Coach,

Just wanted to throw some support from waay out west. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Glad you survived the drama and chaos. Sorry it took you to such lengths but you did survive.

Quite proud of you and glad to know you are safe. These kinds of events have a way of making us stronger. I know it did for me.

My values, boundaries and priorities changed. I always knew what they s/b but implementing them to match took effort.

Keep up the good work and know we care.

Aloha,
L.

Ok folks, so now I have a few minutes to breath and I can up date all those interested in what happened last night. Lets just say it weren’t no fun…instructive and educational maybe…but no fun!

When I finally sucked it up and went home last night it was about 11:30 and she was waiting…boy was she waiting. I said nothing mean or confrontational…nothing! Not one mean word.

I said hello, asked about her day and then asked very simply and off handedly, (in the most conversational tone) if she had managed to see her doctor yet?

No sooner had I said that then she unloaded on me with as much hate, spite and anger as I‘ve been confronted with in my whole life! In my whole life I have never had any one speak to me the way she did. I know I never in my life did anything so horrible as to warrant such viciousness.

The things she said,…the way she characterized me,…who I am , what I am…she cut at me like I was trash. Less then trash. Every word spoken intended to hurt me in any way she could think of. And she was so ferocious…it was terrifying…and I mean that. She came at me with pure unadulterated hate. I’ve never seen anything like it…. I remember thinking, how can it be…is this what she has always believed...that I’m disgusting…that I make her stomach turn the way she’s claiming?

She went back 7 years to her affair to let me know how she felt about me. That she hated the very sight of me. That she hated my touch, my scent, how I spoke, looked and lived. That the OM was the love of her life and that my having breath in my body was an affront to her…She wanted to know why I wasn’t dead from her hatred. And as she was screaming,…at that moment she was insane…totally insane! And I mean it. I just stood there. I said nothing…I did nothing and she got crazier…screaming at me to say something back to her, to answer her…to say anything. And when I didn’t, she reached out for my eyes…and my face.

I took her hands and forced them to her side until she finally just collapsed…NO I did not strike her or physically hurt her in any way! And NO I didn’t want to hurt her…hurting her never even entered my mind. I held her hands to her sides to stop her from striking out at me, scratching at my eyes or ripping skin off my face. I thought she had a stroke or heart attack…because she just sat down on the floor and stopped struggling…she just sat there staring at nothing…breathing in huge gasps and saying nothing…

I walked away and into my bedroom dazed and just closed the door. Jakey was whimpering under the bed and I got down on the floor to be with him…I couldn’t help it…I started to sob uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t...All I did was roll my self up in a ball on the floor next to Jake and sob and sob and sob. And I swear that I still had not said one other word to her.

The next thing I know, she’s in the bedroom on the floor next to me and she’s also crying, only she was more like hysterical. And what did I think at that point? I wondered what the f#ck were we both doing on the floor like we had no furniture. That’s what! I’m not kidding. This was what my first conscious thought was…after the fact.

And then she was hugging me…but so tight that I thought she was really and truly trying to squeeze me to death…that she finally going to kill me. I mean I couldn’t breath. And she wouldn’t get off me or let go! I couldn’t get her off me and I couldn’t get up…she was like dead weight on my back and wouldn’t let me move.

When I started to kind of panic and to raise myself up off the floor, she put both her hands in my hair grabbed on to the back of my head, pulling my head back to her face and she bit me on the back of neck!....But I mean she bit me! So hard that I started to bleed. I mean this really did smart…big time! And she didn’t stop!

It was at that point I really came out of the daze I was in. And I mean I really came out of it! I was bleeding very heavily! You can’t feature the teeth marks on the area between my neck and shoulder. She almost ripped out a piece of my flesh! It hurt hugely. I was thinking that I needed stitches but didn’t know what I would say at the emergency room? She bit right into muscle and ligaments. It hurt big time and still does.

When she bit me I screamed like a stuck pig and she finally let me go. Blood in her mouth and all over her face…I mean what do you say or how do you handle this kind of thing? My blood was all over her face and teeth.

The thing is that I don’t think she was trying to cause me injurey. It wasn’t like before in the living room…or who the hell knows what she was doing? I just know it wasn’t like before when she was trying to take my eyes. This was different but it sure hurt like hell no matter what was motivating her.

So now she’s sitting there on her knees looking at me…blood all over her face, and what does she say…calmly?

“Now we can both go to the doctor together and see who is infected with what! All I know is that you can’t be infected by anything that I picked up because I didn’t do anything with any one that could have infected us you big @ss hole.”

Then she gets up, so goes into the bathroom and washes her face and mouth, puts on a night gown and gets into our bed…right in my face…and goes right to sleep. I mean she was asleep in 10: seconds! And I’m standing there bleeding all over the place pouring hydrogen peroxide all over trying to make it stop.

And less any one with a salacious imagination comes to the conclusion that anything further happened between us after that…of a sexual nature…disabuse yourself of that notion right now. I wasn’t about to let her get that mouth anywhere near me (if you get my drift).

