Happy Fathers Day Coach!!!!

Perhaps I am too late for this on your time, but it is 11:22pm Pacific time, so not too late for me to wish you a good day. You have children who love you. This is good.

All the best, and prayers for you Mr. Coach.

We all look forward to your update when you feel up for it.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Lady Clueless said:



I've been reading along here trying to catch up on this thread. However, I just had to stop and say WOW to this. I think this a major point.

It's interesting how important this moment in time is for many of us. I wonder why?

Mimi, Regardless of how many times a person may get married, I think that first wedding day is sort of a rite of passage (is that the right term?). Up to that point, no matter how old we are...no matter how long we may have "been on our own"...it is leaving one life behind and committing to a new life.

For me, it was leaving my father and mother to cleave unto my husband for the rest of my life. It meant that instead of looking first to my parents to help make important decisions about my life, I would, from that time on, be looking to my husband to help make decisions about OUR lives. It meant that if, say, my car broke down, the first person I would call would be my husband, and not my daddy.

It meant that I was leaving the last vestiges of childhood behind.

Does that make sense?

Lady - is it kind of like your father is your "daddy" for the last time??

Well, Chackler, my daddy has been in Heaven for the past 11 years, and he always was and always will be my daddy, but yeah, it's something like that.

It's sort of like saying, "OK, Daddy, I'll always love you, but I am no longer a little girl. I'm a woman, and my place is now with the man with whom I have chosen to spend the rest of my life."

I'm terrible at explaining things! LOL!

Coach -

You've given me some insightful wisdom in the past. Anything I post to you is only rehashing what you already know, but we all sometimes need to be reminded.

I know now that I can only be responsible for my actions, not those of WW or OM or any of the rest of the cast of characters in this drama we all participate in. And...if "shaking" WW would have shaken some sense into her, I would have long ago put her into that big thing at Home Depot that shakes your paint. But...the maddening thing is that we may be able to see things with the clarity of day...but our WS's seem to be in such a fog that they wouldn't know TRUTH if they fell over it.

Lovely story about your parents, aren't you glad you were there to see it?

Georgia

My daddy has been gone for almost 7 years but he will always be my daddy too.

I understand what you mean Lady as to the rite of passage thing and I agree. It is a very significant moment in a woman's life. Not all women, but most that's for sure.

Waitin' and wonderin'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hello??? Hello???? You out there Coach?

*worried*

Hey coach!

Remember the E.F. Hutton ads?

"When E.F. Hutton speaks....everyone listens"

We're all ears!?

What's up?

SD

Coach, where are you? Are you okay??

COACH!!! WAASSSUUUUUUP!!!???????

Sorry to not be here sooner but things have been off the wall! Seriously crazy! So how do I relate all that’s happened in the last 48 hours? It’s a huge post but here goes.

First you al have to know that it’s been quite a dramatic journey…in every sense of the word.

To start let’s revisit my daughters arrival…the door bell rings on Saturday morning. Now understand that Jill could arrive with out any notice is a huge surprise in it self. True she is registered at the gate as are all my children and she has a key…as do all my children…but to open the door and find her facing me was a surprise to say the least.

But in any case there she was…and please remember…at this point I have not hurd from my WW for two nights and I was in the process of packing up to move out to a place up on Las Solas. So at 7:30 AM in walks my baby daughter. Hello…I was beside myself with joy and anxiety…until she dropped her bags and just hugged me like it was the last time we would ever see each other in this life time. Then it was just joy!

She then explained that all the kids had received my e-mail and were concerned to say the least. So she was elected to get her butt down to Miami and find out what was going on.

We sat down with coffee, (Miami is a big place for coffee) and she began to ask questions. So I told her everything and more. How I felt and why I was so hurt and angry. She responded in a way that was way beyond anything I could have dreamed possible. I explained why it was doubtful that I would be attending Laura’s wedding and what I felt about her mother. And please know that in everything I said, no word was relayed with anything other then hurt and pain…no acrimony…no blame...no fault! Just how I felt and where I was with this thing.

She on the other hand was livid! So right then and there she called my other three kids (teleconferenced) and explained what was happening. Jordan, my son and the oldest simply said that he for one he would be attending his sister’s wedding and if the Prof had the #alls to be there then he would be confronted in a public way that would be embarrassing to all…up to and possibly in a way that was physical! Further, he said that if the Prof’s daughter happened to be there then too bad for her because he would like nothing more then to toss her sorry [censored] out as well.

