and if between one's job, and raising one's kids of divorce to be as healthy as possible, then there may not be the time to do the great amount of work. . .

Reborn, i don't know if you are very good at statistics, but after the age of 40, using just generalized parameters, the available population of eligible marriage material is about 2-3 percent of the population, considerably lower than in one's twenties, at about 40 to 45 percent. . .

so although you type as a generalized optimist, the increase in work required appears to be exponential in comparison with the past. . .

wiftty

Is love possible with a man who looks 8-months pregnant and has a bad haircut? Maybe not a mullet but a bad haircut....I guess so because someone married my x.

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WIFTTY,

I type that way because I am that way.

I like being my normal self again after spending the last 5 years slowly sinking into pessimism and self doubt.

It is a whole lot easier keeping the weight of the world off my shoulders when I look for positives rather than dwell on negatives.

Been there, don't wanna go back there.

One other thing...I like finding small victories even when things don't go my way.

I don't mean "Hey, I lost my house to the bank but look at this cool toothbrush I found!"

I do understand what you mean by finding time, I'm there right now...4 kids, job, school and all the rest but we ALWAYS will find time to do what is important to us...and really, how much time does it take? Once you have the tools it is really about applying them in your life and soon you don't even think about it you just do it naturally.

If you just be the best you the numbers don't matter...

Good Luck

PS- Forgot to add something....date woman in their 20's...lol...I just upped your odds...it works for me

Just another "what if" for everyone.

Well, I guess physical attractiveness is not my #1 EN. Just never has been. The other stuff gets my attention FAR more. Sure, Physical attractiveness is on my list somewhere, and no matter how much someone meets my other EN's, if I can't stand to look at him LOL, well, I wouldn't want to marry him. But, beauty is "in the eye of the beholder", and *handsome* to me is different than *handsome* to someone else.

But anyway.... onto my "what if". What if something happens to the person you're in love with (dating or married)? Something that changes their outside appearance. An accident, a disease, etc., that physically makes them less attractive. Would you still love them the same way?

If so, then why wouldn't you open your mind to "less" attractive potential dates, and dig deep to get to know them on the inside, to see if the relationship can grow?

A year and 1/2 ago, my BF contracted Bells Palsy. The experts don't know everything about it... and I won't get into all that... but 1/2 of his face was temporarily paralyzed. Most of it came back, but not all. It's a terrible thing to go through ANYWAY, but one of his fears was that I wouldn't love him anymore. And if we ever DID break up, that no woman would ever love him again - would ever give him the time of day. Some women would never consider him. They would look at him and wonder why one eye droops a little, or why his smile is crooked. NOT FAIR. Right? But is true. But he's the same person on the inside.

Just something to think about. Somewhat different than some of the conversation here (baldness, fat/thin, tall/short, blue eyes/green eyes, grey hair, too much make-up, etc.) But still something to think about.... Would your love change if your current partner's appearance changed?

comments?

Good point faith. Often though, people do change when they experience "life", serious illness, great loss, disfiguring accident...they are not the same inside, they change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. How they change will affect the nature of the relationship...there are no free rides in life, a relationship has to be earned and deserved every day...or you lose it. So if someone experiences "life" and it makes them bitter, unreasonable, needy, whatever...well, that may indeed change the way someone feels about them. Likewise if one rises above the Lemons" and makes the proverbial lemonade, that will also change how people feel about them, and will draw them etc.

Thanks for your response knight.

You reminded me of my exH and his cancer. I was by his side for 2 years as he battled testicular cancer. 2 surgeries, 3 months of chemo. He lost 90 pounds (he could afford it). I think surviving cancer was a huge part of his A, and "unhappiness" in life and the marriage, like he thought now that he survived "there must be something better out there". He also looked GREAT after losing all that weight, and received all kinds of attention from everyone, including females, along with the accolades of beating cancer and succeeding at work anyway, etc etc. Lemonade? Don't know about that. LOL But, yes, people can and do change along with the "experience", and along with their appearance.

Also, in general (without an illness, accident, etc), self-confidence and attitidue often is affected by what someone sees in the mirror, or whether they think they are attractive or not.