Can't say I felt safe enough to post coming from the other side of the coin. I read, absorbed, cried and cheered silently from the sidelines every day since I joined.

Now I'm strong in my recovery and have a need to reach out.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Strong, I understand that. And I can;t post to active WS becuase I get angry which helps no-one.

But seeing how broken my dear Squid is by her affair, how regretful and repentent, how can I not afford the same encouragement to OTHER regretful, MBing F WS ?

Some of my greatest supporters and best friends through my darkest tims were recovering FWS.

KYellow, KiwiJ. Nowadays so 'recovered' they rarely post.

I usually don't post in this area (not dealing with PA or EA) but read up to learn about people/life.

Just wanted to stop in and say hi! I am an American living in Norway (one hour time diff from England) and trying to MB. Timezone says alot! There is nothing going on during the day and when everyone wakes up in America I have to make dinner and there are things to do! Kinda miss the connection sometimes.

Symphony

Hey SOL ! I visit Norway a few times per year to see a 'mobile phone' customer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I think us Brits are still in the middle ages viz-a-viz therapy and self-discovery stuff. We've all been taught to 'soldier on' and 'make the best of things', when, in fact, many things could be done to improve the situation. We've been taught to embrace suffering. Our friends across the pond are way ahead of us...

I found an IC within weeks of d-day, because I saw that no-one in my 'support network' had the wisdom, vision or plain maturity to help me with this mess. All the advice I was getting was pretty much what your best friends tell you when you're all 14. The response to the news of my IC was hostile, sceptical and sarcastic (my parents),baffled (H), but I was determined. Within a couple of months, my mother let slip that she'd booked to see a counsellor herself (bereavement), and although she wouldn't admit that it was worthwhile, I note she's still going. H, from the most therapy-hostile SUL (stiff upper lip) family you can imagine, eventually asked me to get my IC to recommend someone, and he hasn't missed a session in 18 months. It has done him a power of good to simply have his misperceptios reframed by someone sensible.

Relate wasn't entirely useless. Going to counselling for a 'couple problem' made therapy seem less embarrassing to H.

TogetherAlone

TA, where did you get your IC from ? A private practitioner ?

I'm still trying to find one !

bOb,

HAVE PHONED MARRIAGECARE!!!

Spoke to a lovely lady, told her I had heard about them from MarriageBuilders - she hadn't heard of it, but never mind.

She's going to be ringing me back with an appointment.

Good stuff.

Alph.

Funnily enough, Bob, I found her from the internet! And via the Relate website!!

I was surfing around all the 'links' on the Relate site, and found my way to a site where I could search for local practitioners. I recognised one address, because a friend had consulted with her years before, and I knew she was a member of my church. She was American - go figure.

She was tough, determined, sympathetic, and canny. I'm not sure I would have got this far without her.

Nobody has heard of MB in the UK Alph. When they ask just say you've been following a proven affiair-recovery process, but you need more help.

They probably won't like exposure BTW - but they might just !

I get angry with active WS too as I can see what I was like relected back to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I was extremely lucky in that my BS loved me unconditionally and I only saw and heard his anger once...it was what I needed to wake up...the fog burned off pretty darned quick! His fury was immense.

Reading about the BS anger and pain on this board was helpful to read as it was extremely painful to know I had caused that in my own M. I had panic attacks occasionally when I realised what I'd done.

It will take me a long time to forgive myself and I shall never forget how gracious and loving my husband is and was during the A. I didn't know about Plan A of course but I remember EVERY nice thing he did for me and said to me. I remember how selfless he was, how caring, how loving he became and how willing to stand by my side. I even remember the reverse babble and how confused that made me using my own words against me! He was good!

I'm very lucky.

Plan A wasn't wasted on me but I was suspicious as it was so different from what I'd been used to.

I feel so far removed from that time now....I threw myself into Marriage and family building. We've since faced some big family crisis together pulling us closer. It's wonderful to be part of a tight unit.

I was prescribed IC by my Doctor. I'd been looking around like TA but hadn't found the guts to phone and make an appointment.

At an extremely low ebb in early January I drove to the doctors after school drop-off and told him I needed help. He wouldn't prescribe ADs but said counselling may help...it did! The surgery has a counsellor attached to it.

Try your doctors Bob.

TA - I'm glad Relate worked out for you....I'm not anti Relate but the woman we saw was smarmy and false. They also had at least a 9 months waiting list so we'd only be going about now if we'd been lucky!

I found Imago therapy which has courses in the UK and are pro-marriage http://www.imagorelationships.org/ - it looks like they run in London and is something I'm interested in pursuing with hubby.

That's how I felt about my Relate counsellor.

Not only that, but she called me vindictive (because of exposure), called OW WH's 'partner' and basically told me to forget about my M and get on with my life!

I wasn't impressed. Marriage counsellors? Not much!

Alph.

The married regional Relate mgr is shagging my Brother's married boss right now.... go figure...

Now, there's an exposure opportunity...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I felt sick when I read what that Relate counsellor said to you Alphin!

I'm sure there are good ones around but the bad ones put us off and give Relate a bad name!

Hi,

As a Yank I don't belong here - although my 'Mum' is a Canadian, and my DD's name is Diana - but I am envious of your fellowship.

Good for all of you for the support you are showing to each other.

Blessings!

Hi, Healing - I'm sure you're welcome to visit anytime!

StrongFoundation, I don't think that counsellor meant to upset me, but it was pretty bad all the same. She didn't understand the MB principles at all - far too radical.

I think the Relate method is to reduce pain a quickly as possible. She thought that I was in pain, and expressing that pain through vindictiveness. That's why she brought it up, I guess.

Alph.

OK

To help we 'yerpeens' interact with the large number of folks from the southern states, heres a translation dictionary :

HEIDI -- noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH -- noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS -- noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

IGNERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR -- noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS -- noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE -- noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD -- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

FAT -- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE -- pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN -- adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

DID -- adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE -- a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."

SEED -- verb, past tense.

VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

HEAVY DEW -- phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT -- noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

I hope this heps, sorry helps.

of course theres NOTHING amusing about British regional accents or YERPEEN come to that ! LOL !

Hi Healing! I nearly moved to Canada (Gananoque, Ontario...spelling?) when I was 7....always wonder what I'd be doing in Canada today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'd definitely be a better ice-skater.

Alph, you're too kind about the counsellor...how that comment could diminish pain I'll never know but I'm in awe that you find the good/positive in the situation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

My problem throughout this whole time in my life has been that I don't get angry enough. Took me nearly six weeks to accept that WH had actually done something wrong and the A wasn't all my fault! It's been a slow-burn build-up for me. Haven't quite got angry enough yet, I guess!

Alph.