|
|
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956 |
All expenses split down the middle. We will both use my new apartment as a beach club…but it is my apartment! Oh..WOW...she has got a rendevous spot for a little afternoon delight. Cause you say here... we will continue to live together…and try to rebuild our relationship for the last time…but as two separate parties…no longer married…each free to vacate the relationship with little or no bother…for any just cause or cause that is not just for that matter. Gonna live with her...but FREE in whatever else. You gonna add a clause that says she CANNOT be there unless you are there at the same time? If not...don't think that you can complain when she starts with her little dalliances on the side...and uses that convenient apartment for a love nest. I just hope no new Wayward Spouses sign on MB looking for help and come across these comments and want to go the same route! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> This boy is gonna need a foghorn to get out of this pea soup. committed
Last edited by committedandlovi; 07/21/05 11:10 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
Coach:
I unders2d that one 2, but who cares?
I've thought of stuff like that over the years (3.5+) as you know. Mostly, they reflect where I was "at" and how many lovebucks were still in my lovepiggybank for my W. That, and the complexity of our family/house sitch.
[censored]. If I were you (and I'm probably not), I'd still do something along those lines, but with one major difference (again, based on where my haid is "at" these days): DV or don't DV but move in2 the beach apartment YES2RDAY! No sooner, no later.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 627
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 627 |
Guys,
The problem with only giving a little info is that:
1. Only half of what is written gets read in the first place so lots of details that make things clear are never understood…even in the most detailed post…no one’s fault…just something that is…
2. People in our situation generally don't focus on anything other the parts of the post that they feel strongly about.
So let me apologize for not being clear last night. And I'm still pressed big time...we are in 2006 budget meeting….yuk!...This is the first chance I've had to even check e-mail today...so I “cheated” a bit…and stopped in to take a quick peak. I promise that later to night I'll settle down and fill in some of the blanks.
But as of right now...please just focus on these points.
1. There is going to be a divorce. That is a fact.
2. I will have my own apartment but for the time being, it will be a bolt hole. A residence in place that I can and will go to...not run too cause I'm finished running away...should events go in a directions that doesn't please me. And this is not a case of conspicuous consumption…but and “instead.” I wanted to join a beach club…now I won’t.
3. There will be rules and a structure in place to achieve a goal...that goal being an honest reconciliation, with the potential of us once again getting married.
4. Yes she will have her own money...as will I! So what? If I walk a way for good it's only the same money she would be entitled to any way.
5. Our continuing to live together and our attempt...OUR ATTEMPT...OURS together...to make this works...is she knows our last chance...Should we fail...there is no further effort or pain in the penalty...not for me! And if not for her either…so what? What have I lost? Has she fooled me once again? Maybe…but that’s OK. It will be for the last time...and the reward is well worth the risk…and Guys…need I remember why we all are here? So please be kind.
6. And NO, NO, NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!...This is not a license for either of us to live a single life!...This will be a committed relationship between us...based on the same principals as any marriage ...The only difference being that any future disappointments will be greeted with a fait decided!...That to be implemented…needs only the simplest of acts to take place...one of us leaves...
There's really so much more but rest assured that this is a comfortable compromise that I'm making with MYSEL! MY-SELF! I'm doing this for me…my self first and for both of us second.
And if you all really think about it objectively...her behavior is being penalized...although I know that some of you think not…or not enough anyway. But consider...the specter of a very public dissolution of our marriage is some what unpleasant for her to say the least...This is a divorce and won't be happening in a vacuum! This will be public Exposure with a capital *E*!
I have told her that I refuse to equivocate with people when asked the questions that are inevitable...Why?...What is going on?....Are you two still married? Not!
Hence, future behavior deemed inappropriate will have very pubic consequences as well...she screws up…I’m gone…Fast and with no penalty. This is no cake walk. My wife is being divorced after all. Her children...our family...our friends...people I work with and that she works with...they will all know the truth and the new rules...
More later.
Coach
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
If you divorce her ... date healthy women.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
Unders2d that, 2.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179 |
If you divorce her ... date healthy women. You know, I find myself chuckling at this statement. It is very true and so simple. I sure am glad I followed this "principle" in my life....but that's just me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> SOur... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584 |
If you divorce her ... date healthy women. I second that emotion. TogetherAlone
"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023 |
So it seems like you are trying for a possibly less painful way to break your own 'addiction' to her and your long term marriage...by shacking up with her. What kind of moral example is that for you to present to your kids?
I will look forward to your further clarifying your plan. It seems kind of convoluted or possibly delusional. It really seems like a -keeping one foot out the door- plan. How can that truly be committed? It sounds more like you prefer not to feel the pain the actual DV will cause you all at once.
You can't possibly have much hope for her keeping this renewed covenant while actually being DV'd. Isn't it just a matter of time and opportunity?
Either she is remorseful and fully understands and repents for what she has done...with radical honesty or she not. It has sounded like she really isn't comprehending the gravity of what she did or fessing up to it even be anything to be that upset about.
Has she been living a standard that she would have been quite happy for you to be living as well? Does she honestly want to be in an open marraige or just continue with her double standard?
Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 3,073
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 3,073 |
If you divorce her ... date healthy women. Excellent. I think so too. Suz
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956 |
Oh...I think I get it now...
you desire a public humiliation....
