It always seems to come down to money don't it? Just follow the money.

http://www.divorcehope.com/canchristiansremarryafterdivorce.htm

Here is a site I found that seems to deal with divorce and Christians. I just found it in search, have no idea how good it is or not.

The best source I've ever come across is David Instone-Brewer's Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context. Near as I can tell, it exhibits the highest quality of scholarship of all the books and articles and sermons I have read (and it does address the passage in Deuteronomy mentioned above).

Okay...those of you who are dating, need some help here.

I have exchanged emails with a few people on the internet site, and one who I've emailed back and forth several times has given me his number and personal email address and suggested we chat more over the phone or in person.

He's not particularly attractive (I'm trying not to focus on the physical appearance at this point) but seems intelligent, has done some traveling, and likes Italian food. So after MUCH hesitation, I emailed him my cell #.

Again, this is not someone I have any intentions of forming a long-term relationship with. He's divorced but has no kids and his profile says he may want kids someday (he's also younger than me, but only by 3 years).

But I thought it might be an opportunity to make a friend or at least get a tiny bit of a life.

Now I'm really nervous because I'm assuming he may actually call back and I don't know what to say, where to go, what to wear, how to act?!

Advice??!

(And would it be wrong to send the carpet guy a a note offering to take him out for coffee or a quick bite somewhere as a thanks for all his personal service if he's interested, and to say if he's not, that I still really appreciated all the help and that he will definitely get my business again if I save up the money to do my upper level someday.)

Or is it better to stop in and tell him this in person (in front of others who may be at the store???)

This social life/dating stuff is really complicated!! Sitting in front of my computer right now typing anonymously is so much easier!

well generally speaking it doesn't make too much difference what you wear when talking on the phone <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> If you think you will be tounge-tied write down a list of questions to ask, or topics to talk about. Is easy the first call, cause know almost nothing about the person, so questions about their history, likes/dislikes, job etc. are plentiful. Personally I usally like to nail down pretty clearly their current relationship status (making sure they are single, and for how long, as well as why their marriage failed or never married). Not looking for great depth or explanation, that will come later, but the basic facts as well as "how" they talk about it.

Keep in mind while you must date to mate, you don't date someone (initially) with the idea you are considering them as possible mate. You date for fun, self-growth, and gain experience about what kind of person works for you. So taking the plunge is fine. Usually in a date or two will know if you want to proceed any further. Looking for a person who treats you respectfully, does not feel dangerous, and who is not making sexual comments or innuendo. On the other hand don't be put off by someone whose interests seem different, habits are annoying (like not as neat as you, or cracks their knuckles, or whatever), has different background etc. If someone seems to have character, is attentive and respectful, and not trying to get physical with you, and you have some fun with them, go for it awhile.

I have had experiences with "matches" that have lasted from minutes to months, what I have noticed is I have gotten increasingly smarter and more confident about dating, you will too, but you have to play, is fun. Get use to rejection (and being the rejector), no big deal, you want to be choosey and try out lots of people, also is fine to date/talk several at a time, and is more healthy to do so. If someone angles for quick exclusivity (or you do) move on, is sign of neediness/controlling/low self-esteem etc.

Yes, yes, yes, to the carpet guy!!! The note is a great idea, because we know that he knows how to get a hold of you. Also, you could put him on the spot if you do it at work.

cm

Oh you guys, this is just getting really nerve-racking all of a sudden. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Guy #1 who I've been emailing back and forth since Saturday tried to call me last night, but my cell phone was in my purse. I didn't get the message until today, so I apologized for the late response via email. He emailed back asking me to give him a call any time at his #.

Guy #2 that I've been emailing--seems nice enough, older than me but has an 8-yr-old--gave me his # via email tonight. He'd come nearer to meeting my interests, I think, than guy #1, but is 5'8" and I'm 5'9" when NOT in heels (and I'm almost always wearing an additional 2"). Do you think the height diff will bother him? His profile says women up to 5'10" but when I told my 6'+ son, he laughed at me.

Then there's a third guy, one whose profile I came accross some time ago and thought looked sort of interesting, long before I ever became a member of the service. He emailed me tonight--I'll probably respond.

Then there's the carpet guy who is still WAY TOO YOUNG, but granted, still seems like a fun guy. He's got the carpet stretchers coming tomorrow (though had them contact me directly, so haven't talked to him in a few days) to fix the final install issue. I'll probably mail the check tomorrow afternoon to his attention. I may well include the aforementioned note. I may make a fool of myself. Or not.

Okay, here's the issue. I only really dated 2 guys growing up. One I married. The other was a friend of the one I ended up marrying. We all sort of hung out together (until I dated the friend while broken up from future-husband, and that put the kabosh on the group friendship for a while). Other than the really stupid mistakes I made while married (which I will NOT consider good dating experience), I have none.

I don't know what to say to any of these guys if I do call them. "Hi, uh...I'm LL.... What's up?" I'm going to freeze up and blow it with all of them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

So if anyone reads this and has experience in dating, especially that first phone call with an internet date, fill me in. What do you say? What do you ask? How do you keep from just having a bunch of awkward silence?