Well it was at this point that I called a halt to all of this conversation! I explained that nothing of the kind was going to happen…and that all of them were brought up better then to react in this way…although…to tell the truth, my heart swelled with pride.

So the next call was to Laura, and boy did the $hit hit the fan! When she answered it was almost the middle of the night in SF and her fiancé was right next to her in bed. My kids then proceeded to rip her up but good. They explained in no uncertain terms that they thought about her and how she was acting. Briefly, it went like…“you stupid inconsiderate brat…how dear you…how dear you…take the side of this piece of crap and defend him and his BS relationship with our mother over dad and what he is feeling?”


Laura responded with the usual…only to be told that she was acting like a fool and that it was too outrageous to even discuss! They all told her at that point that if I never spoke to her again it would serve her right and that if she didn’t call the Prof and his daughter to tell them that they were not welcome at the wedding, then he (Jordan) would and if come off being a whole lot less civil the anything she might want to say.

At this point her fiancé got on the line and was mortified to hear what had been going on. He was pissed and assured the kids that this matter was now well in hand. That Laura was no longer in charge of making this kind of decision on her own and that he would never be a party to anything so outrageous.

By this time Laura was in tears and the wedding taking place was now in question. Anthony was pissed off…major league! He was embarrassed that Laura was a part of this whole mess and was seriously questioning her common sense. Worse yet, he was concerned about her way of thinking…and who was this woman who could countenance this kind of behavior…because he wouldn’t tolerate it and if she had any allusion as to what he would tolerate then she had better disabuse herself of that notion right now! In other words, do you have any questionable relationships at the moment and if so with who?...If not…if you think that any relationship of this kind will be appropriate and accepted by me in the future…then forget about it. If you do, let’s just forget about everything right now!

It was at this point that they hung up and she just couldn’t stop crying. Anthony assured us that neither the Prof nor his daughter would be there, or he wouldn’t!

Then the kids, (still on the line) demanded, not asked, but demanded that I attend. Because if I didn’t they wouldn’t either and that would be a terrible thing for all…to which I was forced to agree.

It was over an hour until they all disconnected and then Jill made her next phone call. When her mother answered her cell, Jill simply said that she was at our home and wanted to know where she was. Well dead silence greeted this question…and Jill then said that she was here only for the day and if she wanted to see her then she had better get herself back home or else she needn’t speak to any of her or any of her sister and brothers at Laura’s wedding…because as far as all of them were concerned…this matter was going to be resolved before next Thursday or she could enjoy the wedding alone…Further, if she had anything to say for herself then all of them (the kids) wanted to hear what it was because they all remembered what it was like seven years ago and had no intention of going through all of that again.

After she hung up, she then asked me what her Mom’s explanation was…regarding this whole thing…to which I was forced to admit that I hadn’t listened to her mom. I did lay out the facts as I knew them to be and while she understood how I was feeling she still couldn’t believe that I hadn’t allowed her Mom to explain or at least apologize! To which I responded that I didn’t care what her excuse might be…I wasn’t going to accept this kind of behavior…not ever again or for any reason and that I had already been to a lawyer and that her Mom would be served papers on Monday.

Well, it was at this point that she freaked! She called back her brother and sisters (Laura included) and told them that I was divorcing their mother…and they all went bananas! How else can I describe it? And the worst of the lot was guess who? Hello Laura! And I have to tell you all I really feel like crap…it’s her wedding coming up next week and myself and her mother have done everything possible to assure that it would be a disaster.

Well, the kids are now universally in rebellion…with how could I? On what basis am I doing this? And why haven’t I given her a chance to explain? What the hell is wrong with me…that I’m over reacting to what this is all about. And have I done anything yet to try and work this out and if not why not?

So now I’m the bad one…the unreasonable one…the one that hasn’t worked through the problem…as I taught them all to do! Hello! Don’t do as I do…do as I say! LOL But this is still MOM! A word to the wise out there…if the big D is the only solution…then do it while the kids are young…the older they get, the worse it gets. And they are now bouncing off walls…all getting on planes, trains, in cars or whatever to get down here right away!

