Good thought ... but I sense some 'spin' is being readied as we speak.... she may not be motivated to give facts ... just 'spin' things a certain way that create an advantage for herself.

Pep

Why do we want to ask a confirmed liar for her side of the story. We already know she lied about where she was, and who she was with. Why would coach want to have her tell "just the facts" and why would he believe her if she did tell them.

I think coach has two choices.

1. Take her back knowing she will continue to lie, and cheat.

2. Divorce.

I suppose there is another one.
3. Remain married but live apart so he doesn't have to deal with it. This would not be an option for me.


I see a lot of people saying wait till she tells her side of the story, but I fail to see the value in listening to a confirmed liar. How would coach know if she was telling the truth? And if he can't know for sure, why waste your time?

Why stay with someone that you can't trust when you know they have had one affair, and then set up to have another (even if they didn't have it.)

If his W had been repentant these last 7 years, and activly working on the marriage, meeting needs, and this was a slip up, I can see wanting to try, but I don't believe this has been the case.

Coach?

SS

Hi, Pep.

Quote:
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but I sense some 'spin' is being readied as we speak....
======================

Agreed, but damage control started about 2 minutes after daughter's phone call wondering where mom was. I imagine that the flurry of phone calls, and story adjustments would have been very impressive to someone privy to see the whole situation.

That's why I said 'supposed facts'. Fortunately, Coach has been around the ring enough times in this circus to be able to discern the ring of truth from the smell of deception. I am hoping that he can piece together the whole truth from the collage of facts given him.

I am very angry for Coach. I hope that he calls the wife of the prof before too much foam is surrounding the situation.

One other thing, if this is not the prof's daugter's stepmother, then the level of betrayal is even greater, as if it isn't bad enough already.

Gimble

One more thing Coach. I want to toss back one of the "pearls" that I read from you a while back. I am paraphrasing, so please forgive some inaccuracy.

" If she was smart enough to get herself into the A then she is d*mn well smart enough to figure out the steps necessary to make it right "

Hi, ss.

Quote:
=================================
I see a lot of people saying wait till she tells her side of the story, but I fail to see the value in listening to a confirmed liar. How would coach know if she was telling the truth? And if he can't know for sure, why waste your time?
=================================

At some point in time, the facts, whatever they may be, have to come into play.

I completely agree that Coach has a fantastic circumstantial case, but he still needs as many facts as he can get.

You can get facts, even from a confirmed liar, IF you know what questions to ask.

All the best,
Gimble

Hi Gimble

My favorite thing you said...

"It's OK to be human"

That's for sure. Progress, not perfection.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi coach,

I am sorry you are hurt.But if I were you I would not wait too long to make a move and burn this whole situation down.Get a "statement" from WW,get a "statement" from Laura.Gather your "facts" whatever they may be and call the Prof's W and discuss.

If it's as bad as it seems,I would not want this woman near me any longer.As I did with my WH,when he blew it for the last time in my book,he was outta here,as fast as I could arrange it.

I don't know if you plan on taking your WW back after this but I still would not let this act go answered for much longer.

Prayers to you~

O

Gimble,
You probably are way ahead of me.

*I* don't like to talk to liars. My opinion was showing.

SS

Coach,

So very sorry for your drama. Drama is the [censored]$. I hate it too.

I don't think Laura is on one side or the other.

"Laura then asks what the hell Donna has to do with anything and what the hell wine country has to do with anything? She tells me that her mom had accepted an invitation from the Prof to visit him and tour Cal Davie for the day and was expected home hours ago!"

She is the one spilling the beans, correct?

Also, I can't believe what a lame lie your W tried to slip by you. The lie was so easily discovered! What was she thinking?? Sounds very foggy to me...or this is her way to say byby.

Again, so sorry for your sitch. We are not viewing your drama like a reality show, but are all standing behind you with our support hoping this can not be as bad as it seems to be.

Stay strong.

k

Hi, ss.

Quote:
====================
You probably are way ahead of me.
====================

Not ahead, just a different perspective.

All the best,
Gimble

Coach,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this mess. I wish I could help you in some way as you have me over these past weeks.

Instead all I can do is let you know that you are in my prayers. You've been there for so many of us, I know you will come out of this stronger and wiser, I'm only sorry that you even have to deal with this kind of mess again.

I'm still in my office but will have to go home soon. I have not herd a word from her today...but I really didn't expect to. This in itself would be unsule except for the current circumstances.

Folks, as might be expected, my feelings are pretty much all over the place but what I want you all to now is that I'm not acting out in either a childish or nonsensical (is that a word?) way. To the contrary, I had this whole thing thought out before my WW ever arrived back home. I’m not playing some game by freezing her out…to the contrary…I am sending her a very real message.

The longer I make her wait to tell me her story, the more changes she will make in it. And of course the more serious she will come to understand I am. Right now she is in a state of discomfort and before she gets her shot at nailing me, she will feel this even more intensely. Right now she wants this business finished with. It being in an unfinished state is causing her to have no control…and she hates that feeling worse then anything. She wants me back where she figures I belong.

The fact that I have not been willing to hear my WW to this point doesn’t not mean that I won't by the way. I will and I also will hear Laura as well as the sh#t heads daughter. But this will happen, once again, in MY way, and on my time line. I will decide how and when it will happen or it won't happen at all.