So this morning I go to my meeting with a huge bandage between my neck and shoulder (she slept on while I got up for work) and then I come home at around 2:00 to go to the doctor with her. He gives me stitches… actually he stapled me together (what’s that about? Health Care by Office Max?) And he takes the required body fluids from her to test for everything from hepatitis to hoof and mouth disease; and she tells him to send the results to me…not her.

As for her, she was smiley and happy and acted like she didn’t have a care in the world. And me, I can hardly move my neck. But you know what, not one LB did I utter and not one iota did I raise my voice. And she only thinks that this is now over…when in fact it’s just beginning! Words spoken of the kind she used last night are not easily forgotten or forgiven. And if she thinks she’s getting a pass on her little vacation then she better think again. But I have to admit, she is a real player. I mean she is the real deal…but don’t I just know that since forever?

The only real difference right now is in my attitude. I’m quite sure that I will probably try to once again save this thing. And as stupid as it sounds, it’s because she’s convinced me that its what she wants most to happen.

Does anyone understand my thought process here because if so maybe you could explain it to me. I sure could use some help trying to understand myself. So, who out there wants to vote to have me committed?
Coach

Coach,

I don't think you're the one who needs to be committed. And I think you should have called the police after she attacked you. There is NO excuse for that.

Sorry I don't have more to offer right now. I'm still reeling from reading that.

Dobie

coach:

Holy Capeevy Dust!

Yeah, I can understand your thought processes, but please don't ask me 2 explain that 2 you. If I could explain it, I'd be eligible for the Nobel Prize in Marriage Building.

And no, I'm not going 2 make any off-color black humor references 2 Anne Rice novels. Nosirree, not ol' 2long

Wow...

-ol' 2long

Hi, coach.

Well, that was a good as game as any player ever played, and play, she did. A hell of a ploy. I would have been proud of that one.

You should have called the police.

I hope that you didn't catch anything, because her actions in my mind put the possibility of her guilt at 100%.

I hope that you turn up clean. Lemonman can weigh in on this, but you need to get re-checked in a few weeks.

As for her actions, just short of demonic, if short at all. She needs help. She may very well of put your life in danger with that bite.

Please seriously consider removing yourself from her via protective order ASAP. Talk to your lawyer. She may put one on you and claim the bite as proof of her protecting herself. Don't take this lightly, coach. What she did was seriously dangerous. I don't want to read about you in the paper tomorrow.

God bless,
Gimble

wow....

and what was it exactly in all of that that convinced you this is what she wants most of all?

Susan

Well, since Lemonman is not here, I'll quote him.

"No doubt that it will be a doozy".

I think Lemonman nailed that one.

So what did she say she did with the Professor and why she lied to you??

((((((((((((((coach))))))))))))))

That's more like an episode from the Twilight Zone than anything I've read in these forums in a year and a half.

You might want to light a couple of candles in your den and ponder your written response a bit over the next day or two....

Best wishes,
SD

Coach, if you want to save it, that's what you want, and it's not for us to gainsay you.

But how?

My wife has been violent in the past - so I know these kinds of scenes. I never went to the Dr - but my boss (at my former job) told me that he thought my wife was abusing me - so I guess I wasn't good at hiding it.

I know that rage and insanity. And Coach, you can't do anything with it. While the rage is there, you've got to not be there. That just the plain and simple of it.

If I were you, I would not go home tonight.

I would write a report of this - talk to a lawyer about it. I get the idea that you are a man who can afford an hour with a lawyer right now. As Gimble says, if you go to the police, she will claim self-defense - but I cannot imagine a scenario where she would bite you on the back of the neck in self-defense. It would be hard for her to prove - and the Dr. knows the truth and can support your story.

It may be best to go to the police - and not too late yet - but if you go back home and try to live there without resolving this in a very serious way - it's going to be hard to make a credible police complaint later.

Now, I think you need to tell your daughter what happened - and ask her to delay the wedding. She won't delay it, probably. I don't know her, but I'm guessing that she's so caught up in her own stuff that she (your DD) will just imagine that this will go away. But it won't. I can't see the two of you as the parents of the bride presiding together over a wedding in the next couple of weeks.

Oh, and you need to have somebody take photos of the wound - and get a report from the Dr. Send a copy of all of it to the Prof's wife. If she thinks your w is crazy/dangerous it won't hurt anything.

=AD

I agree with Susan...what in this world convince you that this is what she wants.

You need to make a police report NOW! The doctor is required to inform the police of domestic violence so it may already be in process. This is beyond insane! I would be terrified to live with someone who would do such a thing...and I lived with a angry alcoholic for over 20 years!

Now about her telling you these horrible things...I've done the same with my stbx. It's called frustration. I did it because I wanted him to hurt as I hurt and I wanted a reaction. While I truly did hate his mother and told/tell him to this day, what I came to hate in him was those same cruel characteristics that she possessed. Never in my wildest dreams did I consider physical harm.

Coach, she's sick..very sick. I agree it sounds demonic. This is beyond "fog" and your daughter needs to know what has happened. Please get yourself and Jake out of there. He may be the next target. It's a matter of safety. A protective order is needed but you need to leave and go where she can't find you. It's dangerous!