So what do I do? I take a firm stand and tell them all…”Nothing has been decided yet! LOL That although I expect your Mother to be served on Monday, the book is still open and nothing final is going to happen till after the wedding…no matter what! “

I know…I know…I know…I'm a coward! But please…no recrimination from anybody that hasn’t had 5 kids coming down on them like hell and fury! Please!? (And I have to tell you that my shoulder was aching like a SOB during this whole thing!)

So now they all hang up again and to that moment,…the very moment that they all hang up…the apartment door opens and guess who has comes strolling in? Now I’m ready for a drink…it’s about 11:00 AM…and I’m ready for a drink…because this has already been about 24 hours worth of emotional trauma, taking place in about 3 hours!…So forget the coffee…

And of course my first question to my darling bride is about to be…”…so where the F#ck have you been?” But before the words are out of my mouth, Jill asked the same question…in a lot more respectful way of course, LOL. To which my WW says as calmly responds…as she would say, good morning,…”sweetie, that is between your Dad and I…and you can be here to listen if it’s OK with your Dade, but you’ll have to be quiet and listen while he and I iron out our differences…OK?”

To which I respond…”so where were you?” To which she responds, “if you cared so damn much how come you haven’t called me for the last 24 hours?” To which I responded,… “Who says that I care…and why don’t you just go back to where ever you were and leave me alone?” To which she responded, that “I didn’t come here to see you…I came to see my daughter!” At which point Jill stands up and says that she is ashamed and starts and yells at us both and asks that if we can’t bother to be civil to each other, that we can at least make an effort to be civil while she is present so that she at least won’t be embarrassed.

Jill then goes on to say that “after I leave, there is plenty of time for you two to discuss the divorce…but please…not now, not in front of me!” To which my wife responds, “what is this talk about divorce? Honey, we aren’t getting a devorce, we are just having a few problems that we need to work out.” To which Jill responds, “No divorce ha? So why did Dad tell us all that he has already filed and that you are going to be served on Monday?”

My wife is now speechless. Her face is white as a ghost and she is so shaken as to be totally disoriented. So she sits down and begins to cry and Jill hugs her and tries to comfort her and my wife looks at me and says, “how could you?”

I mean, are you kidding? How could I? Am I crazy or what? She’s sleeping out all over the place with God knows who,…in SF and now in Miami, lying and cheating and she wants to know how I could divorce her? She is behaving in direct abrogation of our covenant…and covenant we both signed and swore to…not just agreed to…but swore too!…She’s been e-mailing and speaking to this slime of a boy friend…a man she knows I despise…3 to 4 times a day…for months…having a secret relationship…involving one of my daughters no less…making her an accomplice…! She says things to me so horrible that I wouldn’t say them to anyone in the whole world…anyone! And she wants to know why I’m divorcing her? Forget the fact that she bit a chunk out of my body…so let’s chalk that up to passion…then she decides to just take off…and she wants to know “how could I?” And yes….this is what I said to her. This is how I answered her. And yes, I did say it in front of Jill…which maybe I shouldn’t have…but come on…I’m couch, not Saint Coach!

So Jill looks at me and says, “dad you have every right to be angry and hurt…but you still owe mom a chance to tell you her side of things with out bullying her.” Which is true…(oh how I hate it when some one else is right and I’m wrong! Ewwwwww…I just hate it!” Do you hear me JL? You 250lb pain in the butt…you’re sitting on my bad shoulder!)

So at that point I sit down and shut my mouth…cross my arms…like I’m ready to jump off the couch any second…run for the door…and disappear…but it’s cool ‘cause Jake now sits down next to me…not my WW…but me! LOL He puts he head in my lap and as soon as I begin to rub him I’m feeling better and I’m just keeping my mouth shut and looking at her…I’m steering right at her eyes…I’m not saying anything…I’m just steering at her...waiting for her to say what ever.

So what does she do?...She gets up and goes to the bath room! I mean really! What a let down. So off goes Jill and in 5 minutes back they come…my WW ready to say her piece. So as she is about to begin…I interrupt…yes I did and it was important…because what I had to say was so important that I needed to say in front of a witness.

And I said in the most quiet, no confrontational tone I could manage…and I fraised it almost like a question….I asked her please to…”be sure to tell me the whole truth….because one lie and I wouldn’t stay to hear anything further…and I told Jill at the same time…Mom lies and I leave…no arguments understood?”