And one more thing I wanted to say:

You know, I often find myself thinking about how I don't have any friends to do things with, or just to call to chat with, etc.

While that may be true when it comes to a social life, or picking up the phone, it occurred to me tonight that I have a LOT of friends. You guys are always here (at least one or two of you and most any time) to bounce things off of, to offer support, to give advice, or to scold me if I'm doing something not so smart.

I really appreciate it! Don't know what I'd do without you sometimes.

I'll be honest...it seems that you are making this a LOT tougher than it has to be. MB is great, but you have to get away from us to meet these gentlemen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

First things first...RELAX!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Carefully examine which of your three "options" seem most appealing to you and "step off the high dive"...contact him/them. It's only dating so there is nothing in the rulebook that says you can't have dates with all three of them until one takes on a more serious nature

Once you meet him/them...RELAX AND BE YOURSELF! I am QUITE certain you have a LOT to offer a good man. I saw your family pic on the MB Yahoo and you are an attractive lady...be confident in that.

You are beginning a NEW LIFE without a CHEATER! Hold to your standards and just have some fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WNB

hehe. You sound like me. My dilemma the last few days has been a guy at work. I feel a kid. I like him, and I think he likes me. <giggle> and it's driving me crazy. I don't want to mess up our friendship, but we've been very flirty lately, and I'm just praying and trying to leave it in God's hands, and let the guy make the first move if we're going to take things beyond friendship. I'm so giggle-y thinking about it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Anyway.... Here's a couple of thoughts that come to my mind reading your last posts. And I'm NO expert!!! Just some thoughts. One thing is there's nothing wrong with being a little "too busy" to respond to them, meaning, not TOO excited or eager to talk to them. (Like missing his phone call, or even keeping the conversation on e-mail if you're more comfortable there instead of the phone, etc). You can even make up excuses "I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to call you last night - I was tied up at work - or talking to a girlfried". etc. Just don't avoid him too long! My point being he won't think you're desperate or that it's all about him or anything.

Another question you asked is what to talk about. A couple of ideas is movies "what have you seen lately? whats out that you wanna see?" favorite TV shows... or what do you like to read... Sometimes starting out with "how was your day?" is simple, great, shows you are a caring person, and can sometimes start down a rabbit-trail of conversation. Maybe there's something intriguing about his profile that you've been wanting to ask more about - his travels? his kids? I'm very shy sometimes, and sometimes hard to get me talking. I found that simple topics or questions like these can get easy or silly conversations going.

I didn't date much before my marriage either. Like WNB said, relax. Go into this with an attitude of meeting people, and not "looking for a man", and laugh and learn when things don't go perfectly. We're here for ya!

hugs,
Faith1

Just me...reporting in. I survived my very first phone call. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> (Aren't ya all proud of me?!) Guy #2 actually is the first one to call me. It was a little awkward--I don't do silence well. Seems nice enough--similar situation from mine, though he wated 1.5 years before he made his now XW move out. She's currently living with her boyfriend. I don't know though. I'm feeling like Jen Brown and her "shallow" post and this is only my first call. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I guess just less awkward silence and (and nervous laughter on my part).

So, maybe I'll actually get brave and call Guy #1 tonight. Or maybe not...

And Guy #3 who has only emailed twice wants to meet me for coffee or lunch sometime. I get the feeling, though, by his posts that he's wanting to know right away what I look like, and I'm not thrilled about that. Looks are important, but I don't want a relationship or friendship based on them. Assuming...bad of me!

Didn't have to get brave enough to call Guy #1. He called me on my way home from work. We talked probaby 1/2 hour. Not as much awkward silence. We talked about food, among other things, and he said "Maybe I'll have to take you to one of the good Italian places down by me." And I said, "Yeah, maybe I could meet you at xxx or something sometime." I think that means I was almost asked out--though I could be wrong. It's been a couple decades now.

And I dropped my final payment for the carpet off in the mail today, with a thank-you note to the carpet guy, and with the offer to meet him for coffee or a quick bite as a thank you if he's interested. Ended it with "and if you're not, then just know I really appreciated all the personal service."

I think I'm nearing the definition of certifiably insane! My brain is melting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You're not insane! You're just adjusting to new circumstances & so are the people you're in contact with.

It's hard to take steps forward & put yourself out there because you risk rejection, but anyone who is starting over due to divorce is doing the same & each one of us struggles along the best we can.

You've taken big steps & put yourself out there, good for you.

It's really happened... I just logged into the dating website to check my mail, and there it was. I've officially been asked out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Guy #2--wants to meet me to do something Sunday night after he gets back from visiting his family that afternoon in NE Iowa.

I'm going to accept. And then I'm going to worry myself sick between now and then about making a complete fool out of myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Remember what I told you...RELAX and BE YOURSELF!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You'll do FINE!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WNB

Dating hint #1: If the conversation feels like its lagging, bring up EVERYBODY"S FAVORITE TOPIC!!!!












Themselves! (get your minds outta the gutter)

Ask your date about himself...PEOPLE LOVE to talk about themselves.