Well, coach, call me weird, but I understand your POV.

Maybe get some pepperspray, though, if you're going to go back home.

Not on that page yet...about the prof...I mean...but I will get there rest assured. You'all have my word. But here's what my gut is telling me...she did something willfull and stupid...then lied...Cause in the bright day light...it is easy for her to see how really stupid what she did was.

But I don't think it was thought out or pre-planned. And let me tell you'all something else...if the old Prof ended up getting a piece of her @ss, then what I'm about is finding a way to make it the most expensive piece of @ss he ever had...and I'm getting the feeling that he has a wife that can do just that...and I'm also getting the feeling that she is probaly going to be mighty willing to do so...maybe even looking for a reasonto do so! Maybe?

Otherwise, all involved wouldn't be tryng so hard to keep me from talking to her.

Now having said that, as are far my WW is concerned, I can already "feel" her priorities changing from cover up to grow up (the person needing to grown up? That would be me, LOL)! In other words, "come on Coach...another little mistake is not a marriage worth! Right?"

You see the subtle shift? From nothing happend to so what if something happend...it wasn't important. And where have we all herd that crap before?

Take my word...the $hit has yet to hit the fan.
Coach

and? what convinced you?

Susan

Coach -

Have you read Ron53's story? His WH was a health care worker who had several affairs. She died in April of AIDS. Left an anguished husband and devastated grown kids.

Ron is now getting the every six months testing for the disease. He hasn't posted here lately, but last I heard the whole family wasn't doing well.

By the way folks. I love you all and thanks you all so much for caring but AM is getting it for some reason...scarey ha AM to think that you may understand my mind? LOL

Folks, it wasn't domestic violence...it was a violent demonstation...it was an out cry...her way of showing me...it was out of charahter...it was a passionate and painful expression for her as well as for me...it cost her her pride and she is a prideful woman...that's why I have chosen to attack the problem as I have...that why I have told you all right from the begining...you all may end up not liking me much...I am playing hard ball with her...she has responded more quickly then I believed she would and she is in more pain that I believed I could put her in. But make no mistake, I percipitated this sitch...I pushed the buttons...it just happend faster and more violently then I thought it would. But it sure answerd some important questions for me. Yes she does love me...a lot. She is a foolish woman some times but she isn't evil.

But can I live with this crap all over again? Do I want too?
Coach

I'm absolutely speechless....

Sending hugs your way, and praying for you and your wife.

Hi coach.

Quote:
=====================
Yes she does love me...a lot. She is a foolish woman some times but she isn't evil.
=====================

I think that you won't like this post very much coach. These are my opinions, coach, but of what I write to you on this post, I am well versed.

I tried to warn you in a previous post that your wife would very likely play you like she did the last time.

The one part of her play that gave clue as to the game, was her spilling all of her hatred of you going back to the previous affair. That confirmed my suspicions that she played you back then as well.

You see, coach, she ate all the vitriolic things that you dealt out to her for the previous affair. She was never really sorry for it at all. She looked at what she took from you as the price she had to pay to do what she wanted. Additionally, she made deposits in the form of resentment, in her entitlement bank toward eventually doing it again.

Now she has done it again, and as I wrote to you previously, she is using the same tactic to get away with it.

What you perceive as her breakdown under tough love is nothing more than her playing the only game she understands - appeasement.

I mean no offense to you, coach. I very much appreciate your point of view here and I enjoy reading your advice to others here. Even so, I must say to you that you appear blind in regards to your wife's treatment of you. In her game, you have made yourself an easy mark.

I am sorry that I have upset you. I hope that you will consider what I have written to you.

God bless you coach.

Gimble

As I read about your WW biting you, I immediately thought that you should have called the police to let her have some immediate consequenses for her uncalled for violent action. I thought she bit you because if she was going to have HIV or whatever then you were too...it was so you wouldn't win by having her go to the Dr. as you insisted before.

Now, both of you would have to go...and get tested...and then get tested again in 6 months. (I doubt that either of you have anything...but still) It was out of her selfish pride.

I also think that her whole tactic is because she blew it so badly and so close to your daughters wedding that she is desparately trying to get a quick reconciliation using extreme meassures...the big guns...so that the wedding can come off as if nothing has happened. Then, afterwards she can go back to whatever she started if she wants. She wants it all her way.

I kind of understand why you would interpret it as you have indicated, that she actually does love you...but I tend to think that the level of manipulation she is using is extreme. She should experience something extreme in terms of natural consequences for her lies and other disrespectful actions. I can't imagine what you have in mind and what your next course of action should or will be.

Will pray for you both.

coach,

I agree with the posters who are thinking that she is still in control and using extreme manipulation because the situation she is in requires more than typical manipulation.

Seriously consider protective measures for Jake. That is where she can hurt you the most, the worst, and the longest--in many ways that are difficult to prove. Make YOUR report ASAP as it might protect Jake if she thinks you won't cover up her outrageous behavior.

I'm sorry that you're going through this coach. Be careful about playing on her level--she's more experienced and you'll probably lose. Take the high road--doesn't sound like she has much experience with that one.

Take care coach