And so the story comes out. Of course she knows a lot about what I know, ‘cause as soon as I finished speaking with the Prof’s wife, both Laura and the Prof’s daughter called her…why?…To complain about me…to ask why I would do such a thing…to ask why she (my WW) hadn’t explained to me that it was only about her staying to late to get a train home that particular night…and nothing else. And so what was the big deal?

Of course, she never told either of them that this entire relationship (between she & the Prof) constituted a total betrayal of our mutal trust and her relationship with the Prof so inappropriate as to be defined as adultery…that it was a total abrogation of our mutual marriage covenant. Total! So what are these two girls getting from al this…that I am this big jealous dummy…acting out in ways to damage a marriage for no reason other then my insecure feelings…right? But this was wrong as well! Because this relationship had no right to take place no matter what? Because married people don’t have separate lives with members of the opposite sex…as friends or anything else. But how are young people suppose to know that if they aren’t taught by there parents? How?

So now she doesn’t want to face me because she knows the scope of my knowledge…and she knows that it isn’t just about me believing that she was boinking her good pal the Prof…after speaking with Laura and the Prof’s progeny…she new I had been doing some investigation and she was going to have to face all of this with me...all of what I had probably come to know…so she took off! And to her credit, she copped to it1 She admitted it right out loud. She said she ran because she couldn’t face me but couldn’t believe that I hadn’t at least called her to find out where she was. I said nothing! I just sat and listened.

Then she apologized and said that she understood how I felt about her having a little fun with the Prof…but under no circumstances did she ever let him put his hands on her. That what this whole thing was about was her having some fun…flirting and teasing the old roué…and getting off on his sick sense of humor and sexual oriented repartee. That she new it was wrong but it was all just a source of amusement to her and all it was about was goofing and nothing more. She then said strait out that what she did was terrible…and yes they did often enjoy a joke at my expense…but only because I could be so stuffy and in reality the Prof was really quite fond of me! (Oh yippy…that piece of human refuse really likes me…oh joy!) So as she’s speaking I’m getting more and more angry and Jill can see it and so can my wife. So we call a time out and I take Jake out for a walk…which is what I’m going to do now1 LOL

I’ll finish this up later or tomorrow but by now you folks know in what direction things are going…and yes…I am going to the wedding. I leave Thursday morning. Am I going with my WW…I don’t think so. But I will get into that later. Can’t do anymore writing now. Just can’t.
Coach

Well, I took the time to read the whole thing, Coach.

You're going to know in a sec that a whole gang of folks are sitting here waiting to ambush you as soon as you post. So I'm going to get my post in first!

All I can say is that a lot of this sounds good Coach. God bless your kids!

Your W, so far, is still lying, but you know that. At least that's my guess.

Looking forward to Jake bringing you back.

-AD

Boy, Coach! You have really been through the wringer!

I'm so glad that your other four kids and your future SiL stood up for you, though!

But, your WW? WOW! She must've had a sex change operation, 'cause it sounds to me like she has acquired a pair of brass ones!

Does she really think anyone is going to buy this story of hers? Maybe she should consider becoming a soap opera writer!

Hang in there, Coach!

Wow, coach!

...do you believe her?

-ol' 2long

I am so glad your kids came through for you.

I also doubt your wife is telling the 'whole' truth.

Somehow, I don't believe she has the courage or character to be honest. Infidels have a way of denying for as long as they can unless there is certain proof. Or they admit to the bare minimum.

Thanks for the update. Glad you are going to the wedding.

I didn't think the Prof. would be welcome when all was said and done.

Head high & mouth closed ... until ~after~ this wedding ..... YOU can do it!

.....Mantra to repeat .....

~head high~mouth closed~

~head high~mouth closed~

~head high~mouth closed~

((( COACH )))
((( JAKE )))
((( KIDS )))

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Coach,

I am glad that you are all right. Her story already is such a pile of crap. The funny thing is that her revisionist story is still enough to divorce. She broke her agreements with you, she was involved with him for months, admitted they both made fun of you and she enjoyed the sexual teasing with the professor. This is the clean story? What a joke. God knows what she must have really done. I am glad that you are going to the wedding but she is absolutely toxic to you and such a liar and betrayer to boot. She is truly a narcissist. How many times are you expected to forgive such betrayal?