time. If the affair partners move in together, as in my sitch, this hopefully hastens the end of that 'honeymoon' feeling.

I remember when H and I first got together, that 'honeymoon' feeling lasted a lot longer in me than it did in him. I hope he settles into 'routine' with OW just as quickly! Perhaps this is when some disillusion will set in.

Just journalling!

Alph.

Yes, the entire affair is a "honeymoon" of sorts. Irrational exuberance and frothy bubbles that cannot be sustained.

Alan Greenspan

Very interesting day.

It was pouring with rain today. WH got to my place at around 1.10 this afternoon, and had brought a CD ROM with him - he wanted to install a music program on DD12's computer. Girls were still eating their lunch, so WH went upstairs and tried to install disc. Wrong disc! He went back to his place and got correct disc.

He was supposed to take girls out today. He has a bad cold, and, as I said, it was raining heavily, so no chance for the park or anything outdoorsy. He said he'd thought about the cinema, but there was nothing on that they'd both like. He went upstairs to install disc.

Girls finished lunch, and went upstairs. I went upstairs too. We had a lovely afternoon. I made coffee for WH. I fussed over his cold. Later I apologised that there was no lemon in the house, or I could have made him a honey and lemon drink. I made him tea instead. I showed him how well DD5 was doing with her reading - how pleased the teacher was with her. WH did some reading with DD5 and wrote in her progress book for her teacher - FIRST TIME EVER HE HAS DONE THIS - I'VE ALWAYS DONE IT BEFORE.

DD12 messed about with the new music program on her computer. WH helped her. DD5 got her toy doctor's kit, and tried to heal her daddy. WH generally made a meal out of the fact he has a cold, and I pampered him. In the past he always made a joke about what a bad nurse I am, so I made a special effort.

He laughed at my jokes. We made a lot of eye contact. I caught him looking at me a few times when he thought I wouldn't notice (he's probably scared of me).

He stayed in our house for nearly 5 hours. He left when it was time to take DD12 to her piano lesson. He seemed sad to me when he left, but then he was feeling pretty bad. I didn't kiss him when he left - didn't want his cold (probably got it anyway) but I did say I hoped he felt better soon. He said thanks, I hope so too, and left.

The only thing I regret is that I was split between spending time with WH and domestic necessities - IE getting ready for school tomorrow - washing clothes etc. I don't want WH to see me as that drudge any more. But what can I do? Clothes need to be washed. I still made sure I was looking good, smelling good (even though he probably can't smell anything)and being kind and friendly. And the best thing is, OW gets to have him sneeze on her and snore at her all night!

HE STAYED AT OUR PLACE FOR NEARLY 5 HOURS.

Alph.

A fine plan A day. Well done !

bOb - hope you had a nice weekend.

It was great today. But I can't believe how this man can still manipulate me! He comes around here with a cold, tells me how he's had a bit of a fever, and I quite happily run around after him all afternoon, genuinely concerned for his wellbeing.

It's not until he's gone that I think to myself: hang on a minute - I stopped eating for 3 weeks, couldn't sleep for a month, had a horrible Crohn's flare-up, fainted whilst out shopping, not to mention the (ongoing) horrific mental and emotional anguish he's put me through...did he notice or care about any of that? Apart from the odd 'by the way, are you OK'...

Such is the lot of the Plan A'er - keep ploughing on, keep smiling, stay positive!

It was easy today. I enjoyed it. A great Plan A day.

Alph.

Alph

Never let him think there are no bad consequences to his actions.

If he asks " How are you?"

Say "fine considering your affair and the effects it has on myself and our children".

Deluded WS CAN think that BS plan A behaviour is a sign of no problems and tacit permission to continue.

Make sure you plan A his buns off ( like today) but that you let him know without lovebusting that his current behaviour is hurtful and terrible.

One of the most effective fog cutters I said to Squid was when she told me I was pathetic playing happy families when our marriage was so clearly down the pan.

I replied saying that my studies have shown me that WS can find sand to stop their affairs and that marriages can be succesfully rebuilt but of she thought life from now on was going to be me giving all and receiving nothing she should think again.

I pointed out that I was holding it all together to allow us both to make intelligenst decisions about our future and any thoughts that I may be pathetic and permissive of her affair were deluded.

She was shocked. Taken aback. Very quiet for a day or two.

BTW had a distinctly average couple of days. Rained in Wales too,and I missed DD12 ( staying with a friend) and Squid.

Exposure Espanol is signed, sealed and ready to go!!!

I received a letter from social security today regarding child maintenance. I have worked out that they will take about £400 per month from WH for child support. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

There is NO WAY that WH can afford this. This can only be a good thing for me, I think (as regards putting pressure on the affair - not that I could lose my home!). WH is going broke paying for this affair, to be a bachelor again. He is already overdrawn by a hefty amount and doesn't get paid for over a week. Cheques and direct debits will be bouncing sky-high before then. I don't have access to his credit card bill, but the minimum amount he pays to the card each month goes through the bank account which I access to and it is going up and up each month since he left. I just can't believe what he is spending - OW pays for their flat and presumably for bills as well - what the heck is he spending it all on? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

He does pay all bills for this place - mortgage too - but that accounts for only half what he gets paid each month.

If he has to pay us £400 a month, he just can't do it. OW will have to pay! I hated the idea of this at first, but now I think it's great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Alph.

Alph there are lots of reasons why people shouldn't have affairs. Many of these reasons aren't considered while knickers are down to begin with.

Imagine if OM's employment is threatened by the school too...

That flapping sound is chickens coming home to roost.

If he gets angry and accuses you of trying to ruin him, remember to say resignedly : " I want none of this, just you home and faithful and working on our marriage. But I have to make sure our kids can eat."

What's really funny bOb is that one of the 'reasons' WH gave for leaving me to MIL was that we were in such financial trouble. All my fault of course.

I haven't touched a penny of that account for myself since WH left except to pay a couple of bills. NO money for food for the kids, NO money for clothes, music lessons, school trip money etc etc.

It's all been blown on a pleasure trip for WH and OW. I would sit and rub my hands together with glee but it's hard to type when you do that. Also, I shouldn't gloat when I could be moving into a scummy flat with the two kids pretty soon. WH promised MIL that his affair wouldn't hurt the kids...

Alph.

Alph,

Your Ws is babbling classic WS lines. Yea, left the family to make more bills to 'save' $$? I always believe that one of the tell tale signs of an A is when a person can't do 'the math'. Not only does the WS rewrite history, they even learn a 'new kind of math'. One that just doesn't add up. LOL!!! Mine did the same thing.

L.

Alphin - things could be worse. You could be me! Picture this. You're an expat in Hong Kong. No home in England. You are here on HIS work visa. He buggers off with OW. He's spent all our savings building a house in Spain which bled us dry. Blah blah blah. Just to let you know that when you're in your crummy flat, I might be your next door neighbour. tt

WS are potty. I'll never understand 'em.

That's a very 'polite' way to describe them. Out here we call them 'poopheads'. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.