Something else, be assured that myself and the wife of the Prof *will* have a conversation. There is nothing that will prevent this from happening. Indeed, there is nothing that can prevent this from happening...even should she not want to speak with me...trust me please...it *will* happen!

As for me getting the facts instead of information she re-engineers to suite her purpose (nice way to say lies ha? LOL) everything will become fairy obvious once one of the 3 involved breaks. It’s simply a matter of applying the right pressure to the weakest link. Not all that difficult really. They all three have values here that they want served...at this point they only think they are together in this...I've lived with corporate in fighting for my entire professional life...believe me when I say that these 3 are babes in the woods. In the end, they will give each other up with no compunction. My problem is what damage it may do to my daughter…if I cause her to think she is betraying her mother? This is very troubling to me…at what price truth I wonder?

Other then this, my problem is really more fundamental...I have to decide weather or not I care what the truth is anymore. This is a reality that has been bothering me for quite some time. It’s a reality that requires that I finally face up to it...and I will because I have to…but I will do it in my own way and in my own time. So you see, what my WW has to say is only a very small part of the equation...important yes...the most important element? No.
Coach

I totally agree .... YOU are THE most important element Coach. YOU matter Coach ..... YOU decide where it goes from here ... when YOU decide it is time to make a decision ... YOU run the show .... no one else.

YOUR feelings matter Coach. YOUR happiness matters Coach.
YOU are important Coach.

Take your time ... you're worth taking your time.

Peace to you.

I do admire you so.

Pep

Coach..you mentioned the Prof and how some women aren't able to see the slime dripping off this type of guy, let me say this, men can be just as blind to a manipulative woman on the make. Just as you have your radar, we women do too. It's always amazed me.

I was baffled why DD would aid mom in this charade and I think the answer came in one of Coach's posts...she's getting married in two weeks! Maybe there's the motivation. Who wants their wedding to be remembered by the turmoil in the bride's parents marriage? Who wants to spend the day in tears because mom and dad aren't speaking and the guests are whispering?

OT..my aunt went to a wedding and when the pastor asked if anyone objected, the bride turned around to the guests and thanked them for coming. She told them if they brought a gift to please take it with them because this SOB *pointing to groom* slept with this ho *pointing to bridesmaid* last night. She then proceeded to walk down the isle and leave. As my aunt was her mother's friend, she asked why she waited until then to call off the wedding. The mother said if she had cancelled earlier, everyone would have felt sorry for him and assumed she had cold feet. This way everyone would know the truth. Paul Harvey even commented on this wedding. Just an interesting tidbit.

One thing that time has taught me is that no matter what, my stbx is incapable of telling the truth. He lies when the truth would do better. I wasted so much life waiting on him to get it. Some people never get it. The wisdom is in knowing when to cut the losses and run.

coach:

"Other then this, my problem is really more fundamental...I have to decide weather or not I care what the truth is anymore. This is a reality that has been bothering me for quite some time. It’s a reality that requires that I finally face up to it...and I will because I have to…but I will do it in my own way and in my own time. So you see, what my WW has to say is only a very small part of the equation...important yes...the most important element? No."

I understand this completely. One reason why, *if* I choose not 2 DV Mrs 2long, I sure as hell will install spyware on her computer and check phone bills and stuff. She's lied for so long she doesn't know any different. And that I would even consider reconciliation after all this, on and on and on... ...makes me 2uestion my own sanity.

I know what you mean. Is it worth it at this point? I bet Jake doesn't lie 2 you or keep things from you?

-ol' 2long

What Pepperband said I completely and heartily echo!

Whatever your decision, I know we are all here to help you along whatever path you choose.

2long my adored Pep (why are you already married? Why, why why?LOL) And so many others who have all been so very kind to me...more then I deserve I’m sure.

2long, about Jake...he don't lie and he don't cheat! LOL He's my most beloved...and the sad part is that I'm totally serious about that! LOL I have to post pix of him. Then you’ll know why!

And Pep, thanks for you advocacy. Yes, I'm feeling selfish right now and I don't care. Don’t mean to be cryptic but I have a meeting to conduct and don’t have the time to tell this right way.

Will have to post latter. And what a post! LOL Last night was quite eventful! Talk about drama…this is one for the books…Let me just say that to day I’m totally cool and very, very proud…last night I was suicidal…today I can say that I actually lived the advice I have given others…so glibly from time to time…and I’m here to tell you that if I ever doubted myself…I no longer do nor will I ever again.

More later folks.
Coach

coach:

I have no misunderstanding why so many people like dogs for pets. Ever know a dog that had 2 have his privacy? What about the difference between secret and private? Do they worry about stuff like that?

No, they just ARE love (though I've known a few that would enjoy tearing a cat limb from limb, I don't think they're maliscious even about that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).

-ol' 2long

tap, tap, tap
tapping foot waiting.

And if you post pictures of Jake, I'll be forced to post pictures of my two poodles!

Susan (the poodle lover) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Coach

you know I think it was like shock that so many poeple you have helped, me among them, suddenly read your post.
For me it was like 'Wow if even the coach has these issues...'

You've been a good dose of realism here and I thank you for it.
To me we can push the MB barrow and fight for our M until the cows come home, but in the end it comes down to the commitment of the two people in the m, I guess it always has.
I HOPE that you find whatever you want coach in the M or not if it has to be that way ... but I do wish you the best.