You are going to divorce her NOW...in order to NOW humiliate her publicly...
AND...if she strays (even though she will be divorced, and by all rights available to date) you will give her ANOTHER dose of public humiliation.
Your daughter got her a good size helping from your gene pool too it seems.
JMHO
committed
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 627
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 627 |
Pep,
I know this plan is not filled with absolutes...and doesn’t fit one of the normal fix-up patterns of choice…but please understand this…everybody…there will be no dating...screwing around…inappropriate behavior or anything else that smacks of piggy, lewd, or disrespectful…because I am not any of those things…and I won’t allow myself to ever be. And by the way…my wife had an affair 7 years ago and did something that constitutes an inappropriate relationship…infidelity for sure…more recently…but come on…this does not make her a slut or serial cheater…I mean she isn’t an evil user or person who does evil deeds…really…she has done some mean hurtful things but this isn’t who she is…she isn’t out at bars all night picking up men…she never goes anywhere with out me…normally…and that’s her choice…I never told her not to do anything…except cheat! LOL Well anyway…in this regard…nothing has changed….but a lot will change or this experiment with a very short life span.
But guess what…if the worst does happen and the experiment does end…all the bother is being handled up front. This is not about more painful soul searching…that is over…now its show me time.
And there is a concrete plan for recovery...I’ll post it and let you all crack away at me…but here’s a bet I’m making with you all right now…especially you Pep…when you read it…you’re going to say OK Coach…not bad…now make it work…cause we all know…making it work is what it’s really all about.
And if she cheats again? I’ll find out...in the end it always comes out...and by the way...have little faith in me will you guys...I'm not simple stupid...not fogged out...and not crazy...I'm stubborn and that's for sure...and I believe in marriage and that's for sure...but as much as I love her...I would like to put all this behind me...and yes, run away again...
You guys think she has me beguiled but in truth...I would like nothing more then to disappear from the face of the Earth for a while...And not have to deal wither any more at all. Say to the South of France, LOL Portofino...hum...are you kidding...I need to start bugging phones, computers, cars,...checking credit cards and cell phone bills, right? Do I need this? Do I want to do this? No, but I’ll do it all anyway...because I made a promise…and a little piece of paper...weather it be a marriage license or divorce decree...can’t change that…they are both just nothing more then little pieces of paper...divorce is not the end of anything...not unless I decide that it is...and I have to live with my own integrity…and I have do this till I’m sure that I’ve done enough.
Coach
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621 |
What it looks like from this knothole:
Your wife made a mockery of marriage.
You are making a mockery of divorce.
JHO.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179 |
Pep,
And by the way…my wife had an affair 7 years ago and did something that constitutes an inappropriate relationship…infidelity for sure…more recently…but come on…this does not make her a slut or serial cheater…I mean she isn’t an evil user or person who does evil deeds…really…she has done some mean hurtful things but this isn’t who she is…she isn’t out at bars all night picking up men…she never goes anywhere with out me…normally…and that’s her choice…I never told her not to do anything…except cheat! If I didn't know better I would think you were "putting us on" with your rationalizations above regarding your WW. Sour... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
If you do not care to date other women, stay married.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2 |
Well, I am confused. Take a look at this description that I ran across a month ago: http://www.icq.com/whitepages/about_me.php?uin=232484166I have had trouble linking to it, but it does work. Is this Coach3530 who posts here? The info page gives a location of Miami. Here is this person's (also called Coach3530) description: "About Me I enjoy people, (especially woman, LOL), good conversation, good food, a good cigar, being near the ocean, warm nights, good sex, being loved and loving, watching football on television, my standard poodle Jakob (whom I adore!!!), late nights out in sophisticated places, traveling, eating in great restaurants, good whiskey (scotch, brandy & port), playing with my computer, writing short stories (erotica), cruising, being at the beach and having my body rubbed!"
Last edited by Cameo33; 07/21/05 05:52 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 3,073
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 3,073 |
But guess what…if the worst does happen and the experiment does end To dissolve the marriage to an "experiment". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Suz
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
That's coach ... we've been scamed!
Shame on you coach!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179 |
Well, I am confused. Take a look at this description that I ran across a month ago: http://www.icq.com/whitepages/about_me.php?uin=232484166I have had trouble linking to it, but it does work. Is this Coach3530 who posts here? The info page gives a location of Miami. Here is this person's (also called Coach3530) description: "About Me I enjoy people, (especially woman, LOL), good conversation, good food, a good cigar, being near the ocean, warm nights, good sex, being loved and loving, watching football on television, my standard poodle Jakob (whom I adore!!!), late nights out in sophisticated places, traveling, eating in great restaurants, good whiskey (scotch, brandy & port), playing with my computer, writing short stories (erotica), cruising, being at the beach and having my body rubbed!" Hmmmm, I could not get the link to work. Can anyone corroborate this link before a comment is made on it? Sour.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
has his picture
names his dog Jake
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179 |
Who is came033.............must be a regular who is "undercover"........LOL.
Nice job with your sleuthing.
Is this DustKitty II?
Sour....
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
443
guests, and
57
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,490
Members71,947
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
