dude i snapped last night. found out he was still lieing to me and decided i needed to save myself and he could go to he**. i don't understand how someone that loved you could be so cruel. he hurt me really badly when he told me the frist time he was with the ow that he realised he didn't love me. well thats fine because i don't love the person he is know and i have cut all contact with him. i cannot allow myself to be sucked back into his game. one day he will regret how he has treated me and be sorry. right now i have to concentrate on taking care of me and my children. i can't afford to deal with his drama anymore. i wish things would have been different but he is being an a** right now and i don't deserve that. pray for me that i find the will power to move on and forget about him. i just hope that i can learn to love another person again

take care of you and your children first....you will love again....it may take a while, it may not...no one knows for sure but you will one day not feel pained by this and you will be youself again and voila...you meet someone when you least expect it....

just wish i was already...lol

the problem now is how do you just get over 8 years of loving someone. i don't think i will get over this soon. i dread every phone call and i hate seeing his face. i feel used and that my life was a lie. i know i will make it but its really hard when you have a piece of you missing. i feel as though the whole world has fallen on me and i am not ready to get up. my chest hurts and my eyes are sore. i may have to go to the dr if i can't start eating i have already lost about 15 lbs since this started and right now i don't think he could make an apology big enough for me to forgive him. i really hate the line i want us to be friends. yeah thats going to happen. not in my life time its all or nothing for me.

i know that everyone says to keep hope alive but how do you do that. it is so hard to do. today i talked to him like i haven't talked to him in a long time. because of our problems inthe past he doesn't want to try and make this work. he thinks that we would be better off being divorced. but he still wants to be in my life. yes we have kids and he wants to help with them. but how about what i'm going to go through every time he comes to watch them when i go out or go to school. how am i supose to come home after i've been out and he's ther with the kids and i have to look at him. how ami supose to deal with him still being there. before him i had no intention on marring ever again and now if this ends i know that i won't. why should i open up for this kind of pain again. i don't know if i could take another failed relationship.

here a new one had a good day with h but while i was eating dinner out of the blue ow h called told me he new about it but didn't care. told him that i was sorry that this had happened to him and he really didn't care he said she had done this before and she doesn't care that her children are witnesses to this i told him just to protect the kids. i wish i could get my hands on her i'd beat her to a pulp. she is trash to put her kids through this. my children always come first with me. i will take care of them first and i really don't like prison food but should i confront her or just leave it alone. if i give her to much attention then she becomes more important to him. but if i leave it alone what will happen. i bet it eats her a** that he spends his day off with me. she may get a few moments but i have his children and she will never win against that. my h loves his kids more then anything and the thought of loosing them would really kill them. i have a year left of school then i may move a great distance from him we will se if he follows. my be i won't have to if i can get her hooks out of him